Commitment Phobia - another angle
Sometimes when a man or a woman starts to get attached to another person they start what's known as 'imaginary role playing'. This means that before their mates even are aware of the attachment the CP (commitment phobic) has already (in their mind) played out what it would be like to have a lifelong commitment with the person they are attached to. They start imagining their roles as husbands, or wives, and what these roles entail - long before their mates are even aware of it.
When any two people become engaged, or make a commitment, very rarely have they not played the imaginary role in their heads long before they made the commitment! I mean you wouldn't buy new clothes without trying them out first, would you? You wouldn't purchase a car without giving it a test drive first, would you? And you definitely wouldn't make a commitment without considering your role in the commitment first, would you?
So then what happens? The CP will start to think about this commitment and imagine all the flaws in the relationship that could possibly arise. If they are serious about their mate they may then attempt to change their partners - to ensure their role is more comfortable. All of a sudden their partners are bombarded with a bunch of "you should do this," or "you should do that".
But, no matter what their mates do to please them, the CP will not be pleased. He/She has already tried on their role and have already seen where it will fail - and they aren't going to risk that failure.
The pressures both CP men and CP women face in their role are enormous. And they soon learn to fear the fact that they may fail at such deep responsibilities. For the man the responsibilities he may feel to be most overwhelming are those of being able to provide, be supportive, and solve all the problems in the relationship. For the woman she may see that she has to remain eternally youthful, slim, perfect mother, perfect cook, and surrender her career to a lifetime of nurturing thankless children and a husband who is too busy with his job and sports to give her the time of day.
The images of trying to be the perfect mother/wife, or husband/father can be exhausting, to say the least. Fear has a hand in it, too. They fear failure. Not being able to provide 'this', or keep up with 'that'.
The man may believe that he has to have the perfect job, be the perfect father, the perfect handyman, the perfect tower of strength 24/7. And the woman believes that she has to be the perfect cook, the perfect housewife, add additional income to the family budget, be a great mother, and still remain sexy and mysterious to keep her man interested - 24/7!
Geez, what pressure! No wonder why we buckle, turn tail, and run at the slightest hint of the word 'commitment'.
The mistake many make is in thinking they have to live up to the 'married woman / married man' role they have 'imagined' in their head. These are false expectations. Marriage is not meant for just perfect people! Gawd, if we all had to be perfect to fall in love and commit to each other and to a relationship, the world would be full of a lot of very lonely people!
Just a thought...
