Originally posted by starExcaliblur:
to be loved is a blessing, but will such marriages lasted ?
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."
- Eden AhbezGuess it depends on the individual. People who marry those that love them probably have some liking for the partner as well -- it's quite hard to imagine a marriage with a person for whom you have absolutely no positive feelings.
Wouldn't know if such marriages last -- there is no way of verifying it with statistics -- but there is this couple I know of which the wife initially did not love the husband as he loves her. When they first knew each other, she had merely thought of him as a friend, perhaps "best friend", and didn't hesitate to let him know when he first professed his love for her. The best friend was naturally hurt and she probably was prepared to lose this friend, but he chose to remain at the sidelines as her friend.
At that time, the lady had been through a few traumatic relationships and had been hurt by a few men whom she loved deeply but who somehow had not loved her as much as they had claimed. Some had been unwilling to commit, some had left when the love died out. And all this while, the best friend still continued to be by her side supporting her, while silently suffering to hear her relate her relationship problems with other men.
The turning point came on the day the lady realised she was pregnant from a recently-ended relationship. She sought out the man who was responsible. He was not willing to accept the responsibility, but was willing to pay for the abortion. Too hurt to accept his money, the lady had wanted to abort the baby herself, but being an independent working lady, she had also wanted to bring up the baby alone. Confused, she confided in the best friend.
In a generous move that proved that his love for her was true and unwavering, the best friend offered to be the father of the unborn child. The lady was deeply moved by his gesture, but the thought of marrying the person she had rejected and had always regarded as just a friend troubled her. Though the best friend was not an effeminate man, it was like marrying a "jie mei (sister)" to her. So she asked for more time to consider, while putting off the decision to abort her child.
It was not known what changed her mind, but after more than a month, the lady finally gave in and said "yes". She probably thought that marrying a man who loves her in spite of her condition was much better than marrying one whom she may love but who would never accept her child. The couple was married a few months later with the bride carrying an embarrasingly-distended belly at the solemnisation ceremony.
The baby son was born soon after, and true to his word, the husband treats him like his own. The couple had another child two years later, and till this day after five years they are still happily married. It would seem that the lucky lady has finally found "the man" -- the best friend whom she had liked but not loved and the husband whom she has grown to love.
A story I've heard from among my circle of friends, though I suspect some details may have been embellished for dramatic effect. I'd guess that sometimes when people get hurt so much by those whom they love but who do not love them, accepting those who love them may be a welcome relief to the battered heart.