two-timing
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heard alot about guys n girls today 2-timing nowadays... any opinions? won't they feel guilty towards their partners? what can b the reasons for doing so? jus a thought... kind of no confidence in r/s nowadays after seeing all these...
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Some probably just want to sample different products available on the market before deciding on which one to buy home.
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so? 2 can play the same game.Originally posted by mek:heard alot about guys n girls today 2-timing nowadays... any opinions? won't they feel guilty towards their partners? what can b the reasons for doing so? jus a thought... kind of no confidence in r/s nowadays after seeing all these...
what's ur eagerness? to hook her, make babies and make her ur property? -
True, there are a lot of people 2-timing nowadays......but lets look at things from a different point of view and you will realise that there are a lot of people who also don't do it nowadays.
Some do feel guilty, some don't. For those who feel guilty, they still might do it because they succumb to temptation. And lets not kid ourselves....we are all tempted at one time or another.
I'm not an idealist and never believed that "love conquers all". Since a long time ago, I've realised that it is very difficult for one single person (ie. spouse, bf/gf) to fulfill all our desires. So people tend to look for another person who can "fill the voids".
I believe the three most common 'voids' they try to fill are:
- sex (very common).
- love, affection, attention and/or loving gestures (quite common).
- money (not very common - this also melts into the above points).
Society has changed since the last generation (our parents' generation). Both men and women now hold economic power. The world has also become smaller.....transportation has become more convenient.
We also cannot forget the internet's power of connecting people....and its brainwashing effect on people. As a result, we have more open-minded people who can get in touch with each other easily. This sort of acts as a green light to go ahead, get connected on-line and get connection off-line.
The main problem is that there is no way to tell at all who is likely to 2-time.....or who is likely to fall to temptation sometime later in life. But hey, we can't be afraid to take risks in life. I mean.....if we're scared of everything, then we might as well say that we shouldn't cross the road anymore because we may get knocked down by cars.
By the way, I also know of some people who were afraid of going relationships for fear of getting hurt.....but later they did....and even they have started 2-timing.
Everyone is a potential player....including you and me and anyone else who will post follow-up messages here condemning 2-timers and claiming that they will never do it (and I suspect some will).
You do realise that 2-timing is not the main problem nowadays, right? Its multi-timing and having multiple flings thats the problem.... -
I think its a "her" you're talking to. Please check the original poster's profile and you'll see what I mean.Originally posted by Apollo_sg:so? 2 can play the same game.
what's ur eagerness? to hook her, make babies and make her ur property? -
kind of agree with wad u say... its quite sad in a way that the society has changed into such a state though. I wonder when you say succumbing to temptations dat means you R in love with the other person or jus in love with the affection and love the person gives? if you find someone who can fill the so called void. then leave the other? its unfair to both, when u R enjoying urself while the 2 shower their care n concern... you deprive them of devoting their attn and time to those who give them the full love and attn (not divided ones)...Originally posted by gentlerock:True, there are a lot of people 2-timing nowadays......but lets look at things from a different point of view and you will realise that there are a lot of people who also don't do it nowadays.
Some do feel guilty, some don't. For those who feel guilty, they still might do it because they succumb to temptation. And lets not kid ourselves....we are all tempted at one time or another.
I'm not an idealist and never believed that "love conquers all". Since a long time ago, I've realised that it is very difficult for one single person (ie. spouse, bf/gf) to fulfill all our desires. So people tend to look for another person who can "fill the voids".
I believe the three most common 'voids' they try to fill are:
- sex (very common).
- love, affection, attention and/or loving gestures (quite common).
- money (not very common - this also melts into the above points).
Society has changed since the last generation (our parents' generation). Both men and women now hold economic power. The world has also become smaller.....transportation has become more convenient.
We also cannot forget the internet's power of connecting people....and its brainwashing effect on people. As a result, we have more open-minded people who can get in touch with each other easily. This sort of acts as a green light to go ahead, get connected on-line and get connection off-line.
The main problem is that there is no way to tell at all who is likely to 2-time.....or who is likely to fall to temptation sometime later in life. But hey, we can't be afraid to take risks in life. I mean.....if we're scared of everything, then we might as well say that we shouldn't cross the road anymore because we may get knocked down by cars.
By the way, I also know of some people who were afraid of going relationships for fear of getting hurt.....but later they did....and even they have started 2-timing. Everyone is a potential player....including you and me and anyone else who will post follow-up messages here condemning 2-timers and claiming that they will never do it (and I suspect some will).
You do realise that 2-timing is not the main problem nowadays, right? Its multi-timing and having multiple flings thats the problem....
sometimes i find it kind of difficult to differentiate btwn liking the person and liking the attn and care given by that person... and when the other party ever finds out that their partner 2 timed i think its difficult to ever regain the trust again... at least for me its no more trust. and since r/s R based on trust, i doubt the r/s would last... cos when there's once, there'll always b the 2nd time, the 3rd time etc., u'll b scared.
i wonder how many of you ppl here will give the other party another chance? -
the best is to just be committed to your boy/girlfriend, otherwise dont go attached at the first place, till you think you're ready to just settle down.
The worse people are those that 2 time and dont feel guilt. -
Hi again,
By succumbing to temptation, I was referring to the temptation to have another, whatever the reason may be. It could be love, sex, attraction due to gestures of affection, boredom/monotony (need to look for a new 'toy'), or money. Or a combination of the above.
As you said, its unfair to both.....but it does happen. And often, the one outside (the 3rd party) will know that he/she is being two-timed too...but doesn't mind.
Nowadays, there are also cases where all three parties know, but doesn't mind....especially in the case of swingers. This is a case of two-timing purely due to sex. In anticipation of your possible next comment that love and sex should be associated with each other.....I will say that many people can separate love and lust.
Rest assured that you're not the only one who is confused about love and gestures of affection - I'm a guy and I'm just as confused!
Its hard to sit down behind my PC and say whether I'll forgive or not. But I suspect that it will depend on each case.....and the severity of it. It will depend on who and why. Maybe I will not only forgive, but will improve myself? I know some cases where people have two-timed, but later become very faithful (ie. temporary distractions).
PS: I suspect that a barrage of replies may come in after this post, with wannabe angels preaching about morality, etc. -
I did and I found the months that followed almost traumatic. I was struggling to believe everything he said to me and crying (when I was alone) because I was questioning everything about him. Building trust back into our relationship was difficult but we managed to work things out together.Originally posted by mek:sometimes i find it kind of difficult to differentiate btwn liking the person and liking the attn and care given by that person... and when the other party ever finds out that their partner 2 timed i think its difficult to ever regain the trust again... at least for me its no more trust. and since r/s R based on trust, i doubt the r/s would last... cos when there's once, there'll always b the 2nd time, the 3rd time etc., u'll b scared.
i wonder how many of you ppl here will give the other party another chance?
Breaking up, I feel, is much easier to deal with. Trusting someone who's lied to you or cheated on you is a whole different matter. If both parties aren't willing to seriously work things out, I wouldn't dare hint at giving the other party another chance even though I've gone through it myself. -
Sincerity has lost its meaning in this world.
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sometimes ft-bf/gf not free so get pt ones lor..but sometimes thgs got worse when pt wanna become ft then luan liao...
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Gurs who 2-timed will put the blame on the guys for 'forcing' them to do it. But for guys...they tend to believe its their fault for causing the situation to turn out this way.
Personally, I feel once they are a cheater..they are always a cheater. No matter who they end up with.
Gurs 2-timed as much as guys....and they aren't shame about it.
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ya.. i think if u cheated once there is always a chance of another n more... i cant forgive someone who cheated on me becos the trust n sense of security gone already.. n personally i need to feel lots of security in a r/s becos of past experience...Originally posted by gur:Gurs who 2-timed will put the blame on the guys for 'forcing' them to do it. But for guys...they tend to believe its their fault for causing the situation to turn out this way.
Personally, I feel once they are a cheater..they are always a cheater. No matter who they end up with.
Gurs 2-timed as much as guys....and they aren't shame about it.
nv really heard of girls who 2-timed.. mostly i hear is guys ba... mayb its more publicised? -
What goes around comes aroundOriginally posted by mek:heard alot about guys n girls today 2-timing nowadays... any opinions? won't they feel guilty towards their partners? what can b the reasons for doing so? jus a thought... kind of no confidence in r/s nowadays after seeing all these... -
Trill may be one of the reason for 2-timing thing. esp i can see that pple who has a stable & routinise r/s has a little higher possiblity to seek for new luv, hope that such a short trill will not be discovered.
In fact, they are too short sightedness to know that Paper cant cover fire, they will eventually burnt their fingers. It will too late to admit the wrongdoing & a hard & painful learning experience. -
In this new era, its not new for one to like two seperate individuals at one time."Traditional beliefs" of having one soul mate at a time is uncommon.
Males have been considered the more flirtatious of the two sexes. But nowadays, dun be surprised to find gals doin just that. -
Guess one thing that we would have to realise that no one likes to cheat, or rather most people will not like to cheat. It depends very much on the openness of a relationship.
Did u get into a relationship to bound a person, and keep him within a boundary?
Did u get into a relationship becoz u love him, and would want him to be happy, or do u just want to possess the person, and the person thoughts and keep them within a boundary that u think is acceptable?
When a relationship is not strong or open in the first place, there will be a lot of restrictions and tapes, which is the cause of a lot of argument and clashes.
Being human, we are highly adaptable, and to prevent the crashes in such instances, we will tend to hide things which our partners do not like to know. and we will tend to talk about those things with people that are open to such things which we are talking about. Slowly it will b a bonding.
Hence in a relationship, it's important that both are open and are able to accept and talk things out. It's important about the boundary that the two person has, and it's also important that things are communicated, so that both can learn and grow together. -
i sure cannot tahan 2 gers de. one can liao.
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usually the so called 3rd party noes tt the other party is attached... so if the person got caught by the official gf he has nth to lose... as in he still get the other girl even if the official one leaves... its so unfair... without getting caught he has best of both worlds, if caught he still has one...Originally posted by babymac13:Trill may be one of the reason for 2-timing thing. esp i can see that pple who has a stable & routinise r/s has a little higher possiblity to seek for new luv, hope that such a short trill will not be discovered.
In fact, they are too short sightedness to know that Paper cant cover fire, they will eventually burnt their fingers. It will too late to admit the wrongdoing & a hard & painful learning experience.
at least for me i can only have 1 partner n put all my efforts into 1 which may be quite a bad thing too... but i really cannot split my attention for 2, if i really find someone more suitable i will find it better to pick one instead of taking both i guess. -
I agree with that, the guy will hav nothing to lose if he just treat them like clothes. However there's another type of guy who just hope for trills or rather short term fun, where they will still return to their gf after getting sick or rather trill is no longer a trill to them.Originally posted by mek:usually the so called 3rd party noes tt the other party is attached... so if the person got caught by the official gf he has nth to lose... as in he still get the other girl even if the official one leaves... its so unfair... without getting caught he has best of both worlds, if caught he still has one...
at least for me i can only have 1 partner n put all my efforts into 1 which may be quite a bad thing too... but i really cannot split my attention for 2, if i really find someone more suitable i will find it better to pick one instead of taking both i guess.
Well, if u are really in a r/s, u shld'nt be thinking of anyone else as her or him, the one whom u luv, unless u already feel tired & the luv to the person must becoming watery. Yes, try to be as committed & faithfully as u can, nothing shld be taken for granted. It's just a sequence of time that every r/s is still developing over the time.