haha. edit abit. hope it is easier to understand now.Originally posted by Imperfect:Its a bit complicated, dont know how many pple are in the story as everyone is a he or she...
Anyway, its either u take the effort to really define the r/s or u forget abt it totally. Take a break and think through it. Know what u really want.
I will sort out my thinking b4 i ruin someone else's life in my hands... There are many things to sort out in me at this moment. Like the attitude in r/s. What are my emotions trying to tell me. After sorting out my own stuff, I will have a good talk with her abt us.
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)[/quote]
Ask urself why u dare not admit to everyone that she is ur gf since u have alr accepted her. This is very impt. Make sure u know why before u proceed to other things.and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.Liking someone opens a door to the next level. Next level of friendship i mean. U can treat her better and see if u 2 are made for each other. Whether u want to bring ur r/s to the next level.so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.She maybe really afraid that once u are her superior, its difficult to maintain the r/s. Pple may say u favour her and so on. It may also be an excuse used to cover her doubts on ur sincerity towards her as u nv admit her as ur gf. Unless u 2 agreed that it shldnt be disclosed to the colleagues.it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold warfrom this there are 2 possibilities.
1. U are her bf, pls behave. That's all. Doesnt mean that she really has feelings for u. U are not supposed to flirt anymore.
2. This is a much more logical point. She does like u alot and u being flirty in front of her definitely hurts her. Any gal will be hurt.
I suggest u trash this out with her. FInd out what u have actually done. Apologize to her, that is if u really think that u are in the wrong. Apologies without any sincerity is what no one wants.next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!What is it that she make u so du lan? Is it really a very impt matter in ur point of view of a r/s. When did A appear in the pic? When the war end, are the matters fully clarified and settled? Did u still feel resentment abt the incident? U need to have a good talk with her abt her cold shoudlers shown towards u. This one I cant help.well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.This one only u will know why u r doing this. If u have ur past r/s as lessons, look into them and u shld know why u are doing this. look into ur past r/s, did u eventually put in the effort to make the r/s blossom? It shld reflect ur attitude now. If u didnt, why? Is it that u r afraid to commit? U dont want to be tied down? or others.[quote]wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
Ask urself why u dare not admit to everyone that she is ur gf since u have alr accepted her. This is very impt. Make sure u know why before u proceed to other things.
Liking someone opens a door to the next level. Next level of friendship i mean. U can treat her better and see if u 2 are made for each other. Whether u want to bring ur r/s to the next level.
She maybe really afraid that once u are her superior, its difficult to maintain the r/s. Pple may say u favour her and so on. It may also be an excuse used to cover her doubts on ur sincerity towards her as u nv admit her as ur gf. Unless u 2 agreed that it shldnt be disclosed to the colleagues.
from this there are 2 possibilities.
1. U are her bf, pls behave. That's all. Doesnt mean that she really has feelings for u. U are not supposed to flirt anymore.
2. This is a much more logical point. She does like u alot and u being flirty in front of her definitely hurts her. Any gal will be hurt.
I suggest u trash this out with her. FInd out what u have actually done. Apologize to her, that is if u really think that u are in the wrong. Apologies without any sincerity is what no one wants.
What is it that she make u so du lan? Is it really a very impt matter in ur point of view of a r/s. When did A appear in the pic? When the war end, are the matters fully clarified and settled? Did u still feel resentment abt the incident? U need to have a good talk with her abt her cold shoudlers shown towards u. This one I cant help.
This one only u will know why u r doing this. If u have ur past r/s as lessons, look into them and u shld know why u are doing this. look into ur past r/s, did u eventually put in the effort to make the r/s blossom? It shld reflect ur attitude now. If u didnt, why? Is it that u r afraid to commit? U dont want to be tied down? or others.
I will sort out my thinking b4 i ruin someone else's life in my hands... There are many things to sort out in me at this moment. Like the attitude in r/s. What are my emotions trying to tell me. After sorting out my own stuff, I will have a good talk with her abt us.
How well do u know each other?
As for what J will do, I cant answer since I dont even know what's her mindset. Sorry.
Why i dont dare to admit? 1st I dont even noe if she is serious bout me as we been joking everyday. 2nd, i really donno why i'm afraid of admit it, maybe is because i like myself more than her? or perhaps is wat i mentioned above.Originally posted by browniebaobao:IMPO, I feel that you have to be fair to her..why is it that u dun admit this relationship? As a girl, I will feel very wei qu if my bf dun admit that we are together..and I try to figure out, why is that so? He feels that I'm not good enough for him, that our r/s cannot see daylight? He is juz playing with me? He has some other girlfrens..etc. If u truly and sincerely likes somebody, pls give her the assurance and acknowledgement that she needs..and if u are really serious about her, pls, NO flirting. But I do understand that u said there's other complications like promotions and so call maintaing the scandal situation..
Aren't u insensitive? Flirting is already a sin, not to mention flirting in front of her. You really din spare a thought for her feelings. Fine, u said u were drunk. But after you heard about what happened, you did nothing. If you cared a least bit, you could have done something. If you really like her, you wouldn't have flirt with the other 2 girls. Perhaps she can tolerate
Since there's confusion about her seeing somebody and why was she hot and cold to u etc..why din u trash it out with her? Knowing that u have hurt her, and knowing that u still like her, dun ever hurt her again......but if u dun like her, there's no reason for u to hurt her also.
Precisely my point.Originally posted by edLow:devil, i noe. and i noe i'm in deep problem. and i noe even if we do get together, it wont be easy.
Originally posted by edLow:Why i dont dare to admit? 1st I dont even noe if she is serious bout me as we been joking everyday. 2nd, i really donno why i'm afraid of admit it, maybe is because i like myself more than her? or perhaps is wat i mentioned above.
Yes, i noe i'm not being sensitive too her. But is her doing the same to me too by going out with other guys? Maybe she think I donno, but the facts is I do noe. Perhaps wat i did tat time was in a moment of anger and foolishness ba?
how do i trash it out with her when we hardly able to be together alone? i cant possible trash it out with her in office. it wont look good on either us too. i realise wat i did in the past was a jerk, somehow i really confuse bout her feeling towards me. If she really see me as a bf, why dont she let me noe? wat she is going else with someone else first?
my frds whom knew her (thru clubbing) and our colleagues advised me to give up on her as they feel tat she a player and out to fool me. somehow they also feel frustrated bout me for keep getting involve and not willing to climb out of it.
Simple....she dun love you...Originally posted by edLow:Confuse and the situation go:
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)
and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
Originally posted by edLow:Confuse and the situation go:
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)
and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
Originally posted by edLow:tks guys for ur advise..
i noe the mistake i did really can kick me to grave, but wat done is done. if only i can get a proper chance to tok to her alone, which i'm trying my best to make it happen...
yunhaier, u got my problem easily written out. i really do understand now tat the prob really lies on me. yes, thou i hear n saw it somehow, but i only assume tat she going with someone else. but wat i did was rite in front of her. really damn childish... and worse my ai mai ai mai attitude definately would hav turn her off.