Confuse...
-
Confuse and the situation go:
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)
and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans -
Wah..so complicated.
-
i tink she has nothing better to do... leave her alone... and of coz, protect yrself...
-
i tried. but somehow, we cant draw a line btwn us. very on n off feeling always.
she just someone average whom always drive me crazy most of the time. hahaa. -
Its a bit complicated, dont know how many pple are in the story as everyone is a he or she...
Anyway, its either u take the effort to really define the r/s or u forget abt it totally. Take a break and think through it. Know what u really want. -
haha. edit abit. hope it is easier to understand now.Originally posted by Imperfect:Its a bit complicated, dont know how many pple are in the story as everyone is a he or she...
Anyway, its either u take the effort to really define the r/s or u forget abt it totally. Take a break and think through it. Know what u really want.
seriously i've no idea wat to do. i also qns myself.. does things turn out lousy becos of my lousy attitude towards her which cause her to become like this. i also donno wat she think of me, cos she the one whom started it. -
I will sort out my thinking b4 i ruin someone else's life in my hands... There are many things to sort out in me at this moment. Like the attitude in r/s. What are my emotions trying to tell me. After sorting out my own stuff, I will have a good talk with her abt us.
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)[/quote]
Ask urself why u dare not admit to everyone that she is ur gf since u have alr accepted her. This is very impt. Make sure u know why before u proceed to other things.and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
Liking someone opens a door to the next level. Next level of friendship i mean. U can treat her better and see if u 2 are made for each other. Whether u want to bring ur r/s to the next level.so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
She maybe really afraid that once u are her superior, its difficult to maintain the r/s. Pple may say u favour her and so on. It may also be an excuse used to cover her doubts on ur sincerity towards her as u nv admit her as ur gf. Unless u 2 agreed that it shldnt be disclosed to the colleagues.it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
from this there are 2 possibilities.
1. U are her bf, pls behave. That's all. Doesnt mean that she really has feelings for u. U are not supposed to flirt anymore.
2. This is a much more logical point. She does like u alot and u being flirty in front of her definitely hurts her. Any gal will be hurt.
I suggest u trash this out with her. FInd out what u have actually done. Apologize to her, that is if u really think that u are in the wrong. Apologies without any sincerity is what no one wants.next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
What is it that she make u so du lan? Is it really a very impt matter in ur point of view of a r/s. When did A appear in the pic? When the war end, are the matters fully clarified and settled? Did u still feel resentment abt the incident? U need to have a good talk with her abt her cold shoudlers shown towards u. This one I cant help.well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
This one only u will know why u r doing this. If u have ur past r/s as lessons, look into them and u shld know why u are doing this. look into ur past r/s, did u eventually put in the effort to make the r/s blossom? It shld reflect ur attitude now. If u didnt, why? Is it that u r afraid to commit? U dont want to be tied down? or others.[quote]wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
How well do u know each other?
As for what J will do, I cant answer since I dont even know what's her mindset. Sorry. -
Ask urself why u dare not admit to everyone that she is ur gf since u have alr accepted her. This is very impt. Make sure u know why before u proceed to other things.
i been asking myself this qns the whole weekend. why i dont dare to admit? first, i donno if tat is a joke or wat. it wont end good if it a joke and for our repuation in office. n perhaps is becos of my previous r/s ba, sort of in this situation always and the ger just left me.Liking someone opens a door to the next level. Next level of friendship i mean. U can treat her better and see if u 2 are made for each other. Whether u want to bring ur r/s to the next level.
I tried to treat her better, by making effort to go back with her together after work while trying not to let others noe bout our r/s (i slap myself for tat). tried to ask her to go out together, to noe her better and to noe if she wan a real r/s or not. but she always busy, going out with frds and i donno are guys or gals. and i kind of get used to it. she just wan me to accompany her go club n we go dutch in thereShe maybe really afraid that once u are her superior, its difficult to maintain the r/s. Pple may say u favour her and so on. It may also be an excuse used to cover her doubts on ur sincerity towards her as u nv admit her as ur gf. Unless u 2 agreed that it shldnt be disclosed to the colleagues.
yes, maybe u are rite. she did told me before. she always get into trouble becos of her attitude. and i personally encounter those words by our colleague... stepping into her office to get some admin stuffs, end up being suan by her colleague openly tat i go in is just to see her. as for the argeement, it seem tat she nvr mentioned bout it to me before, neither do i.from this there are 2 possibilities.
1. U are her bf, pls behave. That's all. Doesnt mean that she really has feelings for u. U are not supposed to flirt anymore.
2. This is a much more logical point. She does like u alot and u being flirty in front of her definitely hurts her. Any gal will be hurt.
I suggest u trash this out with her. FInd out what u have actually done. Apologize to her, that is if u really think that u are in the wrong. Apologies without any sincerity is what no one wants.
but den if she get angry becos of tat, isnt she doing the same thing? going out with guy A and tat time, they are an item. perhaps she going out with other guys too. I think the mis-understanding btwn me n her is really deep. maybe she did all this behind me, but i do hav ears n eyes too.What is it that she make u so du lan? Is it really a very impt matter in ur point of view of a r/s. When did A appear in the pic? When the war end, are the matters fully clarified and settled? Did u still feel resentment abt the incident? U need to have a good talk with her abt her cold shoudlers shown towards u. This one I cant help.
A appear pretty early, even before my bd. to be exact, nov 04, cos she bring him along to a party. tat day was PH eve thus it pretty hard to get into the club, was my frds are there. i cant fly their kite. thus she went off with A and another guy frd to another club to meet her frds.
and wat she did tat piss me off was fly my kite, she ask me to accompany her to go out. den tat day itself, i tried to contact her for 10hrs to noe the time to meet, but she simply ignore my every calls n smses just becos something happen and she think it stupid to explain now. if u are me at tat moment, wont u get frustrated tat she taking u for granted?
perhaps i still feel resentment now somehow. well, we suppose to go back together, but she was having a phone call, n walking behind me. so i walk ahead n wait for her on the mrt platform n i dont see her ard, thus i call her n she didnt pick up. later she told me is becos she listening to her mp3 player.This one only u will know why u r doing this. If u have ur past r/s as lessons, look into them and u shld know why u are doing this. look into ur past r/s, did u eventually put in the effort to make the r/s blossom? It shld reflect ur attitude now. If u didnt, why? Is it that u r afraid to commit? U dont want to be tied down? or others.
this few days, i been thinking bout it. i donno why, but it seem tat i'm so afraid to be link with her openly.
my previous r/s seem to end the same, i just stay there n dont seem to do anything.
i donno is it i'm afraid or wat. donno is it becos of being so indecisive n passive. but at the same time, i donno wat she really wan in this r/s, cos thing might turn sour if everyone noe bout our stuffs and it wont be easy working together.I will sort out my thinking b4 i ruin someone else's life in my hands... There are many things to sort out in me at this moment. Like the attitude in r/s. What are my emotions trying to tell me. After sorting out my own stuff, I will have a good talk with her abt us.
How well do u know each other?
As for what J will do, I cant answer since I dont even know what's her mindset. Sorry.
how well do we noe each other? haha. serious.. i myself also in a lost. blur blur get into a r/s and blur blur always gone bonker becos of her. but it seem tat she doesnt give me a chance to noe her better. perhaps it my fault for being passive at the begining.
as for wat she is thinking, i also in a confuse state.
few of my close frds keep advising me not to get involve with her cos to them she seem like a player. even if she meant real, somehow, this r/s will get screw up at the end of the day becos of our attitude.
oh yes, tks for advise. deeply appreciate it. i should really do lots of soul searching -
IMPO, I feel that you have to be fair to her..why is it that u dun admit this relationship? As a girl, I will feel very wei qu if my bf dun admit that we are together..and I try to figure out, why is that so? He feels that I'm not good enough for him, that our r/s cannot see daylight? He is juz playing with me? He has some other girlfrens..etc. If u truly and sincerely likes somebody, pls give her the assurance and acknowledgement that she needs..and if u are really serious about her, pls, NO flirting. But I do understand that u said there's other complications like promotions and so call maintaing the scandal situation..
Aren't u insensitive? Flirting is already a sin, not to mention flirting in front of her. You really din spare a thought for her feelings. Fine, u said u were drunk. But after you heard about what happened, you did nothing. If you cared a least bit, you could have done something. If you really like her, you wouldn't have flirt with the other 2 girls. Perhaps she can tolerate
Since there's confusion about her seeing somebody and why was she hot and cold to u etc..why din u trash it out with her? Knowing that u have hurt her, and knowing that u still like her, dun ever hurt her again......but if u dun like her, there's no reason for u to hurt her also. -
knn i read already also confused
-
Personal sense. This is gonna be too difficult to work out fine easily...
-
Why i dont dare to admit? 1st I dont even noe if she is serious bout me as we been joking everyday. 2nd, i really donno why i'm afraid of admit it, maybe is because i like myself more than her? or perhaps is wat i mentioned above.Originally posted by browniebaobao:IMPO, I feel that you have to be fair to her..why is it that u dun admit this relationship? As a girl, I will feel very wei qu if my bf dun admit that we are together..and I try to figure out, why is that so? He feels that I'm not good enough for him, that our r/s cannot see daylight? He is juz playing with me? He has some other girlfrens..etc. If u truly and sincerely likes somebody, pls give her the assurance and acknowledgement that she needs..and if u are really serious about her, pls, NO flirting. But I do understand that u said there's other complications like promotions and so call maintaing the scandal situation..
Aren't u insensitive? Flirting is already a sin, not to mention flirting in front of her. You really din spare a thought for her feelings. Fine, u said u were drunk. But after you heard about what happened, you did nothing. If you cared a least bit, you could have done something. If you really like her, you wouldn't have flirt with the other 2 girls. Perhaps she can tolerate
Since there's confusion about her seeing somebody and why was she hot and cold to u etc..why din u trash it out with her? Knowing that u have hurt her, and knowing that u still like her, dun ever hurt her again......but if u dun like her, there's no reason for u to hurt her also.
Yes, i noe i'm not being sensitive too her. But is her doing the same to me too by going out with other guys? Maybe she think I donno, but the facts is I do noe. Perhaps wat i did tat time was in a moment of anger and foolishness ba?
how do i trash it out with her when we hardly able to be together alone? i cant possible trash it out with her in office. it wont look good on either us too. i realise wat i did in the past was a jerk, somehow i really confuse bout her feeling towards me. If she really see me as a bf, why dont she let me noe? wat she is going else with someone else first?
my frds whom knew her (thru clubbing) and our colleagues advised me to give up on her as they feel tat she a player and out to fool me. somehow they also feel frustrated bout me for keep getting involve and not willing to climb out of it. -
devil, i noe. and i noe i'm in deep problem. and i noe even if we do get together, it wont be easy.
kopi.. haha. somehow i feel tat it the same thing happening again. my passive and hum ji attitude might cause me prob in the future too. -
why u dont just tell them u are in the army....and it would get messy and a absolute hell life for him if the others know
-
Precisely my point.Originally posted by edLow:devil, i noe. and i noe i'm in deep problem. and i noe even if we do get together, it wont be easy.
1st you ask yourself. How much do you really want or crave for this relationship?
There are lots of unknowns and uncertainties. Even if you get together, you might not be able to handle her in a relationship. You might not be able to accept her character (like you already can't outside of a relationship, though sometimes things work the opposite way in & out). If I'm not wrong? If she's not out to play you like your friends have suggested, she's probably uncertain herself... It seems quite beyond her ability to handle the relationship well. And it's quite obvious that it's beyond your means.
Unless you're one who's prepared to dive into a relationship with lots of uncertainties quite blindly, and face whatever beholds for you.. This game is not for you. -
Originally posted by edLow:Why i dont dare to admit? 1st I dont even noe if she is serious bout me as we been joking everyday. 2nd, i really donno why i'm afraid of admit it, maybe is because i like myself more than her? or perhaps is wat i mentioned above.
Yes, i noe i'm not being sensitive too her. But is her doing the same to me too by going out with other guys? Maybe she think I donno, but the facts is I do noe. Perhaps wat i did tat time was in a moment of anger and foolishness ba?
how do i trash it out with her when we hardly able to be together alone? i cant possible trash it out with her in office. it wont look good on either us too. i realise wat i did in the past was a jerk, somehow i really confuse bout her feeling towards me. If she really see me as a bf, why dont she let me noe? wat she is going else with someone else first?
my frds whom knew her (thru clubbing) and our colleagues advised me to give up on her as they feel tat she a player and out to fool me. somehow they also feel frustrated bout me for keep getting involve and not willing to climb out of it.
So there's betrayal, she went out with another guy..and u fooled around also. but u din ask her why she was seeing another guy mah...perhaps she did it to seek ur attention? Intially when there's a problem, no one bothered to solve it. I duno whether she's a player, but since both are not able to commit, then go separate ways lor. May this be a lesson to u. -
well, i myself is in a fix too. like i mentioned, i hav no idea wat is the r/s btwn us? if she meant tat as a joke in the beginning wont i be doing more damage (silly things) to myself and her too?
perhaps both of us are real childish when come to handle such r/s probs. frm wat i noe, her previous r/s always screw up somehow as her ex cant tolerate her attitude. perhaps i'm the only silly guy still stuck with her for so long. and perhaps it my passive attitude which still drag this r/s unknown.
i guess wat the damage done is there. its pretty hard to fix it back with just a sorry? i also in a dilemma, wat if i decided to stop being passive and go all the way out, wat if she had nvr liek me or lost the feeling towards me. things might just turn out ugly. guess i'm still passive afterall. -
Simple....she dun love you...Originally posted by edLow:Confuse and the situation go:
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)
and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
why are you still hanging on?
Maybe I didn't get the whole picture clearly..but from your description..this r/s sounds more like a game than any other things. -
Originally posted by edLow:Confuse and the situation go:
ur colleague, J, ask u to be her bf. well, as both always play ard in office, thus u blur blur accept it, and she begin to treat u nicer and more caring, previously she one crazy and violent ger. the prob is u dont dare to admit to everyone except ur extreme close frds tat J is ur 'gf'. when ur colleagues suan u, u told them tat she just a normal frd to u. and within those closer frd in office, u just reply tat she's ur scandal. during this period of time, no physical contact (holding hands n sitting close together)
and things start to turn out bad. occasionally argue over small things and J start to show ur cold shoulder and at this moment of time, u start to realise, u like her.
so u decided to tell J bout it. but she reply u tat becos of the office r/s u 2 having now, she cant accept u. further more, u are getting a promotion soon and u will be her superior indirectly. things start to be quiet but after a few days later, u two start to call each other bf n gf again. playing n joking in office is still as usual but occasionally she show u her cold shoulder again. at the same time, u suspect she is going out with other guy, A, too. and perhaps she though u are going out with other gals too.
it ur bd, and u ask J and a few colleague go together with ur frds. tat nite, she was damn piss with u cos u was quite drunk n flirt with other gals, Y and O, rite in front of her. the following day, ur colleague, L, came and tell u tat u did something wrg. well, u donno wat L was try to say and decided to bo chap since she doesnt wan to explain too. another few days later, ur gal frd, Y, called u and told wat happen btwn u, Y and O tat nite and J's face was damn black tat time. again, u decided to bo chap and leave thing as it is... cold war
next J did something u really du lan, and u finally ignore her for gd. thinking it time to stop this rubbish. (J break with A ard this time.) 3 wks after ignoring J, she come apologise to u. war end and she start the bf-gf thing again, this time even husband-wife also come in. but she still show ur cold shoulder occasionally!
well u begun to realise something, all the while in ur heart, u say u like J. but u only say u like her to urself and ur closest frd. no action no talk. in front of ur frds, u pretend J is nobody to u. u donno why u are doing this, is it becos of self protection or u just doesnt willing to give. oh yes, ur attitude seem to be the same in ur last few r/s.
wat will u do, if u are the guy?
how will u feel if u are tat J?ans
How do you expect your situation to turn out from the way it was handled? The confusion was conjured right from your own doings. If you wanna flirt around innocently without any strings attached, make sure you stick to its rule. Do not began the game and alter the variables later on, you will serve to confuse and bring troubles later on.
You are like the typical greenhorn salesman; the one that tells you alot about his product, the function, the benefits your consumer are getting, etc - but doesn't really know how to close to deal. What you are doing is merely futile, similar to that of this typical greenhorn salesman. To know about your feelings..hint...know...acknowledge... is nothing - to SAY them and to PROPOSE a relationship, guang ming zheng da, is two drastic level.
You can't blame her for the cold war and attitude. Two reasons:
I) This is an office relationship. Cold war is common and has pretty high rate of occurence and frequency.
II) Dubious position and status.
If you fell for her and everything else isn't too complicating BY NATURE, I say go for it (Please note that this complication wasn't by nature, it was man-made). If you have to lose a relationship in the future, make sure you lose it being the boyfriend, not someone who belong to neither here nor there.
P.S: Having same previous attitude in the past doesn't justify your stance forever. You got to learn to be different other times in your life.
Cheers -
from your posts...
seems like communication is missing...
do you guys talk to each other???
why not sit down and clarify things...
instead of guessing here and there... -
tks guys for ur advise..
i noe the mistake i did really can kick me to grave, but wat done is done. if only i can get a proper chance to tok to her alone, which i'm trying my best to make it happen...
yunhaier, u got my problem easily written out. i really do understand now tat the prob really lies on me. yes, thou i hear n saw it somehow, but i only assume tat she going with someone else. but wat i did was rite in front of her. really damn childish... and worse my ai mai ai mai attitude definately would hav turn her off. -
Originally posted by edLow:tks guys for ur advise..
i noe the mistake i did really can kick me to grave, but wat done is done. if only i can get a proper chance to tok to her alone, which i'm trying my best to make it happen...
yunhaier, u got my problem easily written out. i really do understand now tat the prob really lies on me. yes, thou i hear n saw it somehow, but i only assume tat she going with someone else. but wat i did was rite in front of her. really damn childish... and worse my ai mai ai mai attitude definately would hav turn her off. Whether she is dating other guys, does it really matter so much?
You know your problems; you need to work on them. If not, chances are, your situations will either degenerate further or you could even lose this friendship permanently.
P.S: Love isn't complicating; it's we who made them to be.
Cheers -
you lovesick?? good luck getting what u want....
-
i though everything was getting well fine.. we were quite close again, even closer than previously.
but out of sudden, she stunt me with a 3rd party! haha! and she completely ignore me today! haha!
Things really get complicated without knowing why. -
find someone else
no point playing with her.
later she got someone else child and come and say is yours.
got a few cases liao where the girl kenna dump and try to find a some dumb guy to be the kids father, had to use so many tatics to force the truth out of the gal.
Total waste of time.
so my advice for you if you want to play can, but remember not to put any real feelings.