Dishonesty
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related: Wait on or give-up?
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=122253
Hi, here's the story....
I (26yr-old) broke up with my 24yr-old ex about 2 mths ago but we remained friends and I tried to keep an amicable platonic relationship with her all this while till now. I initiated the break-up coz she could not reciprocate and she didn't feel emotionally connected to me. She wanted to part long time ago but claimed that she didn't know how to bring it up (which I tot is a lousy excuse, I think she really just wanted me as an insurance option till someone else better came along but anyway.....) so I did us both a favor and split.
Even though we split, I still held on to a tiny glimmer of hope through our weekly blading sessions at east coast every sunday. She doesn't skate well and very often I hold on to her hand and help her up when she fell - all of this really brought so many happy memories back. I guess till now I haven't been able to let go so easily because of our weekly activities. She does admit she recalls the good times too but tt's about all.
Just two days ago, I found out (through a 100% reliable source) that she's been going out with several of these 30-something yr-old men (married or not I don't know) one of whom (some wrinkly balding ang moh who needs facial reconstruction in fact) has been exchanging very intimate couple-equivalent communication with her, the kind you would not say to someone who was not ur gf or bf I asked her about whether she was seeing anyone else at the moment and she gave me very generic answers like - "oh I'm seeing a lot of guys now and all these guys know each other one". Basically she denied being attached, officially. She's actually going out with several "oldies" this I know for sure, but I strongly suspect she's going out with the ugly angmoh. (I'm not a model or hunk but being the fickle nutter that she begining to resemble, I guess she damn well deserves the downgrade)
She and I both know that she's lying blatantly and I just feel totally disgusted with how she can be such a wonderful actress. I think her real intention is to flirt with all these "oldies" but yet still be able to keep me interested enough (by going out with me and supposedly in her own words "maintain friendship")
to remain waiting in the wings as an insurance option just in case. Oh, I also think she's just asking me to go out sometimes when her "oldies" are not free for her.
I think she's playing with fire - again in her own words "having close relationships" with multiple oldies and leading all of them on. She enjoys getting chased coz I suppose she finds it all thrilling and fun with these oldies most likely paying for all if not most of the bills and sharing their "interesting life experiences and ""wisdom"" that comes from it" (which she says I don't have coz of my age and that my life is too smooth-sailing and problem-free and I'm unable to guide her as a mentor). (I think she's crazy by complaining that my life is problem-free. Its true that at this point in time I really do have no serious problems in my life except with her lies.)
The little bit of hope (of patching up) I had was real but has now all but vapourised. Anyway, I've had enough and I'm now truly disgusted at all her lies. I have nothing against older guys but with her naive and easily-excitable simple-mindedness which I know very well, she's just making herself easy meat without thinking of the consequences. I hate to say this about her because I once loved her very much but it dawns on me that she making herself a rather economically-inexpensive female canine by flirting with so many guys simultaneously. She even suggested that I could chase her too!! I absolutely abhor the thought of cheapening myself to being one of her "playguys", so I'm making a clean cut off her from today.
Anyway, my bone of contention here is that she's such a flithy liar.
If you were me, would you simply believe what she says - that she's not attached?
What do you think she's aiming to achieve by lying to me? -
I suggest u stop seeing her so often if she is using u as a spare tyre.
U only get more hurt by her lies. She seems like those SPG type- not suitable for longterm relationship.
Since u have already broken up, best to move on & start dating other girls. -
it's all about the money.
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Why think so much and make yourself misery? The old days USED to be good but now it's OVER... You know what you should be doing... Question no more?
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Can i say, sometimes it's the missing piece in the jugsaw puzzle which you couldn't find.Originally posted by Devil1976:What think so much and make yourself misery? The old days USED to be good but now it's OVER... You know what you should be doing... Question no more?
And it'll always remain a mystery which you want to seek answer of.
The power of untold answers. -
do u fully understand what is break up ?
If you really do then you will never face this problem liao.
Once you break up you should never ever look back.
poor kid
try not think too much cos you are suffering from post breakup setback.
you are no longer her bf so wake up!
wat she is doing now is her choice it has nothing to do anymore. -
There isn't much of a 'missing puzzle' in his case. He has already quite firmly pictured her as she is. It's just a piece of reality waiting to be accepted. If he can't even do that, who can speak of what other 'blindness' he might hold for his next relationshipOriginally posted by M©+square:Can i say, sometimes it's the missing piece in the jugsaw puzzle which you couldn't find.
And it'll always remain a mystery which you want to seek answer of.
The power of untold answers.
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she's out to have some fun. you should too!
as for whether or not you should hate her, your call.
but why waste time. -
Thanks all for the encouragement. I certainly will have to move on. She is definitely out for fun - its just that I didn't see it coming so soon and ended up feeling exploited, eaten up and then spat out. Just feel like I got cheapened and treated like trash.....
Anyway, just needed to puke up all my pent-up frustrations......before I leave all this s*** behind for good... -
then let it be...
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Originally posted by nnilsia:Thanks all for the encouragement. I certainly will have to move on. She is definitely out for fun - its just that I didn't see it coming so soon and ended up feeling exploited, eaten up and then spat out. Just feel like I got cheapened and treated like trash.....
Anyway, just needed to puke up all my pent-up frustrations......before I leave all this s*** behind for good...
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have you considered break up sex? it's potentially quite good!
Originally posted by nnilsia:Thanks all for the encouragement. I certainly will have to move on. She is definitely out for fun - its just that I didn't see it coming so soon and ended up feeling exploited, eaten up and then spat out. Just feel like I got cheapened and treated like trash.....
Anyway, just needed to puke up all my pent-up frustrations......before I leave all this s*** behind for good... -
Well, sex is very fun of course....but I don't think its really gonna solve the state of our emotions towards each other. I don't even want to see her again...
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Well, sex is very fun of course....but I don't think its really gonna solve the state of our emotions towards each other. I don't even want to see her again...
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Well, sex is very fun of course....but I don't think its really gonna solve the state of our emotions towards each other. I don't even want to see her again...
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Hey dude,
I can perfectly understand how you feel
it`s sort of a sense of betrayal and being used..
sometimes i really pity those gals that are out to play w the emotions of sincere guys..
oh WTF.. i guess u`ve made such a good move to move on w ur life
there`s still some others in the world who might have `no choice` cuz they tink that they `love ` the gal `too much`
it`s all bull shit
to those who were in a similair situation and are willingly still `giving`
i do urge you to stop
nothing good will ever come out of it
i cant really understand why such good guys like u always end up w such lousy gals and the lousy guys always get the good gals??
and the good guys/gals are left to suffer got the lousy guy/gal??? -
Why did I meet such a lousy girl?? I guess its just called "chao suay"..... Just had to encounter one of these screwed up girls to make a mess of my mental and emotional state. Her secret "unofficial" liasions with all her various older men which she so verhemently denies to me really hammers the f****** final nail into our r/s's coffin. Enough is enough. I used to be so confident of myself and strong too.......she just came and ripped me apart, I didn't have any ego or a backbone at all after that. Never and never again will I allow myself to fall so vulnerable and head over heels for anyone else. If she's out for fun, I shall do too..... she can go to hell.....
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The world is round...Originally posted by BaByBoY:Hey dude,
I can perfectly understand how you feel
it`s sort of a sense of betrayal and being used..
sometimes i really pity those gals that are out to play w the emotions of sincere guys..
oh WTF.. i guess u`ve made such a good move to move on w ur life
there`s still some others in the world who might have `no choice` cuz they tink that they `love ` the gal `too much`
it`s all bull shit
to those who were in a similair situation and are willingly still `giving`
i do urge you to stop
nothing good will ever come out of it
i cant really understand why such good guys like u always end up w such lousy gals and the lousy guys always get the good gals??
and the good guys/gals are left to suffer got the lousy guy/gal??? -
Relax dude.. She has already chosen who she wants to be. At least you can still make your CHOICEOriginally posted by nnilsia:Why did I meet such a lousy girl?? I guess its just called "chao suay"..... Just had to encounter one of these screwed up girls to make a mess of my mental and emotional state. Her secret "unofficial" liasions with all her various older men which she so verhemently denies to me really hammers the f****** final nail into our r/s's coffin. Enough is enough. I used to be so confident of myself and strong too.......she just came and ripped me apart, I didn't have any ego or a backbone at all after that. Never and never again will I allow myself to fall so vulnerable and head over heels for anyone else. If she's out for fun, I shall do too..... she can go to hell..... -
Sorry guys, if what I'm going to say make you all disgusted or thinking me as a "sicko ass****", so be it.
Peronally, been thru the same scenerio before, so that qualified me as a old bird in such matter.
There are actually 2 options one could choose.
1. Be a "good" boy, break off totally from the gal that just broken your heart.
2. Be a "bad" boy, will keep her as your sex pet as and when u needed to let off some of your heaty load. Will dump her only after u r sick of f***ing her anymore. Should have no hard feeling here as both parties are out to "screw" each other.
Enjoy it while u can or get her out of your life totally!!!
The choices are there, just select one and move on.
YH -
never say never. just find a gal who's deserving...
"next better player!"Originally posted by nnilsia:Never and never again will I allow myself to fall so vulnerable and head over heels for anyone else. If she's out for fun, I shall do too..... she can go to hell..... -
keep her for sex? I think this option is out coz we never did it in the first place. ANyway, my mind is still set - not going to see her again man.....enough of ruining my life...
I've still got some of her stuff at my place, should I:
1) Return them to her?
2) Keep them first?
3) Throw them away?
What would you do? -
What u just hope is only a glimpse of it, hoping that there will be u-turning back she will come back to u, my wish is ur wish, however, according to ur descripition, it's very obivious the bonding bet the hearts no long there. It is only a 1 sided love with the possibly with no return. Love can be scracfice unconditioningly, u may think whether it is to the right person. U are not in any wrong however blinded by love, ur slight affection has cuased some jealousy whenever she with other guys. But since u end the r/s with her, u shld actually let go & shld'nt tied her down, regardless whether wat she said is true or false. Let her be on ur own, & most impt, u must be urself, be able to search for a new tree, rather than giving up the forest just for one. As u have said they already past happy memories, it worth to be remembered, not to be rekindled. Happy moment dun stay forever, they come & goes, but most impt feeling may get less tastier but memories will stay. Shld let go ur feeling & let urself explored openly, u will find the right one again.
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U lucky u din have sex w her. else u gota go for HIV test.Originally posted by nnilsia:keep her for sex? I think this option is out coz we never did it in the first place. ANyway, my mind is still set - not going to see her again man.....enough of ruining my life...
I've still got some of her stuff at my place, should I:
1) Return them to her?
2) Keep them first?
3) Throw them away?
What would you do?
For goodness sake throw those stuffs away mann!! That's the way to have a clean wash of ur memory space! -
she sms-ed me three days ago after a silence of 1.5 weeks, asking me how I was doing and telling me what she did that day......to which I didn't reply. Think she's testing my sentiments again.......really can't be bothered anymore.....
I heard sHe's finally got the job she wanted at her ex-company - now she can really have a ball of a good time with her many "bfs" in the company all week long for a long long time to come........
I think I'll get a big cardboard box and dump all her remaining stuff into it, then ask one of my colleagues assigned to the area (where she stays) to deliver it to her place so I don't have to potentially face her.....
sigh...time does heal....but just wished that it could be a tad faster