Originally posted by kentheman:
well, was comtemplating whether to post this or not...
me n my gf has been tog for 9 mths alr...throughout these 9 mth, we were very happy altho there's been quarrels between us...
recently she got a new job at a retail outlet n she's required to work retail hours. i'm working as a bartender thus our meeting time has dropped alot...sometimes we onli meet like 1 or 2 times a week, compared with in the past which is like almost everyday....her attitude changes...not as loving as in the past..i understand she's tired after working n wanted a good rest...but i'm also tired but i do make an effort to meet her after work if time permits...n there r times she get pissed off with the slightest things..
i clubs at zouk every week n got to noe this ger, who is a fren's fren. got into contact w her n she's real nice n sweet...i dun deny i have a little feelng for her...she was not feeling well n i bought meals n medicine for her...but nonetheless, in my heart, i still have my gf..but the fact is tt i dun love my gf as much as before...i tried to talk to her abt this issue n wanted to rectify the problem..but everytime i wanted to talk to her, she's tired n wanted to rest...
last nite i stayed over at my gf place...before we slp, we had a heart to heart talk...telling each other how much we missed each other...she told me tt she's feeling very insecured...in fact, she told me this before..i reassured her n told her it may be our working life tt causes this..but her reasoning is tt "the more she love me, the more insecure she'll feel." last nite i ask her how come she suddenly feel this way, she say she dunno..n she's tired..wanted to slp..
haiiz..i really dunno wat to do...of course i want to be tog w my gf...whereas the other ger, i treat her as a good fren...someone whom i confide into...but the way we are sms-ing each other is like as thou we are an item...
forumites, kindly advice...

Sacrifice.
This is the occasion when the dreaded quality had to be out from its passive nature. Issues like this are VERY common, but what makes a survivable relationship against one who sinks to the ocean-bed... is sacrifice, another level higher than compromising.
Currently, there are several issues congregating and churning out a whole chunk of chaos. You could begin by eliminating factors that are against you, understanding your own situation/relationship thoroughly and make alot of adjustment to your own relationship. Of course, this will come to nothing if it is merely an effort on your part - your gf has to be your other hand.
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Is it a MUST for you to work a night job? (Because we are talking about sacrificing for the relationship, do not tell me why not her). If money is the issue, try to ride on the donkey as you look for the horse: attempt to find a day job that pays you equal or something. EVERYTHING has an alternative to it; problem is whether you want to accept them anot. By eliminating time distortion, you could save and devote precious time to rebuild your relationship.
If I was to say that your relationship is gone for sure, what are the chances you will end up with this other girl? Chances are, if yes, it could affect your relationship unconsciously. With your current lifestyle and stuff, this new girl could probably fit you better. But does it mean 'better'? This is self discovery and understanding to guard your own relationship from sudden shift of feelings/etc without knowing why.
It's interesting when you state and stress that you two are merely friends, but you included her in this Aunt Agony topic. It goes to show that your barrier to external influence is waning.
To chat about your problems is good; but do not stop there. Talk is level one; you have to go beyond communication and decide what you two WANT to do with the relationship to improve it's lifespan, quality or whatever. The issues I wrote above are things you have to go through your mind and digest a little. Only then, you can make choices for your relationship, to leave the crossroad and embark a new journey.
Your Love is stagnant, not dying. Don't run into the latter.

Cheers