haiiiz
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well, was comtemplating whether to post this or not...
me n my gf has been tog for 9 mths alr...throughout these 9 mth, we were very happy altho there's been quarrels between us...
recently she got a new job at a retail outlet n she's required to work retail hours. i'm working as a bartender thus our meeting time has dropped alot...sometimes we onli meet like 1 or 2 times a week, compared with in the past which is like almost everyday....her attitude changes...not as loving as in the past..i understand she's tired after working n wanted a good rest...but i'm also tired but i do make an effort to meet her after work if time permits...n there r times she get pissed off with the slightest things..
i clubs at zouk every week n got to noe this ger, who is a fren's fren. got into contact w her n she's real nice n sweet...i dun deny i have a little feelng for her...she was not feeling well n i bought meals n medicine for her...but nonetheless, in my heart, i still have my gf..but the fact is tt i dun love my gf as much as before...i tried to talk to her abt this issue n wanted to rectify the problem..but everytime i wanted to talk to her, she's tired n wanted to rest...
last nite i stayed over at my gf place...before we slp, we had a heart to heart talk...telling each other how much we missed each other...she told me tt she's feeling very insecured...in fact, she told me this before..i reassured her n told her it may be our working life tt causes this..but her reasoning is tt "the more she love me, the more insecure she'll feel." last nite i ask her how come she suddenly feel this way, she say she dunno..n she's tired..wanted to slp..
haiiz..i really dunno wat to do...of course i want to be tog w my gf...whereas the other ger, i treat her as a good fren...someone whom i confide into...but the way we are sms-ing each other is like as thou we are an item...
forumites, kindly advice... -
Depends on what you want?
I thought if you really want your gf, you should be spending more time and effort trying to better the situation...? Note. It's not only about the time both of you spend together. But also the time when you're not together, things like how to make up for it when you have a chance to be together again...
Of course, like you've said.. The current situation is really not that bright for the both of you... Try to see if there's anyway you can change the situation or compensate for it... Your gf's probably going on a downhill roller-coaster ride... I feel that she loves you, and holds with her the sense of attachment... But with the current circumstance, she's probably having this feeling that it won't be leading her anywhere nice... Wanna try changing her opinion before things get worse? -
i think you're doing the right thing, staying faithful to you gf.
at the end of the day you still need friends, and so what is your friend is female?
your life, your call. -
thanks for the replies...
devil1976, i tried to talk to her...however like i said earlier, she's either too tired to talk, or sometime the mood n the settings of the env ard us dun permit...i tried to compensate her by smsing her every now n then..but the fact is tt she works in a major retail outlet whereby answering of phonecalls are onli permitted during breaks...thus communication breakdown..n i as a bartender, earliest knock off time is 12am..by tt time, she alr in her dreamland...during my off days, i tried to pick her up from her workplace, but when we reached her place, the only thing she wan to do is to rest...i totally understand tt...
ilovemyrolex, thanks for ur reply...now i'm still trying to recover the relationship...
regarding my relationship w tt female fren, she's a very good pal to me... -
i know how u feel. I think best stick with your gf and try salvage the relationship
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from what i see, there r 2 issues here
1) i think u're walking the very fine line of flirting. I oso have close female frens, n it always gets weird when it gets "too" close. impt thing is to keep a dist when dat happens. u dun sound like a playa.. got consider wat if ur "good" fren one day tells u she likes u? then u will ai mai ai mai... then a lot of ppl will get hurt. My advice: send the right message. if u want to carry on w gf, dist urself from ur fren. otherwise...
2) i used to work as a night cashier, so mine even worse, totally diff time zone. in the end we broke up.. haha (bad example!) 4 u, the gd news is, at least u noe e working hrs is causing a prob.. the next step is to find a solution for it. Both u n ur gf work hard n compromise for r/s to work. maybe u have to wake up earlier, she have to sleep later, etc.. it wun be easy, but if u survive it, e r/s will be much stronger.. qn is: do both of u want think each other is worth e effort/ trouble?
me no expert in r/s lah, cos mine is in pieces too.. but hopefully this helps. all the best to u, watever you decide. -
Communication don't have to be broken even if it's only a '1 sided affair'.... You can still sms her without her reply... Tell her things which you felt and thought of... Tell her things which you mean... Can send her a card or letter once in a while to let her know how you feel for her... When was the last time you sent her a rose? Send a rose... Don't wait for the occasion (excuse)...Originally posted by kentheman:thanks for the replies...
devil1976, i tried to talk to her...however like i said earlier, she's either too tired to talk, or sometime the mood n the settings of the env ard us dun permit...i tried to compensate her by smsing her every now n then..but the fact is tt she works in a major retail outlet whereby answering of phonecalls are onli permitted during breaks...thus communication breakdown..n i as a bartender, earliest knock off time is 12am..by tt time, she alr in her dreamland...during my off days, i tried to pick her up from her workplace, but when we reached her place, the only thing she wan to do is to rest...i totally understand tt...
ilovemyrolex, thanks for ur reply...now i'm still trying to recover the relationship...
regarding my relationship w tt female fren, she's a very good pal to me...
Now that 'time is hard', try to do some things for her which is quite out of her expectation... Make appearance at her shop during your off day... Try not to disturb her work though.. Have you thought of buying her a nice lunch or thought of how wonder it would be for her if you can have a simple lunch with her? Make a bit of sacrifices for her so that she know you care....
Is it's really bothering both of you that much, try to break the situation by changing job or something... Nonetheless, try to make the best out of the situation... Even picking her up tired and sleepy can be sweet too if you know how to do it...?
Chatting and communication is important... Find no excuses for it... Get to know how each other feel better so that you'll know what needs to be done... Without communication, many any other relationships can break down, let alone a BGR.... -
Originally posted by kentheman:well, was comtemplating whether to post this or not...
me n my gf has been tog for 9 mths alr...throughout these 9 mth, we were very happy altho there's been quarrels between us...
recently she got a new job at a retail outlet n she's required to work retail hours. i'm working as a bartender thus our meeting time has dropped alot...sometimes we onli meet like 1 or 2 times a week, compared with in the past which is like almost everyday....her attitude changes...not as loving as in the past..i understand she's tired after working n wanted a good rest...but i'm also tired but i do make an effort to meet her after work if time permits...n there r times she get pissed off with the slightest things..
i clubs at zouk every week n got to noe this ger, who is a fren's fren. got into contact w her n she's real nice n sweet...i dun deny i have a little feelng for her...she was not feeling well n i bought meals n medicine for her...but nonetheless, in my heart, i still have my gf..but the fact is tt i dun love my gf as much as before...i tried to talk to her abt this issue n wanted to rectify the problem..but everytime i wanted to talk to her, she's tired n wanted to rest...
last nite i stayed over at my gf place...before we slp, we had a heart to heart talk...telling each other how much we missed each other...she told me tt she's feeling very insecured...in fact, she told me this before..i reassured her n told her it may be our working life tt causes this..but her reasoning is tt "the more she love me, the more insecure she'll feel." last nite i ask her how come she suddenly feel this way, she say she dunno..n she's tired..wanted to slp..
haiiz..i really dunno wat to do...of course i want to be tog w my gf...whereas the other ger, i treat her as a good fren...someone whom i confide into...but the way we are sms-ing each other is like as thou we are an item...
forumites, kindly advice...
Sacrifice.
This is the occasion when the dreaded quality had to be out from its passive nature. Issues like this are VERY common, but what makes a survivable relationship against one who sinks to the ocean-bed... is sacrifice, another level higher than compromising.
Currently, there are several issues congregating and churning out a whole chunk of chaos. You could begin by eliminating factors that are against you, understanding your own situation/relationship thoroughly and make alot of adjustment to your own relationship. Of course, this will come to nothing if it is merely an effort on your part - your gf has to be your other hand.
*** Is it a MUST for you to work a night job? (Because we are talking about sacrificing for the relationship, do not tell me why not her). If money is the issue, try to ride on the donkey as you look for the horse: attempt to find a day job that pays you equal or something. EVERYTHING has an alternative to it; problem is whether you want to accept them anot. By eliminating time distortion, you could save and devote precious time to rebuild your relationship.
If I was to say that your relationship is gone for sure, what are the chances you will end up with this other girl? Chances are, if yes, it could affect your relationship unconsciously. With your current lifestyle and stuff, this new girl could probably fit you better. But does it mean 'better'? This is self discovery and understanding to guard your own relationship from sudden shift of feelings/etc without knowing why.
It's interesting when you state and stress that you two are merely friends, but you included her in this Aunt Agony topic. It goes to show that your barrier to external influence is waning.
To chat about your problems is good; but do not stop there. Talk is level one; you have to go beyond communication and decide what you two WANT to do with the relationship to improve it's lifespan, quality or whatever. The issues I wrote above are things you have to go through your mind and digest a little. Only then, you can make choices for your relationship, to leave the crossroad and embark a new journey.
Your Love is stagnant, not dying. Don't run into the latter.
Cheers