my bf's ex seems like coming back for him..wat should i do..
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I think your bf is really good to actually ask you along... The fact that he even tells you he is meeting his ex is good enuff testament to his love for u. We guys know that gals can get jealous over such things. However, he has believed that you will understand him enuff to not doubt him.
4 yrs of relationship is not something simple. If u do not trust him, why bother of thinking abt marriage in the first place? I'm sure u are still pretty heated up about ur bf asking u to go home to spend time with his ex. I'm sure any other gal will (and I hope he understands that), and I think he knows u will definitely be angry. But he feels the need to help a friend, be it a guy or a gal. Friends are still friends. I think ur bf is really very good, though he really angered u this time.
Just trust him. From what I see so far, I think he is a good guy. I wish you luck. -
Maybe you should listen to what he has got to say 1st?Originally posted by depressed_80:well gals and guys,i did went to meet up with her...guess her reaction..
tat day,i felt very uneasy tagging along,so before reaching the location,i walked behind him until she appeared,she seemed rather delighted to see him,but when the moment i stepped into the picture and stand besides him,her face really changed immediately..
her face was so black and she questioned me in a very hostile manner,asking who am i and why i was here when she supposed to meet him alone...
initially of course i was abit dumbfounded,actually this was one of the scenerio in my mind,i nearly lost cool but tolerated it,i announced to her sternly that i am his current gf and getting married soon,then she started to cry and said her bf dumped her blah blah blah..i really hated this part,i was so worried that my bf will start to soft heart..luckily he didn't.
but i think he did,he asked her what happened..blah blah blah,story ended,i told her we got to go,she said she needed someone to accompany for this moment,bloody hell,guess what my bf said..asked me to go home first! he said he's afraid she might do something silly,and moreover,they used to be very good friend before getting together,reassured me and said nothing will happen to them..
i gave him 2 choices on the spot,leave with me or stay with her,i don't know whether i've done the right thingy,but i was really fuming mad!
in the end he asked to go home first,till now,i refused to answer his call or sms,even he went to my workplace to look for me,i actually called the security to chase him out..his parents also called me,my parents kept on asking me what happened to the both of us..what the...pls advice me...i'm really draining out...sounded drama right,but it happened to me...believe it anot,up to you ppl...
Anyway, you should have just asked to hang around the area and go back to meet him later or something...
Told you to keep your cool. Now that you've flipped your cards, it'll be equally difficult to handle whether your bf is just an innocent guy or a 'guilty' party.
Seriously, with the situation now and how you're handling things.. I don't see why you should be getting into a marriage just for the sake of it? -
guess wat ppl......he proposed to me just now,i don't know whether he really mean it or just wanted to reassure me only.....
sian...i haven't reply him yet..
actually,i'm not really in a rush...but he just told me he wanted to give me a name and reassurance....oh god... what should i do????
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It means you mean alot to him.Originally posted by depressed_80:guess wat ppl......he proposed to me just now,i don't know whether he really mean it or just wanted to reassure me only.....
sian...i haven't reply him yet..
actually,i'm not really in a rush...but he just told me he wanted to give me a name and reassurance....oh god... what should i do????
Getting commitment from a guy is not easy. Consider carefully? -
I sense great insecurity on your part. You better do consider properly before marrying. Marrying will not help you cure insecurity. You have to find the root cause of the problem, i.e. the lack of trust on your part etc before commiting to him. Otherwise it will do both of you no good.
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You've got a nice boy there lah, I must say. Sacrificing his singlehood just to reassure you and make you happy. Isn't that nice of him?
I think both your hearts are in the right place. But perhaps you don't discipline your emotions well enough, and he hasn't found the knack of handling you well, yet.
My piece of advice to you is:
Try not to focus on what he DIDN'T do
and appreciate the things he DID, more.Originally posted by depressed_80:guess wat ppl......he proposed to me just now,i don't know whether he really mean it or just wanted to reassure me only.....
sian...i haven't reply him yet..
actually,i'm not really in a rush...but he just told me he wanted to give me a name and reassurance....oh god... what should i do???? -
U are not handling this very well. First of all, never throw tantrums.
Asking security to chase your bf out is very bad. That is no way to treat him.
U should have given him a chance to explain.
There is no harm in letting him meet his ex as long as he knows not to get involved in her troubles.
He is honest as he lets u know what is happening. U should have more trust.
By acting childish & abusive, u are driving him away. -
i tink dat since he's so impt to u and u treasure him so much, let him go n get things done.. the more u dun let him go settle things once n for all, the more he is too tempted to meet her behind ur back.. u wan it this way?Originally posted by depressed_80:my bf told me that this gal don't have his current hp no. and she seldom mix around with his friends,but i was wondering how she managed to get his contact no.
he confessed to me that this gal(let's call her T) had sms him saying wanted to meet up with him,when he asked her how she got his no.,she said he need not know..
we did not actually argue or quarrel over this matter,but i was abit mad..and he said he wanted to meet her once and for all to see what she wants,he still can tell me i'm over sensitive,maybe she needs some help or wat..
come on..guys get soft hearted easily(no offence pls)when it comes to girls..esp those look "fragile"..
i'm afraid he might meet her secretly..
i'm with him for almost 4 yrs..getting married soon..
shit man..wat should i do..
since he can confess to u dat she wants to see him n he wanna settle things wif her, juz let him go ahead lor... since u r THE SIGNIFICANT ONE, y afraid?
me n my bf r together for 1 yr plus... he's ex (whom had broken up wif him 3-4yrs ago), for no reason, oways fa da xie jie pi qi, n treat me as im not dere (even im infront of her)... to me is since she dun respect me as the significant other, y she i respect her? my bf dun even give a phuck abt her...
reason is simple.. i trust him. i have faith in us...
if ur bf runs away wif her even b4 marrying u, u shld noe wad kinda guy he is lor... (sorry for saying dat, n pray hard he's not this kinda guy)
bottom line is trust ur bf n let him settle scores wif his ex. since both of u r getting married, u aren't at the losing end.
happy marriage~ -
at this moment, he did angered u somehow. but frens r still frens... he wun be happy to lose either u or his frens, be it guys or gal. the way u act, makes me feel u r kinda petty. be more generous n ur bf will love u more. trust me. listen to wad he's gotta say 1st is better den jumping into conclusion.Originally posted by depressed_80:well gals and guys,i did went to meet up with her...guess her reaction..
tat day,i felt very uneasy tagging along,so before reaching the location,i walked behind him until she appeared,she seemed rather delighted to see him,but when the moment i stepped into the picture and stand besides him,her face really changed immediately..
her face was so black and she questioned me in a very hostile manner,asking who am i and why i was here when she supposed to meet him alone...
initially of course i was abit dumbfounded,actually this was one of the scenerio in my mind,i nearly lost cool but tolerated it,i announced to her sternly that i am his current gf and getting married soon,then she started to cry and said her bf dumped her blah blah blah..i really hated this part,i was so worried that my bf will start to soft heart..luckily he didn't.
but i think he did,he asked her what happened..blah blah blah,story ended,i told her we got to go,she said she needed someone to accompany for this moment,bloody hell,guess what my bf said..asked me to go home first! he said he's afraid she might do something silly,and moreover,they used to be very good friend before getting together,reassured me and said nothing will happen to them..
i gave him 2 choices on the spot,leave with me or stay with her,i don't know whether i've done the right thingy,but i was really fuming mad!
in the end he asked to go home first,till now,i refused to answer his call or sms,even he went to my workplace to look for me,i actually called the security to chase him out..his parents also called me,my parents kept on asking me what happened to the both of us..what the...pls advice me...i'm really draining out...sounded drama right,but it happened to me...believe it anot,up to you ppl... -
Whatever u do is up to u. but one thing is clear. Ur BF really treasures u.
I understand that in the heat of the moment we may say nasty things and get unreasonably mad... and that at that pt of time all u could think about is that he chose his ex over u by asking you to leave first...
but after u cool down (eg next day) all your actions are overboard. what's love/marriage without trust. if u can't trust him to just comfort his ex and nothing more (after he tried so hard to gain ur trust by bringing u along) then you shouldn't be with him. u don't deserve him.
He was being a gentleman if not a good friend to stay behind to comfort his ex. even if his ex's motives are not as pure. u should have trusted him to once again be a gentleman if not your faithful husband-to-be.
Truthfully, If I was in that situation, I may have reacted like u (as i said, in the heat of the moment not many women can think logically)... but if it's me, my ex. and my current bf in that situation.... I would have done exactly what ur bf did!! cos i know it's the right thing to do!!! Think about it would you leave ANY of your friends there in that emotional state? -
It does not matter if he really mean it or want to reassure you oni, cuz u matter to him... I reckon your bf is a vvv nice guy who dun like to see his friends getting hurt or what... that's why he ask u to go home first when e 3 of u meet.... n by proposing to you... he is telling you how much u mean to him, how much he wants you (and not her) to be part of his life.... Do give him the trust... n by accepting the proposal, you're doing yourself a great helpOriginally posted by depressed_80:guess wat ppl......he proposed to me just now,i don't know whether he really mean it or just wanted to reassure me only.....
sian...i haven't reply him yet..
actually,i'm not really in a rush...but he just told me he wanted to give me a name and reassurance....oh god... what should i do????
I understand how u feel, jealousy, afraid of losing him... I can see that your bf's ex is trying to get him back too... It will be good to actually tell your bf how you feel abt it... do let him continue to see the ex (though not too frequently, n best if you can go with him, let e ex accept you as HIS gf) n always remind him not to be tempted to give in to her....(in case she tempts your bf). -
It's time to feed him more s.e.x!
What I mean is, lot more. -
you're the stupidest girl in sgforums...if your bf wanted to leave you, don't you think he'll go behind your back & meet up sneakily withi his ex instead of inviting you along?
you don't deserve him...go & shoot yourself in the head...or in the event of a breakup...jump in front of an oncoming mrt train at bishan station... -
grow up n learn to respect the forumers man, everyone here has their own share of probs... u wont like it if we do that to u when u are down....Originally posted by mahai102:you're the stupidest girl in sgforums...if your bf wanted to leave you, don't you think he'll go behind your back & meet up sneakily withi his ex instead of inviting you along?
you don't deserve him...go & shoot yourself in the head...or in the event of a breakup...jump in front of an oncoming mrt train at bishan station... -
i feel sorry for you in a way... alot of people in the forum seems to be saying that you are wrong somehow.
i would have done the same if this happened to me.... it is so humiliating to be asked to be leave first. it means, even if it is only that moment, she is the most important.
every woman wants to be the most important woman in her man's life... at all times. especially when he is the most important man in her life.. justifable isnt it???
your reaction to the situation was wrong.... even though it is normal to feel jealous.
men - cannot control. because they dont like to be controlled. men - also cannot let them go to freely.. because we dont know what they will end up doing... or what other women may do to get them.
in the situation you had, you should have been supportive of his trip to see her. go with him, console her if you can or at least show concern. show that you are on his side and you are with him, as a couple.that is why people are called PARTNERS in relationships.
by chasing him away now, you are pushing him into her arms... which might happen, since he needs a listening ear or consolation and she is available...
GET HIM BACK NOW ! DONT GIVE HIM AWAY TO HER !!!
try telling him that you feel humiliated when he chased you away, especially when you wanted to help her WITH HIM. blame him for not showing you more consideration and make him feel guilty about it...
then when he apologize, forgive him and ask him not to do it again. let him be grateful and know that you are magnamious.
next, if he wants to help her, show concern by talking about her and what he intends to do about it. that way, you can win his affection and monitor the situation.
as a woman, you must have the upper hand. that means you should try not to show your temper or jealousy outwardly but stay on the outside and watch things.
kind of like playing poker.
be smart... now ! -
go.... y not...just calm down..... go n see... at least he is nice to bring u along.....Originally posted by depressed_80:okay,he just sms me,he's asking me to go along with him to meet her later,he says he wants me to witness what happen..
he also says he don't want me to worry unnecessarily..
should i go? i wonder how will she react when she see me..
what if we end up in a ugly fight? bcoz this happened to my good friend before,things went out of control,tat girl start to hit my friend,they got into a small fight..
i dun want things to be like tat.. -
well he really a vvv super duper nice guy le......u shd treasure him... u abit overdoing by chasing him away etc..... for so much overdoing things u did, he still propse to u... i duno u stupid or wat..... he is really nice already lo..... i can tell u not all guy have good temper like him... N u shdnt have those DA XIAO JIE temper lo..... pls think