Broken heart
-
Is qualification really that important in a relationship?
Doesn't love really conquer everything?..............
My gf just broke up with me because of this.
I'm a ITE student and she just graduate from poly and just started to work.
And I planned to take a part-time private diploma course this July.
Well, it's known from the start that her basic standard of a BF must be at least equal to her in terms of qualification.
She's practical and while I'm more like a emotional person.
We have alot of differences in our thinkings.
But, we got together because of mutual feelings.
For this 9mths, we have been really happy together,
and of course we had our ups and downs just like other relationships,
but we soon get over it and still be like a lovely couple.
We broke up 2 times because of the qualification issue,
and everytime, I have to beg her not to give up on this relationship and assure her that I'll improve on myself and go for further studies.
And everytime, it's a nightmare for me to go through that again.
And I'm really glad that she had also tried hard to ignore her own practical side for the sake of this relationship and for putting in much efforts.
And I also put in my heart in this relationship, trying really hard to be a good BF, just hoping to have a future with her.
My family likes her too, and would always look forward to have her staying at our house over the weekends.
We really just had so much fun everytime. playing like small kids.
Spending the weekends slacking at home just like there's no tomorrow.
Everything was going well, and just our of the sudden, she initiate the breaakup.. and the reason is she mind about my qualification.
She said she dun wanna wait a few years coz by the time she would have achieve more than me.
It's really a stab in the heart especially when you put in so much hope and efforts into this relationship, and she just take it all away just because of a piece of paper..
And this time, I know that she won't be coming back to me, coz no matter how hard I try, or how good I treated her and how much I love her, it will never replace her expectation of an ideal BF...
I'm really going thru shit for this period of time.
I can't even sleep well at night, and don't even know what am i thinking.
And i can't even focus when I'm working.
Help me.. I just couldn't take it anymore.... -
wat so big deal of a diploma? n so wat u only have ITE? But if the gal thinks its a big deal, no point continuing the relationship. even u patch up with her tis time, she may initiate another breakup again soon.
-
Yeah.. you are right.. I kinda give up on the hope already..
I'm too tired to keep on trying so hard..
right now, i just wanna move on..
but it's just so hard to forget about her and the memories we had..
she left too much memories in my house.. -
9 months is not very long. give yourself sometime. go for a trip. keep yourself occupied. u'll forget before u knew it ..Originally posted by Mao x 2:Yeah.. you are right.. I kinda give up on the hope already..
I'm too tired to keep on trying so hard..
right now, i just wanna move on..
but it's just so hard to forget about her and the memories we had..
she left too much memories in my house.. -
time will heal...
go for a trip alone or with good friends... a change of environment for a while will be good...
do continue to upgrade yourself... for your own sake, not anybody else.
take good care of yourself and all the best.
-
yeah.. i did think of having a vacation..
or perhaps getting a oversea job for few years.
I'll not give up on my further studies..
My family still need me to support them.
life can be just so stressful in Singapore.
Law of practicality
No Money = No Qualification
No Qualification = No Career
No Career = No Money
No Money = No Car + No Big House
No Big House + No Car = No Honey
No Honey = No Love
Life = Love
Therefore, No Money = You are screwed big time.
I guess the younger generation are so much into material stuffs and appearance. BTW, My gf is 4 years younger than me. Maybe she's still young ba... sigh... -
She dun love u thats all... nothing to do with what qualifications. When gals wana break up, they can find all sort of self-justificating reasons.
I am an undergrad, write good Eng, nice character... so what? One gal i like last time like an Ah Beng, pri 6 sch drop-out, Army AWOL & sniff glu as hobby. This kinda of trash also got a devoted, chio GF... so isn't love a form of mental illness
-
Does she loves you ?
Evelyn Tan and Darren Lim also a big qualification difference...
You should let her see a future being with you...
did you? -
welcome to the club man,
try not to think so much lar cos in life sometimes is better to lose the person early then much much later.
Got few cases quite similar to yours but the guys lost a lot more then you.
Each of them kena con into buy expensive things for their gf in the name of love and in the end just kenna dump after playing with their hearts for 2-3 years.
Worst case was that after the gal dump the bf of 3 years, he found out that she was playing out 2 other guys whom love her very much too, accidently. Poor guy was so in shock that he nearly wanted to die from the shame.
Be brave man you will find someone else who is willing to be the one with you for your later part of your life. No point in thinking so much of this gal who will never be there for you when you are sick or poor or in need. -
finally u say some ren hua,i can agree with uOriginally posted by SMAPLionHeart:Does she loves you ?
Evelyn Tan and Darren Lim also a big qualification difference...
You should let her see a future being with you...
did you?
-
Hi,
Really feel sorry for you. What Ican say now is that you have to move on not beause of her but for yourself. I am a working adult, qualification is very important in Opening doors to opportunities. The rest lies with how much knowledge do you want to acquire from the company. Your wealth will build up with the experiences as well as future job opportunities and undertakings.
btw, i was dumped too cos I cant bring fun to my ex. I was dumped while I was progressing with my course in a local poly, I suffered terribly too. If she is good, she should have assist and support you all the way towards your goal, be it diploma or even degree and not simply give such r/s up. sorry, just my opinion,
I strongly feel that anyone on earth can look down on you but our girlfriend should not do so unless in the first place, you dont even want to further on your studies. -
sigh~ there goes my chances of chasing a girl who is doing her phd
why girls care bout qualifications so much? I deteste the fact that I need a piece of paper to show that Im qualified. What a sad paper world we live in. -
i am a guy... but i got females frens telling me this... to a certain extend i would agree wit them... i mean i do not know how old are you... and yr gf... although you did mention you guys are four years apart... i mean it is great that you did think of pursuring yr studies.... i guess she is shallow here.... girls to an extend see more than guys sometimes.... although a high education does not = a high pay or stable job... but sometimes they just see it as it is a form of assurance to them.... so sorry if i offend anyone here.... MAO... i think yr gf is not worth it... i mean she is just a poly grad... and looks down on ITE
come on it is not really that great a difference.... i think you deserve someone better.... honestly... she say she do not wan to wait for a few years... then give her up.... maybe for yrself or to prove to her... you work extra hard in pursuring what you really do wan in life... whether is it in qualification aspect or work aspect... and don't even think about getting back with her again when she come back next time... you can do it... then when the next girl thats comes along... it would turn out to be something even more wonderful. losing one girl that is so shallow does not deserve yr love at all... give up on her... to make you feel better as well as giving another girl that comes along in yr life a equal or better chance... take care... -
People tend to share with you the more socially acceptable reasons for leaving, and usually keep private the ones more likely to hurt.
while relationship post-processing is normal, realise that there isnt much point focusing on the overt reasons, since one is likely to be working with only a tiny slice of the truth.
when relationships end, one tends to get into the phase of what if, if only, could have, should be.
one needs to be at the stage of didnt, isnt, will never ... -
Darren Lim's family is rich.Originally posted by SMAPLionHeart:Does she loves you ?
Evelyn Tan and Darren Lim also a big qualification difference...
You should let her see a future being with you...
did you? -
Get a better qualification while u still have the momentum to study.
Regardless of all the talk, having better paper qualifications indirectly improve quality of life. -
Frankly speaking, true love can overcome all odds... Though I cannot blame your gf say she is wrong.....
Usually when people say qualification difference is a prob, prolly is due to the level of intellect and communication... but if you n her can spend time together, I don't see much a prob.... most probably is due to the social status of the qualifications that is bothering her... does her friends have bfs who are of lower education status?
Dun worry, juz continue to strive for your future.... -
thats society singapore is build in,i am also very sick of it...paper talks not talent talks.....so the person who got a skill for cooking and is a talented cook is still looked down compared to a person who is a PHD holderOriginally posted by alexkusu:sigh~ there goes my chances of chasing a girl who is doing her phd
why girls care bout qualifications so much? I deteste the fact that I need a piece of paper to show that Im qualified. What a sad paper world we live in.
-
Dear Mao x 2Originally posted by Mao x 2:yeah.. i did think of having a vacation..
or perhaps getting a oversea job for few years.
I'll not give up on my further studies..
My family still need me to support them.
life can be just so stressful in Singapore.
Law of practicality
No Money = No Qualification
No Qualification = No Career
No Career = No Money
No Money = No Car + No Big House
No Big House + No Car = No Honey
No Honey = No Love
Life = Love
Therefore, No Money = You are screwed big time.
I guess the younger generation are so much into material stuffs and appearance. BTW, My gf is 4 years younger than me. Maybe she's still young ba... sigh...
The law of practicality is not meant to be a passive or negative school of thought.
I think you're in a low emotion state which led to thinking this way; hopelessness.
Be reminded that having money/qualification/career/properties does not equate to LOVE.
In short - Your equation at this moment is faulty.
Tangibles dis-equate intangibles.
Above mentioned can get you girls; but not necessarily love itself.
Knowledge is power.
You ex girlfriend has her own set of values, which she held on tightly.
You would have realised that it wouldn't work out. But your value(emotions) led you to believe in her, that she will change.
Differing values in a relationship leds to seperate paths of thoughts and actions. Freewill, effort, time, experiences and events of nature affects overall outcome.
Dao Bu Tong Bu Xiang Wei Mou
Maybe she is indeed young in her mindset.
But practicality may be a attribute(or downfall) to herself.
Think of it in this perspective.
Shes young and wants to experience more in life. She wants to see more of the world, hence have many items in her wish list.
She might have felt shortchanged without her partner have the same wavelength in thoughts and ambitition(s)
She may be young, but she definitely want to 'fly'.
See it that it's not your time to be with her, since you couldn't see her point, might as well let her be free.
Let her grow up and wish her well?
I may have been tempted to quote her as a 'materialistic girl, shallow' (thru own experience), but there is absolutely nothing wrong with her - given that she's young. When she has grown mature with time. Hopefully, her values have come back down to earth. Advice:
Take heart that both of you had tried.
She had took the effort to put aside her agendas to give it a second chance thru this 9 months.
You should learn from this relationship that your selection process cannot be too rigid.
Learn to let go if it does not fit your criteria.
>>>Knowledge is power.
Qualification isn't the essence, through hardwork and foresight and knowledge. You can work your life out and gain respect from people around you.
Pick yourself up and walk on ok?
Do not dwell too long in this space. If stayed too long, you might get lost.
And my final advice is - do not go back to her and do not allow her to come back to you if by any chance. Until, two years. You may consider?
Take care of yourself Mao.
Conclusion:
Metaphor -
Everyone is like a piece of fragment from a huge piece of glass.
Fragments are in different shapes and sizes.
One seek for another dream partner.
If two person comes in different shape and size. They'll have to try very hard to file(not cut) away the excess part to fit to one piece (think jigsaw)
Until then, they might have filed half of themselves away to become one.
Some people find the right fit.
Some don't, they start filing.
Cheers -
I'm 25 this year. and she feel that at my age. I didn't achieve anything at all. yeah.. i did wasted some of my time and money. My dad gave me some money to further my studies about a year ago.. however, my best buddy got some financial problem and need money for his mum's operation. yes, out of desperation, he come and borrow from me and it's a large sum of money. i didn't think so much and just lend him the money because i don't wanna have any guilt if there's anything happen to his mum. i even kept the truth from my parents because the money is meant for my studies. I always feel that success isn't measured by qualification.. it's about hard work, good planning and a little bit of luck. And i decided to set up a small business with a friend, however it don't really goes well because of wrong choices for the locations. we didn't cover back our capital and even had some debts.. yes, in other words, I'm broke.. And it took me some time to clear my debts and finally have the money for my further studies now.. and all her friends are the same.. just kinda look down on ppl. sometimes in their conversation, they would just talk about" oh, aiyo... why she still with that guy, the guy also no qualification at all, and still be with him for 2 years. she don't know how to think ah". well, few days ago, i went mad and i just told my ex that all of them really look down on me.. Haha.. she only said" no.. they never know down on me at all" yeah.. maybe who knows. ad she said her friends don't really look down on ppl.. just that they are just being realistic.. what crap is that. being realistic doesn't give you the rights to said about other ppl.. yeah.. so what if her friend's bf doesn't have any qualification.. but can't they see they are happy together if not they wouldn't be together for 2 years and still going strong.
I guess most of you are right.. it really sucks living in Singapore, i mean no offence to gals, but i just feel that the younger generation are really materialistic, they just want to have good life and always want someone who's rich and have a car. yeah.. I know not all of them are materialistic, maybe i just happened to know a bunch of them.. -
Originally posted by M©+square:
yes. i toally agree with you. thanks for your great advice.
Dear Mao x 2
The law of practicality is not meant to be a passive or negative school of thought.
I think you're in a low emotion state which led to thinking this way; hopelessness.
Be reminded that having money/qualification/career/properties does not equate to LOVE.
In short - Your equation at this moment is faulty.
Tangibles dis-equate intangibles.
Above mentioned can get you girls; but not necessarily love itself. Knowledge is power.
You ex girlfriend has her own set of values, which she held on tightly.
You would have realised that it wouldn't work out. But your value(emotions) led you to believe in her, that she will change.
Differing values in a relationship leds to seperate paths of thoughts and actions. Freewill, effort, time, experiences and events of nature affects overall outcome. Dao Bu Tong Bu Xiang Wei Mou
Maybe she is indeed young in her mindset.
But practicality may be a attribute(or downfall) to herself.
Think of it in this perspective.
Shes young and wants to experience more in life. She wants to see more of the world, hence have many items in her wish list.
She might have felt shortchanged without her partner have the same wavelength in thoughts and ambitition(s)
She may be young, but she definitely want to 'fly'.
See it that it's not your time to be with her, since you couldn't see her point, might as well let her be free.
Let her grow up and wish her well?
I may have been tempted to quote her as a 'materialistic girl, shallow' (thru own experience), but there is absolutely nothing wrong with her - given that she's young. When she has grown mature with time. Hopefully, her values have come back down to earth. [b]Advice:
Take heart that both of you had tried.
She had took the effort to put aside her agendas to give it a second chance thru this 9 months.
You should learn from this relationship that your selection process cannot be too rigid.
Learn to let go if it does not fit your criteria.
>>>Knowledge is power.
Qualification isn't the essence, through hardwork and foresight and knowledge. You can work your life out and gain respect from people around you.
Pick yourself up and walk on ok?
Do not dwell too long in this space. If stayed too long, you might get lost.
And my final advice is - do not go back to her and do not allow her to come back to you if by any chance. Until, two years. You may consider?
Take care of yourself Mao.
Conclusion:
Metaphor -
Everyone is like a piece of fragment from a huge piece of glass.
Fragments are in different shapes and sizes.
One seek for another dream partner.
If two person comes in different shape and size. They'll have to try very hard to file(not cut) away the excess part to fit to one piece (think jigsaw)
Until then, they might have filed half of themselves away to become one.
Some people find the right fit.
Some don't, they start filing.
Cheers[/b] -
*Pat*Originally posted by Mao x 2:yes. i toally agree with you. thanks for your great advice.
No sweat, i hope you'll move on soon!
Self awareness and bringing out the best in you - relationship is important.
Stay here and offer your advice whenever others come across this problems too ok?
You will succeed. Keep striving. -
I believe love can go beyond 'qualifications'.
Dun give up on ur studies, prove to her and yourself that you can make it.
Not all ITE students are stupid, it's juz that they are not given the chance and recognition. I've been thru it, I know you will excel if you believe that you can do it. -
agreeOriginally posted by margarita:wat so big deal of a diploma? n so wat u only have ITE? But if the gal thinks its a big deal, no point continuing the relationship. even u patch up with her tis time, she may initiate another breakup again soon.
-
its bullshit. qualifications are nessecary for personal development, you damm well study for yr own good and not because someone tells you that its the world, and you do it for them.
what is do good about a poly dip, and you being ite, i've 2 dips and certs, does that make me a better bf to her? hell no.
if she can't see that, its her loss, either you play her game by concentration on yr private dip, go for some technical certifications, etc, and get a better job than her. work hard for it, even if its for her. but, its gonna be yr loss, there might be a chance she will leave you for some half-baked degree holder.
heck, i'd love to say she will mature and change her opinions in time, but some people, never do. so be prepare for that.