i need advise
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move on.
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sounds like he would want that china gal if he HAD the money to me. lolz... i say dump him like a piece of sht.
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That guy is not ready for you. He is being frank and give yourself more choices. Yeah, I agree that you should move one.
$ will become of the the main issue later. This is from my experience. -
Hi Belsnowy, sorry if i'm too frank on this...i understand that you've deep feeling/love for this guy, but however, he doesn't feel so for you...Originally posted by belsnowy:i am abit lost and disappointed.
i dont know what to do.
i am in love with a guy now kinda having problem. i am lost and don't know where i stand ?
he know a student from china online, and the gal was studying in Japan.
After a season of chat, this guy went over to hongkong to look for her.
In hongkong he spend abt 8k on the trips plus his phone call to her from singapore to japan and hongkong before that.
after that he came back to sg, the gal went back to china after completion of her course. They was together for 3weeks in hongkong. But she is his first love.
2003 he bought a house with joint name of mother, took up a renovation loan.
Now repaying loan and debts. Kinda stress for him according to him.
2004 i noe him.. he told me his story.
and as we go out more often and progress from there. i ask him so how are we a item or what i am kind of puzzel. He say 'did i say anything ?" (we hold hand and hug)
i say "ok i noe what u mean, sorry !" "den we remain as normal fren, i dnt play love game i told him this"
He replied : "i dont play such game too, just that this 2yrs i dont think i can afford to be in relationship coz of debts no $"
i told him $ isn't a issue. i mean there are ways to date with spend much rite.
i ask him do u have feeling for me ?
He replied : " a little bit but i really scare to have relationship now and still mind my ex .. "
Then how ? What abt me ?
i dnt noe how.
According to him he given up the china girl coz he dnt dare to step in love further coz he scare cnt support her. Coz she will have to give up china family to come here so if any happen to her he dnt noe how to answer. feel bad. coz his family dnt like the china gal.
should i wait and see or shld i move on ?
he would want to meet me everyday but we do not engage anything further then kissing.
To him, which i feel, you're someone who's a "passerby" to him...though he may not admit to it, but you shld know the situation better than anyone else here...
By the answer of "'did i say anything ?" , it's a act of irresponsibility..for you've mentioned that holding of hands, hugging & kissing were being involved...
Many have asked you to move on with your life, so do i....
My reason being is that you're a female, you dun have much youth in your life...wasting time or pending for his answer/commitment can lead you to wastage of youth & time...i believe you dun have any much more left...(I hope not though...)
Final conclusion: I don't feel that things will go well if the two of us will to be togather, i.e. in the future, a family set-up..., he won't be totally commited to you for you do understand at that this point of time or perphaps the next two years or so, he'll still prefer her rather than you (if he has the financial capability)....One of the forumnite has mentioned that he'll go back to her if he has the financial capability...You wouldn't want that to happen when you & him are married couple in the future...do you???
Think carefully....you (girl) will always be at the disadvantage stage when being involevd in a relationship, especially a relationship with so much uncertainties....
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Hmm... Think this guy is more like for short-term relationship? If you're okay with that then stay lor... Else it's time to move on perhaps....?Originally posted by belsnowy:i am abit lost and disappointed.
i dont know what to do.
i am in love with a guy now kinda having problem. i am lost and don't know where i stand ?
he know a student from china online, and the gal was studying in Japan.
After a season of chat, this guy went over to hongkong to look for her.
In hongkong he spend abt 8k on the trips plus his phone call to her from singapore to japan and hongkong before that.
after that he came back to sg, the gal went back to china after completion of her course. They was together for 3weeks in hongkong. But she is his first love.
2003 he bought a house with joint name of mother, took up a renovation loan.
Now repaying loan and debts. Kinda stress for him according to him.
2004 i noe him.. he told me his story.
and as we go out more often and progress from there. i ask him so how are we a item or what i am kind of puzzel. He say 'did i say anything ?" (we hold hand and hug)
i say "ok i noe what u mean, sorry !" "den we remain as normal fren, i dnt play love game i told him this"
He replied : "i dont play such game too, just that this 2yrs i dont think i can afford to be in relationship coz of debts no $"
i told him $ isn't a issue. i mean there are ways to date with spend much rite.
i ask him do u have feeling for me ?
He replied : " a little bit but i really scare to have relationship now and still mind my ex .. "
Then how ? What abt me ?
i dnt noe how.
According to him he given up the china girl coz he dnt dare to step in love further coz he scare cnt support her. Coz she will have to give up china family to come here so if any happen to her he dnt noe how to answer. feel bad. coz his family dnt like the china gal.
should i wait and see or shld i move on ?
he would want to meet me everyday but we do not engage anything further then kissing. -
Originally posted by belsnowy:
belsnowy, would you mind living in the shadow of his ex-girlfriend?
He replied : " a little bit but i really scare to have relationship now and still mind my ex .. "
His words are frank, so are his actions (kissing, hugging, etc.) One is truth from the heart; the other is honesty from the body.
Take care. -
I think he juz needs a companion. To guys, hold hand, hugging and kissing might mean nothing. You might also be a replacement for her, to enjoy without having to commit. I have a feeling that he hasn't forget her..if he's able to clear his debts etc, he will definitely go and find her back. Spent $8k on a net fren, going thru the distance and fall in love..is quite unbelievable.
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Kissing might mean nothing?!Originally posted by browniebaobao:I think he juz needs a companion. To guys, hold hand, hugging and kissing might mean nothing. You might also be a replacement for her, to enjoy without having to commit. I have a feeling that he hasn't forget her..if he's able to clear his debts etc, he will definitely go and find her back. Spent $8k on a net fren, going thru the distance and fall in love..is quite unbelievable.
Oh gosh, then, how do I know if I am in a relationship or not? hmm.... -
Originally posted by belsnowy:i am abit lost and disappointed.
i dont know what to do.
i am in love with a guy now kinda having problem. i am lost and don't know where i stand ?
he know a student from china online, and the gal was studying in Japan.
After a season of chat, this guy went over to hongkong to look for her.
In hongkong he spend abt 8k on the trips plus his phone call to her from singapore to japan and hongkong before that.
after that he came back to sg, the gal went back to china after completion of her course. They was together for 3weeks in hongkong. But she is his first love.
2003 he bought a house with joint name of mother, took up a renovation loan.
Now repaying loan and debts. Kinda stress for him according to him.
2004 i noe him.. he told me his story.
and as we go out more often and progress from there. i ask him so how are we a item or what i am kind of puzzel. He say 'did i say anything ?" (we hold hand and hug)
i say "ok i noe what u mean, sorry !" "den we remain as normal fren, i dnt play love game i told him this"
He replied : "i dont play such game too, just that this 2yrs i dont think i can afford to be in relationship coz of debts no $"
i told him $ isn't a issue. i mean there are ways to date with spend much rite.
i ask him do u have feeling for me ?
He replied : " a little bit but i really scare to have relationship now and still mind my ex .. "
Then how ? What abt me ?
i dnt noe how.
According to him he given up the china girl coz he dnt dare to step in love further coz he scare cnt support her. Coz she will have to give up china family to come here so if any happen to her he dnt noe how to answer. feel bad. coz his family dnt like the china gal.
should i wait and see or shld i move on ?
he would want to meet me everyday but we do not engage anything further then kissing.
Too 'material' thinking, which will serve to create much regrets in the future when wisdom descend upon his life.
You are right about having a relationship without increasing his current financial woe. He doesn't sees it the way you do, for his mindset has been taught to him that having a relationship is a form of expediture. He doesn't sees love as a form of motivation (to succeed in life), self actualization, for the soul or whatever. Inevitable, most Singaporean men are like that and because of it, he will be paid with what his mindsets tells him - that he is inadequate and therefore, makes no decision.
You will probably feel stagnant hanging around him with such dubious status; chances are, you will opt out soon enough (Unless you have strong fixed signs or prominent planets in Cancer, Pisces and especially Scorpio). Feelings, many times, is not a reason enough to payback all these suppression of all dimensions. (In Mandarin we called it Wei Qu)
My advice is to leave the friendship as it is, minus the kissing part. If the man you like can't seem to commit for any reason, whatever reasons he gives is a good enough reason. You only need willingness to commit, without it, nothing helps. If he is not in a state ready for a relationship, with your presence, it wouldn't make much difference, afterall, he also choose to give up his potential foreigner gf.
Cheers