is age a barrier?
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i have a question. is age a problem when in a r/n? is it ok for a guy to go out with a older woman?
i'm 32 and the lady whom i'm may be getting close to is near 40s. she's mature and i feel very comfy with her. weour met online and we've not met in real. she says she's single and never had a bf. but she's really nice and caring.
hmmm i wonder why. we chat every nite. i hope she doesn't get the wrong idea...aiya...i also confused now.
your view on this? -
hi, hope you dont mind taking in an advice from a guy who's younger, cos some people just dont listen to the advice when they know it's from a person younger.
i guess that at an age of 32, you're more or less stable in terms of finance and your emotions are stable now too. and perhaps it's this stability that is clouding your decision when it comes to r'ship.
I mean, anyone can still have a crush on someone even if he reaches 40 or 50. my point here is, if you are interested, go ahead. it's not like you're asking her to marry you or anything.
and regarding the age thingy, c'mon, though this sentence of "love has no boundaries" is abit out-dated, it's still very much applicable.
having feelings for someone is a very nice thing and if you have it, just tell her! you've got nothing to lose. anyway, as i've said, you're not asking her to marry you. just ask her out, and take it from there.
the worse is, you keep pondering and dont do anything about it and things might happened. by then, it'll be too late.
i cant rmb exactly who said this to me once, but, girls/women, regardless of age, simply cant resist guys who spend time and pamper them or say nice things about them. so, start from these.
(btw, this was told to me by a woman in her 40s. really.)
just dont be too egoistic (a problem for all guys, regardless of age) and dont be afraid of being told you dont hv it or anything. -
nobody has an answer to such a thing.
why dont you just meet her with no strings attached and go from there. let your feelings guide you.
no advise is better than your own feelings!! -
I guess, just meet her first.
Coz online and real life are 2 totally different things. Unless you have seen her on pics, what you imagine her to be will be quite different how she looks like.
We can say a lot of false things online, coz there's no one to keep us in check... That's life, man! Dun think too much! Before you know it, maybe, once you see her real life, you oredi lose interest in her liao...
It really depends on how you look at age difference. But, first thing of all, do you mind? If you mind, there's no way you can convince yourself that age is not a prob coz once the ppl around you starts commenting, you will be thrown into your misery again...
Hope that helps! -
There r many threads touching on this topic in sgf.
Age is a barrier, a barrier that can be overcome.
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u have not met her in real life .
she doesnt have any rls yet given tat she is 40yrs old , meaning ??
if she is some1 who doesnt reach ur mark in terms of appearances what would u do ??
would u stop contact ? or remain with her ?
well , i guess u take things slowly .
don really give her the hope or make urself commited yet .
don say age or looks don matter , but in real life , hw many ppl can forgo this section b4 they pursuit love ?
so to minimise any hurt in future , i suggest u stay neutral , meet her , then decide things step by step
if all goes fine , then go ahead . if nt , at least both parties arent really tat hurt rite . -
if the 2 ppl happy is definitely no problem... dun commit into anything unless she is proven real...Originally posted by serenity1805:i have a question. is age a problem when in a r/n? is it ok for a guy to go out with a older woman?
i'm 32 and the lady whom i'm may be getting close to is near 40s. she's mature and i feel very comfy with her. weour met online and we've not met in real. she says she's single and never had a bf. but she's really nice and caring.
hmmm i wonder why. we chat every nite. i hope she doesn't get the wrong idea...aiya...i also confused now.
your view on this? -
it varies from people to people thats all i can say.but if you 2 really has a liking for each other den i guess no problem.
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go out is ok lar not love rite?
but i suggest you meet her first before deciding whether to fall in love or not.
Seen so many case where guys meet gals first time and nv call the girl again,
no need to be so confuse lar.
Can u married someone in cyberspace? -
Brother, I find it quite challenging to answer these question.Originally posted by serenity1805:i have a question. is age a problem when in a r/n? is it ok for a guy to go out with a older woman?
i'm 32 and the lady whom i'm may be getting close to is near 40s. she's mature and i feel very comfy with her. weour met online and we've not met in real. she says she's single and never had a bf. but she's really nice and caring.
hmmm i wonder why. we chat every nite. i hope she doesn't get the wrong idea...aiya...i also confused now.
your view on this?
I know that it is not right to condemn or somrthing which haven strarted, but i can tell you that the age is a barrier. this is especially true if the girl is like 40.
I forsee a lot of problems, the first is that the first few who strongly objects will be your parrents. you are 32, guess your parrents shoild be quite old. Their way of thinking will be definitely different from the rest of us, cant accept this thing, elder sister, younger brother thing.
second, I think you alreadly answer your question, if age is not a barrier, why will you borther and ask for views in the first place?
Finally, there may be some who can accept it but they will also be ppl that cant accept it either. you will be worried about how ppl will look at you when you go out or something like that.
If you really want to take a step forward into this relationship, you will have to consider marriage soon, as the lady is already 40. i personally don think she can wait anymore.do you?
8 years of age gap is too big alreadly even if the scnerio is the other way round.
I see you also worry about her having the wrong idea, don worry, she is 40. Her way of thinking will be difinitely more mature and sensible. she may even have the idea that she will be single for the rest of her life.
one final thing, ladies are different from guys, my dad told me that ladies loss interest in sex once they over 40. ladies start thinking about sex only after 30, unlike men, we think of sex all the time after puberty any all the way till 50 plus. they is a study on this, check it out if you are interested. -
is it this is the first topic i have read.............Originally posted by Gackt247:There r many threads touching on this topic in sgf.
Age is a barrier, a barrier that can be overcome.
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Anything is possible. You had any gf before?Originally posted by serenity1805:i have a question. is age a problem when in a r/n? is it ok for a guy to go out with a older woman?
i'm 32 and the lady whom i'm may be getting close to is near 40s. she's mature and i feel very comfy with her. weour met online and we've not met in real. she says she's single and never had a bf. but she's really nice and caring.
hmmm i wonder why. we chat every nite. i hope she doesn't get the wrong idea...aiya...i also confused now.
your view on this? -
ya i had gfs before.
thanks for the post thus far...very insightful.
thre have been other posts?
can refer me to them?
thanks -
since you two are grown-ups, such r/s are possible... if however you two are adolescent and adult, then prob not... lolz.. but i guess you're mature enuff to decide for yourself, and to make your r/s work lah... jia you.
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Bro serenity1805,
I think a couple of mates, especially Devil can give fantastic advices pertaining to this problem of yours
1) I think that you are in a unique situation, something almost unconventional, therefore make no promises you CANNOT deliver. and you have to be prepared to change your mindset, and ignore the social stigmas, stares, glares and the gossips...have to be really strong for it. After all, younger men and older women are not a common sight, let alone those with a huge age gap.. I remember somebody here once said, we all live in a society where we abide by the norms and live by the norms. We all avoid risks, always conventional, tried and tested, for we fear having to adapt to the uncommon and unforeseen, and few are willing to take the less common paths in life, eg, entreprenuership, etc.... Therefore, make certain of your goals and if you know for certain that she's the one, go in with the blind faith, listen to your heart and don't ignore your head. You are responsible for your happiness, not others, nor even your parents. You can marry a 18yo gal and still end up in divorce. Age is a factor, but not THE factor.
2) You have to understand that the huge age difference may result in not only look imcompatibility cos women matures much faster, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, Biological imcompatiblity, ie there may be problems in conceiving. and babies may not turn out to be rocket scientist
. Know what i'm saying ? Look not only at the potential present problems, but more IMPORTANTLY, look beyond at the POTENTIAL FUTURE PROBLEMS, cos in a relationship like this, problems will crop up in the future, and they'll be a lot more than a conventional relationship.
3) She will be very insecure, as she may feel that she is way past her prime, and would be very uncomfortable with younger gals which she may view as potential competitors. If she's really a nice girl, she may even feel that she's unworthly of you. Reassure her constantly. Show her through not words of mouth, but actions.
4) Tell her that nobody knows what the future beholds, and if you guys are willing to take the plunge, which i highly encourage you to do so, TRY IT, so you won't look back with "WHAT IFS".... and let her know that should things not work out, you still wanna keep her as a confidante and friend, cos she is one hell of a nice person to find, and good things don't happen all the time. You have to be prepared that things may not work out. Its one hell of a obstacle to overcome, but it would be better if you guys start out slow, and see if things work out. By that, i mean, good friends first and see where it goes. Utimately, you guys havent even meet face to face, so you never know. She and you may not be attracted to each other superficially, by then, whats there to talk about?
Lastly, allow me to quote DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR
"Cowardice asks the question, Is it safe? Expediency asks the question,
Is it politic? Vanity asks the question, Is it popular? But conscience asks
the question, Is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a
position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take
it because his conscience tells him that it is right." -
nope age aint a barrier. but i think u guys should meet up and see how things goes. as u know; the internet isnt true for everything.
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You're 32, she's 40.
What's the problem?
The problem is what you are thinking.
The problem is inside you.
Its fear.
Identify it. Face your fears.
And fear will back off. -
I had gfs b4...everyone of them are older than me except for one. So I say anything is possible..........but since u said u met her on9 and never met her in real life...it could be just a little bit different.
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Yes. I can remember you.... Hope you're doing fine now?Originally posted by Chief_SittingBull:Bro serenity1805,
I think a couple of mates, especially Devil can give fantastic advices pertaining to this problem of yours, cos yours truly was on the receiving end of some wonderful and insightful opinions and advices from Devil, not sure if he still remembers me Anyway to cut the chase, i'm 26 and currently dating a lady almost 10 years my senior, and i guess i would be in a wonderful position to relate to your predicament, as well as offer my perspectives
1) I think that you are in a unique situation, something almost unconventional, therefore make no promises you CANNOT deliver. and you have to be prepared to change your mindset, and ignore the social stigmas, stares, glares and the gossips...have to be really strong for it. After all, younger men and older women are not a common sight, let alone those with a huge age gap.. I remember somebody here once said, we all live in a society where we abide by the norms and live by the norms. We all avoid risks, always conventional, tried and tested, for we fear having to adapt to the uncommon and unforeseen, and few are willing to take the less common paths in life, eg, entreprenuership, etc.... Therefore, make certain of your goals and if you know for certain that she's the one, go in with the blind faith, listen to your heart and don't ignore your head. You are responsible for your happiness, not others, nor even your parents. You can marry a 18yo gal and still end up in divorce. Age is a factor, but not THE factor.
2) You have to understand that the huge age difference may result in not only look imcompatibility cos women matures much faster, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, Biological imcompatiblity, ie there may be problems in conceiving. and babies may not turn out to be rocket scientist. Know what i'm saying ? Look not only at the potential present problems, but more IMPORTANTLY, look beyond at the POTENTIAL FUTURE PROBLEMS, cos in a relationship like this, problems will crop up in the future, and they'll be a lot more than a conventional relationship.
3) She will be very insecure, as she may feel that she is way past her prime, and would be very uncomfortable with younger gals which she may view as potential competitors. If she's really a nice girl, she may even feel that she's unworthly of you. Reassure her constantly. Show her through not words of mouth, but actions.
4) Tell her that nobody knows what the future beholds, and if you guys are willing to take the plunge, which i highly encourage you to do so, TRY IT, so you won't look back with "WHAT IFS".... and let her know that should things not work out, you still wanna keep her as a confidante and friend, cos she is one hell of a nice person to find, and good things don't happen all the time. You have to be prepared that things may not work out. Its one hell of a obstacle to overcome, but it would be better if you guys start out slow, and see if things work out. By that, i mean, good friends first and see where it goes. Utimately, you guys havent even meet face to face, so you never know. She and you may not be attracted to each other superficially, by then, whats there to talk about?
Lastly, allow me to quote DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR
"Cowardice asks the question, Is it safe? Expediency asks the question,
Is it politic? Vanity asks the question, Is it popular? But conscience asks
the question, Is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a
position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take
it because his conscience tells him that it is right."
By the way, it's a quite a nice post you're written here... At least VERY INSPIRING...... -
Actually... Do you know what's her stand on the possibility of you wanting to be in a relationship with her....? Would she accept something like that...?Originally posted by serenity1805:ya i had gfs before.
thanks for the post thus far...very insightful.
thre have been other posts?
can refer me to them?
thanks
We really don't know much about the background... But being single and never been with a bf before can really mean alot of possibilities...? May they be good or bad....?
Besides... Both of you have not even met each other yeah....? How can you be sure enough to go that far in your mentality? -
Actually... Do you know what's her stand on the possibility of you wanting to be in a relationship with her....? Would she accept something like that...?Originally posted by serenity1805:ya i had gfs before.
thanks for the post thus far...very insightful.
thre have been other posts?
can refer me to them?
thanks
We really don't know much about the background... But being single and never been with a bf before can really mean alot of possibilities...? May they be good or bad....?
Besides... Both of you have not even met each other yeah....? How can you be sure enough to go that far in your mentality? -
ok we finally met. she is not very attractive. looks younger than expected but on the short and plumpish side.
we talked like we did online...but somehow i feel something was missing. sigh...ok ok...i was a little disappointed at what i saw...
unconsciously i pointed out some cute japanese women around our table in the cafe to say that that's the kind of woman i like....geezz...it came out without me knowing...wonder why i did that...i also called her auntie.....
oh dear oh dear..why did i behave in such a way? do u think i hurt her? do u think she got the idea? i try to avoid her online liao...
am i behaving like an asshole? -
nah u are reacting to your real feelings thats all.
Thats why is very important to meet the person first before you discuss any further topics cos you may not like what you see.
next time remember to see the person face to face first before u say I like her. -
THINK TWICE before expressing your 'feelings' for someone online before you've even seen her in person next time....Originally posted by serenity1805:ok we finally met. she is not very attractive. looks younger than expected but on the short and plumpish side.
we talked like we did online...but somehow i feel something was missing. sigh...ok ok...i was a little disappointed at what i saw...
unconsciously i pointed out some cute japanese women around our table in the cafe to say that that's the kind of woman i like....geezz...it came out without me knowing...wonder why i did that...i also called her auntie.....
oh dear oh dear..why did i behave in such a way? do u think i hurt her? do u think she got the idea? i try to avoid her online liao...
am i behaving like an asshole? -
Man, you're both adults, age shouldn't be a barrier.