Why girls change heart so easily ?
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My bad, you didn't get my drift.Originally posted by drx:They = ugly guys who love their gfs at 100% but kena dump after kena used.
So ugly guys use Bad judgement towards their gf?
Cheers -
maybe we use case study will be easier.
An ugly guy loves a girl. After being friends for 2 years, they becomes lovers and girl just after 1 year the girl left him. He uses 100% of his love for the girl and was shock at what she done. He had given tender loving care to her in the end she left him for another man.
So did he do a bad judgement ? -
Well... Cz mayb the guy nvr give her a sense of security.Originally posted by drx:Want to ask why?
Is it your bf treat you bad?
Is it that you are tired of him ? -
During that one year. What did she do in the relationship?Originally posted by drx:maybe we use case study will be easier.
An ugly guy loves a girl. After being friends for 2 years, they becomes lovers and girl just after 1 year the girl left him. He uses 100% of his love for the girl and was shock at what she done. He had given tender loving care to her in the end she left him for another man.
So did he do a bad judgement ?
100% love put forth does not mean 100% success in a r/s.
Anyway, define 1)100% love.
2)Define Ugly
3)What happened during two years as friends?
To me i think this case study
1 - is not a complete study
2 - is not of bad judgement instead (refer to point 3)
3 - This scenario only tells me that the guy is inexperience and naive.
I advice you to put up a solid case scenario or just drop the whole case.
Cheers -
aren't guys always called hua xin?
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hmm.. 1st tym writing..
i tink if the gal wan to leave u will be able to feel it one... suddenly bcum colder n colder....
one of the reason y they break may b tat they start to c the faults in u which was they were unable to notice in the past.. the fault is too big to b over looked n u were unable to change... tis oso apply to guys.. its not alwaes the one breaking up is in the wrong. it may b tat u urself nv notice ur behaviour...
sometyms the girls tink tis way, they din really ly u, but dont haf the heart to reject u.. So instead they went out wif u... they tink tat they will b able to start to luv u slowly, but no... then when the real prince appears, they will break up n go wif the other guy.. Coz of luv they find the courage to break up wif u.. tats y u all tink shes cheating on u...
But if the gal is really there to cheat u i tink u haf to blame ur self.. hw she get ur money wif out u gifing her?? in the end u are cheated by urself not her.. -
Anybody who doesn't put their heart in the relationship in the first place, will change their heart once they have a new insight.
Anybody who feels shortchanged in a relationship, will want it out after some time as they feel burnt out.
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An ugly guy loves a girl. After being friends for 2 years, they becomes lovers and girl just after 1 year the girl left him. He uses 100% of his love for the girl and was shock at what she done. He had given tender loving care to her in the end she left him for another man.
So did he do a bad judgement ?
During that one year. What did she do in the relationship?
In the one year she did what normal couples do. Both of them go out for shopping, watch movies, go have fun with both side of their friends, eat with parents from both side. What makes this case, so surprising is that one day she just told the bf over the phone the relationship is over.
100% love put forth does not mean 100% success in a r/s.
Totaly agree with you on this point that 100% love does not gives 100% success in a r/s.
Can I ask how much love % should a person put in order to at least try to get
a 80% chance of success? or what should a guy do to get a good love relationship with a girl?
Anyway, define 1)100% love.
100% love to the guy in the case was
1) willing to work hard for the relationship
2) try to make the girl happy
3) what she wants the guy will get
4) willing to get himeself killed in an accident in order to protect her .
5) never allow anyone to touch her in terms of sex.
6) never go out with girls whom she might get the wrong idea
7) Always think about her when he does things.
I may not have the best description for the 100% love but this is what the guy did for the case.
2)Define Ugly
Someone who is not able to attract much attention from anyone around him, especially girls due to possible resons like
1) shyness
2) looks
3) character
4) sense of fashion
5) age
6) not rich
3)What happened during two years as friends?
Both are 24 and are working in the same company. Both are dip holders and were working in the same department. Guy joined the company for 1 year before transfering to her department. Both meet as friends first and did the usual things like go ktv, go for dinners, attend birthdays, go out for shopping, sms each other at nite, chat till morning, no quarrels. After 2 year of friendship the guy asked her to be his gf she agree.
To me i think this case study
1 - is not a complete study
Agreed with your point that is not a complete study. I should have given more details about the case to help you understand what is happening.
2 - is not of bad judgement instead (refer to point 3)
Maybe you could suggest a better case study to help me understand what is bad judgement?
3 - This scenario only tells me that the guy is inexperience and naive.
The guy is inexperience and naive? humm lets see.
He had one past relationship before breakup due to girl leaving singapore to study. Girl got one past relationship breakup due to the character difference.
Guy tried his best to love his gf in the best way that he could, so I should say he is too naive in thinking that by putting 100% of his love for her, he should get back 100% of her love.
I advice you to put up a solid case scenario or just drop the whole case.
I am really sorry that I did not put up a solid case scenario as I have left out too many details which are important factors in point out whether this is a case of bad judgement or not. In future I will put up more details to the cases to help people understand.
I have given u the full detail of the case I would like to ask a few questions.
1) Did the guy make a bad judgement by asking this girl to be his gf?
2) What went wrong? The guy give her so much love and there were no quarrels in the love and friendship stage so why did the girl left him?
3) If you say maybe he is inexperience and naive but what should he have done in order to lower her chances of her leaving him?
4) lastly I really hope that you could provide a case study for me in understanding the meaning of " bad judgement". I really do not understand this part, thats is why I would ask for your kind help in providing me some pointers in avoiding a bad judgement. -
Originally posted by drx:An ugly guy loves a girl. After being friends for 2 years, they becomes lovers and girl just after 1 year the girl left him. He uses 100% of his love for the girl and was shock at what she done. He had given tender loving care to her in the end she left him for another man.
So did he do a bad judgement ?
100% effort = 100% result? It never happens.
So ?% must be given to give at least 80% result? In the first place, what's 80% result we are talking about? For all you know, the scenario that happens could be THE 80%, for if we could rewind time, the relationship could probably be even shorter and less fulfilling if the percentage of giving is less.
Then again, throughout your post, the whole entire chunk of essay you have written, is so heavily saturated with the guy's opinion, thoughts and preception of what goodness in a relationship is all about. There is little information about what he knows about the actual emotional realm of his love.
Losing a relationship without understanding why... very bad.
Regarding your seven listed points of a 100% love from the guy... What makes you think this whole list is WHAT the girl is looking for? You are SO sure that these points are somewhere near her actual needs? And how much does this guy knows about her? We are talking about emotional sense; how much does he knows?
To fight a war without intelligence network is to die without knowing why.
*** Seriously, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong with the relationship because chances are, this guy may not truely know the woman he has gotten for a year. And because he don't really know the woman the way he ought to and if this wasn't communicated, he probably thinks what he is doing is 'on the right track' and thus continued whatosever way he always do.
The woman may gradually realise that the man, despite being very nice guy, isn't the kind of man she would seek transitory or ultimately. This is NOT a question of 100% giving, nice guy or whatever - this is the question of suitability and needs. Say I dislike eating pasta, although eating pasta will definitely fill my stomach, but that doesn't mean I must eat pasta because I know it can fill my stomach (Nice guy is nice, but that doesn't mean her needs is such that she would desire a nice guy).
And before you go 'Ok, I am going to become a bad guy (in whatsoever definition you thought of a 'bad guy') - its useless as you are trending on foreign land. That region is completely alien to you and if you try to walk that path, you end up belonging to nowhere (In marketing sense, you merely spolit your original branding - you can't have mix messages in your branding). Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs.
Cheers -
Hi drx,
When things didn't work out the way it's planned, it's quick to assume the obvious isn't it?
That 'ugly' guys always get the shorter end of the stick?
He did 100%, everything perfect, except that he is 'ugly'?
From what you have written, both of them basically accepted each other - going steady, met each other parents etc..
Who would want to waste precious years and find out 'ugly' is not for her?
Physical acceptance should have done with it long ago.
Think there's more to that. -
So Yunhaier from what you say, the guy made a bad judgement by looking for the wrong girl to fall in love with?
He did not understand her so the relationship failed?
So in love is best to do things to suit a girls needs and wants?
He should find someone who is willing to accept him for who he is after the girl left him for another man while still wondering what went wrong?
" Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs."
HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him? -
Hi Magnus
It may be true that ugly may not be the main factor but he is still puzzle as to why it happen? He keeps blaming himself that he is not that good looking after she left him. It took me a long time to get him back on his feet again. -
Originally posted by drx:So Yunhaier from what you say, the guy made a bad judgement by looking for the wrong girl to fall in love with?
He did not understand her so the relationship failed?
So in love is best to do things to suit a girls needs and wants?
He should find someone who is willing to accept him for who he is after the girl left him for another man while still wondering what went wrong?
" Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs."
HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him? You don't make a bad judgement by falling in love with a girl, who doesn't remain with you till marriage and after. You make a bad judgement only if your relationship is deeply karmic and create more than just a mess in every aspect of your life (E.g. falling in love with a flirty woman - it's probably a high risk if you are looking for some kind of stable relationship). To simply lose a relationship doesn't constitute a bad judgement - it probably would, in some lesser degree, if you don't even know why you lose it in the first place.
To some extend, there isn't any 'wrong relationship.' In my studies, it's only benefic or karmic. (Relationship that is harmonious and one that is disruptive - both of them can also serve to built or ruin you).
YOU think that she is the one for you - great. But that thought isn't mutual. Till the day when you find someone with this mutual thought, you will probably end up in marriage with her. Probably.
But in Love, it's more than just a civic minded/technical way of looking at a relationship. One plus one equation doesn't always mean two in Love, which is how you are trying to apply that in yourself. In Psychology, we mimic our behaviour based on what behaviour that works and rewarded. We continue to mimic those behavior until they become an integrated part of our personality (or in this case, our definition and preception of Love). WHEN those behaviour don't work or gain acceptance, the mind is frustrated and the human takes on defensive measure to protect it's self image. Then in Love, the mind gradually form a 'logical equation' to appease the confusion, but the heart continues to bleed unconsciously because the heart do not see the way the mind do. But as long as this adjusted behaviour pays off - we will maintain them... we work to maintain sameness.
And when too painful rejection or whichever processing system (mind or heart) don't work, it explode and causes a system breakdown. Our self preception is greatly affected and we lose track of who and what we are. You looked so lost. Seeking answers everywhere.
P.S: If you ain't the man your love is looking for - remaining in the relationship usually promise much misery. Find a woman who likes and appreciates the qualities that you bring out... and not be a man you think that a woman would appreciate. Think is assumption... only knowing is truth. Knowing only comes from communication, understanding and learning. And only by knowing, would you know the core of each individual's needs and work on the RIGHT ingredients to fulfill each specific needs.
Cheers -
This question you had for yunnie provoked to remind me of that unfinished topic we had.Originally posted by drx:HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him?
Is there such thing as the 'one' or is it the suggested by Love Guru?Originally posted by drx:"never put all your eggs into one basket"
taught to me by a love guru.
I roughly know what the guru is talking about, but i guess he didn't explain enough to you? -
In my opinion, Bad judgement could probably make someone lose senses of oneself and ended up being lost for a long long time.
Cheers -
"In my opinion, Bad judgement could probably make someone lose senses of oneself and ended up being lost for a long long time. "
understand prefectly
so will advice him accordingly. -
"Is there such thing as the 'one' or is it the suggested by Love Guru?
I roughly know what the guru is talking about, but i guess he didn't explain enough to you?"
So what do you think the love guru left out? -
Cheers.Originally posted by drx:"In my opinion, Bad judgement could probably make someone lose senses of oneself and ended up being lost for a long long time. "
understand prefectly
so will advice him accordingly.
Hope your friend will realise his worth and take up the challenge again.
We'll discuss more about this the next time round yeah?
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My guess? Let me predict. The conditioning and Characteristic criteria and mindset of a 'egg layer' have to adopt .Originally posted by drx:"Is there such thing as the 'one' or is it the suggested by Love Guru?
I roughly know what the guru is talking about, but i guess he didn't explain enough to you?"
So what do you think the love guru left out?
Theory is easy said. But unless you're in the 'play'ground which thru adaptation, experiences or other forms which could create change.
It is most likely one cannot survive merely by chanting the theory.
I'm quite sure.
Cheers -
Originally posted by drx:So Yunhaier from what you say, the guy made a bad judgement by looking for the wrong girl to fall in love with?
He did not understand her so the relationship failed?
So in love is best to do things to suit a girls needs and wants?
He should find someone who is willing to accept him for who he is after the girl left him for another man while still wondering what went wrong?
" Just lookout for ladies that appreciate nice guys. Full stop. It's as simple as that - someone who could see your goodness and qualities as part of her essential needs."
HE thought that she was the one for him too once but in the end she just dump him so your advice for him is to keep searching on for another the "one" to suit him?
After a break up, often a person would search for the possible clause(s) and reason(s) for it....Originally posted by drx:Hi Magnus
It may be true that ugly may not be the main factor but he is still puzzle as to why it happen? He keeps blaming himself that he is not that good looking after she left him. It took me a long time to get him back on his feet again.
Take your friend for example... Ugliness..? It might be a factor for low self-esteem.. Then again, it would depends on your friend's mentality... Having a gf probably might boast his confidence up a bit... But falling out of it MIGHT just revert the 'factor' again...
Be it a HANDSOME guy.. A hunk or whatever... If his mentality is of such, he would just drill into his own 'faults' and bury himself deep within...
Reason(s) for break ups can be vast and many... Your friend's thoughts' probably too haste and narrow in accepting 'easily reached' and 'readily made' factors....
Trapped within a form of mentality like that too soon just makes it difficult to walk out of the loop... -
Sometimes. Walking in the loop is good.Originally posted by Devil1976:Trapped within a form of mentality like that too soon just makes it difficult to walk out of the loop...
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Damn.... this topic never ends... ha ha!!
You guys really think too much.... if a relationship doesn't work out, throw it out the window, ok, next contentor, simple, short and sweet.
By now, I will hear pple saying, "Where got soo simple??" Yeap, I agree, it not simple, but after one fell, one have to pick oneself up some point in one's life, isn't it?? But whether one choose to pick oneself up earlier or later, depends on oneself. I choose to pick myself up earlier, I never said tat was easy, treat it as a training, cos it'll make u stronger, applies to both sides of the sexes.
And from the previous posts, yeap, good looks counts. But itz not just good looks, but also the ability to present oneself (Jeez, I've been repeating this for the past few months). Let me put it this way, if u are the boss of a certain big company and is in charge of interviewing those tat are applying for a senior-manager post, watz the 1st thing to look out for?? Yeah, the way the interviewee presents itself, which includes the way one dresses, the way one walks, the way one talks, confidence and style(please, no R&B Hip-Hop), this shows whether one respects the company. But the interview is only the 1st impression, whether u can keep the job, itz up to u.
So i believe u pples get my meaning??
Dun believe me?? Hmmm... then those friends of mine who are just Average Joes, dun drive big cars, dun own condos, dun have credit cards can get gf who look like those babes out of the FHM mag, are just paid escorts?? I dun think they lie to me about something like tat. Although they r not those guys those gals can drool at in Sunset Bay, they put in alot of effect in presenting themselves and looking good, tatz admirable.
Ok, u've put in the effect, passed the interview, got the job. U worked hard to keep the job, but u got retranched. Tough luck kid, f**k the boss and beat ur chest, felt great, but still no job. The earth won't stop spinning for u. Time to get a new job. Catch my drift??
To sum up, time to grow up, have the courage to stand up, I dun believe u just wanna sit around the same spot where u fell. Between a winner and a loser, u choose, the choice is urs to make, bruddah.