whos in the wrong?
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hi guys i haf a problem here, it's more like a story with a problem that has not been resolved.
i haf a fren (r maybe half-fren or classmate, or whatever you wanna call our relationship)..lets call him A. he is like a loser (sad to say), without any friends, and most people thought he is those loner/quiet/shy type and left him alone. he doesn't make an effort to make frens throughout his sec 2 and sec 1 year.
our clan of friends have been formed durign our sec 1 time but i only joined during sec 2. okie dis is what happened.
i haf another fren (lets call him B). he is of the more respected members among our group and people normally seek him for advice etc....something close to like our advisor...? fren B is very friendly and accepts people regardless of their flaws.
okie start of story
recently dis year. dis fren A decided to join our clan. but in order to join a group of frens you should at least gain some acceptance and belonging to this particular group of friends. (usually the same interest) and usually within 1-2 days you should already mingle well with the people.
but this fren A is weird. okie being one of the more observant people, (i tend to observe more of people's body lanquage, how they talk and i usually like to guess and read minds of people), he consciously or maybe subconciously started to BRAG. yah seriously HARDCORE braggin and he started talking lOUDLY...it was mild...., and his braggin was usually covered amonst jokes, lies and crap.....
but i spotted all those and his favourite braggin topics were on "primary school stuff". it juz irritates people but for people who see things to great detail i noticed it first before others...and was the only one out in the clan who actually felt pissed. not because the others had a higher tolerance level, but i guess i read thru all his intentions and disgusting personality disorders.
he is also, surprisingly, those attention-seeker type, (which can be really a turn-off sometimes) and does stupid thing and crap alot. we can tell that he enjoys our company alot but from what i see it, it is to tell people that " i have friends ".....
okie thats for background information.
last time our clan of friends, our trend was playhing com games, such as warcraft. he was into it too thats why we accepted him, mutually. as in, we have the same interest, why not? and we sorta...."welcomed" him quite warmly.
things change over time, now all of our friends become induldged with badminton. all our free time when we don't have cca, don't have anything to hold us back, we will spent our time shuttling away in sport complexes. and chat topics on the fone and msn would be changed to how to improve our game, discussion about all sorts of rackets on the market or even hu to "jio" for the next game of badminton.
friend A felt left out.
fren B came in. in some of our sessions, fren B invited fren A to our games. he love to brag about being "pri sch champion" so guess that we could gif him a try. ended up, he couldn't even hit a proper shot acorss the net and his form was like something that people would like to puke at. bluntly putting it, the form of a novice...
true, no one starts good, everyone has somewhere to begin at. but all of us, our group of frens were given a chance to play when we all were beginners. we helped each other improve and to be able to play at a considerable and decent level. even he, fren A was given a chance at that moment, but due to his "misjudgement" he disliked sports so he choose not to join us.
and now, especially during the holidays. when everyone's out, we believe that he actualli feels lonely. not that nobody is there to accompany him, we're all bz with our games....
and there was one day when fren B brought fren A along again. he was wearing 3 quarter pants, with MP3, ( trying to act cool, u noe dis type of pple)....and came in with a stupid looking smile. a perfect example of a fool. den he sat at the side, watching as play. as we finished our doubles game and the time ended, i wanted to stroke a little more. and two of my other frens went into the court, leaving one more space. and SURPSINGLY he grab a racket from the bench andwent into the court to plae. i was kinda mad i literally said " pple hu dunno how to plae plz get out ". (note: in a harsh tone)...i din feel bad about it, but my other frens juz looked at me and gave me the " even though we all know but dun haf to sae it "..look.
okie anyway, after that he stopped joining us for any badminton games. i guess it's because i crushed his ego. i cant believe he thought he was a good player...
and today, fren B still asked fren A along and was rejected by me.
so the problem here is, people see it as my fault. for disallowing people to join us. it might seem unfriendly, but all of us are playinf seriously, we cant allow people of a MUCH lower standard to join in and spoil our game...., even though it might be seem as courtesy to allow a weaker player to plae...but we dun haf time for this..i hope people can see this but all they see is i'm the BAD guy...
hope the story is not so complicated... -
you are.
got mutual hobbies den let him into "clan", dun hav liao jiu kick him out. imo, u are not so different from that person.
ps: dun u have any other activities den bat?
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Wah seh. Nowadays got such clan things one ah?
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Originally posted by Scape_Goat_Token:hi guys i haf a problem here, it's more like a story with a problem that has not been resolved.
i haf a fren (r maybe half-fren or classmate, or whatever you wanna call our relationship)..lets call him A. he is like a loser (sad to say), without any friends, and most people thought he is those loner/quiet/shy type and left him alone. he doesn't make an effort to make frens throughout his sec 2 and sec 1 year.
our clan of friends have been formed durign our sec 1 time but i only joined during sec 2. okie dis is what happened.
i haf another fren (lets call him B). he is of the more respected members among our group and people normally seek him for advice etc....something close to like our advisor...? fren B is very friendly and accepts people regardless of their flaws.
okie start of story
recently dis year. dis fren A decided to join our clan. but in order to join a group of frens you should at least gain some acceptance and belonging to this particular group of friends. (usually the same interest) and usually within 1-2 days you should already mingle well with the people.
but this fren A is weird. okie being one of the more observant people, (i tend to observe more of people's body lanquage, how they talk and i usually like to guess and read minds of people), he consciously or maybe subconciously started to BRAG. yah seriously HARDCORE braggin and he started talking lOUDLY...it was mild...., and his braggin was usually covered amonst jokes, lies and crap.....
but i spotted all those and his favourite braggin topics were on "primary school stuff". it juz irritates people but for people who see things to great detail i noticed it first before others...and was the only one out in the clan who actually felt pissed. not because the others had a higher tolerance level, but i guess i read thru all his intentions and disgusting personality disorders.
he is also, surprisingly, those attention-seeker type, (which can be really a turn-off sometimes) and does stupid thing and crap alot. we can tell that he enjoys our company alot but from what i see it, it is to tell people that " i have friends ".....
okie thats for background information.
last time our clan of friends, our trend was playhing com games, such as warcraft. he was into it too thats why we accepted him, mutually. as in, we have the same interest, why not? and we sorta...."welcomed" him quite warmly.
things change over time, now all of our friends become induldged with badminton. all our free time when we don't have cca, don't have anything to hold us back, we will spent our time shuttling away in sport complexes. and chat topics on the fone and msn would be changed to how to improve our game, discussion about all sorts of rackets on the market or even hu to "jio" for the next game of badminton.
friend A felt left out.
fren B came in. in some of our sessions, fren B invited fren A to our games. he love to brag about being "pri sch champion" so guess that we could gif him a try. ended up, he couldn't even hit a proper shot acorss the net and his form was like something that people would like to puke at. bluntly putting it, the form of a novice...
true, no one starts good, everyone has somewhere to begin at. but all of us, our group of frens were given a chance to play when we all were beginners. we helped each other improve and to be able to play at a considerable and decent level. even he, fren A was given a chance at that moment, but due to his "misjudgement" he disliked sports so he choose not to join us.
and now, especially during the holidays. when everyone's out, we believe that he actualli feels lonely. not that nobody is there to accompany him, we're all bz with our games....
and there was one day when fren B brought fren A along again. he was wearing 3 quarter pants, with MP3, ( trying to act cool, u noe dis type of pple)....and came in with a stupid looking smile. a perfect example of a fool. den he sat at the side, watching as play. as we finished our doubles game and the time ended, i wanted to stroke a little more. and two of my other frens went into the court, leaving one more space. and SURPSINGLY he grab a racket from the bench andwent into the court to plae. i was kinda mad i literally said " pple hu dunno how to plae plz get out ". (note: in a harsh tone)...i din feel bad about it, but my other frens juz looked at me and gave me the " even though we all know but dun haf to sae it "..look.
okie anyway, after that he stopped joining us for any badminton games. i guess it's because i crushed his ego. i cant believe he thought he was a good player...
and today, fren B still asked fren A along and was rejected by me.
so the problem here is, people see it as my fault. for disallowing people to join us. it might seem unfriendly, but all of us are playinf seriously, we cant allow people of a MUCH lower standard to join in and spoil our game...., even though it might be seem as courtesy to allow a weaker player to plae...but we dun haf time for this..i hope people can see this but all they see is i'm the BAD guy...
hope the story is not so complicated...
Not so much about his badminton skill... and such. It's more about his way of relating to people which you cannot related to, thus regardless of how anyone's going to say or do, you just reject him because they is simply no way you could see yourself being friends with someone like him.
The reason why he is acting this way, bragging and all that sort is a form of psychological reaction, thinking that it is the ticket to be accepted into a group because being in a group is something he doesn't have. His mind tells him that he would have to act superior, to hide his true inferior nature. Remember how your teacher would tell you to aim higher because in reality you would score lower than you aim?
Similarly, he acted as if he's good because he's not... to balance out and attempt to achieve sameness in this group.
P.S: Yi zhong mi yang bai zhong ren.
Cheers -
hmm.. no harm letting him play rite..
u r quite like me.. i also dun like tis kind of people.. but believe u will surely meet tis kind of ppl wherever u go.. but we have to eventually tolerate tis kind of behaviour -
from wat u said, tink u abit in the wrong... r u in a rush to play in serious competition? if not, no harm letting him join in and have some fun ma... as for his intentions, since the rest no problem with it then dun care abt it lo...
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Hey there, it sounds like A's not fortunate like the rest of you - he's not as good in sports. If he wasn't bragging previously when you were into computer games, he's probably just trying to gain your acceptance. It kinda shows your friendship matters quite a bit to him. You're a group of friends. Should friendship really be pushed aside simply because a member of the group is weaker at adapting to a change in hobbies within a group?Originally posted by Scape_Goat_Token:last time our clan of friends, our trend was playhing com games, such as warcraft. he was into it too thats why we accepted him, mutually. as in, we have the same interest, why not? and we sorta...."welcomed" him quite warmly.
things change over time, now all of our friends become induldged with badminton. all our free time when we don't have cca, don't have anything to hold us back, we will spent our time shuttling away in sport complexes. and chat topics on the fone and msn would be changed to how to improve our game, discussion about all sorts of rackets on the market or even hu to "jio" for the next game of badminton.
friend A felt left out.
For instance, if one of your friends decides he's tired of badminton, introduces a new activity the others pick up on better and quicker than you're able to, they would still invite you to their get-togethers, wouldn' they, because to them you're a friend and a part of the group/clan?
Try and take it easy on your friend A
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GOR GAR
