Ideas, anyone? : )
-
Hi Folkz,
I seldom ask for help on AA, preferring to help others. Now, I need a little favour from the kind souls around here : ) It's kinda sad, actually...
My guy's dad is dying from an aggressive form of cancer, & his grandma called yesterday to ask him to fly over soon, to see him 1 last time. He's preparing to go, trying to book a ticket at such short notice isn't easy. Anyway, I'm preparing for the week whereby I won't see him for dinner... I'm Not the clingy sort when he's around, I know that he'll be just a phone call away, but this time, he'll be away for about a week...
I know he's only gonna come back grieving, & it really breaks my heart Not knowing what I can do to comfort him apart from hugs, kisses, you know... So, I would like to make his return extra special by filling his place with little things, stuff that he likes, for everyday of the week that I'll miss him.
So when we get back from the airport, I'll tell him, "Look in the fridge..." then "Look on the bed..." then "Look in the cupboard..." that kinda thing, & each time he looks, he'll find a little something...
At the end of it all, I'm gonna tell him how much I've missed him (I just KNOW I'm gonna go crazy all week)...
So now, the help needed. I've come up with a little list of somethings that he likes, but it's Not enough for 7 days (my poor head feels like something's pounding on it, with all that thinking, I'm Not exactly smart)... Here's what I've thought of so far:
1. A whole pile of Mentos in every flavour. Don't ask
He's nuts about them
2. A box of his rum balls from his favourite shop.
3. A box of Kinder Bueno.
4. A Dri-fit shirt (for the damn heat now)
5. An issue of his favourite magazine
2 more?
The above is what he likes & needs, but I can't find anything more leh Can someone, anyone, just give me some ideas? It'd be much appreciated 
FeowFeow -
A picture album with pictures of u and him from your childhood to present. It will bring back happy and sweet memories of the time u guys spent together.
-
Sounds good, will keep this in mind : ) Thanks!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by alexkusu:A picture album with pictures of u and him from your childhood to present. It will bring back happy and sweet memories of the time u guys spent together. -
Care to tell me what your skills are?Originally posted by FeowFeow:Sounds good, will keep this in mind : ) Thanks!
FeowFeow
Say.
Pastry? Cooking? Or Handicrafts? Music? Arts?
Cheers -
you sure it will be alright? your guy dad will definitely emotional after the trip... how serious is his cancer? confirm go? then that is even worse..its like aids..
you know when you are going to die..how does he feel about the whole thing?
i don not know how to advise...anything that you guys do will make him more touched and of course more emotional...the photo album..even worse..remind hime of his happy days and now he has to go...how would he feel?
i would rather not do anything and just be normal, just fetch him from the airport..the most important is his attitude towards his illness..if he treat it postively, there is no need to do such things..if it is negatively, you might want to get books on religion, on their ideas on death and so on...
even if previously, he treat it as postively, after his trip, he may turn emotional....so ask your guy family to spend more time with him as a family...
hope that help, cheers! -
MC,
Alas, I'm Not very domesticated He actually cooks & sews better than I do. I know, very lao kwei, right? 
FeowFeowOriginally posted by M©+square:Care to tell me what your skills are?
Say.
Pastry? Cooking? Or Handicrafts? Music? Arts?
Cheers -
hey Feow.. Its nice to meet a girl that is so devoted to her Boyfriend.. Anywayz, judging from the above statement, i presume his dad is dying, and no chance of recovery.. If he really dies.. Perhaps one of the items of his memories with you, during a happy moment in life with you? Don't get anything that reminds him of his dad.. Those mentos, was he crazy about them when he wasn't with you? If so, then those mentos may have some connection with his dad.. and.. its considerable whether you should drop that hint.. why not bring him to the beach.. listen to him, look at the sunset and rise together.. Comfort him by saying u will be with him forever? .. =D haha.. Thats about all i can offer for now, unless i got more details.. So for now, Take Care~ =)
-
ice cream? a full tub of it. and you can feed him. in anyway you like.
-
Dear Heavenlyfire,
It's Not good, in fact, the prognosis is downright horrible
In short, the doctor has handed his dad the death sentence. The family has taken the dad home from the hospital for his final days. Initially, I thought of going with him, but since I'd just started on my new job, he asked me Not to. After thinking about it, it was probably for the best that I didn't accompany him. His family will be grieving, & he'll need all his energies (emotional, mental & physcial) to comfort them, I'll probably only be in the way.......
I know that what I do won't be able to erase the grief, but knowing him, doing little things for him won't make it worse. Instead, it'll give him a little comfort, which is better than Nothing. I understand him well, & if doing these things makes it worse for him, you can be sure I won't be in here asking. AA isn't a place for me to air trivial problems : ) The only time I'll do it is when I seriously want to make things better for my guy in times of real need, like this instance.
It's ok if you don't know how to advise me, it's a difficult situation I know. But thanks for replying anyway : )
FeowFeowOriginally posted by heavenlyfire:you sure it will be alright? your guy dad will definitely emotional after the trip... how serious is his cancer? confirm go? then that is even worse..its like aids..
you know when you are going to die..how does he feel about the whole thing?
i don not know how to advise...anything that you guys do will make him more touched and of course more emotional...the photo album..even worse..remind hime of his happy days and now he has to go...how would he feel?
i would rather not do anything and just be normal, just fetch him from the airport..the most important is his attitude towards his illness..if he treat it postively, there is no need to do such things..if it is negatively, you might want to get books on religion, on their ideas on death and so on...
even if previously, he treat it as postively, after his trip, he may turn emotional....so ask your guy family to spend more time with him as a family...
hope that help, cheers! -
What he needs is great sex.
-
Hi Ledikusa,
Yes, his dad is dying, his condition is deteriorating fast. I know I might Not sound very emotional here, but right now, the most important thing for me is Not to make things worse by getting all weepy in front of my guy. He needs me to lift his spirits... So, I'm trying to focus on making things better for him in the way I know best.
Even if it just stops a tear, any effort, No matter how big, will be worth it for me...
Mentos? His whole gang of friends are crazy about them actually It's got Nothing to do with his dad, so it's kinda safe
But I like your idea of the beach (nice & romantic), perhaps we'll do it after he wakes up from his jetlag nap : ) In the meantime though, before he takes his jetlag nap, I'm gonna hafta crack my head & think of the other 2 items to make up the 1 week of missing him
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Ledikusa:hey Feow.. Its nice to meet a girl that is so devoted to her Boyfriend.. Anywayz, judging from the above statement, i presume his dad is dying, and no chance of recovery.. If he really dies.. Perhaps one of the items of his memories with you, during a happy moment in life with you? Don't get anything that reminds him of his dad.. Those mentos, was he crazy about them when he wasn't with you? If so, then those mentos may have some connection with his dad.. and.. its considerable whether you should drop that hint.. why not bring him to the beach.. listen to him, look at the sunset and rise together.. Comfort him by saying u will be with him forever? .. =D haha.. Thats about all i can offer for now, unless i got more details.. So for now, Take Care~ =) -
OH YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks! Both of us have the same favourite flavour I'll go buy a tub of Haagen Daaz
FeowFeowOriginally posted by starblue:ice cream? a full tub of it. and you can feed him. in anyway you like. -
And what you need, is a lobotomy.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by F Takumi:What he needs is great sex. -
I would still say...nothing overrides love...spend more time with him...u get him lots of things might do little but love is still the best...spend more time with him
-
Just tell me what you're good at, something which you do you could be proud of?Originally posted by FeowFeow:MC,
Alas, I'm Not very domesticated He actually cooks & sews better than I do. I know, very lao kwei, right?
FeowFeow
-
Seriously, it's not the way to do things when he's grieving. You should only do it when he's finished mourning.
-
hmm.. instead of tellin him to look over here n there why not leave it to him to find them? assuming u're doin that in sg...
hmm.. perhaps u could write sth? for every day that he's not here with u... u could write sth for him? i use to write letters on how much i missed my ex everytime he went back to china for the hols.. long long ones
hmm... a deep embrace when u see him at the airport, and a deep embrace after u reach home... hmm most of the time, just continue with life as normal... but be a lil more sensitive to what he said n etc..
think he'd wanna get back to the usual pace -
Hello there : )
Yes, your suggestion is noted. I intend to spend every spare minute just cuddling him : )
But I still want to give him a small surprise lah
FeowFeowOriginally posted by StarPuppy:I would still say...nothing overrides love...spend more time with him...u get him lots of things might do little but love is still the best...spend more time with him -
no prob. be happy to help... and you can fix him a great dinner also, if youc an. give him a massage... youknow.. pamper him for a while... guys love that.Originally posted by FeowFeow:OH YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks! Both of us have the same favourite flavour I'll go buy a tub of Haagen Daaz
FeowFeow -
*ponders*
Playing the piano was what I used to do pretty well, but now I hardly have time to practise, & sound totally disgusting...
Maybe I'll try making chewy peanut butter cookies if I can find a recipe : ) He likes those...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by M©+square:Just tell me what you're good at, something which you do you could be proud of? -
Hiyah Ms Romantic,
Later he can't find, then how? Maybe I'll leave him to find the things, then if he's missed out any, then I point out hehehe
Yes, I plan to write a card along with every little present, or a short note on a small card to place next to the thing. Normally, I don't mind writing long ones, but upon his return, I think he'll be grieving too much & won't be in the mood to read long love letters from me I like your idea, though : )
And yes, my dear, I do plan to give him a looooooooooooooong bear hug at the airport, a looooooooooooooong bear hug when we reach his place, & a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong bear hug at the end of it all. Then I'll spend my time cuddling him : )
FeowFeowOriginally posted by shinta:hmm.. instead of tellin him to look over here n there why not leave it to him to find them? assuming u're doin that in sg...
hmm.. perhaps u could write sth? for every day that he's not here with u... u could write sth for him? i use to write letters on how much i missed my ex everytime he went back to china for the hols.. long long ones
hmm... a deep embrace when u see him at the airport, and a deep embrace after u reach home... hmm most of the time, just continue with life as normal... but be a lil more sensitive to what he said n etc..
think he'd wanna get back to the usual pace -
He will be tired aft long trip. Make him a hot bath, put some nice smelling bath salts & give him a massage.
-
His flight will probably be in early in the morning, so if I prepare dinner, it'll be kinda late. Was thinking of fixing up something (although my cooking is horrible) hot when we reach his place... But noted, I'm going to pamper him. Anything to make him smile...
FeowFeowOriginally posted by starblue:no prob. be happy to help... and you can fix him a great dinner also, if youc an. give him a massage... youknow.. pamper him for a while... guys love that. -
Cookies, do it!!!. You want me to give you the recipe? (MC also does alot of Gu niang stuff.)Originally posted by FeowFeow:*ponders*
Playing the piano was what I used to do pretty well, but now I hardly have time to practise, & sound totally disgusting...
Maybe I'll try making chewy peanut butter cookies if I can find a recipe : ) He likes those...
FeowFeow
Piano, hmm, do a recording for him?
I asked you what you're proud of....i notice you didn't point to yourself. Why?
I think you are his best present. Take polariods of yourself and stick it everywhere. But make sure don't let him see until he got sick of you.
Cheers! -
Heyyyyyyy, that sounds wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the idea, he likes it when I massage him from head, face, neck & shoulders to back!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by gerrykoh:He will be tired aft long trip. Make him a hot bath, put some nice smelling bath salts & give him a massage.