Opinion on possible reasons.
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That would be call a fling... isnt it ??Originally posted by alexkusu:Lucky guy..I wish I can have the same form or relationships with girls without being a bf
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Too many possibilities to be listed down... A few more 'general' ones have been listed by MCSquare and the rather 'individual' but possible one listed by Feow Feow... You've got to understand, it's just too vague...Originally posted by BadzMaro:There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
One way to find out more is for him to have 'heart to heart' communication with her... Through that, he could probably walk further into her inner world and if there's a possible genuine development for the relationship, he should be enhancing it....
Other tha her personal character, he can also search for clues like whether she had been hurt if a relationship before...? There is a possibility that she just can't commit at this point... Maybe due to some 'past'... Or perhaps just her personality..? Mentality...? Enjoy life more...? She might be due for something..? etc.? -
wow, never had a situation like this before, even on TV...
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the gal siao one, and the guy lagi more siao.. one wants to play, the other toopid toopid let pple toy ard... toopid boys n gals... when will u all treat r/s seriously??????
i had someone who did that to me once, and aft that, i juz forget abt going aft her... siao one... kena toyed by pple not my style...
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i meant, i asked the gal whether she wants to be in a r/s with me, n i was also told "not now"... then she kept doing toopid things to attract attention... she played with the wrong guy... i dun play this kind of game...
i suggest u guys out there to pay close attention to all these tell-tale signs that the gals are just playing hard to get.. it might seem like u are almost getting there, but once it gets u confused n upset, u better know when to run.. -
Originally posted by BadzMaro:There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
Very likely, she already bends on having a non-committed relationship. She had already decided since the day you reveal your inner thoughts. This form of non-committed relationship is a variation to the usual kind we always thought one would be and in fact, this model can exist without the interference of guilt. This can co-exist with AOS (Art of Seduction) theories, for the only solo weakness of AOS is that its potential is severely limited with the clashing of conscience.
Conscience and Desire is like fire and water - either one give way, or you can find a way to balance it without reacting with one another.
Understanding this, you will also discover that you two see two different definitions in Love. You want something concrete... something practical like a relationship with the existence of love. She desires the feeling-of-the-moment - one who lives for the moment and treasure what's shown presently and not too much into the future.
She gauge the risk of a relationship (probably from experience from past relationship), and decide against taking it.
Then, her current experience with you is simply... beautiful.
This will arouse inner conflicts from within. The answer of 'Not now' is simply a poor excuse to buy her time. In fact, no amount of time will suffice. 'Not now' is simply a response from her to maintain the current status quo because this 'beautiful moment' may change if she decides to change the variable.
It's not a question of liking/love for you; she is in love with her own girly fantasy... imagination... romantic dream.
If you are looking for committed relationship, you probably have to start looking elsewhere, since there is no official attachment with her. I mention two different definitions - it is virtually impossible to switch definition as and when one feel like. When you begin something on a certain definition, very often, it stays with you until the final chapter (depending how you see this final chapter).
P.S: My best friend, often, begin her relationship from a non-committed/fulfilling love, but ended up claiming that she fell 'too deep in love' and seek for a committed version of it. She, later, finds misery, sorrow and much daunting challenges, seeking to drown the relationship. I told her:
'You so SURE you begin on a non-committed relationship based on non-committed mindsets? And not hoping for a committed, good relationship, using non-commitment as a facade to shield yourself?'
She is a Pisces - the sign most vulnerable to self delusion, among the twelve zodiac signs.
Cheers -
Actually case very simple
ask the guy to kiss and hug another girl in front of her.
If she do not mind then is ok the guy will know she is playing with him
If she does mind then maybe she just may like him a bit.
Come on lar if u really like someone will u be playing with him or her?
Sorry hor just feel that the guy is totally useless cos he kenna con by a girl and he still loves her so much.
Poor kid ! -
If this case could be solved by knowing if she likes him or not.Originally posted by drx:Actually case very simple
ask the guy to kiss and hug another girl in front of her.
If she do not mind then is ok the guy will know she is playing with him
If she does mind then maybe she just may like him a bit.
Come on lar if u really like someone will u be playing with him or her?
Sorry hor just feel that the guy is totally useless cos he kenna con by a girl and he still loves her so much.
Poor kid !
The matter is not, obviously he knows what is going on. But He wants to know if he should hang on, trying to make sense out of this confusion.
'If you really like someone will you be playing with him or her'
:::Like i've posted. Through special case, yes.
This could be one of those special personality in this thread.
Stereotyping is nono.
Cheers -
first of all, you are already a wimp for not even dare to admit that "he" in your posting is yourself.Originally posted by BadzMaro:There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
When she says, 'not now' . Means " I am looking out for someone much better and much more attractive than you. Even if I am with you, I will surely cheat behind your back. Unless my face gets run over by a bus and turns ugly, I will not consider you at all... meanwhile, pleae pay for the bikini I have just selected to show off. "
I don't think that guy is being played in the balls. How can he be played in the balls when he does not even have any??Originally posted by BadzMaro:Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers
Look, if you want to get her, started going out with other girls. -
I dun think that as lucky.. more like some sort of frustration. I suppose it applies to different people..Originally posted by alexkusu:Lucky guy..I wish I can have the same form or relationships with girls without being a bf -
Yeah, i guess its quite vague to you guys out there. I suppose he is not entirely sure how to 'enhance' this relationship. She keeps alot of stuffs to herself...she occasionally just mention about her ex.Maybe u are right about not ready to commit. But then again..mmm... her good friend knows more stuffs but she sure is a hard nut to crack for some x x tra info u know what i mean ?Originally posted by Devil1976:Too many possibilities to be listed down... A few more 'general' ones have been listed by MCSquare and the rather 'individual' but possible one listed by Feow Feow... You've got to understand, it's just too vague...
One way to find out more is for him to have 'heart to heart' communication with her... Through that, he could probably walk further into her inner world and if there's a possible genuine development for the relationship, he should be enhancing it....
Other tha her personal character, he can also search for clues like whether she had been hurt if a relationship before...? There is a possibility that she just can't commit at this point... Maybe due to some 'past'... Or perhaps just her personality..? Mentality...? Enjoy life more...? She might be due for something..? etc.?
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true true.. there are times guys can be stupid. But then again.. it is the kind of situation that you dont know whether it is a good thing or bad..Originally posted by mercurialz:
i meant, i asked the gal whether she wants to be in a r/s with me, n i was also told "not now"... then she kept doing toopid things to attract attention... she played with the wrong guy... i dun play this kind of game...
i suggest u guys out there to pay close attention to all these tell-tale signs that the gals are just playing hard to get.. it might seem like u are almost getting there, but once it gets u confused n upset, u better know when to run..
Dangling the carrot in front of the donkey. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Very likely, she already bends on having a non-committed relationship. She had already decided since the day you reveal your inner thoughts. This form of non-committed relationship is a variation to the usual kind we always thought one would be and in fact, this model can exist without the interference of guilt. This can co-exist with AOS (Art of Seduction) theories, for the only solo weakness of AOS is that its potential is severely limited with the clashing of conscience.
Conscience and Desire is like fire and water - either one give way, or you can find a way to balance it without reacting with one another.
Understanding this, you will also discover that you two see two different definitions in Love. You want something concrete... something practical like a relationship with the existence of love. She desires the feeling-of-the-moment - one who lives for the moment and treasure what's shown presently and not too much into the future.
She gauge the risk of a relationship (probably from experience from past relationship), and decide against taking it.
Then, her current experience with you is simply... beautiful.
This will arouse inner conflicts from within. The answer of 'Not now' is simply a poor excuse to buy her time. [b]In fact, no amount of time will suffice. 'Not now' is simply a response from her to maintain the current status quo because this 'beautiful moment' may change if she decides to change the variable.
It's not a question of liking/love for you; she is in love with her own girly fantasy... imagination... romantic dream.
If you are looking for committed relationship, you probably have to start looking elsewhere, since there is no official attachment with her. I mention two different definitions - it is virtually impossible to switch definition as and when one feel like. When you begin something on a certain definition, very often, it stays with you until the final chapter (depending how you see this final chapter).
P.S: My best friend, often, begin her relationship from a non-committed/fulfilling love, but ended up claiming that she fell 'too deep in love' and seek for a committed version of it. She, later, finds misery, sorrow and much daunting challenges, seeking to drown the relationship. I told her:
'You so SURE you begin on a non-committed relationship based on non-committed mindsets? And not hoping for a committed, good relationship, using non-commitment as a facade to shield yourself?'
She is a Pisces - the sign most vulnerable to self delusion, among the twelve zodiac signs.
Cheers[/b]
that was very.. fullfilling~ i know what u mean. Her desillusion and his. Well, she is a Leo. I am not very into this Zodiac stuff but just to let u know. -
It can be obvious that i am the person mentioned above. But you didnt ask whether its me or not right ? I made it into a scenario so that it can be better understood and that my own personal feelings will not hamper my judgements towards all your comments.Originally posted by lution:I don't think that guy is being played in the balls. How can he be played in the balls when he does not even have any??
Look, if you want to get her, started going out with other girls.
Isnt that one of the best ways to try to understand? Put urself in someones shoes. I may not be such a man..but how a man are you ? -
Having such a vague idea of the whole situation would only keep yourself as frustrated as you are today as you try to grope for more...Originally posted by BadzMaro:Yeah, i guess its quite vague to you guys out there. I suppose he is not entirely sure how to 'enhance' this relationship. She keeps alot of stuffs to herself...she occasionally just mention about her ex.Maybe u are right about not ready to commit. But then again..mmm... her good friend knows more stuffs but she sure is a hard nut to crack for some x x tra info u know what i mean ?
Personal advice for now. As you stay in this 'relationship', try to develop one step at a time a closer relationship with her... It's only much of a natural thing to do... If you fails to attain that, things probably would just slips away under the current stand...
And naturally enough, if you can't handle all these, you might just have to leave...? Ask yourself this... Is it okie if things just go on like this..? And here's the personal touch which we couldn't quite help you with... "Can you trust her?"
Like I've said, it's all vague for now... So what you're having between you and her... The feelings.. The trust... Ultimately, I think it's only fair that you make this decision yourself...? -
Btw, in such a situation... Your personal feelings might not always be a 'hamper' if you can well control it...?Originally posted by BadzMaro:It can be obvious that i am the person mentioned above. But you didnt ask whether its me or not right ? I made it into a scenario so that it can be better understood and that my own personal feelings will not hamper my judgements towards all your comments.
Isnt that one of the best ways to try to understand? Put urself in someones shoes. I may not be such a man..but how a man are you ?
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Trust is very important i agree.. mmm.. ultimately i have to make the decision. To BE..or NOT TO BE ! lol... sigh.. =POriginally posted by Devil1976:Having such a vague idea of the whole situation would only keep yourself as frustrated as you are today as you try to grope for more...
Personal advice for now. As you stay in this 'relationship', try to develop one step at a time a closer relationship with her... It's only much of a natural thing to do... If you fails to attain that, things probably would just slips away under the current stand...
And naturally enough, if you can't handle all these, you might just have to leave...? Ask yourself this... Is it okie if things just go on like this..? And here's the personal touch which we couldn't quite help you with... "Can you trust her?"
Like I've said, it's all vague for now... So what you're having between you and her... The feelings.. The trust... Ultimately, I think it's only fair that you make this decision yourself...?
one step at a time. Dun wanna run, trip , fall n break my own neck haha~! -
Can i ask u one qn.
Has she done anything for you b4
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Well... While you're saying that... Seems like you're the one who's getting yourself on some nerves now...?Originally posted by BadzMaro:Trust is very important i agree.. mmm.. ultimately i have to make the decision. To BE..or NOT TO BE ! lol... sigh.. =P one step at a time. Dun wanna run, trip , fall n break my own neck haha~!
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I tot that as long as things are unlcear and its causing too much confusion.
Its best to keep a larger distance because there is a chance that someone is just being played. Unless the person is clear about their wants/needs, there is no point to waste time. -
Yes, she has done quite a lot of things for me. She does things she dont really like to do like watch lame movies that i think its pretty good.. i joked about no food at home n stuff and she prepared food for me. Well, its not much but those are the little things she does n others.Originally posted by Brightday:Can i ask u one qn.
Has she done anything for you b4 -
sometimes..things like this can drive a person nuts. Unable to function according to specifications.Originally posted by Devil1976:Well... While you're saying that... Seems like you're the one who's getting yourself on some nerves now...? but well..thanks for the advice yo. My work is piling up..been slacking these few weeks. Proj. Manager is gonna rip my head off n shit down my neck soon ! 
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Well.. Not a good time to think so much and give yourself so much extra troubles then...?Originally posted by BadzMaro:sometimes..things like this can drive a person nuts. Unable to function according to specifications. but well..thanks for the advice yo. My work is piling up..been slacking these few weeks. Proj. Manager is gonna rip my head off n shit down my neck soon ! -
Maybe give her some time....meanwhile,just continue treating her right,..i've gone through this kind of stuff before and it always feels like u are walking in the forest...Originally posted by BadzMaro:Yes, she has done quite a lot of things for me. She does things she dont really like to do like watch lame movies that i think its pretty good.. i joked about no food at home n stuff and she prepared food for me. Well, its not much but those are the little things she does n others.
gd luck pal. -
Well, thanks for all your opinions and advices peoples. Fully appreciated. I just have to concentrate a bit more in work atm.. see how things go. Only time will tell also. Walking in the forest huh... more like the amazone forest ! he he...
Gotta focus.. be the ball..BE THE BALL!!!