Secrets...
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One day you were as usual, chatting with your closest of friends in regards to things happening to your life.. After the chat, your VERY CLOSE friend actually utter some of the things regarding secrets of your bf / gf and words actually spread around... Your bf / gf learns about it and is very upset about the whole thing...
But since this is your closest of friends and he / she is actually very regretful for the spreading of things, you've decided to forgive him / her....
HOWEVER, your bf / gf whose secrets were let loose simply cannot opt for the 'forgive & forget'.... And he / she is simply disgusted with the fact that you have 'ignore his / her feelings' and stay with this friend of yours...
In the series of such a event, what would you do?
Suggestions anyone? -
U must learn to be more discreed next time, don't disclose people's secrets to others even close frens or else they won't trust u next time.
Don't let your gf/ bf dictate who u should befriend.
Tell her/him to ignore gossips.
Since your close friend is remorseful, just forgive & forget.
Don't let one mistake ruin your friendship. -
Mmm.. Just for a clarification, the above didn't happen to me...Originally posted by gerrykoh:U must learn to be more discreed next time, don't disclose people's secrets to others even close frens or else they won't trust u next time.
Don't let your gf/ bf dictate who u should befriend.
Tell her/him to ignore gossips.
Since your close friend is remorseful, just forgive & forget.
Don't let one mistake ruin your friendship.
What if the choice to forgive that friend would lead to the break up of the couple? What should be done then
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the frd v bad sia.. how can like tt.. u must teach her the definition of 'secrets'
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if it's a secret, then dun tell anyone!
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Basically if they decide to break up over an issue like this, then their relationship is not strong in the first place.Originally posted by Devil1976:Mmm.. Just for a clarification, the above didn't happen to me...
What if the choice to forgive that friend would lead to the break up of the couple? What should be done then
if he/she really loves the gf/bf, he/she will find a way to bury the hatchet and continue on in the relationship.
building back the trust will be a long & tedious task with or without the "best friend" around.
regarding the "best friend" when talking to her, must bear in mind that she blabs intentionially or unintentially. so if u MUST tell her a secret. tell her "THIS IS A SECRET. DONT TELL ANYONE!!!" -
the one who divulged the secret is wrong in the first place. and he/she has to face the consequence him/herself... whether to lose a friend or bf, it is entirely up to the individual. i sympathise with the person.. nothing much i can do also, if my bf gets so upset about it. it'll be entirely my fault anyway...
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Dear Devil,
1. The partner made a mistake by telling the close friend the secret.
2. The close friend made a mistake by telling other people.
2 people were at fault here, the partner & the close friend who was entrusted with the secret.
The hurt party is naturally angry, but because the partner is loved, he/she may be forgiven, but it's normal to be less tolerant to a friend of a partner.
If forgiving that friend would lead to a breakup of that couple now, what would I do? I'll place my partner 1st. If I were in this position, I'd already done my partner wrong by disclosing his secrets, & it's understandable that he's so hurt & angry now that he wouldn't be thinking rationally.
So the friend isn't forgiven right now, simple as that. When my partner has calmed down, then I'll try to seek forgiveness on behalf of my friend. What for provoke my partner more when I was the 1st betrayer of his trust in this instance?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:Mmm.. Just for a clarification, the above didn't happen to me...
What if the choice to forgive that friend would lead to the break up of the couple? What should be done then -
then like that lor, die liao
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Like to declare first that the below are only suggestions not instructions and the person can chose to follow or not to to follow these suggestions.
Suggestions 1
Use a high level method call counter spreading. It works by spreading things or words to counter the secret told by the close friend. Friends wlll be confuse by the fact as who is telling the truth and once people are confuse they will not dare to say too much. Often use by rival comapanies when their company's secrets are exposed by others. Only to be use by people who have good PR skills and have a very high trust level.
Suggestions 2
Ask the friend to say to the public that the secret is false and say she or he is sorry to have hurt your bf or gf.
Suggestions 3
Cool down period of 1 week and slowly say that you are sorry for what had happen and wish to make up for what your friend had done. -
NICE.Originally posted by FeowFeow:Dear Devil,
1. The partner made a mistake by telling the close friend the secret.
2. The close friend made a mistake by telling other people.
2 people were at fault here, the partner & the close friend who was entrusted with the secret.
The hurt party is naturally angry, but because the partner is loved, he/she may be forgiven, but it's normal to be less tolerant to a friend of a partner.
If forgiving that friend would lead to a breakup of that couple now, what would I do? I'll place my partner 1st. If I were in this position, I'd already done my partner wrong by disclosing his secrets, & it's understandable that he's so hurt & angry now that he wouldn't be thinking rationally.
So the friend isn't forgiven right now, simple as that. When my partner has calmed down, then I'll try to seek forgiveness on behalf of my friend. What for provoke my partner more when I was the 1st betrayer of his trust in this instance?
FeowFeow -
if u dun want secrets to be leaked out, then dun spill it.
my buddy tend to tell her mum or bf my secrets.. and im someone who really minds privacy a lot.. the fact that she is my buddy, i forgive and forget. However, I made it clear to her that I dun want such things to happen again.
So far nv faced a situation whereby I leaked out somebody's secret and it spreaded around... but I think if I'm really at fault, apologise lor.. and promise that there won't be another time coz I dun want to hurt him.
There are some secrets that I have kept for so long... and I believe I will bring them to my grave. -
"If you reveal your secrets to the wind
you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees."
-- Kahlil Gibran
Telling someone close to you a secret is like posting a personal picture meant for someone close to you on the Internet -- eventually the picture would somehow find its way into the open forums.