Abortion Support/Help

alexkusu

20 Aug 05, 07:13

As I mentioned before..my then girlfriend best friend came from Japan for a visit. To make my story clear, I will call my then gf (A) and her best friend (B). Last night, A went out with her friend B to karaoke, clubbing, etc with my other friends. I did not went as I wasnt feeling well. Later in the early morning hours, A told me that one of my frends named J started talking to B, and then B started to burst out crying. This is not J's fault. For starters, B dosent know any english at all. But then..the whole group of friends freaked out at B's behaviour.

Anyway, the reason A told me was B had an abortion in Japan before she came here. B is feeling insecure and is rapidly losing friends in Japan. A told me not to meet her because she fear it might have negative impact on her friend B. She reasoned that her friend might only feel comfortable with A's presence as they had been best friends since childhood. (I met A and B last night...I thought B look abit downcast, insecure or maybe shy by her body language).

Anyway, A told me she feels she may be mentally sick cos tis burden is too heavy for her. She only confided in me with her problems. Now there are only two things in my mind.. her friend needs time and understanding. Are there any tips/ comments/ advice on how to handle this matter? I will meet them both over the next 2days so I prefer to thread carefully. Thanks in advance.

kentheman

20 Aug 05, 08:33

normally gers who went thru abortion, will have alot of after-effect..not on their body, but mentally..i have frenz who been thru these..when they are going for it, they are very calm n cool abt it..but once it's over, the ordeal kicks in..wat B needs now is A's support...A muz be there for her...as u posted, B is losing frenz in Japan, n she's A's best fren..therefore, A muz really be there..full up B's time in sg, dun let her have a moment alone..or not, flashback will really kicks in...

my frenz who been thru these, it lasted them for at least 3 mths, worse case scenario, 2 yrs n still having it now...

babyreyes

20 Aug 05, 22:37

actually all woman have mother instinct de.

some girls are too young to realise the consequences of a moment of folly.

Its hard to get over some things lors.

Does she have any religion?? Perhaps saying some prayers or a small ritual for the lost child can ease the guilt inside her?

Such pain can be very difficult to get through.

She nds support badly. Ur gf has to be very understanding n paitent with her.

However, please monitor her behaviour...as..abortion or miscarriages do lead to post natal depression de.

good luck!

chronicles

20 Aug 05, 22:48

Shes in dip-shit if her family line has breast cancer, cause abortion is linked to breast cancer (see my older thread for more info)

smudgey

20 Aug 05, 23:22

errrr.... never dealt with such situations b4 so these are basically what I THINK MIGHT help....

1. Try to let A & B spend as much time together as possible while always
letting A know that she can call you any time anywhere if she wants/need
to.

2. when all three together try to avoid topics like marriage, relationships, kids
(duh?)... and also places with lots of kids...

3. When really in doubt... seek professional advice... eg the help lines u can
see in
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=75218

that's all i can think of for now...

Originally posted by alexkusu:
As I mentioned before..my then girlfriend best friend came from Japan for a visit. To make my story clear, I will call my then gf (A) and her best friend (B). Last night, A went out with her friend B to karaoke, clubbing, etc with my other friends. I did not went as I wasnt feeling well. Later in the early morning hours, A told me that one of my frends named J started talking to B, and then B started to burst out crying. This is not J's fault. For starters, B dosent know any english at all. But then..the whole group of friends freaked out at B's behaviour.

Anyway, the reason A told me was B had an abortion in Japan before she came here. B is feeling insecure and is rapidly losing friends in Japan. A told me not to meet her because she fear it might have negative impact on her friend B. She reasoned that her friend might only feel comfortable with A's presence as they had been best friends since childhood. (I met A and B last night...I thought B look abit downcast, insecure or maybe shy by her body language).

Anyway, A told me she feels she may be mentally sick cos tis burden is too heavy for her. She only confided in me with her problems. Now there are only two things in my mind.. her friend needs time and understanding. Are there any tips/ comments/ advice on how to handle this matter? I will meet them both over the next 2days so I prefer to thread carefully. Thanks in advance.

drx

21 Aug 05, 02:29

Let girls have their girls talk sometimes is much better for a girl to chat about it.
Just relax act normal is the best way for you rite now.

the Bear

21 Aug 05, 02:48

A is a good friend of B?

then be there for B in case B needs anything... help, support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, a person to be with in case of loneliness...

and if you wanna help, be there too..

ultimately, only B can snap out of it herself and allow herself to heal.. and to live with herself... and there may be times she falters... she'll need support... that's where good friends come in... to be there when needed...

well, i hope she will be okay soon..

alexkusu

21 Aug 05, 23:50

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

To cut the story short, B 'enjoys' being the victim...telling the sad story repeatedly to everyone and anyone. To top it off, she is a kindergarden teacher in Japan...and she can be emotionally and mentally draining on friends as well as being absolutely frustrating for refusing to seek professional help.

Anyway, she is leaving the country tomorrow, so... let sleeping dogs lie.