Do i really love her? advice needed.
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just to set this straight im an ordinary guy who's 17 and studying right now. i have developed a liking towards a girl in my school for quite some time now but now, the question is do i have the courage to ask her out or should i even try? is it love or lust?
i dont know her, she's just another girl in my school that i see almost everyday since her class is just a few beside mine. lets call her J. nevertheless if u are curious about how she looks, i'll describe it to u now.. she's average height, face is a little bit chubby and has rosy cheeks but her body's slim.. mid-length black hair with a few highlighted often tied up in a single ponytail.. she looks like a fair skinned chinese with the small eyes and all.. the way she smiles and grins attracts me. heard she is a hairdresser too. some people say she's flat but im not liking her because of how great her body curves is, ill elaborate on this later. her dress sense never fails to fascinate me as i think that she knows how to carry herself well enough and not look cheap. what attracts me the most is that she has a demure and sweet side or her and the flirty side too.
i said that because she has a friend whom i dont really like for her character. ironically both their name starts with the letter J too.. she's absoultely super flirty, not sure if she goes for enhancement or something cos 'they' look fake to me.. although she speaks both english and chinese, it's heavily accented in her own way. she's the kind who loves to wiggle her butt when she walks. what im trying to say is that this so-called friend might have influenced her in a way to be slightly to the wild side.. im not really comfortable with this other girl since she's a big eyesore sometimes.
not sure if its love or lust cos ive made several critical decisions already. i know its stupid but i have taken the effort to make myself look good in front of her and specially trying to get to sit close to her in lectures so she will notice me.. at the same time get my class to do so too so that ill not be alone. it's been three months but i still havent got the courage to talk to her. i have a friend who's quite close to her but im not really close to this friend.. it's the hello and bye kind of friend.. she looks rather attractive in her own way so it's somewhat like inferiority complex when i step up to her to talk.. cos i dont find myself that good looking.. im an average guy. dont be mistaken, ive totally no interest in this friend of mine, just that she's one of my classmates during my first three months in another jc. yes if u are wondering she is mixed blood.
i have learnt my lesson and will not tell big mouthed people about my liking for J cos some people in my class cant keep secrets. they have betrayed me on many occasions and now its questionable to even regard them as 'friends'. sad to say now although i have made a reasonable amt of friends from the start of the yr, i have yet to discover who my best friend is.. the person who is willing to share all sorts of problems and give a listening ear to me in times of need. my best friend is currently studying in another jc now..
most importantly i am 100% sure J is single as according to her friendster, she's single and available.. she writes testis about how she will inform her buddies when she ever gets a bf. and that is quite recently. i believe that if i dont act fast, other guys will get her soon cos she's very comfortable speaking and interacting with guys from what i see, but its all friendly talk.. no feelings. as for me, im a little shy when it comes to this cos i was from a single sex school.. but for a girl like this, im willing to make any sacrifice just to know her better and have a chance to see her everyday. so far, only ONE person knows about this but sadly he isnt taking me seriously and when i consult him, its always one word replies.. totally regretted telling him about this but i'm almost 100% certain this guy will keep his mouth shut cos he's a good secret keepers. things go in but never comes out.
understand that promo exam is coming and i shouldnt be dwelling on such things at this point of time. my studies are a little screwed up too.. possibly because i think too much. i really really really like J a lot and if i approach her and tell her my feelings, and it so happens she rejects me.. i will feel very sad. i want to know her as a normal friend first and gain acceptance from her friends as well.. im not very handsome and muscular but rather average only.. how should i go about doing it?[/img] -
i know its a little long but please talk your time to read it.
it matters A LOT to me and my life.
thanks -
Juz making frens wor. If u dun take the first step, how do u expect to win her heart? -
"i'll describe it to u now.. she's average height, face is a little bit chubby and has rosy cheeks but her body's slim.. mid-length black hair with a few highlighted often tied up in a single ponytail.. she looks like a fair skinned chinese with the small eyes and all.. the way she smiles and grins attracts me. heard she is a hairdresser too. some people say she's flat but im not liking her because of how great her body curves is, ill elaborate on this later. her dress sense never fails to fascinate me as i think that she knows how to carry herself well enough and not look cheap. what attracts me the most is that she has a demure and sweet side or her and the flirty side too. "
"she's absoultely super flirty, not sure if she goes for enhancement or something cos 'they' look fake to me.. although she speaks both english and chinese, it's heavily accented in her own way. she's the kind who loves to wiggle her butt when she walks"
I seriously think is a lust case...
you have been looking at her outer self and not much of her feelings..
I notice that u even look at her friend's butt, ;p
if not how would u know she loves to wiggle her butt when she walks?
U are in a hurry cos u are afarid she will run... -
drx i appreciate your response but this is so because i have yet to rediscover her true self as i havent got to know her.. what i described in my post earlier is what i feel currently about how she is. really wish her to give me a chance to prove myself and at least be friends with me right now..
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talk to her first get to know her properly first
if u do not talk to her how would u know she is the one?
can u love someone without talking to her?
write email...sms -
I second drx ideas. If you don't know her, telling her u like her and getting a positive respond would be impossible.
Knowing her is the first step u can accomplish, knowing her more is the second step, while the third step will be understanding her. -
i'm a year younger than you. got a rather similar case. don't mind go to http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=154167. received some advice too. lol
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no u dont love her. go bak to study.
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True!
Only histrionics are capable of doing it without talking to the girls. However, most of the time they usually fail.
Pick up the courage and guts to go talk to her.
Hi, I noticed you around for quite some time, and would like to know you, my name is blablabla... Would you like to follow us to this function we will be organizing? blablabla... You can bring some friends, and I do really wish that you can come... -
the key point is to try her to learn more about her..
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NEVER NEVER use the word "average guy/gal" on yourself..because no one is average or below average...esp in interview, if u say that, it goes to show how low your confidence is in yourself....
so, lets get this straight..first, you are having a damn crush on her rite? puppy love...so i guess its your so called first love..must be hard to forget...think of her, wish to see her, get near her, day dream of what you can do together with her, etc.....BUT in actual fact, when u have the chance to even say "hi"., u freak out?
THATS puppy love...
So what shld u do? like pp who said it in a breeze, go up and say hi...dun matter you are jus the average guy..no harm saying even hi...if you wait for opportunity, u can wait long long... (tan ku ku)
if she rejects your friendship, well, then no point "frustrating" over it cos she will never like you...BUT even if she smiles back, dun be over the moon and think you and her are an item...take time to develop a friendship first and get to know her...
as for her friend, y you care so much? If you think that bad girl is influencing your good girl, the more you shld muster your courage and make friend with her, and to bring her away from the bad company...
gj...and inform us yr outcome! come on!!! your balls are not shrank you know? buck up!!!
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Dun think that love~ from what you said. think its just liking ba. Get to know her then let the love grow then. Sqeezee out some questions to ask her, whether is it about study, or about the weather, or where to buy a pen. haha I dun know then from there then can proceed further into friends and such. Dun take your own sweet time or else you all will be forever strangers. JIA YOU!
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Originally posted by rouko:just to set this straight im an ordinary guy who's 17 and studying right now. i have developed a liking towards a girl in my school for quite some time now but now, the question is do i have the courage to ask her out or should i even try? is it love or lust?
i dont know her, she's just another girl in my school that i see almost everyday since her class is just a few beside mine. lets call her J. nevertheless if u are curious about how she looks, i'll describe it to u now.. she's average height, face is a little bit chubby and has rosy cheeks but her body's slim.. mid-length black hair with a few highlighted often tied up in a single ponytail.. she looks like a fair skinned chinese with the small eyes and all.. the way she smiles and grins attracts me. heard she is a hairdresser too. some people say she's flat but im not liking her because of how great her body curves is, ill elaborate on this later. her dress sense never fails to fascinate me as i think that she knows how to carry herself well enough and not look cheap. what attracts me the most is that she has a demure and sweet side or her and the flirty side too.
i said that because she has a friend whom i dont really like for her character. ironically both their name starts with the letter J too.. she's absoultely super flirty, not sure if she goes for enhancement or something cos 'they' look fake to me.. although she speaks both english and chinese, it's heavily accented in her own way. she's the kind who loves to wiggle her butt when she walks. what im trying to say is that this so-called friend might have influenced her in a way to be slightly to the wild side.. im not really comfortable with this other girl since she's a big eyesore sometimes.
not sure if its love or lust cos ive made several critical decisions already. i know its stupid but i have taken the effort to make myself look good in front of her and specially trying to get to sit close to her in lectures so she will notice me.. at the same time get my class to do so too so that ill not be alone. it's been three months but i still havent got the courage to talk to her. i have a friend who's quite close to her but im not really close to this friend.. it's the hello and bye kind of friend.. she looks rather attractive in her own way so it's somewhat like inferiority complex when i step up to her to talk.. cos i dont find myself that good looking.. im an average guy. dont be mistaken, ive totally no interest in this friend of mine, just that she's one of my classmates during my first three months in another jc. yes if u are wondering she is mixed blood.
i have learnt my lesson and will not tell big mouthed people about my liking for J cos some people in my class cant keep secrets. they have betrayed me on many occasions and now its questionable to even regard them as 'friends'. sad to say now although i have made a reasonable amt of friends from the start of the yr, i have yet to discover who my best friend is.. the person who is willing to share all sorts of problems and give a listening ear to me in times of need. my best friend is currently studying in another jc now..
most importantly i am 100% sure J is single as according to her friendster, she's single and available.. she writes testis about how she will inform her buddies when she ever gets a bf. and that is quite recently. i believe that if i dont act fast, other guys will get her soon cos she's very comfortable speaking and interacting with guys from what i see, but its all friendly talk.. no feelings. as for me, im a little shy when it comes to this cos i was from a single sex school.. but for a girl like this, im willing to make any sacrifice just to know her better and have a chance to see her everyday. so far, only ONE person knows about this but sadly he isnt taking me seriously and when i consult him, its always one word replies.. totally regretted telling him about this but i'm almost 100% certain this guy will keep his mouth shut cos he's a good secret keepers. things go in but never comes out.
understand that promo exam is coming and i shouldnt be dwelling on such things at this point of time. my studies are a little screwed up too.. possibly because i think too much. i really really really like J a lot and if i approach her and tell her my feelings, and it so happens she rejects me.. i will feel very sad. i want to know her as a normal friend first and gain acceptance from her friends as well.. im not very handsome and muscular but rather average only.. how should i go about doing it?[/img]
You articulate and present your words pretty very well - but still, it only boils down to one simple fact: so far, nothing concrete has be done, made and achieved. You got too much thinking involved that you congregate all sort of useless thoughts into one consideration as though everything is related. Careful analysis, you would discover that it is all the cause of fear and I will break all these down for you.
Lust or Love? I am quite surprised that you even question yourself this - simply based on the fact that she looks great to you, in outer personality and in dress sense? Lust operates on a deeper level, definitely with sexual connotation to your thoughts and feelings. But if in general aspect, if she appeals to you, it is very likely due to your liking for her. Love blinds people - we see the thingy we love to see. Love made us see what's good in someone else. If she looks good and you hold interest for her, why should this be classified under lust unless you are thinking of ways to get into her pants and be gone?
Your crush mix around with this woman whom you dislike? Well... do you have any intention to chase that woman? No? Then why put her under this flow of thoughts?
Then you examined your strength and felt that your flaws are overwhelming. Name me someone who is completely perfect in all circumstances? Duh... probably God. It is all a state of mind when we talk about self esteem and confidence. Basically how good you are depends on how good you thought of yourself. Because when you feel good about yourself, the air that you exuded is different from one that lacks confidence. This is not arrogance, rather, this air is soothing, comfortable and lasting. It influence people on a sublime level and make them feel positive.
You terribly lack fire elements: and would probably do well with some initiative and action. If you put all those trains and trains of thoughts into other usage like devising ways of trying know her instead of trying to get your presence felt only, you may actually unlock some path to walk than this stagnation you are facing now.
If you must fail - fail with an answer, than perish in your thoughts that go nowhere. Better to fail once and learn something, than having to idle and nothing gain cause nothing venture. Of course, we all fear rejections, but if the fear of rejection and disapproval is removed: nothing can stop you.
Cheers -
dude, you just got a crush. and you got it bad.. but hor.. it's the promos.. so STUDY lah... gals can wait... you still have one more year in the school with her right??? dn be afraid that she will be taken by other guys lah.... listen to starblue jie jie.... just concentrate on studies now ok?? good boy...
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"If she's yours, she's yours[i]Originally posted by starblue:dude, you just got a crush. and you got it bad.. but hor.. it's the promos.. so STUDY lah... gals can wait... you still have one more year in the school with her right??? dn be afraid that she will be taken by other guys lah.... listen to starblue jie jie.... just concentrate on studies now ok?? good boy...
This is what most people would have said, and with regards to my thread Meant To Be in SgGirls forum... Destiny, if you believe is altered by you alone, never ever let the above phrase bring you to your knees, as you are the master of your own life, you choose what you want to choose.... Be control of your life, but of course, if you do have faith in God, be sure that you pray and ask HIM what is best for you first prior to initiating relationships on your own... Coz with God on your side, who else can be against you rite?
But of course, God can only help you to an extent, you have to take up the courage and go and initiate a conversation, otherwise, what is there but to admire from afar... -
What are you waiting for then?Originally posted by rouko:drx i appreciate your response but this is so because i have yet to rediscover her true self as i havent got to know her.. what i described in my post earlier is what i feel currently about how she is. really wish her to give me a chance to prove myself and at least be friends with me right now..
Honestly, I hope you won't be pinning too high a hope on this one (at least not now yet?)? I mean... I can see you're still so far away... You barely know her (let alone she knowing anything about you to even accept you as a friend) and you've pretty got no confidence at all...
Look on the bright side and try to get her as a friend 1st? Perhaps you can think again from there onwards...? -
I only read the title of the thread...Originally posted by rouko:i know its a little long but please talk your time to read it.
it matters A LOT to me and my life.
thanks
If you have to ask whether you like her or not; whether you are ready or not...
I tell you, ans is negative...
Coz if you are sure about something, you dun hav to ask others...
All the best!