Here's my problem..
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ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks..
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can't really do anything. since she already made herself clear to you prior to the relationship but you still decide to plunge into it.Originally posted by Tarot~:ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks..
by plunging in you have indirectly accepted her demands to go out with guys alone, so you cannot complain much. by complaining i also feel you'll just irritate her and all will come to naught in the end.
anyway this kind of girl can't take as gf man. i also cannot stand. if she have problems and she dun want to confide in you then i dun think you can consider this kind of relations as bf-gf.
at the very least for me, bf-gf relation is valid if, and only if, she/he is the one you want to go to in problem times and in happy times.
think abt it.
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heh? doesn't want u to console her n b by her side?
how long both of u have been together? hows ur character n lifestyle diff from her? do both of u quarrel a lot?
have to slowly compromise abit on both side if u wana solve this prob. -
She's aware of your feelings towards her behaviour and she's not negotiable toward altering the behaviour... I see trouble ahead...
Has she been truthful and how late she goes out, where and who .. all these things matter...
BTW, trust is something 2 person build, like respect. Its not given just cause one person wants it.
Would it make a difference if you ask to go along?
Good luck. -
we've been together for about 3 months now. i have tried to end it 2 times before. both times she came crying and begging me not to go.. i seriously don't know what to do now..
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Learn to look wider... b4 u bangs into the biggest word tat leads to disaster...
Jealousy and Petty.
As long as u koe her action dun gets out of track, still acceptable lor. Afterall, a gal needs oly 1 bf, but she needs more than 1 frenz in life. To them, there r ppl who is there for them to throw their unhappiness. Tok to her nicely to sort tings out, dun act like majiam she a suspect and u a police!!
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she ask you not to go... I think its something fish...
3 months and you already don't have trust for her and she's acting rather strange ...
You sure you are her BF? -
This is weird...I thought only girls complain about this problem.....Originally posted by Tarot~:ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks.. -
Frankly... my opinion is you are just a temporary parking space.
If you cannot accept her lifestyle... and you're unhappy and forcing yourself to do so, writing in frustration and etc.. seriously you want this thing to go on for long term??? -
actually sometimes i just think that im simply thinking too much on this. overly-sensitive and that's bad. the problem may lie with me instead ya.
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whatever.. then you will create another clone account to tell us of the next development...
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i dun think she loves u.
first and foremost, she doesn't go to u when she has a bad day or probs.. either she doesn't want to bother u or she just doesn't trust u at all. or maybe she doesn't sense any security in u since u asked & talked to her abt her meeting other guys.
it's also ur fault.
u r insecure. what's wrong with going out with other guys?
my girl is now in united states and she has to mingles with both guys and girls there too. i don't see anything wrong with this, and i'm okay with this so long as we stay faithful towards each other.
u see... when u talked to her abt this kinda things, it clearly shows her that u r insecure and the more she won't wanna go out with u. understand?
this was how i'll do it if i were u: -
1. make it very clear to her that u trust her. even if she goes out with guys.
2. make it VERY clear to her also that going out with guys are ok so long as she stays faithful to u.
3. tell her crystal clearly that if u ever find her with another man, she'll get into deep shit with u. and challenge her in a confrontation if ever such things happen. make this a very fearful fact for her so that she'll dare not make this mistake.
4. hold the authority in ur hands. be in control of certain things and dun act so wimpy. -
maybe u should trust her.... tink u just need more time with her, so jsut say both of u should get more time together....Originally posted by Tarot~:ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks.. -
I had this kinda situation before but i did not handle it the way i would now. The best way to handle this is to just let it be. Like jeramy said, you were the one who still insisted on the relationship even after she told you about the circumstances.
See, this is the problem of most guys nowadays. Hey, sometimes i get the bug too. Its the SNAG bug. Virus if you may. Its what turned us men into little girls and softies. Metrosexual whatever. Bottomline, it is the same thing that's turning gals away.
Anyway, in your scenario, what I would do if i were you is to do exactly what she's doing to you. Go out with another gal. No, go out with other GIRLS. Widen your social circle. Have fun. If she can do it, so can you. However, when you do spend time with your gf, cherish her. Treasure her like like she's aphrodites herself. When she's not around, enjoy yourself. Just remember to have limits as you still have a gf. And when she is in need of you, come to her aid.
Hope this is of help... Don't ponder too much over this... -
she is someone who is used to her freedom, and wants her freedom...
try to ren3.... slowly join in her outings get to know her friends... and let her friends know of your existence...
but bottom line, she likes things this way, you don't. she refuse to change, so you have to decide if you can live with this. -
Go meet up with other girls ...see whats her reaction.
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Dear Tarot,
I believe that whilst we should retain some of our individual identities in a relationship, we should also respect our partners & their feelings. If something triggers off trust issues with my guy, I wouldn't hesitate to refrain from doing so. And if he was insecure in any way, I'd do my best to reassure him.
Going out 1-on-1 with another guy makes you insecure, & that's understandable. Things are usually Not so bad when it's a mixed group. She should've taken your feelings into account & reassured you accordingly, or worked out something with you.
The fact that she's so callous about your feelings can only mean that she doesn't respect you enough. It's best to start talking about it now & ask her where you stand.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Tarot~:ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks.. -
Your insecurity will kill the relationship.Originally posted by Tarot~:ever since me and my gf got together, she has been meeting this guy quite often. and it irks me. now the problem is.. she told me before, that whenever she got attached. she would go out with other guys even though she has a bf.. apparently she says that it is her habit. this is troubling me alot.. i've talked to her about it before.. and she told me that i should trust her (she told me before that she is a gf who is very loyal). and i trust her now.. but just as im typing this. she is out with a guy now.. she's had a bad day at work but she dosen't want me to console her. that's what i think because i wanted to meet her just now and she said it wasn't neccesary to meet up.. or something like that. im quite sad when she told me that.. she's my gf and i ought to be by her side now..
sooner or later i'll go crazy over all this.. please advice.. thanks..
You do not own her life... she's still single, yes she has you as a bf, but that doesn't mean she should lose her circle of friends.
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yes I agree... but feow is right too. you can't disregard your bf's feelings just because you want your freedom... being attached requires certain committment... if she's unwilling to even compromise, it says a lot about how important this relationship means to her....Originally posted by Nelstar:Your insecurity will kill the relationship.
You do not own her life... she's still single, yes she has you as a bf, but that doesn't mean she should lose her circle of friends.
Tarot, try talking to her.... strike a compromise... maybe get yourself introduced to her friends... or ask yourself, if she's totally honest with you, (as in she lets you know when and who she's meeting, or if she shares with you wat happens after the outing) will you feel better at east?
ask yourself first. without restricting her right to go out 1 on 1 with other guys, what can she do to make you feel more sercure? talk to her... try to compromise...
every relationship commitment needs some sort of sacrifice. both from you and her. -
hey hello.
sometimes my gf too has problems and she doesnt want to tell me. i'll get fired up, honestly. a common convo would be as such.
my gf : -sighs-
me : why?
my gf : nothing.
me : tell me ah.
my gf : dont want ah.
me : got problems ah?
my gf : yah
me : tell me ah...
my gf : no need ah..
me : den wadz the point of having me as ur bf? u shud tell me of all ur problems and confide in me wad.
den she tells me her problems.
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ahem...
well well ...my dear friend....welcome to the real world...
this is the attitude of nowadays gals...
very very self centred...
they always tell us im only ur gal friend.. i need my own space and friends...
please respect me...please dun make me feel suffocated..
but in actual fact.. when they went out wif their so call guy friend.. she is actually enjoying his honey coated words or watever sweet stuff...
from him...
i think such gals have too many aspect of emotions to fulfilled....thus they need attentions from different guy...
think such gals dun really know who they love.. they only noe wat is like and they can like more than 1 guy at a time...
its only when 1 of the guys she like leaves her... then if he is the 1 she actually loves.. then she will wake up.. and start to cry ... start to tell ppl hw she regret or love the guy n start to self pity..but b4 all this she jus treat the guy like shit...
such gals deserved no sympathy...they need more such wake up calls...
bro...i noe when u start loving a person u cant stop.. n its so hard to break free from her clutches....but staying on will make u feel sucks...
so meanwhile maybe u can try to slowly condition urself wif that kind of "she will no longer b present in life" feeling and mentality
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have u meet the guy who your gf is meeting?
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At this point, I would rather you place your bet on trusting her for now..? Anyway... It's not like you've got much choice unless you're thinking of breaking up with her...?Originally posted by Tarot~:actually sometimes i just think that im simply thinking too much on this. overly-sensitive and that's bad. the problem may lie with me instead ya.
And... It's really not uncommon for a girl to be a friend... A SPACE other than her bf to confide in... Of course, MOST of us GUYS (maybe even for majority of the girls) would WISH to be THE ONE for her when she've got TROUBLES to face... But the FACT is, it doesn't always happen that way...
To ADD, you're having problems of your own with her... Now tell me... How you suppose she can confide in you on that
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just tell her u're into other men as well, and u dun mind her treating u as the other guy, as long as she does't mind u r with other guys.
whatever.... how come so complex one?
get her a shrink. -
Hmm, as my ai ai has mentioned above, everyone needs a certain amt of breathing space. Some needs more, some needs less. It all depends on the person you are with. Your girl sounds like she needs a lot of privacy, probably too much for your own liking.
Have you ever heard of this saying,"Hold the sand loosely in your hand and it will stay, clutch your hand tightly around it and the sand will slowly slip away" ?
I guess maybe she still values her freedom too much to be in a relationship, because being in a r/s means you respect and consider your partner's feelings as well before you do something. In this case, even though you should respect her privacy, she should also compromise by letting you know abt her problems and asking you if it is alright to spend time with her frens all the time.
I guess both of you lack communication with each other. Try to get her to spend a day just with you and talk things out nicely