Dear Mink77,
Both of you have to eventually realise that, as a relationship progresses, the "sparks" won't be there anymore. As a relationship deepens, what you build (hopefully) is a solid bond in which both of you care deeply about each other, support each other, are each other's best friends, & of course, do things for each other that keep the sparks alive.
In the beginning, everything appears to be roses, & every experience is new. However, there isn't the depth in a relationship, & you never know whether that person will support you when things get tough. Or boring because you're too stressed out at work or studies (or whatever reasons) at some point in time. A deeper relationship goes beyond this, because there already is understanding & support.
Pure blind passion & love are totally different matters. Affection (read: PDA) may lessen, but sometimes it's also part & parcel? That's when people say that marriages & relationships take work, because the parties have taken off the rose-tinted glasses & actually see their partners for what they are, warts & all. You'll still hafta do little things to show her she still matters, & she also has to do things for you, Not simply break things off when it gets a little stale...
If you feel there's a chance for you to win her back, remember that a sudden burst of passion & "romance" that isn't sustainable will mean that even if she gets back with you, the same problems will occur. What you'll need to do is mentally KNOW that you'll hafta do things at a constant level to break the monotomy that causes a relationship to grow "stale".
My guy & I try to surprise each other on a regular basis, & to make each other smile. The gifts or gestures need Not be extravagant, but the effort behind that gift or gesture is what is appreciated & cherished. If she does something nice for you, No matter how small or insignificant it seems, recognise the effort she put into the thought behind the deed, & reward her with your biggest smile, a big hug, a kiss or whatever to make her smile back. And make this REGULAR. I'm Not saying you hafta do this everyday, or it'll grow stale, but try to also surprise her at times. It doesn't need to be expensive, it only needs to be enough to let her know how much she's treasured.
If she doesn't wanna talk to you at the moment, doesn't matter. Drop her an SMS a day (Nothing more, or she'll think you're being a pest), don't give those grandiose sentences or phrases about how she's your life, blah blah blah. Just tell her how your day went. Once a week, perhaps tell her what you're doing over the weekend & tell her you kinda wish you could share that with her. The key is perhaps, to trigger nostalgia, Not irritation.
It's a fine line to tread, but if done properly, it COULD work. There're many who'll ignore this bit & bombard their exes with phonecalls, gifts, SMSes, etc. Clearly, they don't understand the phrase, "in moderation". Go with your instincts, but don't overdo things.
I wish you well.
FeowFeow
Originally posted by mink77:
jus yest, my gf has decided to call off our relationship and we came to a consensus that its best for us to remain as friends. reasons being
1) her feelings for me has died
2) r/s became stagnant
3) she dont see any sparks in the r/s
4) no passion in the r/s
5) i m not affectionate enough
i not trying to salvage the r/s jus for the sake of getting back together. i do still have feelings for her. i want to make it up to her and put in my utmost effort to make this work. i want to win her back. anyone has experience this before and ever succeed in winning your ex back? pls do do advise. thanks.