Should I move on my life?
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Thank you for all responses. I will be looking forward to make a turning point in my life.
st -
feel real sorry for u. i seriously don want to comment on this cuz very sensitive.
u say u dun mind waiting for him, but then by the time he ready he may meet someone else
then if u dun wait and find someone else, he will be the one who is going to be heart-broken (assuming he doesnt find anyone else)..
sorry, this thing very messy, i'd rather not comment, sry......
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Dear tsh,
Infact in your mind, u r clear that u should have moved on.
It's juz that this r/s throughout hasn't really ended up in the way as a break up. That may be the cause of both of ur feelings are still lingering around as it didn't really end at all.
Yes, now u can say that u r willing to wait. Because u cudn't let go. Sometimes u ought to think for urself. Letting go may not be a negative impact in ur life. It may be a turning point.
Juz like me, like my r/s all these yrs and my soured marriage... these people are the best teachers which we ever have in life. They taught us lessons of life and nurture us to be wiser next time. Lessons gained no matter good or bad, is an experience everyone should have undergone..maybe sooner or later.
It's time when u ve to plan and think of ur future, ur life, ur career and family. No point dwelling cuz the more u love him, the harder it takes u to make up a decision to leave him for good....
There's no right or wrong...... at least he set his priority right to tell u tat it isn't worth waiting for him. Cuz he loves u & tats y he doesn't want u to sacrifice ur youth for him anymore. Cuz he's too ambitious.
Juz treat him as a confidante... a buddy whom u can rely on....... this is call fate.. at least u both shared wonderful memories before..which will be etched in ur mind forever... that's enuff.
All the best and look on the brighter side of life.
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He has given u his answer. Now, its up to you what you do with your life.You cant be the sun he gravitates around forever. Thanks for your story. It reminded me of things I need to do as well
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i can feel the pain u are experiencing now but sometimes getting caught in a crossroad is part and parcel of life...U know me as a guy, i do feel inferior if i were to be with someone who is older than me but i know something and that is true love meets no obstacle...hmm life is precious and remember u only live once,hope u can live yr life to the fullest
dun waste yr youth and only to be regretted next time Who knows? Maybe brighter days are awaiting for you in the near future? Cheer up! at least u have a friend here supporting you! -
I know for someone who really takes love seriously and when u love somebody too much, u juz find that there's no space for another person in ur heart.
But since he already told u all that.. well, what I feel that he knows that his near future dun have you.. so i would advise u to move on and keep ur options open. At least both of u really loved each other.. that's enough, isn't it? U dun have to wait for him.. dun have to force urself to accept another... but juz enjoy being single now.. and let nature takes its course..
If he is the one for you, he will be.. If he is not, then set him free. If he returns in time, you'll know that he's yours. -
Originally posted by tsh:Hi
I met him in college when I was 25 and he was 18. We worked very well in group together, and so became good and pure friends to each other. Because we both came to Australia to study, so we helped each when one was in need. We had so many things in common and we enjoyed our accompany together. Living abroad, we had to work very hard to pay for our study expenses. We shared sorrows and happiness in student life together.
I admired him because of his maturity he has more than his age. I admired him because he has a very good heart to others and to me, because he is a hard working person, because he is considerate, caring, and sensitive man and because he was so nice to me. I admired him because of his strong ambition in career and confidence to achieve things he wants for his life. He admired me because I am a confident woman, because I have good knowledge. He admired me because I am a caring, considerate, sensitive person who always likes to help others.
The last semester of college, we felt something different b/w us. When we finished our 2 - year course, we realised we had been fallen in love. I always asked myself how I could love a man when he is 7 yrs younger than me. But there is sth different about him that you can't tell he is 7 yrs younger. Both of us made a good couple and every one said the same although others know that I am older, they still supported us. We went to uni. I took my MBA course and he went for Bachelor of Accounting. We continued our relationship. He loved me a lot, always made me happy. I was very happy in this relationship. The only thing I have is the sadness of not being recognised sometimes to people who relate to him. But then he always came back and comfort.
The second year in uni went pass. He won the lottery Green Card. He left for US. I had tears everyday when living without him. He was still calling me and supporting me during that time to complete my MBA, then looking for work.
One day he said to me, go to look for another man and donÂ’t wait for him because I am now 29. He will not come back to marry me because he has a lot of things to achieve in life. He needs to build his career, and this is not fair for me to wait for him. When the time he plans to marry, it will be the time he is 30 and I am 37. He feels bad if I am waiting for him and there is no future that guarantee for this relationship. The beauty of a woman will be gone. I said yes and cried in tears and tears, days and nights. But it could not go that way. We still keep in touch and expressing our feelings. He came back comforting me over the phone. We talked once or twice a week and emailed almost everyday. After he left for two yrs, the feelings are still there.
Then he decided to come back Australia to take his personal things left. We came back again. We spent our holidays together and live in romance. It was so sweet when coming back together again. Then he left for US. I remained in Australia. A few months later, I mentioned about our future together when he graduates, he said:
"Well about your idea...I do not know...I do not mean to say that but I have to say that. I want you to open your option open like, u know. If you find someone suitable more than me, you should try to know him. If you wait for me, it will be too long. You cannot expect me to be together with you as soon as I graduate. I have a lot of things to do with my life and family. I know your age need to be settled down and marry but my age is not. I am only 23. I have a lot of things to achieve in my life and I have a lot of responsibilities for my family. So, I am always happy for you whatever is good for you. But I am sorry for you also that I cannot fulfil your wish."
I replied email and said, I just share my wish to home and of course will not expect to marry in tow years (while in fact I do). He said “thanks and ended note “love you”.
But I have cried every night now and then. A BROKEN HEART after receiving the email. Finish work, I am scared to come home because I will miss him desperately. I just feel so many men here want me. I have a good education, a good career, good manners, beauty, and faith. Looking for another man is not hard. But why I cannot have a man I want. He loves me I know and I know he is the only one that loves more than others. I love him too. Why we cannot be together?
This is the second time he told me. I have to make decision for my life. I love him and still want to be with him. But there is no future together as he already said. What I am looking for in this relationship when I see no support. My age is 30. It is not too old. If he supports me, I donÂ’t mind waiting for him yrs and yrs. When I mention about our future, it just makes him feel worse and he becomes stressed and tempered to me. I feel I am just a shadow and a tail in his life. Should I wait for him and continue to be the shadow? What if one day he achieves his goals, will he still think of me when I am about to be in 40. He may marry s/o and I miss my spring time waiting for a man as a shadow without hope.
What should I do as I still love him so much, and I know he still loves me too. I donÂ’t want to end this, but what if one day I am 37 seeing him marry a young woman in 20s. I would have a BROKEN HEART and will not go back to my youth anymore. I will not be able to have children with another man any more? Things at work seem to be easy for me to handle, why my personal life, I can not make a decision for myself? I just feel I cannot go out with man when your heart is with another. I will miss the time we were together sharing sorrows and happiness in student life. Should I wait for move on my life?
Thank you for reading my love story. I cannot share this with others my love story as I donÂ’t want to be seen blind in love. Only people who experienced will understand how I feel now. Please give me some advice if you can.
st
This is a conundrum of Love that requires you to make decisions that is intrinsically sacrificial, for it is neither right nor wrong... neither good or bad - a mere decision that will determine where you would steer your love life into.
To wait or not to wait?
You got to understand from his point of view; he doesn't want you to wait because he cannot afford to bear the responsibility of you spending your best moments waiting endlessly for a man who has just began to step into the working society... his initial phrase to prove his worth through his career. Most men hate to lay promises that they ain't sure they could uphold and thus often chose to avoid or give them up completely.
The Love that has blossomed in school is easy to maintain; minus the mental pressure of age barrier, what's there to hinder is only innocent stress of school work and there isn't a need to consider any other factors unlike now - where reality has sunk in. True Love has no boundary, but the fact is such that we have to consider this hateful reality and not be delusional about the simple ideology of Love.
You loved him and he loved you, but it doesn't mean that it would be suffice for a relationship to continue on forever. It was sweet memories no doubt, devoid of any complication, which is why you find it so difficult to give it up. Afterall, you may not find such love ever again, even by keeping your options open to other guys.
Still, by waiting, chances are, it would be futile. This is a difficult relationship; not only by vast age gap, but it has become a long distance relationship even if he decide to pursue. Let's be realistic and not dwell too much about the small exceptional miraculous work of fate - it could be time to wake up from our sweet dream?
Keep your option open and not eliminate every other potential out there - it would be an unhealthy mindset to habour (worst if you are a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or Aquarius). If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I remember someone, who meant something to me previously, once said this to me:
'...At least the relationship didn't soured...'
I think this is something you could be thankful for and not cry because it is over, but rather, smile because it happened.
Cheers -
It seems that both of you have very different directions in life.
People with different directions cannot hold hands and walk together. -
If you don't mind, why don't you just start off in a relationship with him 1st without so many pre-set requirements...? If you understand that not all relationship always manage to 'live happily ever after', given the right mindset... You should be able to better appreciate the time you have with him... At least you don't have to live in a total regrets...?Originally posted by tsh:Hi
I met him in college when I was 25 and he was 18. We worked very well in group together, and so became good and pure friends to each other. Because we both came to Australia to study, so we helped each when one was in need. We had so many things in common and we enjoyed our accompany together. Living abroad, we had to work very hard to pay for our study expenses. We shared sorrows and happiness in student life together.
I admired him because of his maturity he has more than his age. I admired him because he has a very good heart to others and to me, because he is a hard working person, because he is considerate, caring, and sensitive man and because he was so nice to me. I admired him because of his strong ambition in career and confidence to achieve things he wants for his life. He admired me because I am a confident woman, because I have good knowledge. He admired me because I am a caring, considerate, sensitive person who always likes to help others.
The last semester of college, we felt something different b/w us. When we finished our 2 - year course, we realised we had been fallen in love. I always asked myself how I could love a man when he is 7 yrs younger than me. But there is sth different about him that you can't tell he is 7 yrs younger. Both of us made a good couple and every one said the same although others know that I am older, they still supported us. We went to uni. I took my MBA course and he went for Bachelor of Accounting. We continued our relationship. He loved me a lot, always made me happy. I was very happy in this relationship. The only thing I have is the sadness of not being recognised sometimes to people who relate to him. But then he always came back and comfort.
The second year in uni went pass. He won the lottery Green Card. He left for US. I had tears everyday when living without him. He was still calling me and supporting me during that time to complete my MBA, then looking for work.
One day he said to me, go to look for another man and donÂ’t wait for him because I am now 29. He will not come back to marry me because he has a lot of things to achieve in life. He needs to build his career, and this is not fair for me to wait for him. When the time he plans to marry, it will be the time he is 30 and I am 37. He feels bad if I am waiting for him and there is no future that guarantee for this relationship. The beauty of a woman will be gone. I said yes and cried in tears and tears, days and nights. But it could not go that way. We still keep in touch and expressing our feelings. He came back comforting me over the phone. We talked once or twice a week and emailed almost everyday. After he left for two yrs, the feelings are still there.
Then he decided to come back Australia to take his personal things left. We came back again. We spent our holidays together and live in romance. It was so sweet when coming back together again. Then he left for US. I remained in Australia. A few months later, I mentioned about our future together when he graduates, he said:
"Well about your idea...I do not know...I do not mean to say that but I have to say that. I want you to open your option open like, u know. If you find someone suitable more than me, you should try to know him. If you wait for me, it will be too long. You cannot expect me to be together with you as soon as I graduate. I have a lot of things to do with my life and family. I know your age need to be settled down and marry but my age is not. I am only 23. I have a lot of things to achieve in my life and I have a lot of responsibilities for my family. So, I am always happy for you whatever is good for you. But I am sorry for you also that I cannot fulfil your wish."
I replied email and said, I just share my wish to home and of course will not expect to marry in tow years (while in fact I do). He said “thanks and ended note “love you”.
But I have cried every night now and then. A BROKEN HEART after receiving the email. Finish work, I am scared to come home because I will miss him desperately. I just feel so many men here want me. I have a good education, a good career, good manners, beauty, and faith. Looking for another man is not hard. But why I cannot have a man I want. He loves me I know and I know he is the only one that loves more than others. I love him too. Why we cannot be together?
This is the second time he told me. I have to make decision for my life. I love him and still want to be with him. But there is no future together as he already said. What I am looking for in this relationship when I see no support. My age is 30. It is not too old. If he supports me, I donÂ’t mind waiting for him yrs and yrs. When I mention about our future, it just makes him feel worse and he becomes stressed and tempered to me. I feel I am just a shadow and a tail in his life. Should I wait for him and continue to be the shadow? What if one day he achieves his goals, will he still think of me when I am about to be in 40. He may marry s/o and I miss my spring time waiting for a man as a shadow without hope.
What should I do as I still love him so much, and I know he still loves me too. I donÂ’t want to end this, but what if one day I am 37 seeing him marry a young woman in 20s. I would have a BROKEN HEART and will not go back to my youth anymore. I will not be able to have children with another man any more? Things at work seem to be easy for me to handle; I analyse a lot businesses for others, why my personal life, I can not make a decision for myself? I just feel I cannot go out with man when your heart is with another. I will miss the time we were together sharing sorrows and happiness in student life. Should I wait for move on my life?
Thank you for reading my love story. I cannot share this with others my love story as I donÂ’t want to be seen blind in love. Only people who experienced will understand how I feel now. Please give me some advice if you can.
st
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I really feel sad when I read your post.. So very different from the rest of the BGR postings which simply involves does he/she loves me or not without any difficulties to back up the test.Originally posted by tsh:Hi
I met him in college when I was 25 and he was 18. We worked very well in group together, and so became good and pure friends to each other. Because we both came to Australia to study, so we helped each when one was in need. We had so many things in common and we enjoyed our accompany together. Living abroad, we had to work very hard to pay for our study expenses. We shared sorrows and happiness in student life together.
I admired him because of his maturity he has more than his age. I admired him because he has a very good heart to others and to me, because he is a hard working person, because he is considerate, caring, and sensitive man and because he was so nice to me. I admired him because of his strong ambition in career and confidence to achieve things he wants for his life. He admired me because I am a confident woman, because I have good knowledge. He admired me because I am a caring, considerate, sensitive person who always likes to help others.
The last semester of college, we felt something different b/w us. When we finished our 2 - year course, we realised we had been fallen in love. I always asked myself how I could love a man when he is 7 yrs younger than me. But there is sth different about him that you can't tell he is 7 yrs younger. Both of us made a good couple and every one said the same although others know that I am older, they still supported us. We went to uni. I took my MBA course and he went for Bachelor of Accounting. We continued our relationship. He loved me a lot, always made me happy. I was very happy in this relationship. The only thing I have is the sadness of not being recognised sometimes to people who relate to him. But then he always came back and comfort.
The second year in uni went pass. He won the lottery Green Card. He left for US. I had tears everyday when living without him. He was still calling me and supporting me during that time to complete my MBA, then looking for work.
One day he said to me, go to look for another man and donÂ’t wait for him because I am now 29. He will not come back to marry me because he has a lot of things to achieve in life. He needs to build his career, and this is not fair for me to wait for him. When the time he plans to marry, it will be the time he is 30 and I am 37. He feels bad if I am waiting for him and there is no future that guarantee for this relationship. The beauty of a woman will be gone. I said yes and cried in tears and tears, days and nights. But it could not go that way. We still keep in touch and expressing our feelings. He came back comforting me over the phone. We talked once or twice a week and emailed almost everyday. After he left for two yrs, the feelings are still there.
Then he decided to come back Australia to take his personal things left. We came back again. We spent our holidays together and live in romance. It was so sweet when coming back together again. Then he left for US. I remained in Australia. A few months later, I mentioned about our future together when he graduates, he said:
"Well about your idea...I do not know...I do not mean to say that but I have to say that. I want you to open your option open like, u know. If you find someone suitable more than me, you should try to know him. If you wait for me, it will be too long. You cannot expect me to be together with you as soon as I graduate. I have a lot of things to do with my life and family. I know your age need to be settled down and marry but my age is not. I am only 23. I have a lot of things to achieve in my life and I have a lot of responsibilities for my family. So, I am always happy for you whatever is good for you. But I am sorry for you also that I cannot fulfil your wish."
I replied email and said, I just share my wish to home and of course will not expect to marry in tow years (while in fact I do). He said “thanks and ended note “love you”.
But I have cried every night now and then. A BROKEN HEART after receiving the email. Finish work, I am scared to come home because I will miss him desperately. I just feel so many men here want me. I have a good education, a good career, good manners, beauty, and faith. Looking for another man is not hard. But why I cannot have a man I want. He loves me I know and I know he is the only one that loves more than others. I love him too. Why we cannot be together?
This is the second time he told me. I have to make decision for my life. I love him and still want to be with him. But there is no future together as he already said. What I am looking for in this relationship when I see no support. My age is 30. It is not too old. If he supports me, I donÂ’t mind waiting for him yrs and yrs. When I mention about our future, it just makes him feel worse and he becomes stressed and tempered to me. I feel I am just a shadow and a tail in his life. Should I wait for him and continue to be the shadow? What if one day he achieves his goals, will he still think of me when I am about to be in 40. He may marry s/o and I miss my spring time waiting for a man as a shadow without hope.
What should I do as I still love him so much, and I know he still loves me too. I donÂ’t want to end this, but what if one day I am 37 seeing him marry a young woman in 20s. I would have a BROKEN HEART and will not go back to my youth anymore. I will not be able to have children with another man any more? Things at work seem to be easy for me to handle; I analyse a lot businesses for others, why my personal life, I can not make a decision for myself? I just feel I cannot go out with man when your heart is with another. I will miss the time we were together sharing sorrows and happiness in student life. Should I wait for move on my life?
Thank you for reading my love story. I cannot share this with others my love story as I donÂ’t want to be seen blind in love. Only people who experienced will understand how I feel now. Please give me some advice if you can.
st
To me.. I guess I dun have an answer for you. Really. Pls dun mistaken me as being someone who just write for the sake of writing but to be truthful, I think you know the answer deep down alrdy.
Women have a propensity of knowing the decisions and yet, still seek affirmations to prove whether their decisions were right or worng. Yours isn't any different...
Else why would you cry and have a broken heart?
Perhaps it isn't right for me to speak in religious mumbo-jumbo here but.. if ya a Christian, I would like to add this.
For God created love, He is Love. So why He would not have the abundance of it around for all His beloved Children, whether believers or not?
Pls be strong and remb this..
Sometimes in life, we may never get to marry the ones we love most yet.. we should cherish the ones that love us most for all they have done for us.
*hugs* (^.^)
Be strong and who knows? You are highly likely to find someone suitable for all the qualities you have.
Take care, God bless. -
I understand how you feel. But at least he is honest and tells you to keep your option open. He can be selfish and keep you to himself though he knows he cant give you any promises.
Go out with friends, know more people. Trust me, things will look brighter after a while (I have just gone thru' that, but my guy didnt want me to keep my option open, though he is unsure of our r/s).
No heartache will last forever. Who knows, maybe he will realise what he has lost when he loses you....guys sometimes dun realise what is precious to them, until they dun have it. -
He is only 23, too young to settle down as he is not financially stable.
Furthermore he may change cos u are far away, very difficult for LDR to survive.
The age difference will also be a problem cos u may want to start a family soon but he isn't ready yet.
No point waiting for him cos time is not at your side. Sad to say, the older a woman gets, the harder to find someone eligible.
U should move on & not hang on to him. Go & meet more people.
U need to give others a chance. I'm sure there are many nice guys around. -
It's funny but everytime people start asking themselves this question
"should I move on in my life?"
chances are, they probably should.
Moving on doesn't mean you need to move physically (as in leave him)
but you may need to 'move' mentally
A lot of things in life are unpredictable
Staying with him doesn't guarantee he will marry you
but hor, leaving him, also doesn't guarantee you will
find someone that will love you and marry you too
In fact, staying with him, and even if he changes his mind to marry you
doesn't mean you will end up marrying him either!
You might change your mind, even if you think you won't.
so take it easy ba, letting go of the chains you bind yourself with
will set you free, love shouldn't be something that is so difficult and painful
love yourself first ba.
If you can't see happiness in a relationship, then don't hold on to it so tightly.
It can be your haste to hold it tight that suffocates it. -
it takes time sinking them all in..try nt to think too much, u will find someone more suitable for u...
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what u are going through now is what we called the " letting go stage"
It takes some time to forget him and to let others have a chance to take good care of you..
I am sorry for what you had to go through but I would like to point out a few points that the guy did which i feel it is unfair to you.
1) He left you. If he really love you so much he should be there to protect you always and be there for you? Where was he? when u needed someone to help you when u feel bad about the everday life?
2) he came back not becos he loves you but to pack his things.. wow so u are a part time lover and he can come and go as he please? think about it.
3) life is so cruel and time and tide will not wait for any man or woman...if he really loves u he will wait for you..and be there for you.. not pushing u away...
and throws u to someone new... have seen so many couples who endure so much hardship to be together cos they hard so hard for it and never gave up.
sadly....your guy would rather enjoy his life then to care for you..
I know you are a mature lady and will be able to understand that sometimes love means that u had to give him up and wishing him all the best.. You sound like a very kind lady and I know you will treasure the next one that comes along..
Tears are sad and each drop represent your real love for him ...but tears have to end one day and u got to live life again...thats the hash truth about life ...
be strong girl to love someone is to let him go and to live your life to the fullest.. he had already given u his blessing and is time to let go..