Not sure if this is an actual problem, but...
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EDIT: I know this is a damn long post, but please don't make comments like asking me to summarize or whatever; I'm really not in the mood. Thanks.
Hey guys. It's my first time on the forums. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by posting here and actually getting some help, or making a general fool out of myself then start beating myself up for being stupid later.
I'm not sure where my problem really lies, or if it's even a problem. It's a bit... disorganised. But I'll try and relate as best as I can.
I'll give a bit of a self-intro so you know where I'm coming from. I'm 18-turning-19 years old, I'm the average girl-next-door-whom-you-probably-would-never-notice-until-I-told-you-I-was-there. I'm studying design and teaching martial arts, having just earned my black belt a year back.
So. My "problem". I find that I get very easily demoralized by things that would probably be insignificant to others.
For example, today: one of the parents of the kids who attend the martial arts class I teach told me that my class was "very messy. Not disciplined like the one over here." (They were a few metres away from class of the same martial arts group I'm in.) That, coupled with the fact that five of my students from my class had recently decided to up and go and transfer themselves over to the "class over here", just pitched my day downwards.
I've heard it over and over again from so many other people that if someone tells you something you don't like to hear, just deal with it, figure out what's wrong, devise a method for improving yourself and then get on with it. Okay. But I find that so hard to do. When the parent told me that, what I heard was, "You're lousy. You're a horrid instructor. How the hell do you manage your classes. I think I'll put my kid here, since it's so much better than that crap you're managing."
I feel very horrid because... there are instructors who are younger than me who come from the same group I'm in. And they perform so much better. They're more skilled, more "popular", so to speak, and they can manage their classes way better than I probably ever could. I feel like a let down, not being able to perform up to the same standards. Furthermore, the kids in THEIR class are all damn "quai". No need to scream or punish or shout yourself hoarse like what normally happens in my class.
Then here's the dumb part. Being an instructor means you're supposed to set examples for the students, right? So I make sure I'm always if not most of the time, early for my classes. I try to engage them as much as possible so they don't get bored. When they fail to perform a move and complain that they "can't do it", I always tell them, "practice makes perfect" or "If you keep saying you can't do it, then of course you can't do it lah!" or "I don't want to hear the words 'I cannot I cannot'".
I tell them all that when I don't believe in myself. "I can't reach the standards of my seniors." "I'll never be able to be as good as so-and-so." "I'm a lousy instructor." I say the things I tell my own students not to say. And I feel so hypocritic.
Same deal goes for my art life in school. I'll get extremely dejected/demoralized when my juniors produce better work than what I've done, even though I did my best for it. I get depressed when I see my seniors, and feel like I can never match up to them. Hell, I get frustrated with myself when I can't produce something that matches up to standard and I normally end up just trashing the project or giving up because I feel stupid and worthless for not being able to compare.
Speaking of depression, I think I'm suffering from psychosis. But I've never really made a move to approach a counsellor or anything because I'm really afraid that they'll laugh off my problem as being stupid, that I'm thinking too much over small matters, that I'm just an attention-seeking idiot. I don't even know if this IS a real problem or not, if it's just me making a mountain out of a molehill.
I've tried telling some of my rl friends about my problems before but they just laughed and said I was stupid, that I angst too much or something. I'm typing this out now because then I don't have to meet anyone face to face, I'd be anonymous on the web. Hell, if anyone has even managed to read for this long without falling asleep, I'll be surprised.
Oh, I also have extreme tendencies to go offtrack when I'm angsting. In case you haven't already noticed. Argh.
I don't even know what my problem is or if I actually have a problem in the first place. -
1. Greetings.
2. Firstly, your self-esteem is very LOW; or even, you don't have the confidence and pride in doing things. If you realise, having to teach (in your case martial arts) efficiently and effectively is not an easy task.
3. You have got to be confident and have to aquire the appropriate knowledge, so as during the course of teaching, you'll be able to impart all the correct information and skills to your juniors or students.
4. Having protrayed as a teacher (in your case an instructor) who is not confident of herself simply indicate to others your major weakness and hence leading people to lose confident in you. Your personal standard and knowledge will therefore be negatively influenced by your own discomfort and others' bad impression.
5. Unless you posses ALL the correct knowledge, why worry yourself being as a "lousy" instructor? Look to the positive side and start your teaching with pride and confidence. Always be clear-minded and assure of what you're teaching your students or juniors. Eventually, students can, and will easily gain and absorb the teachings by a good instructor.
6. I wish you all the best. -
I finished reading your post then I noticed you came back to edit what you wrote; you came back just to add some foreword in bold in the first paragraph...I think it reflected the impression you are giving me...
A Person who tries very hard to be perfect in what she does.
The pressure you are feeling seems to be internal most of the time, caused by the ways in which you relate to the world and events and people around you.
1)I believe one good way you can help yourself is by changing your mindset. Instead of focusing on "what is wrong with my work/life?", start thinking more about what is working. Learn to exchange negative self-talk for positive. In other words, talk to yourself positively. Stop listening to your cruel inner critics...they will do nothing except to destroy your self confidence.
2)Learn to accept that there are certain things you cannot change.
Some students who are studying designing may be more creative than you and they never seem to run out of original ideas. This is an innate ability in them and all you can do is to work hard to keep up. Emphasize on your strengths. Focus on what you can excel in life rather than what you cannot.
3)Solve problems instead of worry about them.
Regarding the class you conduct. Teaching and presentation skills can definately be improved if you put your heart into it. I myself used to have difficulty talking to my clients at work. So I purposely went to shopping centers just to force myself to talk to those shop assistants. Basically, try to force yourself into situations where you can practise what you are weak in. I also believe there are courses that can teach you about presentation which might be able to help you.
Good luck -
a perfectionist eh...don't worry about it...you are not the only one around...trust me...
i totally understand wat you feel...cos i've crossed the river before...tell you wat...first thing you need to do is that to know that you have a slight problem...apparently you knew that...that's why you come look for us jolly fellows...so good...first step is done...secondly...you just have to take a chill with it...you noe...sometimes even trying hard is not enough...you just might not have the luck to pull some stunt off...its okie...not everyone can do everything...
i think all is in the mind...your mind tells you that you are bothered by problems...which is good...that shows you are someone who doesn't run from adversity...but at the same time...your mind tells you that you are weak...you cannot do this...you cannot do that...
but deep down inside...you noe what you can do...what you cannot do...if you noe you can teach your class better...than try hard for it...if you noe you aren't cut out for teaching...den forget it...just accept it...simply...ACCEPT IT...
with you being a martial artist...i guess you are pretty headstrong...maybe stubborn at times...you do not quit easily...but letting go is not quitting on the problem...its just another solution to it...
sweety...i noe you wanna try your best in everything...but sometimes...you just have to accept facts...you have to ask your own conscience...whether or not its the right decision...
as a martial artist...i am sure you are mentally strong...just remember something...
"holding on to a problem is easy...but letting go of the problem is hard"
if you are strong...you will let go of the problem... -
waaaaaaa.....long story though i didn finish reading, but i guess wats it all abt.
why compared yourself to others? thats human nature
... " nabei..y so and so is more popular or works better than me?"
your devil says you are in deep shit when pp are better..then your brain sends signals to your body to slack and your body slouch........
your angle tries hard to ask you work hard and not to compare, but your body gesture already demoralise you...
so, get rid of devil...its hard, but never give up..."easier said than done"
for me, i hate comparing, but i will succumed to comparing myself with others too...and become sad... but when you think again, y shld i make myself worse off by being sad when i am already lagging behind pp...the more i shld buck up!
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u cant figure out what's wrong if you dont know what's right. Analyse and figure out what went right for others before you ask yourself what went wrong.
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Originally posted by ptps:EDIT: I know this is a damn long post, but please don't make comments like asking me to summarize or whatever; I'm really not in the mood. Thanks.
Hey guys. It's my first time on the forums. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by posting here and actually getting some help, or making a general fool out of myself then start beating myself up for being stupid later.
I'm not sure where my problem really lies, or if it's even a problem. It's a bit... disorganised. But I'll try and relate as best as I can.
I'll give a bit of a self-intro so you know where I'm coming from. I'm 18-turning-19 years old, I'm the average girl-next-door-whom-you-probably-would-never-notice-until-I-told-you-I-was-there. I'm studying design and teaching martial arts, having just earned my black belt a year back.
So. My "problem". I find that I get very easily demoralized by things that would probably be insignificant to others.
For example, today: one of the parents of the kids who attend the martial arts class I teach told me that my class was "very messy. Not disciplined like the one over here." (They were a few metres away from class of the same martial arts group I'm in.) That, coupled with the fact that five of my students from my class had recently decided to up and go and transfer themselves over to the "class over here", just pitched my day downwards.
I've heard it over and over again from so many other people that if someone tells you something you don't like to hear, just deal with it, figure out what's wrong, devise a method for improving yourself and then get on with it. Okay. But I find that so hard to do. When the parent told me that, what I heard was, "You're lousy. You're a horrid instructor. How the hell do you manage your classes. I think I'll put my kid here, since it's so much better than that crap you're managing."
I feel very horrid because... there are instructors who are younger than me who come from the same group I'm in. And they perform so much better. They're more skilled, more "popular", so to speak, and they can manage their classes way better than I probably ever could. I feel like a let down, not being able to perform up to the same standards. Furthermore, the kids in THEIR class are all damn "quai". No need to scream or punish or shout yourself hoarse like what normally happens in my class.
Then here's the dumb part. Being an instructor means you're supposed to set examples for the students, right? So I make sure I'm always if not most of the time, early for my classes. I try to engage them as much as possible so they don't get bored. When they fail to perform a move and complain that they "can't do it", I always tell them, "practice makes perfect" or "If you keep saying you can't do it, then of course you can't do it lah!" or "I don't want to hear the words 'I cannot I cannot'".
I tell them all that when I don't believe in myself. "I can't reach the standards of my seniors." "I'll never be able to be as good as so-and-so." "I'm a lousy instructor." I say the things I tell my own students not to say. And I feel so hypocritic.
Same deal goes for my art life in school. I'll get extremely dejected/demoralized when my juniors produce better work than what I've done, even though I did my best for it. I get depressed when I see my seniors, and feel like I can never match up to them. Hell, I get frustrated with myself when I can't produce something that matches up to standard and I normally end up just trashing the project or giving up because I feel stupid and worthless for not being able to compare.
Speaking of depression, I think I'm suffering from psychosis. But I've never really made a move to approach a counsellor or anything because I'm really afraid that they'll laugh off my problem as being stupid, that I'm thinking too much over small matters, that I'm just an attention-seeking idiot. I don't even know if this IS a real problem or not, if it's just me making a mountain out of a molehill.
I've tried telling some of my rl friends about my problems before but they just laughed and said I was stupid, that I angst too much or something. I'm typing this out now because then I don't have to meet anyone face to face, I'd be anonymous on the web. Hell, if anyone has even managed to read for this long without falling asleep, I'll be surprised.
Oh, I also have extreme tendencies to go offtrack when I'm angsting. In case you haven't already noticed. Argh.
I don't even know what my problem is or if I actually have a problem in the first place.
There is too strong of an ego here, which coerced you to pursue the standard of others as a benchmark of success and quality, when in fact you ought to gauge yourself based on your OWN measure. It could be due to the way you are developed emotionally and mentally, where this aggressiveness or abundance of energy flows within you creates a competitive personality. You see things based on result and do things in view of success, yet devoid yourself of much passion and love for these things.
I give you an analogy - a teacher getting frustrated due to a couple of students ain't doing well, say maths, and pulled the overall distinction percentage down.
Although this serve, in some ways, some guideline to determine a teacher's capability, but if the teacher overly dwell on statistic, the teacher will often lose the initial passion he/she had, wanted and thought in her job. The passion of teaching is intangible and why did you teach in the first place? Because you love to impart knowledge isn't it?
If it is your inexperience, then learn from your job. You will gradually improve if you don't take EVERYTHING so personal. People are giving you their negative view because of your work, NOT because of YOU. By integrating your work and doing into a personal level, it isn't a wonder why you could get so emotionally affected by this. Even though you are a black belt in martial art, but you are no black belt in teaching! Don't be so hard on yourself. A good dancer doesn't necessary means he/she is a gifted instructor as well. A teacher learns as she teaches and you are merely learning how to conduct a class and do it well.
As for your studies, to use someone as a stimuli to further yourself is a good tool, but as again, your competitive nature gets everything into personal level, in turn, emotionally affected through something which shouldn't even stress you up to this level.
People call you a perfectionist, but actually you are a runner in life. Problem comes in because you don't know when to slow down your pace to catch a little bit of breathe, enjoy possible scenery or recuperate/conserve some energy for a later burst. You just run without wisdom, thinking that if you don't maintain this speed, you are going to lose and ultimately tired out yourself.
Have you ever thought what and why are you running? You are competing with yourself isn't it?
P.S: You need to shift your perception to something more comfortable. In life, it isn't always about fighting, competing or challenging. ItÂ’s about humble learning, evolving and understand what works and what doesn't. You measure yourself according to your OWN standard, not that of others. You push yourself based on your OWN standard, not that of others.
Are you a Virgo or Capricorn?
Cheers -
Thanks for all the kind comments, guys...
just accept it...simply...ACCEPT IT...
R3SsH|n: I don't know how to without beating myself up about being weaker than the others. I get frustrated just thinking about how everyone esle seems to be better, I wonder what I've been doing, and I get mad at myself.
It's like there's that "What if I'd done that? I could have gotter stronger/more knowledgable." that's holding me back. I don't know if what I'm doing is considered as giving up easily, or if I've really done my best but still can't make it. And I don't dare to ask my seniors what they think about me because I'm terrified of what I might hear.u cant figure out what's wrong if you dont know what's right.
Ray87: Yeah, that's the problem. T_T I don't know what's right. I mean like... I do set my own standards. And the people whom I look up to and all ask me to try harder, to push my own limits so I can become better. But sometimes I can't. So, am I wrong to fail? Is it despicable not to be able to match up to standards? I don't know.Are you a Virgo or Capricorn?
Yunhaier: I'm a Scorpio XD; And I'm born in the year of the Tiger, just in case. But I don't really believe in horoscopes (no matter how true their prediction), so yeah.
Thanks again to everyone, I really appreciate the fact that some people actually do read my senseless blathering. ._.; -
Originally posted by ptps:
Mmm... 1st thing's 1st... If you tell your problems to a counsellor, they won't deliberately laugh at you lah... PLS... If you're really afraid, just tell them NOT to laugh beforehand...
[b]EDIT: I know this is a damn long post, but please don't make comments like asking me to summarize or whatever; I'm really not in the mood. Thanks.
Hey guys. It's my first time on the forums. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by posting here and actually getting some help, or making a general fool out of myself then start beating myself up for being stupid later.
I'm not sure where my problem really lies, or if it's even a problem. It's a bit... disorganised. But I'll try and relate as best as I can.
I'll give a bit of a self-intro so you know where I'm coming from. I'm 18-turning-19 years old, I'm the average girl-next-door-whom-you-probably-would-never-notice-until-I-told-you-I-was-there. I'm studying design and teaching martial arts, having just earned my black belt a year back.
So. My "problem". I find that I get very easily demoralized by things that would probably be insignificant to others.
For example, today: one of the parents of the kids who attend the martial arts class I teach told me that my class was "very messy. Not disciplined like the one over here." (They were a few metres away from class of the same martial arts group I'm in.) That, coupled with the fact that five of my students from my class had recently decided to up and go and transfer themselves over to the "class over here", just pitched my day downwards.
I've heard it over and over again from so many other people that if someone tells you something you don't like to hear, just deal with it, figure out what's wrong, devise a method for improving yourself and then get on with it. Okay. But I find that so hard to do. When the parent told me that, what I heard was, "You're lousy. You're a horrid instructor. How the hell do you manage your classes. I think I'll put my kid here, since it's so much better than that crap you're managing."
I feel very horrid because... there are instructors who are younger than me who come from the same group I'm in. And they perform so much better. They're more skilled, more "popular", so to speak, and they can manage their classes way better than I probably ever could. I feel like a let down, not being able to perform up to the same standards. Furthermore, the kids in THEIR class are all damn "quai". No need to scream or punish or shout yourself hoarse like what normally happens in my class.
Then here's the dumb part. Being an instructor means you're supposed to set examples for the students, right? So I make sure I'm always if not most of the time, early for my classes. I try to engage them as much as possible so they don't get bored. When they fail to perform a move and complain that they "can't do it", I always tell them, "practice makes perfect" or "If you keep saying you can't do it, then of course you can't do it lah!" or "I don't want to hear the words 'I cannot I cannot'".
I tell them all that when I don't believe in myself. "I can't reach the standards of my seniors." "I'll never be able to be as good as so-and-so." "I'm a lousy instructor." I say the things I tell my own students not to say. And I feel so hypocritic.
Same deal goes for my art life in school. I'll get extremely dejected/demoralized when my juniors produce better work than what I've done, even though I did my best for it. I get depressed when I see my seniors, and feel like I can never match up to them. Hell, I get frustrated with myself when I can't produce something that matches up to standard and I normally end up just trashing the project or giving up because I feel stupid and worthless for not being able to compare.
Speaking of depression, I think I'm suffering from psychosis. But I've never really made a move to approach a counsellor or anything because I'm really afraid that they'll laugh off my problem as being stupid, that I'm thinking too much over small matters, that I'm just an attention-seeking idiot. I don't even know if this IS a real problem or not, if it's just me making a mountain out of a molehill.
I've tried telling some of my rl friends about my problems before but they just laughed and said I was stupid, that I angst too much or something. I'm typing this out now because then I don't have to meet anyone face to face, I'd be anonymous on the web. Hell, if anyone has even managed to read for this long without falling asleep, I'll be surprised.
Oh, I also have extreme tendencies to go offtrack when I'm angsting. In case you haven't already noticed. Argh.
I don't even know what my problem is or if I actually have a problem in the first place.[/b]
About your martial arts teaching, this is just how life is sometimes.. A little hypocritical.... Especially when you're running your own show... Your students are just like your customers... Either you've got to win them over one way or another... OR you'll just have to win their parents OVER...
Regarding your ARTS in school... Everybody's UNIQUE in their own way... Sometimes we just don't blend in or 'match up' in some social sense... But just try to be and explore yourself...?