am i a b*tch?
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HereÂ’s a pretty lengthy storyÂ…
I got to know 2 guys (A and B, these 2 guys are frens too) from one of my girl pals. I wasn’t very close to them initially, but despite that, I had a slight ‘crush’ on B as he was a pretty quiet guy who seemed to be always deep in thoughts. My fren in turn was close to A and had some sorta ‘fling’ going on.
However, due to a misunderstanding, they ceased contact. As I wanted to help them get back together, I started talking to A to find out what actually happened. After sometime, A confessed that he had fallen for me. I was like ‘How the hell can you forget a girl so fast and fall for another girl within such a short time?’ Despite that, I chose not to stay a distance from him as I really treasured this fren and wanted to help him. He always seemed to have problems (family, friends, school). I told him that all of them actually cared about him a lot, cos he complained that nobody cares about him. It just whether he allowed ppl to care about him. If he refused to let anyone care about him, how can he say that ppl do not care about him?
There was a point in time I realized that I had a ‘crush’ on A. He could be very sweet sometimes and provided a listening ear to me too. I sorta ‘flirted’ with him, but as I thought rationally, I realized that I could be misleading him and thus I stopped. I didn’t want to get into a relationship as I had personal problems too. A knew about it, but still wanted to treat me as his ‘gf’. Then I realized that his whole family knew about my existence. I was very pressured and questioned him on why he had to mislead everyone into thinking that I was his gf. In addition, he also began to say ‘disgusting’ things, like asking me to sleepover at his house (for a few times already). Each time he said that, I gave him a piece of my mind and resisted violently as I thought he was insulting me.
As I began to know him further, I realized that he might not be the one for me after all. I could foresee all the problems ahead of us (Eg. My fren might get the wrong idea that I snatched her guy away, and both A and me just had conflicting personalities). A was very very very very very stubborn and just could not understand. All he wanted was for me to be his ‘special’ fren, where we can hold hands…etc. I was really disgusted and felt like he was treating me like some cheap woman. I kept explaining to him that if he still wanted to treat me as a fren, he ought to stop all these nonsense. He still could not get it and went on with his nonsense. Eventually I told him that Im gonna stay a distance away from him as I did not want him to carry on like this. He agreed initially, but would continue to msg me all over again after few days of MIA. This carried on for a few weeks and I was totally sick and tired of it till I used vulgarities on him. Each time I stopped contacting me, he would still continue to msg me out of the blue.
During this period, I hung out with my fren, B and a guy fren of ours regularly. It seemed like double dating, although we are not couples. After sometime, my fren went steady with our guy fren. B and I also got to know each other better and I really enjoyed his company. He was an amusing guy but yet seemed matured and understanding. I realized that I was falling for him and I knew it was not just a crush. However, I still maintained my position and bear in mind that I was not gonna get into a relationship.
As time went by, B and I realized that we have fallen for each other. However, our problems remained. If we continued to bring our friendship to a higher level, B would seem to have ‘betrayed’ his fren A as he knew that A liked me. As for me, A was still bugging me (I used the word ‘bugging’ cos he kept on smsing the same old stuff and despite many explanation, he still could not understand).
A found out that B and I have been contacting and said that B was interested in me. The word seemed to have gotten out and their whole group of friends and AÂ’s family knew about it. B wanted to talk to A to clear things out, but B refused to give him a chance to do so. Until recently, A finally agreed to talk to B. But the talk didnÂ’t help much, as A kept asking B to continue to woo me and said that all these donÂ’t matter to him. When asked, A said that he had already given up and would forget about all these problems. He also told B that he knew 5 new girls recently, which I think he was trying to show B that he had forgotten about me.
At the same time, A also sms me that he heard from his frens that I am interested in B and has been wooing him. WTF lorÂ… what rubbish. I might be interested in B, but im not DESPERATE for guys. I wonder what else they have been gossiping about.
AÂ’s elder brother heard about these problems from another mutual fren, and before even bothering to find out the actual whole story, he immediately labeled me as a b*tch. He asked me to stay away from A. I mean, he didnÂ’t even find out who was the one who was bugging and refused to give up. I didnÂ’t even contact A (as IÂ’ve mentioned earlier), how can AÂ’s elder brother assume that I was the one bugging A? AÂ’s elder bro did a lot of name-calling and insulted me, and I really had mixed feelings about it. Do I really deserve all these?
My questions are:
1) Was I wrong to have misled A at the beginning?
2) What would happen if B and I were to develop our current friendship into a relationship?
3) What should I do now?? Should I ask A out for a talk? Or should I clarify things with AÂ’s elder brother? But if I really were to ask A out for a talk, im worried that it might be fruitless, cos A is too stubborn
sad...........
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pls summarize your post...all this A and B are making me damn confused
Anyway, from what I have read so far, make up your mind about one of these guys and stick to him, and make it clear to the other one you are not his gf and he has no control over whom you want to date. -
summarise ar...
hmm..
A and B likes me, A and B are frens.
I used to have a 'crush' on A, but later explained things to him, but he just doesnt get it and kept on smsing me till i got really sick of it and told him off.
I got to know B better, found out he is a nice guy, and fell for him, but told him that i didnt want to get into a relationship (like someone doesnt mean must be together right?......)
Now, A told B that he is able to forget about me and move on. but A's elder bro is unhappy that i 'toyed with his bro's' feelings. I didnt lor.. i already told A that i dowan to get into a relationship. and i already did my part to explain to A, just that he doesnt understand. and now A's elder bro is super duper buay song.
thats about it ba.... -
Yea, so you have answered your own question. Since it was A who pestered you first, why are you afraid of the label? You did nothing wrong, hence you shud have a clear conscience. Date whomever you want, dun need to feel like you owe anyone an explanationOriginally posted by LiEr:summarise ar...
hmm..
A and B likes me, A and B are frens.
I used to have a 'crush' on A, but later explained things to him, but he just doesnt get it and kept on smsing me till i got really sick of it and told him off.
I got to know B better, found out he is a nice guy, and fell for him, but told him that i didnt want to get into a relationship (like someone doesnt mean must be together right?......)
Now, A told B that he is able to forget about me and move on. but A's elder bro is unhappy that i 'toyed with his bro's' feelings. I didnt lor.. i already told A that i dowan to get into a relationship. and i already did my part to explain to A, just that he doesnt understand. and now A's elder bro is super duper buay song.
thats about it ba....
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haix.. just that i feel very upset being called a b*tch.. and somemore it is by a person who knows nuts about the whole situation...
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Why do you still feel bad when you know he is just making some stupid accusations without any base or proof? Dun let others' opinions matter so much to you, esp when you know it is one that is not justified
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so this is where ur nick Lier comes in?
ur story hor, shows u r young. but it seems u already know what u r doing, so why bother asking a 2nd opinion fr us? such secret usually shared betw intimate ger frenz u know.
as usual, since u still young, treat it as vending machine, game over liaoz, slot new coin can continue new game. -
I believe that you should develop a relationship with B.
It's not advisable to contact neither A nor his brother at this point in time, as you have said, they are stubbon. Whatever you try to clarify, it might worsen things.
Follow your heart, and remember, if you can't please everyone, just please yourself.
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Hi LiEr, wow.. long post I must say.. Ok here goes..
You know A and B.. And from your post, i can say that A and B are frens.. It is pretty obvious that A is looking for you for a short term relationship.. He seems to be able to "lie" to everyone that you are his gf in the beginning.. I mean what does he gain out of it? Nothing.. So, from where I see, what he wants is status that "hey.. u are his gf.." And who knows if there are rivary between A and B, A can tell B.. "Look.. I have won her heart".. and so on..
I strongly feel that A should be put a side.. You see so many un even paths up ahead should you get attached with A.. Conclusion? Won't have any happy ending with A..
A's elder brother can call u a b*tch or what.. It does not matter.. Its his mouth.. You can't stop him.. But you yourself should know that you and A cannot be a couple. So get things straight to him and tell him clearly that you and him are only frens and no more.. Don't led him on if you have all along.
As for B.. Looks like you have fallen for him and vice versa.. Good that both of you are seeing things in the same picture.. Your frens and A can encourage you to be with B.. But the ultimate person to make the decision is you..
In a relationship, it is not who you wanna to be with.. Its how much comfort and happiness that you can get from that person whom you like. You can get attached with 10 or 1000 guys.. But if non give u the happiness, than its back to zero right??
From my point of view, you are NOT ready for a relationship. Firstly, as mention in your post, you have personal problems to attend to. Attend to those first and talk abt the relationship at a later date. 2ndly, you are not confident in starting this relationship with B. Why? Cause A is bugging you.. Tell yourself.. if you are really serious about B, than why bother what A does to you. .Just treat him as someone nagging in your shadows.. Be firm in your decision..
To answer your questions:
1) As to whether you mislead A... In the first place, when he was treating you very sweet, you mentioned that you had a "crush" on him.. But i guess you did not in anyway tell him that you like him or bring him in a merry go round that you are "responding" well to his kindness etc.. So i don see any form of misleading.
2) If you and B start a relationship.. Congrats.. But make sure you are sure of your decision and don regret it in the later part of it.
3) Ask A for a talk?? Yes you should.. Tell him that you find him as a good fren and nothing more.. Hope he understand. Ensure that you are having a strong firm stand. If he can be stubborn.. Why can't you? Ask his elder brother out and clarify? Forget it.. You are wasting your time.. Its between you, A and B.. nothing to do with B..
Finally.. Good luck..
Cheers.Originally posted by LiEr:HereÂ’s a pretty lengthy storyÂ…
I got to know 2 guys (A and B, these 2 guys are frens too) from one of my girl pals. I wasn’t very close to them initially, but despite that, I had a slight ‘crush’ on B as he was a pretty quiet guy who seemed to be always deep in thoughts. My fren in turn was close to A and had some sorta ‘fling’ going on.
However, due to a misunderstanding, they ceased contact. As I wanted to help them get back together, I started talking to A to find out what actually happened. After sometime, A confessed that he had fallen for me. I was like ‘How the hell can you forget a girl so fast and fall for another girl within such a short time?’ Despite that, I chose not to stay a distance from him as I really treasured this fren and wanted to help him. He always seemed to have problems (family, friends, school). I told him that all of them actually cared about him a lot, cos he complained that nobody cares about him. It just whether he allowed ppl to care about him. If he refused to let anyone care about him, how can he say that ppl do not care about him?
There was a point in time I realized that I had a ‘crush’ on A. He could be very sweet sometimes and provided a listening ear to me too. I sorta ‘flirted’ with him, but as I thought rationally, I realized that I could be misleading him and thus I stopped. I didn’t want to get into a relationship as I had personal problems too. A knew about it, but still wanted to treat me as his ‘gf’. Then I realized that his whole family knew about my existence. I was very pressured and questioned him on why he had to mislead everyone into thinking that I was his gf. In addition, he also began to say ‘disgusting’ things, like asking me to sleepover at his house (for a few times already). Each time he said that, I gave him a piece of my mind and resisted violently as I thought he was insulting me.
As I began to know him further, I realized that he might not be the one for me after all. I could foresee all the problems ahead of us (Eg. My fren might get the wrong idea that I snatched her guy away, and both A and me just had conflicting personalities). A was very very very very very stubborn and just could not understand. All he wanted was for me to be his ‘special’ fren, where we can hold hands…etc. I was really disgusted and felt like he was treating me like some cheap woman. I kept explaining to him that if he still wanted to treat me as a fren, he ought to stop all these nonsense. He still could not get it and went on with his nonsense. Eventually I told him that Im gonna stay a distance away from him as I did not want him to carry on like this. He agreed initially, but would continue to msg me all over again after few days of MIA. This carried on for a few weeks and I was totally sick and tired of it till I used vulgarities on him. Each time I stopped contacting me, he would still continue to msg me out of the blue.
During this period, I hung out with my fren, B and a guy fren of ours regularly. It seemed like double dating, although we are not couples. After sometime, my fren went steady with our guy fren. B and I also got to know each other better and I really enjoyed his company. He was an amusing guy but yet seemed matured and understanding. I realized that I was falling for him and I knew it was not just a crush. However, I still maintained my position and bear in mind that I was not gonna get into a relationship.
As time went by, B and I realized that we have fallen for each other. However, our problems remained. If we continued to bring our friendship to a higher level, B would seem to have ‘betrayed’ his fren A as he knew that A liked me. As for me, A was still bugging me (I used the word ‘bugging’ cos he kept on smsing the same old stuff and despite many explanation, he still could not understand).
A found out that B and I have been contacting and said that B was interested in me. The word seemed to have gotten out and their whole group of friends and AÂ’s family knew about it. B wanted to talk to A to clear things out, but B refused to give him a chance to do so. Until recently, A finally agreed to talk to B. But the talk didnÂ’t help much, as A kept asking B to continue to woo me and said that all these donÂ’t matter to him. When asked, A said that he had already given up and would forget about all these problems. He also told B that he knew 5 new girls recently, which I think he was trying to show B that he had forgotten about me.
At the same time, A also sms me that he heard from his frens that I am interested in B and has been wooing him. WTF lorÂ… what rubbish. I might be interested in B, but im not DESPERATE for guys. I wonder what else they have been gossiping about.
AÂ’s elder brother heard about these problems from another mutual fren, and before even bothering to find out the actual whole story, he immediately labeled me as a b*tch. He asked me to stay away from A. I mean, he didnÂ’t even find out who was the one who was bugging and refused to give up. I didnÂ’t even contact A (as IÂ’ve mentioned earlier), how can AÂ’s elder brother assume that I was the one bugging A? AÂ’s elder bro did a lot of name-calling and insulted me, and I really had mixed feelings about it. Do I really deserve all these?
My questions are:
1) Was I wrong to have misled A at the beginning?
2) What would happen if B and I were to develop our current friendship into a relationship?
3) What should I do now?? Should I ask A out for a talk? Or should I clarify things with AÂ’s elder brother? But if I really were to ask A out for a talk, im worried that it might be fruitless, cos A is too stubborn
sad........... -
do you think you are toying with A? how about with B? you say you like B but don't want to get into a r/s. it just shows your unwillingness to commit. isnt this toying with his feelings?
reflect on your actions, btch.
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whoa, abit harsh are we?Originally posted by starblue:do you think you are toying with A? how about with B? you say you like B but don't want to get into a r/s. it just shows your unwillingness to commit. isnt this toying with his feelings?
reflect on your actions, btch. -
Li er is my name.Originally posted by Apollo_sg:so this is where ur nick Lier comes in?
ur story hor, shows u r young. but it seems u already know what u r doing, so why bother asking a 2nd opinion fr us? such secret usually shared betw intimate ger frenz u know.
as usual, since u still young, treat it as vending machine, game over liaoz, slot new coin can continue new game. -
i cant get into a relationship, cos im going overseas for studies soon.Originally posted by starblue:do you think you are toying with A? how about with B? you say you like B but don't want to get into a r/s. it just shows your unwillingness to commit. isnt this toying with his feelings?
reflect on your actions, btch.
I do like B, but liking someone doesnt mean i have to be together with him right? furthermore, i think i still nid more time to know him better before i commit myself.. why shld i commit myself into something im unsure.. -
subjective, if i call you a Bitch, you're not necessarily a Bitch to someone else.
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Hi there..Originally posted by Kennerve:Hi LiEr, wow.. long post I must say.. Ok here goes..
You know A and B.. And from your post, i can say that A and B are frens.. It is pretty obvious that A is looking for you for a short term relationship.. He seems to be able to "lie" to everyone that you are his gf in the beginning.. I mean what does he gain out of it? Nothing.. So, from where I see, what he wants is status that "hey.. u are his gf.." And who knows if there are rivary between A and B, A can tell B.. "Look.. I have won her heart".. and so on..
I strongly feel that A should be put a side.. You see so many un even paths up ahead should you get attached with A.. Conclusion? Won't have any happy ending with A..
A's elder brother can call u a b*tch or what.. It does not matter.. Its his mouth.. You can't stop him.. But you yourself should know that you and A cannot be a couple. So get things straight to him and tell him clearly that you and him are only frens and no more.. Don't led him on if you have all along.
As for B.. Looks like you have fallen for him and vice versa.. Good that both of you are seeing things in the same picture.. Your frens and A can encourage you to be with B.. But the ultimate person to make the decision is you..
In a relationship, it is not who you wanna to be with.. Its how much comfort and happiness that you can get from that person whom you like. You can get attached with 10 or 1000 guys.. But if non give u the happiness, than its back to zero right??
From my point of view, you are NOT ready for a relationship. Firstly, as mention in your post, you have personal problems to attend to. Attend to those first and talk abt the relationship at a later date. 2ndly, you are not confident in starting this relationship with B. Why? Cause A is bugging you.. Tell yourself.. if you are really serious about B, than why bother what A does to you. .Just treat him as someone nagging in your shadows.. Be firm in your decision..
To answer your questions:
1) As to whether you mislead A... In the first place, when he was treating you very sweet, you mentioned that you had a "crush" on him.. But i guess you did not in anyway tell him that you like him or bring him in a merry go round that you are "responding" well to his kindness etc.. So i don see any form of misleading.
2) If you and B start a relationship.. Congrats.. But make sure you are sure of your decision and don regret it in the later part of it.
3) Ask A for a talk?? Yes you should.. Tell him that you find him as a good fren and nothing more.. Hope he understand. Ensure that you are having a strong firm stand. If he can be stubborn.. Why can't you? Ask his elder brother out and clarify? Forget it.. You are wasting your time.. Its between you, A and B.. nothing to do with B..
Finally.. Good luck..
Cheers.
thanks for understanding the situation from my point of view.. i really appreciate it.
i've explained millions of times to A that we can only be friends. he agreed at first to be normal frens only, but then he will start msging me again saying that he misses me and likes me alot and cant forget me. at the beginning, i would spend time replying his smses and explain to him everything. cos i really treasured him as a fren. however, he just doesnt seem to understnad. i believe i have made my point across clearly. cos i keep explaining..but he just dun accept it. thus towards the end, i couldnt take it anymore and hurled vulgarities (i admit its my fault but then cos i was too frustrated)
i told A i really wanted to keep him as a fren, seems like he doesnt even accept it too.. cos he cant forget me?
im not ready for a relationship.. cos im still in the process of planning my future (going overseas to study) and i have a bad temper which i want to learn how to control before i get committed into a relationship. thats why even though i like him, i wont get into a relationship.and not cos i love toying with ppl's feelings....
haix.. -
1) Was I wrong to have misled A at the beginning?
-> i think as a friend you did the right thing in trying ur best to support him when he needed emotional support the most... so i dont think its ur fault there... however, i do think that the flirting part was a little unnecessary.. coz it sparked the whole conflict?
2) What would happen if B and I were to develop our current friendship into a relationship?
-> if you really feel that you and B could develop a long term relationship (and not a fling)... by all means, just go for it gal, other people's opinions (like A and his brother) shouldn't stop you from making your own decisions.. obviously what A's brother said is not very true.. of coz he would wanna defend his sibling rite? or maybe A told him a total different picture from what you're telling us..
3) What should I do now?? Should I ask A out for a talk? Or should I clarify things with AÂ’s elder brother? But if I really were to ask A out for a talk, im worried that it might be fruitless, cos A is too stubborn
-> i think u should stop all contact with A until he ceases in bugging you..
good luck gal =) -
Well.. Some guys are too persistant and thinks that my putting on too much pressure into a girl.. She will just give in.. Looks like the worst case scenerio has to be "put into place" should he go on like that.. And whats that?? End the friendship lor.. I know it sound ultimate lame to do that.. But that is facts of life.. Are you going to let this "burden" carry on you even when you are overseas?
You can start of by telling him that you are going overseas to study.. and u may not feel comfortable in a long distance relationship.. No point hurling vulgarites at him as it does not bring any plus point into what you wanna tell him.
Since you stated clearly that you are not ready for a relationship.. Than what about B? How are you going to explain things to him as well since you and him are "having that love feeling"? You really got to sort things out.. Cause if you are not going to get attached yet.. and to be fair to B.. You should tell him just as well.. Cause if he knows that you are not ready for a r/s.. and if he feels that you are cheating/toying him.. than i think the end results will be disastrous.
Think abt it..Originally posted by LiEr:Hi there..
thanks for understanding the situation from my point of view.. i really appreciate it.
i've explained millions of times to A that we can only be friends. he agreed at first to be normal frens only, but then he will start msging me again saying that he misses me and likes me alot and cant forget me. at the beginning, i would spend time replying his smses and explain to him everything. cos i really treasured him as a fren. however, he just doesnt seem to understnad. i believe i have made my point across clearly. cos i keep explaining..but he just dun accept it. thus towards the end, i couldnt take it anymore and hurled vulgarities (i admit its my fault but then cos i was too frustrated)
i told A i really wanted to keep him as a fren, seems like he doesnt even accept it too.. cos he cant forget me?
im not ready for a relationship.. cos im still in the process of planning my future (going overseas to study) and i have a bad temper which i want to learn how to control before i get committed into a relationship. thats why even though i like him, i wont get into a relationship.and not cos i love toying with ppl's feelings....
haix.. -
i told B already.. that im not prepared for a relationship and i need more time cos i also wanna get to know him better first...
but i also told B that it doesnt mean by the time i know him better i'll definitely be together wif him..cos by then maybe we will realise that we do not suit each other. i told him not to wait for me too.. if he finds a better girl he shld go for her. -
i can't read..i pity the mods in AA...no kidding just go for the one you like..love is a b|tch itself..
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u're not. fann wong is.
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and you win the Best Reply of the Day awardOriginally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:u're not. fann wong is. -
Its good that you have made things clear to it.. Now it depends on how you and B get things thru..
As for A.. Just put him aside.. and let him "chase" u for all you bother.. Just treat him like a normal fren if you want..Originally posted by LiEr:i told B already.. that im not prepared for a relationship and i need more time cos i also wanna get to know him better first...
but i also told B that it doesnt mean by the time i know him better i'll definitely be together wif him..cos by then maybe we will realise that we do not suit each other. i told him not to wait for me too.. if he finds a better girl he shld go for her. -
What the hell you talking abt?? Catch no ball..
Originally posted by anhydrouscoppersulphate:u're not. fann wong is. -
is this a comprehension exercise
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I think is it a abit confusing but I think I know what it is about anyway.
The solutions :
1)Keep putting icewall or continue ignoring A as obviously the "A" guy was in love with u because of lust and others
2)you like B and B like you give yourself a chance give B a chance too
3)I will not take responsible for anything that happen if you take my solutions
Note *** : This solutions are just ADVICE THE FINAL DECISION LIES WITH YOU !!!