rushing me..
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how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret?
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go sign on and u have the bucks to marry and enjoy life...
navy better...
the highest pay.... good life...
just tell u u go sailing and viola... there u are at the bar, pub, club or geylang.... -
Originally posted by zichuan:how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret?
If she really loves you...she will respect your choice
Look...its good that you have made plans for future studies..i respect you for that
At this point of time...both of you are not really stable, both $$$ and mental...
I think you really sit down and consider about your future...rushed marriage but weak foundation or later marriage but ur income is more
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy -
Originally posted by zichuan:how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret? NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... NEVER get married because of emotional insecurity like what you gf is suffering from. There may be a problem somewhere that triggers her insecurity, but getting married is NOT a solution.
And NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... get married if you are not emotionally prepared. Not financially prepare is still secondary... not emotionally prepared is the doom bringer.
How you tell her? Communicate about your current inadequacy and that your reason for a latter marriage because is NOT because you don't love her anymore... more like you would want to ensure that she has a better life after marriage and not something hasty and screw up your greater plans. Communicate further to discover the source why she pushing for you for a marriage. There must be something that is edging her.
Cheers -
22 is a very young age to be thinking about marriage for a man, especially if your career is still not established.
I should think at this age you might want to consider your studies first, because studies are not something you can easily go back to at any time in your life. On the other hand, you have the rest of your life to work. -
Auntie Yun,
I certainly agree with you
Better to marry late than rush into a commitment you can't sustain & into marriage vows you can't fulfil
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Yunhaier: NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... NEVER get married because of emotional insecurity like what you gf is suffering from. There may be a problem somewhere that triggers her insecurity, but getting married is NOT a solution.
And NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER.... NEVER... get married if you are not emotionally prepared. Not financially prepare is still secondary... not emotionally prepared is the doom bringer.
How you tell her? Communicate about your current inadequacy and that your reason for a latter marriage because is NOT because you don't love her anymore... more like you would want to ensure that she has a better life after marriage and not something hasty and screw up your greater plans. Communicate further to discover the source why she pushing for you for a marriage. There must be something that is edging her.
Cheers -
I think she might be under pressure from her family to start having kids... Or she's so insecure that she actually thinks marriage will lock you to her...
Tip: DO NOT MARRY HER IN SINGAPORE. In case of a divorce, she will take everything you own. -
Do u know Y ur gf wan 2 rush marriage? But to be fair & *not selfish, U better dun expect her 2 wait until u are 30yrs old. 5 years of r/s is enough 4 both of u to understand each other & decide whether to tie the knot or time to let go. Best not to give pressure or threaten to each other.Originally posted by zichuan:how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret?
If u 'sense' love is diminishing bcoz of the 'marriage rush', talk 2 her & find why. Also ask urself truly, when u really can 'settle down' wif her, 2-5yrs time?. Remember marriage is not only for her only, is BOTH of you!! Fm wat u wrote, she seem like she wan 2 be in control every thing & u seem to be blaming her
for holding up ur plans. U also believe u r 'young' & wan 2 'enjoy', but in general, most Sg women at around 23 above will wan 2 plan a head 3 - 5 years for their marriage. So can u assure that u will marry her in 2-5 years time? BTW do u have 2 service NS? -
Very likely?Originally posted by zichuan:how do i encourage my gf that rushing me us to married is too fast pace for me? im 21 she is 22. im still young and intend to get married at 30, she threaten that she doesnt want to wait for me, our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only. im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. but im so young i still got the blood to enjoy my life first then settle down. now is like my plans is on hold because of her? when i tell her about my plans for us in the future she rejects the idea and said i had changed. i sometimes asked myself whether she is the true girl for me? will i married a woman in later part of my life i regret? -
2 big warning signs.
If you're tired of her, please break up & soon, for both your sakes.
If she's the type who's kinda short sighted and wants instant $ support + big wedding ASAP, instead of putting your educational and career interest first, you'd best be careful about choosing her for life partner.Originally posted by zichuan:our r/s has been about 5years now. i got no much feelings for her now. why is this happening? its like our feelings is so bitter now like best friends only.
im still studying ite and intend to go into poly, but she rejects the idea that i go out to work and support for and save up for marriage. -
i have completed my national services back when i was 17. right now i should focus on is my career and education as first piority and woman at the second. i told her yesterday about my plans, she said i have changed, i told her if you understand me and know what im doing you should wait for me and support me. i ask her why want to married? can be together for years down the road can already mah. i said want children before 30?? so rush for? she worried after 30 hard to get children, i reply that since then dont want children. i say 30+ also can conceive easily. she on silent mode, i hint her u will wait for me go university, her looks on her face "sianz 1/2". her family background is brother is 23 yet kinda slack not earning much from work monthly dont know give her parents how much only, and her also monthly giving her parents money, but parents always ask from her money.. she is like want to faster married out of this family, so she is in money crisis situation. i told her dont because of money problem u stress yourself and our relationship. she should understand that im studying now, and working parttime the pay doesnt supply me even for 1mth allowallance sad to say my parents still supply me daily allowallance..
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yes. she is like short-sighted. she say even u got degree u think get job in singapore good meh? i was like errr... her manternity dont look on the bright side. she is like want instant $ support, u think over a glimps of the eye cold hard cash appear meh? and before 30yrs old marriage so important meh?Originally posted by choco B:2 big warning signs.
If you're tired of her, please break up & soon, for both your sakes.
If she's the type who's kinda short sighted and wants instant $ support + big wedding ASAP, instead of putting your educational and career interest first, you'd best be careful about choosing her for life partner. -
i asked myself yes the answer is im blaming her somehow but not directly spoken to her about that, she got this thinking that she is 1983 and shouldnt listen to someone younger then her, but i say 1 yr difference, and im your bf you should listen. she give a bo chup attitude.Originally posted by ronin47:Do u know Y ur gf wan 2 rush marriage? But to be fair & *not selfish, U better dun expect her 2 wait until u are 30yrs old. 5 years of r/s is enough 4 both of u to understand each other & decide whether to tie the knot or time to let go. Best not to give pressure or threaten to each other.
If u 'sense' love is diminishing bcoz of the 'marriage rush', talk 2 her & find why. Also ask urself truly, when u really can 'settle down' wif her, 2-5yrs time?. Remember marriage is not only for her only, is BOTH of you!! Fm wat u wrote, she seem like she wan 2 be in control every thing & u seem to be blaming her
for holding up ur plans. U also believe u r 'young' & wan 2 'enjoy', but in general, most Sg women at around 23 above will wan 2 plan a head 3 - 5 years for their marriage. So can u assure that u will marry her in 2-5 years time? BTW do u have 2 service NS?
this type of thing give and take.
i calculate my plans i intend to settle down at age of 30. she kinda rejects the idea or rather not supportive then man your problem. anyway she broke up with me on apr this year and ran away with another man i saw them holding hands together. i confronted them, later due to our both emotion weakness i ask to patch, and now she cherish and treasure both our r/s but then in my heart the anger still haven fade. imagine my gf say the guy want to intimate with her, lucky she rejects, if she didnt rejects? you think i can accept it? blame myself for patching back. and by the way the reasons of breaking up its a lame reasons, "she said i hang the computer too long didnt care about her" at 4yrs r/s a small minor problem sparkle a break up... lame
my parents told me see how she treats you, and advise me that marriage is a life comittment dont regret the woman of your life. -
Zichuan, u sound like a sensible young man. You're right about not rushing into marriage....there are many responsibilities and obligations that come with marriage, and without a foundation of a stable job and some savings, things can get tough. Furthermore, you are still young and studying, and your view of life will change as you cross into mid-20s and then into your 30s.
To cut it short - DO NOT get married yet. Your gf does not sound like the right partner for you too...not mature in her thinking yet. Take care.