A story - Family on the Edge
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This Aus man just broke up with his partner and was seriously depressed, scared of loneliness at home. He worked for a public transport company and has a nice income. One day, he came back from work; on the way home, he met a lady with two kids who just migrated to Aus from Singapore. Her husband remained in Singapore because other commitments. The wife and the kids went first. They were on their way looking for accommodation. The lady and this Aus man had a good conversation on the way.
Not long after, he needed to have an operation. He went to the hospital and there he met the lady again. She worked there as a nurse. During the time he stayed in the hospital, she was taking care of him. Somehow later, he asked her to move into his house. She decided to move in (?). They lived together in the same house for almost a year and the relationship had developed to a certain level (?). Her husband after one year came to Australia to join her. She moved out and rent a place. The man became a family member.
However, she always comes back to visit this man with food and shopping grocery for him, or some take-away for him she cooks from home. She often works on weekend night shifts, and every time she goes to work, she stops by to sleep in his house before she goes to work, she doesnÂ’t like to sleep in her house???. If she arrives at work, she often calls him at mid nights as he says she looks after him because he is lonely??? They often have long conversations over the phone because night shifts do not have a lot of work. They share emotions and feelings about different things. And it carries on and on. If she canÂ’t find him, she will call him again and again to reach him, even it is 2am??? Every time, the man has a dating with others, she keeps calling, and also wants to join if the man was going with the other woman(??? )although weekends she was supposed to stay with her family and the kids. They often arrange travel together without her husband. Sometimes, he brings her to the countryside to visit his mum and they both stay in the hotel together(?). They often organise time to go out together without her husband (?)
Her husband came to Aus without employment, and later found a job as casual blue worker in a factory. He is hard working and tries to keep up with a new life in Aus. But it seems so hard. He trusts his wife like the time they were in Singapore. But something is going on and he doesn’t know? The other man enjoys her accompany because he needs s/o to fill his loneliness; but behind he goes to tell her to his friends about this relationship. He said he really likes Asian women??? She comes to him voluntarily??? Perhaps, he may have enjoyed something for free from cost and free from disease (?). "It is to release the need…No man can live without a woman for that need…I never want to go to find in public…” This Au man continues to walk in and out in her family and the husband must have been “blind”.
I feel sorry for the husband as he is in a weaker position with no security for employment in Aus, trying to struggle to survive and maintain the family as possible. His wife just goes to discuss family issues with the Aus man, and does something her husband may not know or know, but he canÂ’t say because he is afraid of loosing everything. This Au man happens to be my friend and so shares with me his secret story as perhaps the lifestyle of white manÂ…??? I had tried to find out if he had any secret relationship before I gave me a chance? But sorry I donÂ’t want to have such a friend like him. So I ended the friendship with this guy.
It may happen that “you” (the lady) and A (her close friend) read this story online here. Please, come back to your husband and the kids. They love you and trust in you a lot. Don’t betray them. I don’t want to involve in your family problem, but I feel sorry for you because this Au man doesn’t love you as you think. He told his friends about your relationship with him and considers you as his entertainment for needs. Wake up! Go back to your family and sleep in the right bed! I use this forum to tell you because it is impossible for me to make it known to you. You are a professional who has higher education and a beautiful family; don’t let him use you as entertainment. More or less, Asian women can be target for white men’s “entertainment” in Australia. Listen to A, your close friend. My writing here is the evidence telling you what he has been saying about you to me and even more than that.
To the public in forum, if you have a beautiful wife and plan your family to migrate to other places, please dont let her come alone. -
UPZ.
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Originally posted by Devil1976:UPZ.
devil has a heart.. -
Simi lai eh?
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Devil1976:UPZ. -
Only people with a heart can say the word 'UPZ'Originally posted by alexkusu:
devil has a heart..
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woah..........
speechless -
weird..
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irrelevant?
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It's totally RELEVANT and a TRUE CASE...Originally posted by dragg:irrelevant? -
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Yes. It is true. It took me 6 months to find out. At first, I believed they were just friendship. I was very close with him at beginning. We went out very often for dinners on weekdays. He always received calls from her. There was one night we were on the beach for fresh air. It was really hot summer. She called again. It was 2am in the morning (A married called another man at 2am???). He looked at the phone and didnÂ’t listen. She called again and left a missed call. Then he called back and said he was with me, let him come home and he would call her??? At that time???And he did??? He said she was very caring woman and because he lives alone. She made sure he was fine???
Another night, I went to visit him as a friend. He said to me at the door, donÂ’t speak too loud, she was sleeping upstairs??? What??? In his house??? I said I wanted to leave. He said, "but I want to go with you?" What?? Weird???
I spoke to him about this relationship. He said. He could sort things out, don’t worry??. This means weekdays were for me and weekends were for her??? What?? Who am I?? He said but he enjoyed my accompany more than hers??? I can make people happy and laugh a lot. So he enjoyed my accompany. But it's impossible I gave more than that??? And perhaps, I believed he was “offered” by the other??? I didn’t ask. But it’s weird!!! He said we are just friends ??? What a lifestyle of a man???
The last time, He promised me he would go with me to Chinese Mooncake Festival. In the morning, I rang him to pick me up at 11am. The phone was cut off while we were talking. The he called back and said he came. One hour later, he came. He said, the lady was waiting in the car and insisted to see me, then join us for the Festival. With someone else but not her family??? Poor the husband and the kids at home???? I refused to go and didn’t talk to him for a week. He called me later and said. “I didn’t G came last night. She wanted to join in the morning. So I didn’t have time to let you know??? What???
I decided to end this friendship straight away and told him “you are breaking people’s family. Sorry I don’t have interest to be yr friend. Over.”
Do you believe? It happened. Unbelievable? I was shocked when realising a woman could do that to her husband and the kids. Very heartbreaking to them. -
Dear Transaihien,
Reading your posts, I have the feeling that part of the reason you feel she's doing the wrong thing is because she's also seeing the guy you're seeing? Call it a woman's intuition. Notwithstanding, I agree with what you've said. It doesn't seem like common married behaviour. However, we hafta also bear in mind that we dunno what's happening in her marriage.
There're people with open marriages, meaning they continue to see other people, but they still "love" their spouses & share the same home, even have children, etc. Although this open marriage concept is more prevalent in European & western countries, it doesn't mean these marriages don't exist in SG. As globalisation becomes more widespread, people are more exposed to different lifestyles. Don't be surprised that such things happen.
If she has an open marriage with her husband, it'll be difficult for us to take the moral high ground. Sure, we may say that the children suffer, but it seems the husband is still there for the kids at the present moment. Moreover, if you're so against it, perhaps you should sound out the husband? If he knows about it & finds it acceptable, there's Nothing any of us can do.
Personally, I know of a couple who had an open marriage for a few years. It ended when both found serious partners they wanted to spend their lives with. For awhile there though, that open marriage worked fine for them, & they even have 2 children. It was good that they parted on amicable terms & still share the care & custody of the kids.
And this couple is Singaporean.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by transaihien:Yes. It is true. It took me 6 months to find out. At first, I believed they were just friendship. I was very close with him at beginning. We went out very often for dinners on weekdays. He always received calls from her. There was one night we were on the beach for fresh air. It was really hot summer. She called again. It was 2am in the morning (A married called another man at 2am???). He looked at the phone and didnÂ’t listen. She called again and left a missed call. Then he called back and said he was with me, let him come home and he would call her??? At that time???And he did??? He said she was very caring woman and because he lives alone. She made sure he was fine???
Another night, I went to visit him as a friend. He said to me at the door, donÂ’t speak too loud, she was sleeping upstairs??? What??? In his house??? I said I wanted to leave. He said, "but I want to go with you?" What?? Weird???
I spoke to him about this relationship. He said. He could sort things out, don’t worry??. This means weekdays were for me and weekends were for her??? What?? Who am I?? He said but he enjoyed my accompany more than hers??? I can make people happy and laugh a lot. So he enjoyed my accompany. But it's impossible I gave more than that??? And perhaps, I believed he was “offered” by the other??? I didn’t ask. But it’s weird!!! He said we are just friends ??? What a lifestyle of a man???
The last time, He promised me he would go with me to Chinese Mooncake Festival. In the morning, I rang him to pick me up at 11am. The phone was cut off while we were talking. The he called back and said he came. One hour later, he came. He said, the lady was waiting in the car and insisted to see me, then join us for the Festival. With someone else but not her family??? Poor the husband and the kids at home???? I refused to go and didn’t talk to him for a week. He called me later and said. “I didn’t G came last night. She wanted to join in the morning. So I didn’t have time to let you know??? What???
I decided to end this friendship straight away and told him “you are breaking people’s family. Sorry I don’t have interest to be yr friend. Over.”
Do you believe? It happened. Unbelievable? I was shocked when realising a woman could do that to her husband and the kids. Very heartbreaking to them. -
Seems like the stituation you describe brought up a whole new meaning for marriage.Originally posted by FeowFeow:Dear Transaihien,
Reading your posts, I have the feeling that part of the reason you feel she's doing the wrong thing is because she's also seeing the guy you're seeing? Call it a woman's intuition. Notwithstanding, I agree with what you've said. It doesn't seem like common married behaviour. However, we hafta also bear in mind that we dunno what's happening in her marriage.
There're people with open marriages, meaning they continue to see other people, but they still "love" their spouses & share the same home, even have children, etc. Although this open marriage concept is more prevalent in European & western countries, it doesn't mean these marriages don't exist in SG. As globalisation becomes more widespread, people are more exposed to different lifestyles. Don't be surprised that such things happen.
If she has an open marriage with her husband, it'll be difficult for us to take the moral high ground. Sure, we may say that the children suffer, but it seems the husband is still there for the kids at the present moment. Moreover, if you're so against it, perhaps you should sound out the husband? If he knows about it & finds it acceptable, there's Nothing any of us can do.
Personally, I know of a couple who had an open marriage for a few years. It ended when both found serious partners they wanted to spend their lives with. For awhile there though, that open marriage worked fine for them, & they even have 2 children. It was good that they parted on amicable terms & still share the care & custody of the kids.
And this couple is Singaporean.
FeowFeow
Their first marriage is for test test water only. -
It's actually kinda common overseas. 1 of the BeeGees brothers was, & still is, involved in an open marriage, & it's worked beautifully for them. It really opened my eyes when I 1st got to know about these kinda marriages, but I suppose it's others' choices on how to lead their lives?
I wouldn't, though. I can't see myself sharing the man I love with anyone else
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Magnus:Seems like the stituation you describe brought up a whole new meaning for marriage.
Their first marriage is for test test water only. -
open marriage........hmm... worth considering.... hmm... i actually learn sth from AA.
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*BISH*
Hao de bu xue, huai de pian pian xue!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by alexkusu:open marriage........hmm... worth considering.... hmm... i actually learn sth from AA. -
but but....wasnt Feow Feow viewing it positively?
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I'm Not viewing it positively lah! I'm just stating facts, that there're couples in this world who ARE indeed happy in an open marriage. We just hafta accept that such things exist, & some people chose to live that way. But doesn't mean you can go around advocating it & hurting another girl, hor!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by alexkusu:but but....wasnt Feow Feow viewing it positively? -
my friend and her husband just seperated but they are still living together cos of the kids. they came to a decision to "lead their own lives". so is this considered an open marriage too?
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Hmm...okay, i accept such things exist as of today. I didnt know it has a term for it 'open-marriage'Originally posted by FeowFeow:I'm Not viewing it positively lah! I'm just stating facts, that there're couples in this world who ARE indeed happy in an open marriage. We just hafta accept that such things exist, & some people chose to live that way. But doesn't mean you can go around advocating it & hurting another girl, hor!
FeowFeow
Okay...i will choose to be happy -
actually ah..there is this guy who is with this girl... but he is screwin his ex as well.. he told his ex he dump her cos he wan to be wit the other gal...for her 'brain', while he jus wan his ex for her body.
well..the ex said she was happy that even tho he is with the other gal, she dun mind...cos once in a while he comes to have sex with her (the ex). She says it makes her feel needed even though she is jus used for her body.
is that the concept of 'open'?
btw, i think its wrong. But like Feow said..sum ppl choose to live that way -
Hi Memories,
From what I've read, your friend's situation doesn't constitute an open marriage. What I've gathered is, in an open marriage, the couple isn't separated, & in fact, is very much together. It's just that there's an agreement that they can see other partners.
I could be wrong, though, since I've never been in 1
FeowFeowOriginally posted by memor|es:my friend and her husband just seperated but they are still living together cos of the kids. they came to a decision to "lead their own lives". so is this considered an open marriage too? -
1stly, the guy isn't married, so it isn't an open marriage? Another thing, it depends on whether this guy's partner (i.e. current gf) knows about it, & is accepting of it, & whether or Not she also sees & sleeps with other people.
Something like that lah, I haven't asked my friend in detail about her previous married life, what I gathered was based on talking with her, & also reading about those other cases involving people I dunno.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by alexkusu:actually ah..there is this guy who is with this girl... but he is screwin his ex as well.. he told his ex he dump her cos he wan to be wit the other gal...for her 'brain', while he jus wan his ex for her body.
well..the ex said she was happy that even tho he is with the other gal, she dun mind...cos once in a while he comes to have sex with her (the ex). She says it makes her feel needed even though she is jus used for her body.
is that the concept of 'open'?
btw, i think its wrong. But like Feow said..sum ppl choose to live that way -
I am the same. It is impossible to see myself share the man I love with s/o else, then it may happen we carry a disease transferred from the "public rubbish bin". I would not also never accept myself to be like that. What is a dignity of a woman, a moral value of a wife , and a mother!!! Whatever society you live in, this is a choice we make for ourselves. I have friends who are black, white, and of course "yellow" (Asians), but in common sense a normal person will not expect this in marriage life. This is the first time I have heard of a kind of "open marriage"...Weird!!Originally posted by FeowFeow:It's actually kinda common overseas. 1 of the BeeGees brothers was, & still is, involved in an open marriage, & it's worked beautifully for them. It really opened my eyes when I 1st got to know about these kinda marriages, but I suppose it's others' choices on how to lead their lives?
I wouldn't, though. I can't see myself sharing the man I love with anyone else
FeowFeow
It is very weird! That guy came to me and said about her. He also told his friends too. And they laugh at Asian women!! Specifically this Singapore woman and her husband. What A Shame. They all said the man got addiction to Asian woman and he couldnt lift his feet out!!!??? And he just laughed??? He also told me it was weird to him about her husband. In reality, This Aus doesnt love this woman and pass a story around . I know a lot because we are in the group of friends.
Since I refused his friendship, he kept trying to contact me to explain that he is genuine friendship with me. But you know what. Whenever I remember his face, I really want to vomit when thinking everything he said to me and I have seen in my eyes. I can't even accept to be friendship with him becasue there is no respect at all. The last response I said to him, ' I dont know how deep is yr relationship with her, but as an Asian woman, for me , I won't accept myself to act such behaviors. I have no repsect to this woman, and please dont introduce me to know her becasue we are so different in concepts of living . I dont belong to this group of people. I have my own respect to my body, to my dignity, my moral values ...sth I can define myself to know who I am.
You are mature at what you are doing and you make a decision for your life. Stay away from me and please , if you respect me, dont call me becasue I have no intertest to be around these weird people." And he doesnt anymore. I feel better now not to be involed in this weird r/s. -
The public forum like this is very good for everyone coming the share their story and life experiences.I dont mean to go there to break the trust others have in me when telling me a story. But I was hopping if everyone has experienced the same to share and how others' comments are about.
Some information like this will help me (hope as well as others), to look at myself and we can define ourselves a concept of marriage life, a decision we choose to be. If we choose to be, there are of course positive and negative consequences for the decision we make in our live.