Love problem , sigh
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Dont be like me , fall in love with your best mate's gf .
I hope I can talk to someone about it in private
( PM ) .... whoever is free or good in advising , do you mind giving me some advises ? I dont feel like typing it all out here.
Thanks.
Greatly appreciated. -
Cheer up..if u say here many ppl might help u better than PM...everyone posting trouble topic in AA also have this shyness but just overcome it...
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cheer up .. stay cool
dont think so much
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well, i have a experience almost similar to urs. thought i will share it here.
8 years ago, I got to know this gal in my class(let's call her K). From the first day of school, i already kinda fall for her, because she was the type of girl i like. She was sitting behind me in class, and more often than not, after class is over, I will turn over and chat with her. yet, a few months later, I went steady with her gd friend.
She was quite close to my gd friend.(let's call him J) I suspected that she kinda like him, but didn't say anything much, except to ask my gd friend if he liked her. He insisted he doesn't like her, and only treated her as a gd friend.
I still remembered Xmas Eve 1999. She promised me that she will call me at ard 2am, but she didn't.(seems that she called me at 12 plus, but i was asleep at that time, thinking that she will call at 2am). I spent the whole nite waiting for a phone call that never came. Turns out she had spent the night on the phone with my buddy, J. And that nite, they confessed to each other that they like each other.
However, it stopped at that. They didn't become bf/gf, and J soon had a quarrel with her. K confessed to me about that Xmas Eve nite about their confession to each other. I was hurt and upset that my gd friend lied to me. however, their quarrel brought us closer, and i took the chance to tell her I like her. Not once, but twice i bring up the subject, but both times, she didn't say anything. I guess she just wasn't interested in me.
Up to now, we still keep in touch with each other, and I still like her, but i know that we 2 are better off being good friends. My advice to u is to ask urself if u wanna risk the friendship and tell her u like her. U risk losing her friendship, as well as ur good friend's trust. If u really like that gal, go for it. otherwise, try 2 just remain as friends. -
Some may ask u to forget bout her n move on, but I would ask you to wait and see what card fate has dealth u
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"Left hand is friendship; right hand is love."
An age-old dilema with seldom a happy ending.
We could attempt to advise, but eventually it is your choice to make.
© Universal Pictures -
Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel. -
This story in Love Actually is the one that touches me the most...Originally posted by Tuatau:"Left hand is friendship; right hand is love."
An age-old dilema with seldom a happy ending.
We could attempt to advise, but eventually it is your choice to make.
© Universal Pictures
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love is selfish. I agree... if u are certain of your feelings, ask yourself are you willing to throw away your friendship with your best friend be it whether you get the girl in the end or not.Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.
it boils down to this. if you do not know the other guy, i'll say go ahead and let the gal know how u feel and see if it's mutual. you owe it to yourself to at least try.
but now the situation is that the other guy is your best friend, and 99.99% chances is that once you declare to the gal that u like her, whether or not she likes you, your friendship with ur best pal will be dissolved.
Is she worth it?
Are you interested because she's "forbidden" territory?
Are you going to be able to trust her fully in the future to be faithfull to you if she left her boyfriend for you?
please be very clear on all these before you plan what to do -
It's really quite a nice show...?Originally posted by rainee:This story in Love Actually is the one that touches me the most... 
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1) Airbus330Captain how long have u know the gal?
2) why do say u love her?
3) name the things that u llke about her.
4) have she ever hinted that she like you?
5) you only imagine both of u will be happily living together but have you ever thought of any plans to prove it?
i just trying to establish whether is a crush, a simple like or a true love here..
I hope u can just try to help me by asking the above questions. -
yeah. i think so tooOriginally posted by rainee:This story in Love Actually is the one that touches me the most... 
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Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.
I know many people explains it this way, but technically speaking, this is a contradiction. If you believe that Love is selfish, you will not understand what is mutual respect and empathy for the woman you loved because selfishness only understand a self absorbed form of happiness (read Ayukat).
You are suffering heavy conflicts with the mind and heart; with one telling you to pursue your heart's desire and another reminding you about moral, ethics, conscience, norms, standards, etc.
I believe in all is fair in Love and War (with the exception of married potential for a married potential is much more complicated and definitely karmic). To me, being attached signified nothing, apart from trying to know each other better. BGR is indeed a 'get-to-know-more' about each other stage - even if your relationship is of many years. I have a known friend who realise that he knew so little about his gf... even after a 5 years relationship - especially the 'new' her. He was having a crisis of his own and only then, what he thought is either based on assumption or the past.
Time changed... people changed.... No one is the same one year back - we all evolved with time.
Do you gamble... say BlackJack? Do you ever realise that regardless of how your luck is like (good or bad), you will never raise above this particular amount of stake?
In your case, the stake is on a friendship.
Are you comfortable with this stake? Comfortable playing?
P.S: Love is sacrificial - best of both worlds normally don't exist in Love.
Cheers -
Would you want to smile becuase she's your friend, or cry as that's all she'll ever be?
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stay away from love.
it is so heartbreaking. -
tell u wat, this is actually a very common thing... especially if she's the type u like.Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:Dont be like me , fall in love with your best mate's gf .
I hope I can talk to someone about it in private
( PM ) .... whoever is free or good in advising , do you mind giving me some advises ? I dont feel like typing it all out here.
Thanks.
Greatly appreciated. -
We do have such fantasies with someone once in a while. Nothing wrong in that.Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:Thanks for your advices guys .. .
Well , all I can say is that I can imagine both of us being together happily , having a family together. I havent had that feeling for a long time. I ask you guys a question. If you see someone who is already attached but you have strong feelings for her , what will you do ? Wait for her to break off depending on how strong their relationship are ? Forget it and move on or confess to her hoping that a miracle will happen ?
I believe love is selfish but what I really believe that even if I like her but she doesnt like me , love cannot be forced and if i really love her , I should be happy for her happiness, that is how I feel.
But since all are friends, you should hold your feelings and stay as friends.
And in your own words. 'hoping that a miracle will happen'
Who knows, when the miracle came, it may be with another girl not necessary her. -
Seriously speaking, it is neither you or the girl's fault end up falling in loveOriginally posted by Airbus330Captain:Dont be like me , fall in love with your best mate's gf .
I hope I can talk to someone about it in private
( PM ) .... whoever is free or good in advising , do you mind giving me some advises ? I dont feel like typing it all out here.
Thanks.
Greatly appreciated.
Love is something that is not easy to define or term. I have always believed that love is all by fate
But most important thing is, is there any parties that have been hurt? -
I believe love is about giving and taking. There can never be 2 happy parties in love. There will always be a sad party. Rarely u see 2 people happy in their relationship. . . sacrifices etc is a must in a successful relationship
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Yeah , she knows that I like her , she liked me for a period of time but her attitude changed .... I dont know how did that happened , but it happened few days after that .... my mood had been affected for weeks and last week was my lowest point ... went out with them yesterday, it was a mistake . She purposely became very passionate with him , the actions are clear. Kissing in my presense is enough to make my heart hurt. Her close friend and I agree on something , she still behaving like a kid. She thinks that I deserved better and I cannot disagree with her. If I would to move on from this which may be a good thing, I will have to stop contact with her and my best buddy for a while. My best buddy has changed recently , became quite obsessed with her . Obsessed : " Must meet up everyday , that sort you know" We used to talk on the phone every day but lately he stopped and roughly I know what is happening. The problem is she already told her close friend that they cannot be together because of religion and she only like not love him ..... now u figure.
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So are you still going to decide to give up?Originally posted by Airbus330Captain:Yeah , she knows that I like her , she liked me for a period of time but her attitude changed .... I dont know how did that happened , but it happened few days after that .... my mood had been affected for weeks and last week was my lowest point ... went out with them yesterday, it was a mistake . She purposely became very passionate with him , the actions are clear. Kissing in my presense is enough to make my heart hurt. Her close friend and I agree on something , she still behaving like a kid. She thinks that I deserved better and I cannot disagree with her. If I would to move on from this which may be a good thing, I will have to stop contact with her and my best buddy for a while. My best buddy has changed recently , became quite obsessed with her . Obsessed : " Must meet up everyday , that sort you know" We used to talk on the phone every day but lately he stopped and roughly I know what is happening. The problem is she already told her close friend that they cannot be together because of religion and she only like not love him ..... now u figure.
What do you want?
Cheers -
Give up , avoid and move on . Heart hurts but there is what it is going to be . Thanks to those I talked to , I feel much better already. Cheers to this forum and everyone who contributed to this thread.
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Well, it's time to cool offOriginally posted by Airbus330Captain:Yeah , she knows that I like her , she liked me for a period of time but her attitude changed .... I dont know how did that happened , but it happened few days after that .... my mood had been affected for weeks and last week was my lowest point ... went out with them yesterday, it was a mistake . She purposely became very passionate with him , the actions are clear. Kissing in my presense is enough to make my heart hurt. Her close friend and I agree on something , she still behaving like a kid. She thinks that I deserved better and I cannot disagree with her. If I would to move on from this which may be a good thing, I will have to stop contact with her and my best buddy for a while. My best buddy has changed recently , became quite obsessed with her . Obsessed : " Must meet up everyday , that sort you know" We used to talk on the phone every day but lately he stopped and roughly I know what is happening. The problem is she already told her close friend that they cannot be together because of religion and she only like not love him ..... now u figure. -
"Left hand is friendship; right hand is love."
There is still the left hand. It may not give you as much pleasure as the right hand would, but when you're lonely it will suffice to keep you happy.
Provided you're right-handed, of course.
"Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart — for joy."
-- Edwin Markham -
Dear Airbus330Captain,
From what I've read, all of you seem rather young, perhaps younger than 25? At this age, both guys & girls haven't yet formed a full idea of what they want (i.e. many of them, I'm Not saying every young person feels like that). She may have some issues of her own, & it's better you steer clear from having a relationship with her, unless you're willing to risk being deeply hurt (in your later posts, you've mentioned you're gonna give up, which seems sensible at the moment).
It's better to find your soulmate later, than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship (or worse, marriage). There're some mistakes which are better learnt from people who've experienced it, than to experience it yourself. A broken heart is far from pleasant, & even more so when you hafta admit to yourself, "I should've seen it coming, but I chose to be blind to it".
You may feel disappointed or listless for awhile, but having friends around you will help. Go out with them, have fun, & enjoy yourself. When you ultimately find a relationship, you'll need to put in alot of effort So enjoy yourself to the max whilst you can
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Airbus330Captain:Yeah , she knows that I like her , she liked me for a period of time but her attitude changed .... I dont know how did that happened , but it happened few days after that .... my mood had been affected for weeks and last week was my lowest point ... went out with them yesterday, it was a mistake . She purposely became very passionate with him , the actions are clear. Kissing in my presense is enough to make my heart hurt. Her close friend and I agree on something , she still behaving like a kid. She thinks that I deserved better and I cannot disagree with her. If I would to move on from this which may be a good thing, I will have to stop contact with her and my best buddy for a while. My best buddy has changed recently , became quite obsessed with her . Obsessed : " Must meet up everyday , that sort you know" We used to talk on the phone every day but lately he stopped and roughly I know what is happening. The problem is she already told her close friend that they cannot be together because of religion and she only like not love him ..... now u figure.