This is agonising

• laurence82

  8 Nov 05, 08:07

  Got a fren or family member or acquaintance whom you know got problem, but you dont know how to console or help?
  
  How?
  
  Everytime see people in distress, i also dont know what to day to them to make them feel better, or what solutions i can give to their problems...
• StarPuppy

  8 Nov 05, 08:09

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  Got a fren or family member or acquaintance whom you know got problem, but you dont know how to console or help?
  
  How?
  
  Everytime see people in distress, i also dont know what to day to them to make them feel better, or what solutions i can give to their problems...

  Note that not everything in life u can help out...but its ok that u did try to help..its the thought that counts
  
  Sometimes there are something that people can help but we can't due to certain reasons so its better to find the job that counts
  
  Its the thought of care and concern that counts
  
  ~+Cheers+~
• laurence82

  8 Nov 05, 08:13

  Originally posted by StarPuppy:

  Note that not everything in life u can help out...but its ok that u did try to help..its the thought that counts
  
  Sometimes there are something that people can help but we can't due to certain reasons so its better to find the job that counts
  
  Its the thought of care and concern that counts
  
  ~+Cheers+~

  No wor, i dont like to stop at the thought that counts..coz sometimes its pretty irksome things dont get resolved...
  
  u noe, sometimes, got one person, need to find motivation to study, then how to help him? when u noe sometime the situation is such that the study is important or that exams is a turning pt in is life?
  
  
• StarPuppy

  8 Nov 05, 08:20

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  No wor, i dont like to stop at the thought that counts..coz sometimes its pretty irksome things dont get resolved...
  
  u noe, sometimes, got one person, need to find motivation to study, then how to help him? when u noe sometime the situation is such that the study is important or that exams is a turning pt in is life?
  
  

  Hope you not talking about me wor
  
  Sometimes u need to have a chat with the person...u must know the full details before helping out...
  
  Please note: Right info, Right Spirit to help but Wrong way of handling case may make it worse...so deal every problem carefully
  
  ~+Cheers+~
  StarPuppy
• laurence82

  8 Nov 05, 08:22

  Originally posted by StarPuppy:

  Hope you not talking about me wor
  
  Sometimes u need to have a chat with the person...u must know the full details before helping out...
  
  Please note: Right info, Right Spirit to help but Wrong way of handling case may make it worse...so deal every problem carefully
  
  ~+Cheers+~
  StarPuppy

  So, if u noe the details, but still no solution, then how?
• StarPuppy

  8 Nov 05, 08:23

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  So, if u noe the details, but still no solution, then how?

  hmm...then u have to look it from a different view le...
  
  Problems have diffrent way of answering them..its on how you look at it
  
  ~+Cheers+~
  StarPuppy
• laurence82

  8 Nov 05, 08:27

  Originally posted by StarPuppy:

  hmm...then u have to look it from a different view le...
  
  Problems have diffrent way of answering them..its on how you look at it
  
  ~+Cheers+~
  StarPuppy

  So how to achieve that different way, or even one way of answering it?
• StarPuppy

  8 Nov 05, 08:31

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  So how to achieve that different way, or even one way of answering it?

  Ok...lets say if you are advising a person on a r/s problem....
  
  U have to stand on 3 points
  
  - You dun know him or both of them
  - You have to stand at his view
  - You have to stand at her view
  
  that is usually how i handle problems..from the 3 views... Support, Biased and Neutral
  
  ~+Cheers+~
  StarPuppy
• dragg

  8 Nov 05, 08:44

  the best advice is always to keep quiet.
  
  just lend your listening ears.
  
  
• FeowFeow

  8 Nov 05, 09:11

  Dear Laurence82,
  
  We hafta acknowledge the fact that we're Not superhumans, we can't help everybody. Some need time, & sink into depression for awhile. During this period, all you can do is to be a friend to them in need, & let them have a listening ear or a helping hand whenever they ask for it.
  
  Some prefer to wallow in misery & self pity. No matter how you may wanna help them, if they don't want to be helped, you hafta realise that whatever you do won't be able to change anything.
  
  Timing could be important, because when a person 1st experiences grief or failure, it takes some time for them to find their footing again. The kinda help you render is different at different stages.
  
  At the end of the day, you also hafta take care of yourself. If all of us could solve our friends' problems, then there wouldn't be the need for Aunt Agony columns in so many magazines...
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  Got a fren or family member or acquaintance whom you know got problem, but you dont know how to console or help?
  
  How?
  
  Everytime see people in distress, i also dont know what to day to them to make them feel better, or what solutions i can give to their problems...

• choco B

  8 Nov 05, 09:15

  Maybe just be there for them, and be supportive. It helps when your friend / relative knows you're on his side and have faith in him.
  

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  Everytime see people in distress, i also dont know what to day to them to make them feel better, or what solutions i can give to their problems...

• coffeeortea

  8 Nov 05, 09:16

  fret not, im a depressed child.
• Devil1976

  8 Nov 05, 16:08

  Originally posted by laurence82:

  Got a fren or family member or acquaintance whom you know got problem, but you dont know how to console or help?
  
  How?
  
  Everytime see people in distress, i also dont know what to day to them to make them feel better, or what solutions i can give to their problems...

  Know your limits... If you're uncertain as to how to handle, advise or tackle the problem probably... Can always be supportive for them especially in terms of emotional needs and just lend them a hearing ear so that they can have a channel of 'release'...? If you can and know how to, perhaps you can make reference for them to discuss with someone who can better handle the problem with them...?
• mistyblue

  8 Nov 05, 16:13

  yeah
  
  I am depressed and I know I needed to talk about my issues to get it out of my system ...
  I am now so tired and depressed but I don't think I should talk about it more cause it will give me more stress.
  
  And realistically, the problem is in someone else - possibly self created or circumstancial
  but you would never be that someone in trouble therefore you cannot do anything to alleviate the proble, You can only be there.
  
  Frankly I am glad for sgforum cause its a distraction for me so that I do not keep focusing on my situation ... and i get to say crap things and not get penalized.
• tsubasa82

  8 Nov 05, 19:01

  You just need to keep the person company and listen. I'm super depressed now, if it weren't for my exams i'ld have broken down. And all i really want now is to have friends by my side. Even if we remain quiet and say nothing the whole time, just don't wanna be alone.
  Many a times people have problems that only they themselves can solve. All they need is somebody to be beside them.
• syncopation_music

  9 Nov 05, 07:13

  Originally posted by FeowFeow:

  Dear Laurence82,
  
  We hafta acknowledge the fact that we're Not superhumans, we can't help everybody. Some need time, & sink into depression for awhile. During this period, all you can do is to be a friend to them in need, & let them have a listening ear or a helping hand whenever they ask for it.
  
  Some prefer to wallow in misery & self pity. No matter how you may wanna help them, if they don't want to be helped, you hafta realise that whatever you do won't be able to change anything.
  
  Timing could be important, because when a person 1st experiences grief or failure, it takes some time for them to find their footing again. The kinda help you render is different at different stages.
  
  At the end of the day, you also hafta take care of yourself. If all of us could solve our friends' problems, then there wouldn't be the need for Aunt Agony columns in so many magazines...
  
  FeowFeow
  
  

  my sentiments exactly , maybe u are being kind to worry for him/her ,laurence82
  
  but the end of the day ,it all depends on whether that person heed your advice
  
  like my friend used to say
  "if you want to carry on knocking urself against the wall, when u insist on that option , not looking for alternative ,carry on until the head bleeds and damn painful "
  
  
• browniebaobao

  9 Nov 05, 15:57

  juz lend a listening ear.
  
  i believe he/she will feel better if got someone to talk to.
• laurence82

  10 Nov 05, 06:06

  well, i guess u guys will feel that way too if u got close family members or frens who are troubled
  
  for those who are down, cheer up!