guy problems
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hi. i read thru some of the posts on this site, and found it pretty "useful". ie, people really try to help, unlike other forums. i should start with a self intro :
i am a Christian girl from singapore, 14 years of age, currently studying in Raffles Girls' Sec Sch [lets call this "premier school"]. okay i maintain my viewpoint that i am NOT showing off: you'll see the connection between schools later..
14yearsold, very young. yepp, so i would like to find out a few answers here..
basically, i have guy problems. -.-
(lets name the guys with the first letter of their name.)
Guy A1 is in my tennis class. i see him every sunday for lessons. he's also 14 and studying in Saint Patricks' (which is just around Marine Parade; neighbourhood school). i can tell he likes me cos'
1. the coaches never gave him a break about it; kept teasing him especially when i was around. my friend from the class before me, overheard one of the coaches and his conversation and it went something like "you like serene arh ?" and Guy A1 has no reply. He's a Christian too by the way, i believe he doesn't lie.
2. he always always goes out of his way to make small talk. if we get paired, while waiting for both our turns, after the doubles' game when we were supposed to pick up the tennis balls, after the lesson, during water breaks...you name it.
3. major giveaway : when the coaches tease him about liking me, he just refuses to look me in the eye or even in my direction. i just act stupid and pretend not to hear, or "huh?".
he is quite a nice guy overall, "good feeling" about him, but no crush or infatuation. yet. but im still awkward being around him and well, don't know how to act when im with him.
Guy R is from my church. i (used to) crush him. he's 16 and homeschooling. we have an "sms relationship" which dates back to jul04 (last year). november he was going to cambodia for mission trip, and well..i guess i was a little afraid he'd get blown up or something -.- so i told him i liked him and he replied with "actually..i like you alot too ((:" but i said no when he took another step (ie stead), and gave him all the waffles about having to spend more time on my studies. i wasn't ready for that commitment yet. and so after that, smses consisted of the "norm" and also the occasional "i miss you"s.
in feb05, the sms relationship started to "die". smses got less frequent, and more one liner answers. since then, its a hot-cold relationship. hots are around 2 days, colds can last up to 2 months. now he still calls me sometimes just to chat. approx time : 45mins on one conv on the phone. when i see him on sunday, he comes over to talk to me only when both our gangs are not around. he plays guitar for the youth worship you see, so sometimes when he's onstage doing last-min rehearsing he stares at me. yea i ignore him (tsk he sposed to be concentrating !).
problem : in his smses, he comments on how rarely i sms him nowadays, and somehow never fails to drop a "she" referring to another friend of his. i know hes trying to make me "jealous". one of my used-to-be close friend told me he changes crushes "like changing clothes liddat". and he has crushed this close friend before. because of a church project, this girl and me had contrasting views and we fell out. about a week after, he smsed me to tell me about the church project and HIS views and said i shouldnt be so harsh on that close friend. i got very very pissed with him. cos' i apologised to her on the phone 5 days before he smsed me about the harshness thing (ie 2 days after the fallout). and conveniently added in "i was just having a nice little chat with [name of close fren] and i think you shouldnt be so harsh on her...." he still looks at me in church tho. it's bad. he still calls me, but i never initiate convs with him thru sms or reallife anymore. i dont know what i should do with him. i dont even know whether i like him anymore.
Guy A2 is from my church as well. 14 this year in a neighbourhood school. he has crushed me since jun04 and still does until now. he's good friends with Guy R and he knows i like Guy R and vice versa. but he still continues to "pester" me. including trailing after me thruout J8 for one whole hour, "stalking" me when im in church, sticking to me whenever i'm on gaming MapleStory. basically he's the irritating guy. i have already told him countless times i don't like him cos' he's not my type at all. i go for the good guys. he has done smoking and inhalents before to "try", didnt get hooked. constantly gets into fistfights.. that type. if he were good looking, he would be labelled as a flirt: crushes around 3-5 girls at once. any ideas how i can further convey that i do not like him at all ? i have told him more than three times and ignore him when gaming and on msn.
Guy C is also from my church. 17 this year in Poly. i was helping him get over his previous relationship problems and he suddenly turns around and says he likes me. i gave him more of the waffles about studies and being too busy. he accepted it but still stares at me in church and comes to talk to me frequently. or "try to". after a cold period, i thought he didnt like me anymore, so we went back to our "kor-mei" (brother-sister) relationship. good friends still. then he comes and asks me to stead him AGAIN. more waffles about studies and pointedly gave him cold shoulder till now. refusing to talk to him at all. i have no idea what to do with him either.
Guy S is an "online friend". 18yrs old. we have gotten to know each other quite well. and in a sense he is my "senior" cos' he's from raffles junior college [premier school]. i can't say i have "feelings" for him cos' after all, he IS an online friend. he has recently started minor hinting to me about being his gf. we were talking about further studies and he was worrying over the fact that he didnt have a gf. so i said "when you go US your uni will be full of smart people like you. sure have gf then." he was like "no la..im so dumb. nobody will want me de. lol when i come back to singapore with no gf you be mine can?" and there wasnt any "jk =X" or any of that sort following it. he is still a very good confidante and friend of mine now and i don't want to lose that because of a silly mistake.
Guy K is also an "online friend". 16 years old. he is my "kor" online cos' well, he's older than me ! we're gaming partners and recently he has gotten very possessive of me. online that is. i was at a map with some high level pro person waiting for a big monster to come out. he came and found me chatting quite happily to this stranger and got really mad at me. just waged a hokkien insulting war on this guy, and of course, the guy shot back with multitudes of hokkien words. i didnt understand hokkien so i just kept quiet. some words i could understand, but i pretended not to. when the pro guy finally went off to do something, kor lashed out at me. calling me names, scolding me. i tolerated. cos' i know he has problems managing his temper. but he really hurt me with some names.
so we had cold war again (we had one just before that incident, when he was still supposedly mad at me but he came to find me.) two days. and it was during his olevels. he has two accounts and from one he deleted me from his "buddy". i was even more hurt by that. and i went to my favourite place to destress in the game. when i came out of that place, i saw him there waiting for me. so i randomly said a "hello kor" [it was courtesy]. we talked abit but never brought up the two cold wars we had. so now the relationship is back to "normal" but i keep feeling that something that was there before is gone. he's from a neighbourhood school also btw. any help i could get for this "relationship" ? he's been quite a good friend to me..
i totally apologise for this long entry ^.^ and when dearest friends answer, you might wanna highlight copy and paste the question you are answering as a quote, instead of quoting the WHOLE passage which gets irritating as you try and scroll down xD thanks dudes ! -
im think ur u sld jus const. on ur studies lah..
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so...wats bothering you?
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wow.. complicated!
ur 14 yrs old only leh...
when i was 14 i dont even know my guy classmate was hinting to me to be his stead...
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Originally posted by elektra:wow.. complicated!
ur 14 yrs old only leh...
when i was 14 i dont even know my guy classmate was hinting to me to be his stead... 
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The whole post is so complicated.
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she writes the most on the person she care most about.
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Hey girl! U're one really interesting girl. So young yet u are observant about such things. That kinda makes you mature for your age.
I'm a guy, 18, and I would just comment on one thing: I dun think Guy R is the one for you. Well, gut feelings... lol!
Haha, if you dunno wad my nick means, further your studies in chemistry during upper sec n JC... STUDY HARD!
Btw, I oso play maplestory. U play MapleSEA rite? care to share your nick? we can be online frenz too...
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u r giving urself too much headaches..they r not problems at all, so many guys..u shld work it out which one u like the most, not bothering how they feel abt u. i thk they r not sure abt themselves too, u all so young, time wil tell, be patient
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omg...you are so damn obvious...she is just 14 year old...keep your dirty thoughts to yourself...Originally posted by ethane-1,2-diol:Hey girl! U're one really interesting girl. So young yet u are observant about such things. That kinda makes you mature for your age.
I'm a guy, 18, and I would just comment on one thing: I dun think Guy R is the one for you. Well, gut feelings... lol!
Haha, if you dunno wad my nick means, further your studies in chemistry during upper sec n JC... STUDY HARD!
Btw, I oso play maplestory. U play MapleSEA rite? care to share your nick? we can be online frenz too... -
14 nia and so much problem even though you should have the brain power and study in all girls school...
hai... sorry man, I think whatever answer anyone give will be crap as long as you do not agree with the view point. And there are more intelligent people out there .. being in a premium school don't mean any sh!t -
Originally posted by mistyblue:
x2
14 nia and so much problem even though you should have the brain power and study in all girls school...
hai... sorry man, I think whatever answer anyone give will be crap as long as you do not agree with the view point. And there are more intelligent people out there .. being in a premium school don't mean any sh!t -
Where's your church.
In this case. I'll fare the ball to be on your end.
:::You allowed yourself to them.
Cheers -
I don't get it.... how does your being in a 'premier school' tie into all this?
And I also see that you seem to emphasise on whether or not those guys are in neighbourhood schools or 'premier schools'.... Is it a problem to you what type of school the guy is from?
Care to elaborate? -
so many guys at once.
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stick to your studies.
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yeh.lemme stress again. 14 years old only.
why get yourself so stressed about such things? like he hint to me be stead, he stare at me, he delibrately make small talk etc... kao go and notice such things for what
should concentrate more on what maths formula to practice and what equation to use for physics! -
I think, just let it all go.
If you are gonna keep thinking about them, it gets worst.
What you did with the guy was good, just keep out of relationship.
For the time being.
Though I'm not asking you to step out of it, but just avoid it for a time being.
You're just messing with yourself.
All these boys you have mentioned, are people you like but not wish to harm.
Take a break don't think of them as anything more then a good friend.
I don't recommend going into a relationship this young, yet you might or might not find the one in your life.
Just a simple advice.
Be Patient With Your Heart. -
just study... i didn't read the 'thesis' on your problems, just scanned through and i think you should just study for now.
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U shouldn't get involve with any guys at this stage cos u are too young for handle bgr. Will definately affect your studies.
Treat them as frens or kor kor.
Don't rush into a r/s, u have plenty of time. -
online friends r not trustworthy....
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Wow...Play Maple can get into a relationship? I think I play more maple...
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Btw, Im level 47, can I be your "kor"?
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Unker Eng is here! so all you kids keep quite.... shhh! (just kidding)
Hey serenewwjd... You'd noticed that most of the nice folks who responded will tell you the same thing - focus on your studies. This is probably the most genuine and possibly the simpliest advice anyone can give.
Having said all that, young people with raging (and changing) hormones do get involved in all these lurvy-durvy stuff - nothing unusual, part of growing up. The problem comes about with the MANAGING of your emotions.
When we are in love (or infatuation or whatever word you want to use), our judgement is impaired. We either become super sensitive or super agitated - meaning, what we see and think may not be accurate.
In our relationship (platonic or otherwise) we need to place ourselves in the other fellas shoes. Some of the other boys that you like, may like you too, but may not place you as part of the priorities at this point of their life, ie, some like you, but may feel that the studies are more important, others may like to fish a little bit more. Your account of all the boys are a little long, but I guess I get the picture.
The point is, emotions in teenage years (may extend to young adults) is experimental at best - we experience all kinds of new emotions and sometimes it is difficult with all these changes. In order not to get confused - set your priorities right. As yourself what you want to do in RGS? Do well, or muck around? If your answer is (and I think my guess is correct) to do well acadamic, you need to understand that having bgr problems is the last thing you ever need at this point in time. You might also need to ask yourself some questions: why the need to have a bf? is it to satisfy the need to feel loved? or to be part of the in-crowd (ie your class mates who also have bfs).
Trust no one - even if some of these boys are your church friends. This is one of the biggest misconceptions - that church people are all saints. Every individual in church have their own level of spiritual maturity (some masquerade it very well). Others do not have control of their own emotions. Just because one individual may be a pastor's son, or a leader's son, does not make them spiritual individuals.
Online friends? I'd be very very cautious on this one. There are scums that prey on pretty young things like yourself. Chat if you have to - do not reveal your name, address, identity or even agree to meet them anywhere, no matter how attractive they say they are. Consult your church leaders on this one, please!
May I recommend you a book: 7 Habits for Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey. My recently-turned-teenage son read it when he was 9 and it helped him tremendously and he is so focused that it scares me.
I hope what I've given your are some good fatherly advice and are helpful in your decision making process. -
Originally posted by serenewwjd:
hi. i read thru some of the posts on this site, and found it pretty "useful". ie, people really try to help, unlike other forums. i should start with a self intro :
i am a Christian girl from singapore, 14 years of age, currently studying in Raffles Girls' Sec Sch [lets call this "premier school"]. okay i maintain my viewpoint that i am NOT showing off: you'll see the connection between schools later..
14yearsold, very young. yepp, so i would like to find out a few answers here..
1st thing. You are young? Only 14... I don't wanna belittle you because of that.. In fact! This is almost the age where you starts to get curious about human relationships... Not only BGRs but also many others.. However, note that your studies should be picking up and in about 2 years' time or so, you'll be coping with your 'O' levels..? So if you find that you can't really handle so many 'relationships' at the same time, it's wiser not to go too deep in thinking into them...?
basically, i have guy problems. -.-
(lets name the guys with the first letter of their name.)
Guy A1 is in my tennis class. i see him every sunday for lessons. he's also 14 and studying in Saint Patricks' (which is just around Marine Parade; neighbourhood school). i can tell he likes me cos'
1. the coaches never gave him a break about it; kept teasing him especially when i was around. my friend from the class before me, overheard one of the coaches and his conversation and it went something like "you like serene arh ?" and Guy A1 has no reply. He's a Christian too by the way, i believe he doesn't lie.
2. he always always goes out of his way to make small talk. if we get paired, while waiting for both our turns, after the doubles' game when we were supposed to pick up the tennis balls, after the lesson, during water breaks...you name it.
3. major giveaway : when the coaches tease him about liking me, he just refuses to look me in the eye or even in my direction. i just act stupid and pretend not to hear, or "huh?".
he is quite a nice guy overall, "good feeling" about him, but no crush or infatuation. yet. but im still awkward being around him and well, don't know how to act when im with him.
I think he feels as awkward as you feel about him..? If you're really interested in knowing him more, why not 'extend' your meet up session with him to outside of the tennis court...?
Guy R is from my church. i (used to) crush him. he's 16 and homeschooling. we have an "sms relationship" which dates back to jul04 (last year). november he was going to cambodia for mission trip, and well..i guess i was a little afraid he'd get blown up or something -.- so i told him i liked him and he replied with "actually..i like you alot too ((:" but i said no when he took another step (ie stead), and gave him all the waffles about having to spend more time on my studies. i wasn't ready for that commitment yet. and so after that, smses consisted of the "norm" and also the occasional "i miss you"s.
in feb05, the sms relationship started to "die". smses got less frequent, and more one liner answers. since then, its a hot-cold relationship. hots are around 2 days, colds can last up to 2 months. now he still calls me sometimes just to chat. approx time : 45mins on one conv on the phone. when i see him on sunday, he comes over to talk to me only when both our gangs are not around. he plays guitar for the youth worship you see, so sometimes when he's onstage doing last-min rehearsing he stares at me. yea i ignore him (tsk he sposed to be concentrating !).
[b]problem : in his smses, he comments on how rarely i sms him nowadays, and somehow never fails to drop a "she" referring to another friend of his. i know hes trying to make me "jealous". one of my used-to-be close friend told me he changes crushes "like changing clothes liddat". and he has crushed this close friend before. because of a church project, this girl and me had contrasting views and we fell out. about a week after, he smsed me to tell me about the church project and HIS views and said i shouldnt be so harsh on that close friend. i got very very pissed with him. cos' i apologised to her on the phone 5 days before he smsed me about the harshness thing (ie 2 days after the fallout). and conveniently added in "i was just having a nice little chat with [name of close fren] and i think you shouldnt be so harsh on her...." he still looks at me in church tho. it's bad. he still calls me, but i never initiate convs with him thru sms or reallife anymore. i dont know what i should do with him. i dont even know whether i like him anymore.[/b]
I personally feel somehow there could be some 'misunderstanding' between you and this guy...?
Guy A2 is from my church as well. 14 this year in a neighbourhood school. he has crushed me since jun04 and still does until now. he's good friends with Guy R and he knows i like Guy R and vice versa. but he still continues to "pester" me. including trailing after me thruout J8 for one whole hour, "stalking" me when im in church, sticking to me whenever i'm on gaming MapleStory. basically he's the irritating guy. i have already told him countless times i don't like him cos' he's not my type at all. i go for the good guys. he has done smoking and inhalents before to "try", didnt get hooked. constantly gets into fistfights.. that type. if he were good looking, he would be labelled as a flirt: crushes around 3-5 girls at once. any ideas how i can further convey that i do not like him at all ? i have told him more than three times and ignore him when gaming and on msn.
STRAIGHT in his FACE.. That he IRRITATES you..? Or if you're afraid that might provoke him and make him do nasty things to you (he knows about your interest in Guy R?), perhaps better to just quietly distance away from him...?
Guy C is also from my church. 17 this year in Poly. i was helping him get over his previous relationship problems and he suddenly turns around and says he likes me. i gave him more of the waffles about studies and being too busy. he accepted it but still stares at me in church and comes to talk to me frequently. or "try to". after a cold period, i thought he didnt like me anymore, so we went back to our "kor-mei" (brother-sister) relationship. good friends still. then he comes and asks me to stead him AGAIN. more waffles about studies and pointedly gave him cold shoulder till now. refusing to talk to him at all. i have no idea what to do with him either.
I think you're clear about what you wanna do with him? Just need to get some messages across... However, personally would advise you not to be too bother over this guy...
Guy S is an "online friend". 18yrs old. we have gotten to know each other quite well. and in a sense he is my "senior" cos' he's from raffles junior college [premier school]. i can't say i have "feelings" for him cos' after all, he IS an online friend. he has recently started minor hinting to me about being his gf. we were talking about further studies and he was worrying over the fact that he didnt have a gf. so i said "when you go US your uni will be full of smart people like you. sure have gf then." he was like "no la..im so dumb. nobody will want me de. lol when i come back to singapore with no gf you be mine can?" and there wasnt any "jk =X" or any of that sort following it. he is still a very good confidante and friend of mine now and i don't want to lose that because of a silly mistake.
How about telling him that you're VERY INTERESTED in a PARTICULAR GUy CONSTANTLY..??
Guy K is also an "online friend". 16 years old. he is my "kor" online cos' well, he's older than me ! we're gaming partners and recently he has gotten very possessive of me. online that is. i was at a map with some high level pro person waiting for a big monster to come out. he came and found me chatting quite happily to this stranger and got really mad at me. just waged a hokkien insulting war on this guy, and of course, the guy shot back with multitudes of hokkien words. i didnt understand hokkien so i just kept quiet. some words i could understand, but i pretended not to. when the pro guy finally went off to do something, kor lashed out at me. calling me names, scolding me. i tolerated. cos' i know he has problems managing his temper. but he really hurt me with some names.
so we had cold war again (we had one just before that incident, when he was still supposedly mad at me but he came to find me.) two days. and it was during his olevels. he has two accounts and from one he deleted me from his "buddy". i was even more hurt by that. and i went to my favourite place to destress in the game. when i came out of that place, i saw him there waiting for me. so i randomly said a "hello kor" [it was courtesy]. we talked abit but never brought up the two cold wars we had. so now the relationship is back to "normal" but i keep feeling that something that was there before is gone. he's from a neighbourhood school also btw. any help i could get for this "relationship" ? he's been quite a good friend to me..
Whatever both of you treasure of this...
i totally apologise for this long entry ^.^ and when dearest friends answer, you might wanna highlight copy and paste the question you are answering as a quote, instead of quoting the WHOLE passage which gets irritating as you try and scroll down xD thanks dudes !
No prob!!