That thing with friends
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Long story short; 4 of us were pretty close and we were given a name for the group whcih i won't reveal (not that its any significanct). So recently 2 of the members got attached, and i really mean attached with their only free times being spent with their gfs.
First few months were understandable cos its termed as the honeymoon period. Now its just a little bit tiresome. The other single member and myself are usually the ones at the group meetings. Everytime we call them out be it the weekday or weekend its always the same thing "I'm meeting my gal". If this goes on i'll be the one saying "Look we wun call u, but u call us if u wanna go out, and then we'll decide if we're free". I know it sounds a little unfair but both their gfs are in the same school. One of them skips lecture but still goes to sch to meet the gf; eventually asking me to take notes and collect the lecture notes. I'm a human so naturally i feel like shit. The other single guy and myself both feel the same way.
Guys for one thing always say this "No matter what, even if i'm attached i'll still find time for the mates". How wrong can they be.
Maybe a few comments or advice. Erm, we're mostly adults right? So i might be able to take a few levels of bashing.
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i noticed that its sadly normally the case the guys in chinese you yi xing mei ren xingOriginally posted by nullifi3d:Long story short; 4 of us were pretty close and we were given a name for the group whcih i won't reveal (not that its any significanct). So recently 2 of the members got attached, and i really mean attached with their only free times being spent with their gfs.
First few months were understandable cos its termed as the honeymoon period. Now its just a little bit tiresome. The other single member and myself are usually the ones at the group meetings. Everytime we call them out be it the weekday or weekend its always the same thing "I'm meeting my gal". If this goes on i'll be the one saying "Look we wun call u, but u call us if u wanna go out, and then we'll decide if we're free". I know it sounds a little unfair but both their gfs are in the same school. One of them skips lecture but still goes to sch to meet the gf; eventually asking me to take notes and collect the lecture notes. I'm a human so naturally i feel like shit. The other single guy and myself both feel the same way.
Guys for one thing always say this "No matter what, even if i'm attached i'll still find time for the mates". How wrong can they be.
Maybe a few comments or advice. Erm, we're mostly adults right? So i might be able to take a few levels of bashing. -
I'm not tt sort of person. I'll spend time with family, frens n gf. That's probably why my gf aint happy after comparing with her girl frens n their beaus. Well.. tt's juz me.
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its the asking u for lecture notes dat i dun like..
but the rest.. i oso will do dat de.
mates? nah. mate. yes. -
err... well.. i think that's natural... u tend to spend more time with gf/bf... but i would still say dun give up on frens.... mayb try to b happy for them n let them b... ha.... the saying of 'i will b there for u'... doesnt mean really 'being there' at times... but in the heart... that's the most impt... i think.... watever will b, will b...
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Tell him...
"Bros before hoes."
Girls come and go... but your brothers stick with you forever...
If he still don't understand... ask him to go eat shit and die... -
Try not to have too much expectations of friends lar. Otherwise, the relationship gets bogged down, every little thing also will be difficult. Makes everyone unhappy.
Just go with the flow i guess. Everyone behaves differently when in a relationship. It's not wrong to want to spend time with gf, honeymoon period or beyond, coz hey, she's the girlfren, right. Bound to hold a special place. This relationship cannot be compared with relationship with frens, and see which one stronger. There's a chance it would not last, yes, but that's not the point.
As brothers, we just need to be there for one another lar. If for some reason, your friend comes running to you for advice or consolation coz of relationship problems, try not to tekan him lar. If he doesn't think of you as brother, he wouldn't have come to you also. And a brudder in need is a brudder indeed. -
Zhong Se Qing you..
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sometimes it's the gal that's demandin the guy to meet her and making it difficult for the guy to meet his buddies.. i am one of them who always have to pei my gf eat dinner go out all these and when at night i wanna go out wif my buddies, she will say so late le dun go or tml u got sch dun go.. but in the past i how late so can go meet buddies for supper de lor.. den cycling at night also muz have time limit and muz reach home be4 that limit..
got ku zhong de.. my buddies also say i become no lifer already.. well, i agree.. so i am single now.. but stil haven really breakup wif my gf.. i am confused on whether to continue the relationship or jus let it go.. 
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Try asking ya buddies to bring their GFs along the next time.
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hi all.. virgin post here..
threadstarter.. i know how u feel. cos same thing happen to me. so feel quite strongly abt this.
at first i was abit disillusioned with the frenship also. but then i also realise that not everyone is liek dat. some of my close guy frenz realli make the effort to meet up no matter how busy they can be.
but got 1 particular guy whois forever giving excuses. to the level most of us feel that he is trying to 'fu yan' us.
wat to do? at the end of the day, the sad one will be him cos he's giving up on a frenship. life goes on.
but having said dat, i do agree wif the earlier post that u do not always have to be physically present to maintain a frenship.
think abt this. some ppl u see everyday ur never too close.
some frens u see onli 2 times a yr, always seem like u have been going out wif them everyday.
hahz and of cos, at the end of the day, u cant say for sure u wont do the same thing should u be able to find a gf!!
cheersz.. -
Bo pian liao, rear bird to keep both of u companyOriginally posted by nullifi3d:Long story short; 4 of us were pretty close and we were given a name for the group whcih i won't reveal (not that its any significanct). So recently 2 of the members got attached, and i really mean attached with their only free times being spent with their gfs.
First few months were understandable cos its termed as the honeymoon period. Now its just a little bit tiresome. The other single member and myself are usually the ones at the group meetings. Everytime we call them out be it the weekday or weekend its always the same thing "I'm meeting my gal". If this goes on i'll be the one saying "Look we wun call u, but u call us if u wanna go out, and then we'll decide if we're free". I know it sounds a little unfair but both their gfs are in the same school. One of them skips lecture but still goes to sch to meet the gf; eventually asking me to take notes and collect the lecture notes. I'm a human so naturally i feel like shit. The other single guy and myself both feel the same way.
Guys for one thing always say this "No matter what, even if i'm attached i'll still find time for the mates". How wrong can they be.
Maybe a few comments or advice. Erm, we're mostly adults right? So i might be able to take a few levels of bashing. -
is it their first time in a relationship?
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they .. need time.. i guess lol..
mayb ask their gf to hang out tgt la??
frens n gf muz be balanced...or slightly to the gf -
Never encountered buddies who were actually trying to figure out who to add in the priority list. For me, the choice should never have been there becos we all know that priority is always with the gf/bf. Sadly, we hardly talk to each other. I don't know, theres something that just pisses me off with this situationOriginally posted by choki:hi all.. virgin post here..
threadstarter.. i know how u feel. cos same thing happen to me. so feel quite strongly abt this.
at first i was abit disillusioned with the frenship also. but then i also realise that not everyone is liek dat. some of my close guy frenz realli make the effort to meet up no matter how busy they can be.
but got 1 particular guy whois forever giving excuses. to the level most of us feel that he is trying to 'fu yan' us.
wat to do? at the end of the day, the sad one will be him cos he's giving up on a frenship. life goes on.
but having said dat, i do agree wif the earlier post that u do not always have to be physically present to maintain a frenship.
think abt this. some ppl u see everyday ur never too close.
some frens u see onli 2 times a yr, always seem like u have been going out wif them everyday.
hahz and of cos, at the end of the day, u cant say for sure u wont do the same thing should u be able to find a gf!!
cheersz.. -
Nope, the guy been with alot of girls before, sad to say he used to be a playa. Now he's settling down; but never ever seen him so engorssed with the girl. You can blam the girl; but i've met her. And usually he initiates things. Like all say, i'l just have to move on. No, i'm not being a wet blanket, i'm just trying to see if this is a normal thingOriginally posted by digicharat:is it their first time in a relationship? -
Hmmmm....
-pat pat- It is a horrible feeling. When I was younger, my friends (girls) used to complain that about me too.
I felt very resentful cos... at that time, I was studying overseas, and carrying on a long distance relationship and the little bit of time I had in Sg I felt I needed to treasure with my bf then, and I could not understand why they didn't understand - afterall, its like our friendship was here to STAY right? I didn't realise then I was taking my friends for granted.
But as time passes by, and bfs come and go, I realise its my friends that have become a permanent fixture in my life. And when I was single, they (the attached ones) actually put in the effort to make me go out with them, so I won't feel lonely. and even though I was the 'lightbulb', they never made me feel this way.
I think unfortunately this is a learning curve for your friend. Don't give up on him right now, cos I think what he is assuming is that the friendship in the group will take care of itself without him putting in the effort. A silly way to think no doubt.
Perhaps you can attempt to talk to him honestly MAN-to-MAN about it. Say you are concerned about his work, and you know, while you feel happy that he have found a girl he can settle down with, it is healthy to have friends outside of a relationship. Ask him to bring the girls along. Ask them if the girls got friends you can ALL hang out with. -patpat- dont give up on ur friends just yet ba. -
I think you might understand how it is like once you are in a r/s yourself
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relaz la..this kind of things is very normal, and trust me you will do the exact same thing if its you in a relationship..
my group of friends, 3 of us, have been through more than a decade of hardships already. everytime 1 of us got gf then of course will slightly distance away from the group, but after the relationship breaks, then will be back again lor..same goes for me. at the end of the day, we are still bros-in-arms.
bros will still be bros one la -
+1Originally posted by jeramy:relaz la..this kind of things is very normal, and trust me you will do the exact same thing if its you in a relationship..
my group of friends, 3 of us, have been through more than a decade of hardships already. everytime 1 of us got gf then of course will slightly distance away from the group, but after the relationship breaks, then will be back again lor..same goes for me. at the end of the day, we are still bros-in-arms.
bros will still be bros one la -
Thanks for the comments and advice but for now i'll just keep away from him. He's making up to many excuses which IMHO are really lame. To think i helped him out with so many things; not that i ask anything tangible or intangible in return.
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If he has decided to spend more time with you guys and not his gf, I suppose you won't be the one writing in here but his gf...?Originally posted by nullifi3d:Long story short; 4 of us were pretty close and we were given a name for the group whcih i won't reveal (not that its any significanct). So recently 2 of the members got attached, and i really mean attached with their only free times being spent with their gfs.
First few months were understandable cos its termed as the honeymoon period. Now its just a little bit tiresome. The other single member and myself are usually the ones at the group meetings. Everytime we call them out be it the weekday or weekend its always the same thing "I'm meeting my gal". If this goes on i'll be the one saying "Look we wun call u, but u call us if u wanna go out, and then we'll decide if we're free". I know it sounds a little unfair but both their gfs are in the same school. One of them skips lecture but still goes to sch to meet the gf; eventually asking me to take notes and collect the lecture notes. I'm a human so naturally i feel like shit. The other single guy and myself both feel the same way.
Guys for one thing always say this "No matter what, even if i'm attached i'll still find time for the mates". How wrong can they be.
Maybe a few comments or advice. Erm, we're mostly adults right? So i might be able to take a few levels of bashing. " -
well, i am 1 myself.. so after i am free for r/s, i had been wif my buddies and frenz.. they didn't neglect mi after my 2yrs giving excuses.. .. bros are are bros...
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You've got a good point, and i thought of all the reasons beforehand.Originally posted by Devil1976:If he has decided to spend more time with you guys and not his gf, I suppose you won't be the one writing in here but his gf...? "
All i'm saying is time management is not his forte. But i'm not the one to dictate any1's r/s.
Well things turn for the worst becos the other 2 members have been ganging up and claiming me an the other single guy have been backstabbing them. Oh well; friends are such an overrated term nowadays. I've got no more strenght to prove myself innocent, and talking things over will only be a playing-field for accusations to be raised. -
From the way I see, it's other issues you're facing in life here...?Originally posted by nullifi3d:You've got a good point, and i thought of all the reasons beforehand.
All i'm saying is time management is not his forte. But i'm not the one to dictate any1's r/s.
Well things turn for the worst becos the other 2 members have been ganging up and claiming me an the other single guy have been backstabbing them. Oh well; friends are such an overrated term nowadays. I've got no more strenght to prove myself innocent, and talking things over will only be a playing-field for accusations to be raised.