I'm sad & I feel life is bored to mi!
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[This message has been edited by ZiZi (edited 29 April 2001).] -
Hello ZiZi again!
Dun be despair abt life yet lar (I believe u r still very young), or at least younder than Atti, haha.......... Life do turn bored at times, and it isn't a bad thing to keep it simple!!! Believe me, haha......
Allow me to go into myself a bit...... errmmmm i am like u, feeling very down and exhausted with many things in life at the moment, but believe me, yr life now cannot be as bad as mine! Those who konw me ard in here will know what i am talking abt and going through. The only difference between yr life now and mine is that you complaint that yr life is too simple, but mine is too dramatic!!! Really 'chi bu siao', haha.......
Errrmmm, care to share abt the family problem? Maybe i can help, or at least lend a pair of listening ears
. Errmmmm i am going through some family problem not long ago too, so i understand how it felt to have 1, esp when a family/home is a place where we wanna come home, or looked forward to come back after a hard day work. However, with all the troubles, sometimes, we really dreaded to stay at home........ agrees?
Okie as for yr relationship with yr bf, hope u dun mind i say what i feel........ hmmmmm..... think its a bit diff lor, for you cos yr case really very extreme leh...... now in 21st century liao leh, still got such guy who dun allow gf to go out one meh? I find it rather amazing also for a ger like u to accept this (maybe u r force to lar) but, under normal circumstances, a ger will be together with a guy who loves her more than she loves him, ermmm get what i mean? If given a choice, between 2 guys, a ger will NORMALLY choose to accept the guy who loves her more than a guy who she loves but he dun love her that much. I dunnoe, but maybe like u have mentioned, u r deeply in love with him, and this, can easily blinded you.
I really dunnoe how long can u take this but i hope u will be more sensible too, as in think for yrself..... of cos i am not encouraging u to do something dramatic, but do you think u can accept a guy who take you for granted, and u r not the 1 he loves most for a lifetime? I, personally feels that short term, maybe can lor, but on the long run........ not very 'le guang'.
okie b4 i end, allow me to share a little something wif u...... my ex-gf told me this, and i still remembered this........ " A gerfriend is like a bird, you dun have to put her in a cage. Instead, you have to let her fly in the sky. All you have to do is to tie a very long thin string on her leg, so that when she flies, at least you know where she is and wun lost track of her. The best thing is she still have her freedom flying freely in the sky. Eventually when shes tired of flying or have enuff freedom, she will fly back to the point where the string start, the place where she belong, the place where she knows where she really wanna be, and its you, the bf. "
Okie i know i did not describe it very well cos i translate from chinese myself one lar, heh...... ermmm but hope u get the picture This make me realise that the ger might even love u more deeply, if you show her respect, one way is by giving her enuff freedom.
Sad to say, i believe its something u r lacking now. Errrrmmm, whats the point of he wants u to stay at home when hes out with his friends? See, u already start to complain. Maybe, u would want to have a heart to heart talk with him. U think that u love him deeply now, but u didn't realise there's much much more depht left in the love than u have expected.
Talk to him, really....... and all the best!
Regards
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nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
Hi Atti, long time no post...
For ZiZi,
In a r/s, there's one powerful word that can lifen up a r/s. ...Trust... Both parties must convince each other that whenever which activity they do must be able to believe that nothing will happen.
What Atti has described, like example going out and got drunk brings about trouble and problems, and that leads another party to get very worried and tends to be more protective over the other in the near future. *Like putting the bird in the cage may prevent other hungry and cunning cats from attacking....try to see more warner bro cartoons and you will know what I mean*
Guys knows tat this outside world is not prefect and you should try to understand how he feels whenever you are out in the open. Maybe you have done something in the past that make him so protective. That's where the word trust comes in. Convince him that you will not mixed with bad company, pick up bad influences and ur love will never die down no matter what happen. On the other hand, you must remember that he will be there for you.
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"A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh,
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose,
'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."
[This message has been edited by *Sad_Soul* (edited 02 April 2001).] -
HMM.... Time to get a LIFE SWAP... Get yourself a new life please... This one I think has expired....Originally posted by ZiZi:My lifestyle seems simple & bored.Family problem plus a lot of other problems.Luv r/s dun seems gd.Friends dun like him.He seems to take mi for granted.I'm not the one who he luv the most.But when he is hapi i feel the same too even if i'm not in a gd mood.I know i haf fall quite deep in tat r/s.He like to control mi but dun want mi to control him.Cannot go out wif friends,cannot tis cannot that.Haf to stay at HM when he go out wif friends!
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Atti, that's really very very true..Originally posted by Atti:okie b4 i end, allow me to share a little something wif u...... my ex-gf told me this, and i still remembered this........ " A gerfriend is like a bird, you dun have to put her in a cage. Instead, you have to let her fly in the sky. All you have to do is to tie a very long thin string on her leg, so that when she flies, at least you know where she is and wun lost track of her. The best thing is she still have her freedom flying freely in the sky. Eventually when shes tired of flying or have enuff freedom, she will fly back to the point where the string start, the place where she belong, the place where she knows where she really wanna be, and its you, the bf. "
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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
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Bear,
well glad u like it and hopefully u have learn something out of the bird theory!
actuatlly its very rational lor, i like this thoery thats why still remember it.
if we put the bird in the cage, chances are that she will tried to break free. And if she happened to escape, chances are she will be gone forever.
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nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
Pardon me saying this: "YOUR BF IS A TOTAL JACKASS!!"Originally posted by ZiZi:My lifestyle seems simple & bored.Family problem plus a lot of other problems.Luv r/s dun seems gd.Friends dun like him.He seems to take mi for granted.I'm not the one who he luv the most.But when he is hapi i feel the same too even if i'm not in a gd mood.I know i haf fall quite deep in tat r/s.He like to control mi but dun want mi to control him.Cannot go out wif friends,cannot tis cannot that.Haf to stay at HM when he go out wif friends!
I don't see why u cannot go out with other friends, regardless of them being male or female when he's out with his own friends. Talking about sexual equality here. It doesn't matter if he is having a fling outside or not. The point is that he is treating u like a "yellow-faced" housewife, and that's disgusting. We are in yr 2001. U might wanna consider giving him a good talk on this.
Regarding on your family problems, if u really feel troubled by it, that are counsellors in CCs which will allow u to relieve that burden. U might even get a solution from these professionals.
Take care and don't brood over such matters too much. I think u might be a young lad, too young to be burdened down by these matters. -
Recently we dun meet too often liao.Coz he is out wif his friends to play game.He dun intro mi to his friends as her GF instead he will juz say i'm one of his friends.Then recently he say he will bring mi to play game wif his friends at xx game cafe.He say he will but haven lah.Wat can that prove?My friends say coz if he next time want to flirt outside or go out wif gals so he can use those friends who i'm going to see as an excuse.In fact i haven think so far ahead that he will use as an excuse but instead i'm hapi tat he is going to intro his friends to mi.He dun like mi to haf friends tat are guys.I used to haf quite a number of friends who are guys plus friends & classmates & schoolmates & colleague...Now not even one i can chat on phone.He dun like mi to go out coz he like mi to stay at hm,so as i'm not in touch wif friends seen outside.He likes mi to guai guai stay at hm.I'm bored at hm...it is like staying at hm to wait for his call while he go out wif friends.When he is out wif friends he treat mi very nice.He will msg mi sweet sweet msgs & say tat he luv mi & etc.Sometimes i find tat his friends are more fun than going out wif mi.As for mi i could juz wait.Wait for one,two,three days to pass by without his accompany & wait for the very day tat he is free for mi for dinner.Wait for a few days for a few hrs dinner sometimes make mi very hapi liao.Friends say y i'm contented so easily?They say he take mi for granted & say there are a lot of guys waiting for mi.Friends ask mi,y did i choose him when at tat moment i haf quite a number of choises?I answer as he gif mi tat "feeling".They say my answer is juz too simple!Is it really so?Last time he is a 5 timer,meaning he go steady wif 5 gals at a time.He told mi he wun now & if he wanted to haf another gal he will break off wif mi first.They call mi not to believe him coz history will repeat.Should i believe?
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ZiZi:
To your current bf, relationships are never lasting. U should only start a relationship when u are willing to commit, but it seems to me that he lacks that commitment.
As a guy myself, I really loathe him. How old is him anyway?? He does sound like a playboy who hops from tree to tree as and when he feels like. I don't see why u should be restricted by his commands. Are u his slave?? Think about it.
To the guy:
If u are pissed by what I said, too bad. Cos u really suck, BIG TIME!! -
Personally, whether your bf is an asshole or not is NOT up to me to say lah... Because there's really very little I know about him... Whether you like him or not, and whether you wanna stay with him or not is really up to you lah.... But I do think that you should have your own stand too...? Like... Spending your own time with your friends (May them be guys or girls... Good or Devils...Originally posted by ZiZi:Recently we dun meet too often liao.Coz he is out wif his friends to play game.He dun intro mi to his friends as her GF instead he will juz say i'm one of his friends.Then recently he say he will bring mi to play game wif his friends at xx game cafe.He say he will but haven lah.Wat can that prove?My friends say coz if he next time want to flirt outside or go out wif gals so he can use those friends who i'm going to see as an excuse.In fact i haven think so far ahead that he will use as an excuse but instead i'm hapi tat he is going to intro his friends to mi.He dun like mi to haf friends tat are guys.I used to haf quite a number of friends who are guys plus friends & classmates & schoolmates & colleague...Now not even one i can chat on phone.He dun like mi to go out coz he like mi to stay at hm,so as i'm not in touch wif friends seen outside.He likes mi to guai guai stay at hm.I'm bored at hm...it is like staying at hm to wait for his call while he go out wif friends.When he is out wif friends he treat mi very nice.He will msg mi sweet sweet msgs & say tat he luv mi & etc.Sometimes i find tat his friends are more fun than going out wif mi.As for mi i could juz wait.Wait for one,two,three days to pass by without his accompany & wait for the very day tat he is free for mi for dinner.Wait for a few days for a few hrs dinner sometimes make mi very hapi liao.Friends say y i'm contented so easily?They say he take mi for granted & say there are a lot of guys waiting for mi.Friends ask mi,y did i choose him when at tat moment i haf quite a number of choises?I answer as he gif mi tat "feeling".They say my answer is juz too simple!Is it really so?Last time he is a 5 timer,meaning he go steady wif 5 gals at a time.He told mi he wun now & if he wanted to haf another gal he will break off wif mi first.They call mi not to believe him coz history will repeat.Should i believe?PP) Should have your own life.... AFTERALL... THIS is your OWN LIFE.... So why don't you come join us for some outings or something...? Or better still lah... Come join me for BBQ down here in HELL...?? ;PPP
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
They call mi not to believe him coz history will repeat.Should i believe?[/B]
This really depends on how deep your relationship is standing now. If u have complete trust in him and feels that the relationship is stable, of course u can trust him. But from what I can see, you loved him very much but feels he control u too much, shd I say he's really a male chavanist, oh my gosh, I believe both sexes are equivalent. Mayb u should sound out to him that he shouldn't control u too much to an extent u feel unbearable. If he really care for u, he won't b angry with u, dun worry too much loh...
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Originally posted by Larry:
He is 24.He seems gd to friends than gf.Mayb he passion has gone.Mayb he felt tat luv haf fade.He haf a lot of friends who are gals but he dun want mi to keep in touch wif friends who are guys.As for him not to tok to gals can make him die.Recently i dun really know how to tok to him,he listen to wat i say at the mean time he is resting.Sometimes he heard wat i say sometimes dun.Am i wasting my time to tok to a person who may or may not know wat u toking.He will always say he luv mi.But did he really mean it?Friends say,yah mayb he really luv mi but dun forget his luv can b share by alot of gals.He can at the same time luv so many i'm onli juz one of the lucky one.Does guys who used to play ard wif gals think so too?
ZiZi:
To your current bf, relationships are never lasting. U should only start a relationship when u are willing to commit, but it seems to me that he lacks that commitment.
As a guy myself, I really loathe him. How old is him anyway?? He does sound like a playboy who hops from tree to tree as and when he feels like. I don't see why u should be restricted by his commands. Are u his slave?? Think about it.
To the guy:
If u are pissed by what I said, too bad. Cos u really suck, [b]BIG TIME!![/B] -
ZiZi:
I can always say the same thing to a girl all the time, but does his actions prove otherwise?? Only u can tell.
I get the feeling he is a MCP: women stay at home while men are outside. A very unhealthy mentality. Maybe he should learn to trust u with your friends, instead of restraining u at home. We are all humans. He should also have more faith in the relationship. To me, he feels insecure. That could be the reason why he is restraining u from mixing around.
I myself have a gf. I have platonic friendships too and I had even went on single dates with them, but I had never gone astray with my platonic friends as they are my true good friends. My gf even went for SDU activities, and we often joked about the whole thing. The point I am trying to drive here is MUTUAL TRUST. If a relationship doesn't have this fundamental, then u might wanna reconsider it. -
Yesterday i met his friends.The other day i met his mum.His mum gif mi a very funny feeling.My friends say mayb his mum dun like mi coz mayb in his mum's heart she haf the one who his son is in deep love wif(his ex).Am I their third party?I always haf the feeling that i'm the third party,as he haf his most love gal in his life.Friends say i'm stupid enough to believe tis kind of guy.Am i?I always haf the thinking that when i'm in love wif someone i will like to be together wif him no matter wat.I dun wish to say gd bye to relationship.It hurts!But if ur bf haf someone who he love very very much in his life will u be able to haf tis kind of thinking that i haf now?When he is angry i feel very sad.Now sorrie dun mean anything to him anymore.Sometimes i want to explain myself but after thinking i felt it is better not coz he wun listen to mi when he think it should b the way he think so,plus it is always better for mi to keep quiet when he is not in gd mood.
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well, i am v sad to read abt ur whole story.. i have encountered a similar case before but the thing is that my ex did not restrict me but instead we gave each other too much freedom..n i gave him too much trust that he is not worthy of it. i loved him alot, just too much to describe as he is my first love! i was v sticky to him in the first place but he wanted his own space so i am afraid that if i do not gif him wat he wants, he might leave me..i gave n gave.. i rarely see him n tok to him as he is forever with his frens..it's bad for me to say that his peers are not decent but they are indeed of bad influence..most of them had criminal records n few were once in jail..so when they go out they go n get to noe gers.. n he still haf the cheecks to tell me..i just tolerated everything..till in the end he broke up wif me for a stupid reason..he say that he still love his ex gf whom doesnt even likes him anymore as she refuses n rejected his request for patchup many times.. well, after the breakup i was v brave to ask him to be frens..we were frens till abt almost 4months after we broke up, his buddy told me that the reason that we broke up was not due to his ex onli, but also that he two-time..or rather u can say 3time me! there was another 2 gers that he was courting at the same time when he was wif me..i ws so hurt n cried like mad although we broke up so long ago cos i realli still love him.. he denied abt the whole matter but i chose not to believe him n now..i chose not to be frens n forget him entirely..he is just not worth it.. so zizi, maybe u should learn something from my case.. my ex used to promise me that he will nv do anything wrong to me.. but he actually 3 time at one goal! isnt that amazing? think abt it..if he is worth it.. kip ur love before he shatters everything n at that time.. it's just too difficult to pick urself up from the fall!!! take care n be smart!
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Originally posted by ZiZi:
He is 24.He seems gd to friends than gf.Mayb he passion has gone.Mayb he felt tat luv haf fade.He haf a lot of friends who are gals but he dun want mi to keep in touch wif friends who are guys.As for him not to tok to gals can make him die.Recently i dun really know how to tok to him,he listen to wat i say at the mean time he is resting.Sometimes he heard wat i say sometimes dun.Am i wasting my time to tok to a person who may or may not know wat u toking.He will always say he luv mi.But did he really mean it?Friends say,yah mayb he really luv mi but dun forget his luv can b share by alot of gals.He can at the same time luv so many i'm onli juz one of the lucky one.Does guys who used to play ard wif gals think so too?[/B][/QUOTE]
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Well, relationships do fade a bit after it's steady, so now and then, one party must spice up the relationship so that the feeling won't be lost. If u really felt insecure about this realtionship, mayb what u can do is to give him some surprises during special occasions and let him realise that u really love him so deep that u can't lose him. Tell u something, don't keep asking a guy whether he loves u or not, this may hav negative results, although he loves u, but when u keep popping the same question, he will find that u r very "irritating", ok?
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off