Relationship...hurts...
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Thanks for replying
[This message has been edited by ZiZi (edited 10 June 2001).] -
Zizi,
Hello, been quite a while since last heard from you. Got heard by him badly again i suppose.
Like you yrself had said it, will we believe what yr bf had said? well you got the ans lor, to me its definitely a NO!
From what i see, you r just a replacement to him. If one is no longer afraid to be hurt in a relationship, then that's not love.
Forgive me if i said something you might not wanna hear. Dun worry, in no way r u a third party, and pls dun feel that way. Its not yr fault. To me, i have serious doubt abt the maturity level of yr bf....... a lot of things he should not have done, or even said in the 1st place.
In a relationship, sometime you have to learn to let go a bit....... if you can't take it anymore, let go, its good for both of you. Of cos, its not easy and u will feel sad, but i still believe its better than getting hurt by him times after times. How long can you take it? Or how long will the happiness last? Give it a thought.
Of cos, i am not, and in no way encouraging you to let go, but you yrself know the situation best, what's good and bad for u. I am sure u will find better guys else where....... who will really treat u like a little princess.
Do take care of yrself, and let us know if you ever need help okie? After the storm, there's always sunshine. All the things u been through will only make u a stonger, better and more mature lady in the future.
Regards
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nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe" -
hi there, you may not know mi, but i think that i have experienced the same situation as you and so i am able to understand how you feel.Originally posted by ZiZi:How to love one who is still hurt by his ex GF?The everything everything that she gifs and every little thing that she do is always kept in his mind.He say he no longer afraid of being hurt and he loves mi.Reason?Coz the wound of the hurt that his ex GF gif is still there.The reply of "Yes" from him let mi suddenly feel very sad even though i haf long ago prepare for tis answer.But feeling is uncontrollable...really feel the hurt..Love really hurts..He can always tell mi how much how deep he love mi but no true feeling is in it.He say to love someone dun put in true feeling to prevent urself from hurt.He say he is not afraid of being hurt.Deep down inside i feel like i'm the third party between him & his ex.I told him if he wants to go back to her & she is available tell mi coz i want him to find his happinness.He say he wun go back to her again coz he haf mi and i'm his happinness.Will u ppl believe?
i guess that your bf is juz not reaDY for another relationship because of the hurt and pain that he had suffered from the past relationship.
i guess that you muz think abt it carefully and whether you would want to spend your life with him.
on the other hand, i think that your bf is very truthful to you in the sense that he did not lie abt his feelings.
i think you nit to give him omore time and to let him get over the pain of the failed relationship.
take care. -
I'm not gonna post anything or give any advice here for now... Because after I've read your story, you reminded myself of me.... I wasn't in your shoes.... I was kinda like in your bf's shoes... And I must admit that this happened not so long ago... In fact quite recently.... If you could please e-mail me at [email protected]Originally posted by ZiZi:How to love one who is still hurt by his ex GF?The everything everything that she gifs and every little thing that she do is always kept in his mind.He say he no longer afraid of being hurt and he loves mi.Reason?Coz the wound of the hurt that his ex GF gif is still there.The reply of "Yes" from him let mi suddenly feel very sad even though i haf long ago prepare for tis answer.But feeling is uncontrollable...really feel the hurt..Love really hurts..He can always tell mi how much how deep he love mi but no true feeling is in it.He say to love someone dun put in true feeling to prevent urself from hurt.He say he is not afraid of being hurt.Deep down inside i feel like i'm the third party between him & his ex.I told him if he wants to go back to her & she is available tell mi coz i want him to find his happinness.He say he wun go back to her again coz he haf mi and i'm his happinness.Will u ppl believe?
I wish to speak to you...?
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Yup, u shd let time heal your "bf" wounds and see how it proceeds, if he really can't put down his feelings, no pt. to b his replacement, u will b the one suffering, think abt it, ok?Originally posted by vinvin:i guess that your bf is juz not reaDY for another relationship because of the hurt and pain that he had suffered from the past relationship.
i guess that you muz think abt it carefully and whether you would want to spend your life with him.
on the other hand, i think that your bf is very truthful to you in the sense that he did not lie abt his feelings.
i think you nit to give him omore time and to let him get over the pain of the failed relationship.
take care.
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
zizi,
i feel so sad when i saw ur post cos i've been thru exactly the same thing as u!!! but the diff is that my ex chose to break up wif me instead of gifing out relationship a second chance! yupz, i always sense that the shadow of her has nv left his mind.. i am jealous of cos.. but i didnt dare to say anything cos i love him too much n dunwan to lose him.. until he really really ignore me n it's impossible to keep mum abt the whole thing already then i asked him if she is still on his mind..he said he didnt want to lie to me so he said yes.. i was alone on the bus at the time when i received his sms confessing that he really didnt forget abt her n still loves her so much.. i didnt cry but i was shattered.. i was all lost.. so i supposed i noe how u feel when u heard his answer.. there is a gd song to represent our mood at that moment i supposed, jolin's "ni hai ai wo ma" go listen to the lyrics.. hmm.. but anyway, he chose to let go of our relationship n i had alraedy recovered.. n found my love again!! so i think if u really do love him so much, gif me another chance n really try to start afresh, provided that he must forget abt her.. if she is still on his mind..forget abt him.. dun think u can stand ur bf thinking of another ger..thats unfair to u too..take care or urself...! -
If he do not put his true feelings in it, is that considered love?
Time heals all wounds, give him some time and let him know that it hurts you too.
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**I want u to be with me.....
be with me in the morning...be with me in the nite...with me when its dark out...with me when its light...
I want u to be with me...no matter what we do...just keep this reminder...of how much I love u...** -
Thanks for all who reply to my topic.Love is a feeling...love actually is a very simple matter.When one takes up the responsibility to love someone one haf to commite in the rlationship.On my part i haf already gif my best to him truely and honestly.For him i may b just one of his passerby in his life.I dun know how he really think & is he true to mi.But i know i didn't and wun let this relationship down.I haf been through the ups & downs...is tough...love is often accompany by tears.Hope to receive more replys.Originally posted by joanne:zizi,
i feel so sad when i saw ur post cos i've been thru exactly the same thing as u!!! but the diff is that my ex chose to break up wif me instead of gifing out relationship a second chance! yupz, i always sense that the shadow of her has nv left his mind.. i am jealous of cos.. but i didnt dare to say anything cos i love him too much n dunwan to lose him.. until he really really ignore me n it's impossible to keep mum abt the whole thing already then i asked him if she is still on his mind..he said he didnt want to lie to me so he said yes.. i was alone on the bus at the time when i received his sms confessing that he really didnt forget abt her n still loves her so much.. i didnt cry but i was shattered.. i was all lost.. so i supposed i noe how u feel when u heard his answer.. there is a gd song to represent our mood at that moment i supposed, jolin's "ni hai ai wo ma" go listen to the lyrics.. hmm.. but anyway, he chose to let go of our relationship n i had alraedy recovered.. n found my love again!! so i think if u really do love him so much, gif me another chance n really try to start afresh, provided that he must forget abt her.. if she is still on his mind..forget abt him.. dun think u can stand ur bf thinking of another ger..thats unfair to u too..take care or urself...! -
"to love someone dun put in true feeling".ur bf must be hurt too much to say this although i dun agree with him.To love someone yet dun put in true feeling,then what u call that.I only can say time will heal everything but how long only he knows.wish u all the best.
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As his gf, u hav the right to knw what's he's thinking, u can ask him indirectly, but dun "pester" him loh, guys dun like their gfs asking abt their past relationships once it's over. U hav to judge him correctly, wish u luck...Originally posted by ZiZi:Thanks for all who reply to my topic.Love is a feeling...love actually is a very simple matter.When one takes up the responsibility to love someone one haf to commite in the rlationship.On my part i haf already gif my best to him truely and honestly.For him i may b just one of his passerby in his life.I dun know how he really think & is he true to mi.But i know i didn't and wun let this relationship down.I haf been through the ups & downs...is tough...love is often accompany by tears.Hope to receive more replys.
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Zizi,
Think u know who I am horz.. hehehhe~
To the others, I'm not her tt bf!!! so dun start poking ur fingers at me.. hehehe..
actually I do urge u to leave him lorz.. I dun wanna throw ur full story out to get everyone's approval of my intention, but I believe u r also feel not that good too abt the r/s... Wat we can do it only to advice u... it's u, urself who has to pick up the courage to take the step... If u were to restrain to think that things will work out, I can only say, u r actually putting urself into a lot of pain...
Just ask urself, is this the kind of r/s that u want to live wif?? is this the kind of r/s that u want?? I doubt so lorz.. it's not even near anyone's dreams to have this kind of r/s...
If u r thinking that maybe he will notice someday they way u treat him... I dunno u wan to wait till when... he doesn't treat u like a guy will treat a gf.. u r better off alone... unless u r afraid to be alone....
well, that's my words that's given to u.. and always been giving u....
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()""() ************************
( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.)
~.~.~
[This message has been edited by Bear (edited 04 May 2001).] -
Thankz.Now he treat mi coldly and he say he dun want anyone to get involve in his thinking.Including mi.I ask izzit tat he dun trust mi anymore.His reply is dunno.He wun tell mi his feeling & thoughts anymore...he hurts my feelingsOriginally posted by Bear:Zizi,
Think u know who I am horz.. hehehhe~
To the others, I'm not her tt bf!!! so dun start poking ur fingers at me.. hehehe..
actually I do urge u to leave him lorz.. I dun wanna throw ur full story out to get everyone's approval of my intention, but I believe u r also feel not that good too abt the r/s... Wat we can do it only to advice u... it's u, urself who has to pick up the courage to take the step... If u were to restrain to think that things will work out, I can only say, u r actually putting urself into a lot of pain...
Just ask urself, is this the kind of r/s that u want to live wif?? is this the kind of r/s that u want?? I doubt so lorz.. it's not even near anyone's dreams to have this kind of r/s...
If u r thinking that maybe he will notice someday they way u treat him... I dunno u wan to wait till when... he doesn't treat u like a guy will treat a gf.. u r better off alone... unless u r afraid to be alone....
well, that's my words that's given to u.. and always been giving u.... -
Give him some time to do his own thinking... Messing up his thoughts at this moment would not be of any help at all... In fact, you'll only make him detest you if you try to interfere with his thinking period... I call this a CALM STAGE, or many others like to call it the 'soul searching'.... Afterall though this is the relationship between you and him, it's also HIS OWN LIFE.... It's NOT that he's having a selfish thinking... <- Dunno why people just like to label him as that? He's a little confused... You should give him time to sort out his own thinking.... When he's done with that he'll get back to you.... Pestering him would only SLOW DOWN his thinking process and prolong the 'unnecessary' period.... Causing inefficiency to his chain of thoughts...Originally posted by ZiZi:Thankz.Now he treat mi coldly and he say he dun want anyone to get involve in his thinking.Including mi.I ask izzit tat he dun trust mi anymore.His reply is dunno.He wun tell mi his feeling & thoughts anymore...he hurts my feelings
Don't worry too much my dear... Just concentrate on your own matters for now.... Do you believe in and treasure his love? 
(Be honest to yourself, THIS only you know... And you don't have to tell anyone about it... Don't have to answer to anyone except HIM and YOURSELF...) If you do, tell him to get back to you when he's 'better'... Smile to you... Show that you still love him and care for him.... Let him know that you understand his needs... (To think it through..) And then? Make sure that you really UNDERSTANDS him....
If you think you wanna cut the story SHORT and find this whole thing not really worthy or not really what you want... Give him a period of time to think it through... Ask him how long he needs to think it through... Tell him you can't wait forever... Life can't wait forever.... Reminds him that life goes on.... Don't disturb him during that 'period' of time he stated he needs for thinking through... Look for him for an answer after that.... NB. As much as he has the rights to terminate this relationship, you have the rights to do it too.... But I just hope it's not out of a moment of desperate... A moment of harshness.... Foolishness..... As long as you clearly know what you're doing... You can also set your priorities... But I just wish for that you'll give him a notice if you're thinking along this line.......
REGARDS~
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Is that so? What exactly happened? I tot u said he loved u, huh? I'm confused by your problem, can u describe in more detail?Originally posted by ZiZi:Thankz.Now he treat mi coldly and he say he dun want anyone to get involve in his thinking.Including mi.I ask izzit tat he dun trust mi anymore.His reply is dunno.He wun tell mi his feeling & thoughts anymore...he hurts my feelings
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Is that so? What exactly happened? I tot u said he loved u, huh? I'm confused by your problem, can u describe in more detail?
[/B][/QUOTE]
Our relationship will b fine when he didn't see or hear things tat got to do wif his ex gf...when things concern about his ex gf there will surely b problems...problems tat may last for quite long to mi but to him may b a forever thing.I dun expect him to forget his ex coz i know tis wun happen...but at least love mi for who i am... action or word tat he say which haf hurt mi,haf always been torturing my feelings...it is hard to control my feeling esp. when i haf to force myself to laugh even though i'm trying to hold back my tears...it is a very very sour feeling tat i haf forget a few years ago... -
zizi,
actually that time when i was undergoing so called this "calm stage" which is nv calm inside our hearts..i think i did the wrong thing. i irritated my ex by sending him all e previous sms that he send me saying that he loved me forever n forever etc. then he got really stressed up n thus wanted a breakup..but i have not regretted breaking up cos i noe that he's not the one for me.. for ur case, i do agree that u should try to let this relationship go..n forget abt this guy cos it's unfair for u that u loved him so much yet dun receive wat u shd receive.. it's of cos tough to gif up, easier said than done but u will at least prevent urself from further harm in the future..as u already said that he will nv be able to forget abt his ex... dun be too stressed, in my pt of view, i think LOVE SHOULD NEVER BE A BURDEN. once it's a burden, its no longer love.. take care...!~ -
If he still thinks abt his ex, he shouldnt start a new relationship with you! If he cant stop thinking what has happened in the past, what are you to him? Someone who listens to his self pity and wallow in own sorrows? I dont think soo..
Be assertive, know what you want know who you are to him...Know if he really loves you...
You cant love without putting any feelings into it!!!!!!!!!!!!
*hugz* lastly be strong....for yourself and no one else....
Dont wish to ask you to break off coz have no right to say that or make comments like that but to cool down and think about this whole thing....too many pple interfering will be confusing as well...
If decided to stay on, think about the present about the future.....think of the sweet memories..think of why it started?
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@~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~@
It's my life....
It's now or never...
I ain't gonna live 4ever
I just want to live while I'm alive
@~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~@ -
Originally posted by ZiZi:
Our relationship will b fine when he didn't see or hear things tat got to do wif his ex gf...when things concern about his ex gf there will surely b problems...problems tat may last for quite long to mi but to him may b a forever thing.I dun expect him to forget his ex coz i know tis wun happen...but at least love mi for who i am... action or word tat he say which haf hurt mi,haf always been torturing my feelings...it is hard to control my feeling esp. when i haf to force myself to laugh even though i'm trying to hold back my tears...it is a very very sour feeling tat i haf forget a few years ago...[/B][/QUOTE]
[/B]
So, this is the situation. From what I see, there's really no point in carrying on the relationship cos it will bring u more misery than joy. Love should be happy and shouldn't bring u unhappiness, agreed? If u end this relationship, u won't hav to control your tears anymore when u r with him, rite?
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
So, this is the situation. From what I see, there's really no point in carrying on the relationship cos it will bring u more misery than joy. Love should be happy and shouldn't bring u unhappiness, agreed? If u end this relationship, u won't hav to control your tears anymore when u r with him, rite?
[/B][/QUOTE]
If love should onli be hapi then wat are the ups & downs in a relationship?To break is easy but to face things after break is hard...often we tend to think of the person's gds when he/she had left us...suddenly remember someone told mi...love is not how we let go but is how we hold on to it...agree?Y do we never knew wat we got till it's gone? -
I think many people in here have been pretty much giving you rather good advices... But just go through what they've got to say and MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION... Because nobody would really know the situation better than you do... Though the MOST CONFUSED you may be, you should also be the MOST SOBER... Think you're somewhere along this track,Originally posted by ZiZi:If love should onli be hapi then wat are the ups & downs in a relationship?To break is easy but to face things after break is hard...often we tend to think of the person's gds when he/she had left us...suddenly remember someone told mi...love is not how we let go but is how we hold on to it...agree?Y do we never knew wat we got till it's gone? and I feel happy for you...
Actually at this point (I believe?) you pretty much have an idea of what you want already? Though doubts might pour in once in a while to confuse you, CLEAR YOUR MIND... Many good advices HELP in the initial stage... After that they can only be render as 'disturbances' to offset your FINAL DECISION....
Making a DECISION out of all the mental instabilities is already a difficult thing to do.... PASSING your decision through your heart is another TEST.... Learn to control YOUR FOCUS or you'll never arrive there smoothly.... Below is a general guide for you, do consider it if you may?
1. THINK of your OBJECTIVE. What you want?
Then MOVES your life towards that
DIRECTION.....
2. THINK of the CHANCES of you ACHIEVING
YOUR GOAL. Can you cut out some of the
POINTS?
3. QUESTION your DECISION with REASONS. NOT
stupid and insignificant words from
others.
4. DEFINE and DECLARE your OBJECTIVE,
DIRECTION and MOVES. CARRY ON.
"When work is done, HEAT is produced...
HEAT is WASTED as a form of ENERGY
usually... Most of the time it's just a
side-effect... CAN A BETTER SYSTEM BE
IMPROVISED THEN?"
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
U hav a pt. here, but although a relationship has its ups and downs, ups ahd exceed the downs, agreed? If this is nt the case, what's the pt. of holding on to it, it will bring u more miseries. I knw saying is easy but doing is hard, but havn't u heard of the chinese saying "chang tong bu ru duan tong"? Anyway, this is just my pt. of view, the final decision lies in you. From what I observed, u already reached a decision, just that u want to see how others view it, rite?Originally posted by ZiZi:If love should onli be hapi then wat are the ups & downs in a relationship?To break is easy but to face things after break is hard...often we tend to think of the person's gds when he/she had left us...suddenly remember someone told mi...love is not how we let go but is how we hold on to it...agree?Y do we never knew wat we got till it's gone?
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
U hav a pt. here, but although a relationship has its ups and downs, ups ahd exceed the downs, agreed? If this is nt the case, what's the pt. of holding on to it, it will bring u more miseries. I knw saying is easy but doing is hard, but havn't u heard of the chinese saying "chang tong bu ru duan tong"? Anyway, this is just my pt. of view, the final decision lies in you. From what I observed, u already reached a decision, just that u want to see how others view it, rite?Originally posted by mikegk_76:[QUOTE]Originally posted by ZiZi:
[b]
If love should onli be hapi then wat are the ups & downs in a relationship?To break is easy but to face things after break is hard...often we tend to think of the person's gds when he/she had left us...suddenly remember someone told mi...love is not how we let go but is how we hold on to it...agree?Y do we never knew wat we got till it's gone?
[/B][/QUOTE]
A point to note. Ups and downs are not only measured by their quantity, but also by their INTENSITY. To make things a little more complicated, you'll never really know the 'whole measurement' of UPs and DOWNs until the WHOLE THING is OVER.
Though it's a common habit for mankind to treasure only the UPs, if only they also learn to see the importance of DOWNs and appreciate it would they truly understand the meaning of UPs. TRUE LIFE don't take TRUE MEASUREMENTS.
No offence. If YOUR PROPOSAL is TRUE, then many people out there would not (should not?) have a reason to hold on to their lives anymore. AND THAT... DOESN'T EXCLUDE myself....
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
I agree...Ups & downs is not measure but the number of times but the intensity...mayb three ups can't compare to one real UPS when the impact is larger.
U hav a pt. here, but although a relationship has its ups and downs, ups ahd exceed the downs, agreed? If this is nt the case, what's the pt. of holding on to it, it will bring u more miseries. I knw saying is easy but doing is hard, but havn't u heard of the chinese saying "chang tong bu ru duan tong"? Anyway, this is just my pt. of view, the final decision lies in you. From what I observed, u already reached a decision, just that u want to see how others view it, rite?Originally posted by Devil1976:[QUOTE]Originally posted by mikegk_76:
[b] [QUOTE]Originally posted by ZiZi:
[b]
If love should onli be hapi then wat are the ups & downs in a relationship?To break is easy but to face things after break is hard...often we tend to think of the person's gds when he/she had left us...suddenly remember someone told mi...love is not how we let go but is how we hold on to it...agree?Y do we never knew wat we got till it's gone?
[/B][/QUOTE]
A point to note. Ups and downs are not only measured by their quantity, but also by their INTENSITY. To make things a little more complicated, you'll never really know the 'whole measurement' of UPs and DOWNs until the WHOLE THING is OVER.
Though it's a common habit for mankind to treasure only the UPs, if only they also learn to see the importance of DOWNs and appreciate it would they truly understand the meaning of UPs. TRUE LIFE don't take TRUE MEASUREMENTS.
No offence. If YOUR PROPOSAL is TRUE, then many people out there would not (should not?) have a reason to hold on to their lives anymore. AND THAT... DOESN'T EXCLUDE myself....
[/B][/QUOTE] -
from ur reply, i can really sense that u love him too much to gif him up.. in that case, i think u onli have to bear the consequences of staying together wif him.. i mean if u really choose that route to continue to be wif him, u have to sacrifice n just be prepared for any further more hurts in case there are any more in the future.. i am not cursing u! i just hoped that u can be more prepared for the future.. anyway, u must must must be strong.. dun let this bother u too too much..take care!~
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Wishing well....
"When a coin is flipped into the water, ripples form up on the surface of the water... The ripples then quickly travels to the wall of the well and signals back with more ripples... Causing intensified disturbances on the water.... If only the water could stay calm would it realise that, it has always been CLEAR before it's willing to accept a nickel..."
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ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥....