Originally posted by social_misfit:Got myself into a little trouble with interpreting the signals from gal, and feeling quite confused whether to edge forward or to withdraw back from our relationship as friends a little.
This gal used to be nice to me. Not sure if by nature she's a very caring person who knows how to make her friends comfortable or she's especially nice to me. So I would not want to speculate since opinions are quite subjective. Basically I would say she's a nice friend to have, lending you a listening ear when you need someone to talk to and is very understanding. And I noticed that she used to do some weird things that I feel normal friends wouldn't do. For example, she would search on the Internet for my name (and their variations) and see if there's any domain names already registered and what sites are using them, and she would bother to watch my favourite TV shows to find out what's so interesting about them. And she once did asked me out a few months ago because we had a common interest, but I was not keen on the idea and didn't agree to go out.
But I found myself growing a bit fond of her recently, so I thought of making small moves to see how she reacts and to plan whether to push ahead or step down. I don't want to surprise her by giving a big surprise (pleasant or unpleasant) by telling her directly that I am starting to like her. So at least if she's not so keen on me, I can slowly withdraw a bit and be less aggressive in my moves, and everything can remain as normal -- as normal friends rather than dates. I would hate to lose her by being overly aggressive and upfront and then she may avoid me if this thing turns out badly, and can't even be normal friend in future.
We used to meet up or go out in group once every month or so for a meal and to go window shopping or movies. So recently, I asked her out, but never phrased it like a date, more like 2 friends going out to see how it goes, whether she enjoys it or she finds me a bore. But she got back to me said recently is end-of-year X'mas period, she's busy and it's quite rushed to arrange this. Can perhaps push to beginning of next year. I got the hint.
So I tried more hinting again. Then I told her about being lonely during X'mas period, but she too never really respond or care enough to talk more about it and that I value her companionship and friendship more than monetary stuff. She too like never really take note of what I said. I thought gals are quite sensitive and would at least get some hints of what I'm saying if she is a wee bit interested. But apparently, the idea she gives me is: I'm fine with being friend with you, but no further than that. I mean if she's a bit interested, not even say crazy about me, she would be seizing hints and analysing every word I say very carefully to catch any sign of interest I have of her. But I don't see that now.
Then recently, supposed to meet her again for a party at a friend's house, and she had a problem with some food items that we ordered, so she requested for a change. So originally she asked me to resolve this issue by calling up the restaurant and changing the order, but the following day she informed me that she has got another person to see to the issue. Seems like she has little confidence in me getting things done.
So not sure if I'm overly sensitive, just that I feel that she seems to be not so keen. So perhaps remaining as friends would be a better option since she has already given me the hint that she's not a bit interested? What's your analysis of the issue?
Originally posted by FeowFeow:Dear Social Misfit,
I got very confused when I read your post, it's very long. Moreover, love is Not like maths, how can we analyse it when feelings are involved?
FeowFeow
Originally posted by yuko-ogura:Dear Fren,
i encountered the exact prob as u..
advance two steps and take one step back...wadever u do..dun appear to be aggressive.
do things for her as if they were natural..dun specially perform tasks for her or she will mistake it for love from u..and may avoid u so that u won't be mistaking her need for ur help to be an act of love from ya...
the moment she senses the desperation from u..she would avoid u if she's not in the least interested in u..
do be careful..if it really fails..i suggest u go for another one..dun dwell on her anymore.
Originally posted by social_misfit:
Got myself into a little trouble with interpreting the signals from gal, and feeling quite confused whether to edge forward or to withdraw back from our relationship as friends a little.
This gal used to be nice to me. Not sure if by nature she's a very caring person who knows how to make her friends comfortable or she's especially nice to me. So I would not want to speculate since opinions are quite subjective. Basically I would say she's a nice friend to have, lending you a listening ear when you need someone to talk to and is very understanding. And I noticed that she used to do some weird things that I feel normal friends wouldn't do. For example, she would search on the Internet for my name (and their variations) and see if there's any domain names already registered and what sites are using them, and she would bother to watch my favourite TV shows to find out what's so interesting about them. And she once did asked me out a few months ago because we had a common interest, but I was not keen on the idea and didn't agree to go out.
>> Hmm.. is it true? if true.. it may be really a sign that she likes you.. Gals will seldom do things a guy do.. if she doesnt like him...
but when u say "I was not keen on the idea and didn't agree to go out" maybe u had turned her off that time... since then her attitude towards u have changed
But I found myself growing a bit fond of her recently, so I thought of making small moves to see how she reacts and to plan whether to push ahead or step down. I don't want to surprise her by giving a big surprise (pleasant or unpleasant) by telling her directly that I am starting to like her. So at least if she's not so keen on me, I can slowly withdraw a bit and be less aggressive in my moves, and everything can remain as normal -- as normal friends rather than dates. I would hate to lose her by being overly aggressive and upfront and then she may avoid me if this thing turns out badly, and can't even be normal friend in future.
>>> Asking her out for a date i think it's not aggressive.. Aggressive is that if you have buy too many things/gifts for her on your dates. Or u start to tell too much about ur feelings towards her on ur first few dates.. Nothing wrong if you just ask her out.. going for lunch, dinner, go to malls,cinemas etc.. ...
We used to meet up or go out in group once every month or so for a meal and to go window shopping or movies. So recently, I asked her out, but never phrased it like a date, more like 2 friends going out to see how it goes, whether she enjoys it or she finds me a bore. But she got back to me said recently is end-of-year X'mas period, she's busy and it's quite rushed to arrange this. Can perhaps push to beginning of next year. I got the hint.
So I tried more hinting again. Then I told her about being lonely during X'mas period, but she too never really respond or care enough to talk more about it and that I value her companionship and friendship more than monetary stuff. She too like never really take note of what I said. I thought gals are quite sensitive and would at least get some hints of what I'm saying if she is a wee bit interested. But apparently, the idea she gives me is: I'm fine with being friend with you, but no further than that. I mean if she's a bit interested, not even say crazy about me, she would be seizing hints and analysing every word I say very carefully to catch any sign of interest I have of her. But I don't see that now.
"lonely during X'mas??" I think u shouldnt mention that.. sounds like you just find her because of you are lonely.. not that u are fond of getting to know her more... Also that sounds a bit like desperation.. it can turn her off also.. Dude, if you really want to be with her.. you have to do something.. ask her out and no need to hide... The most important thing is that you SHOULDN't TALK TOO MUCH that u like her.. blah blah.. save it until few more dates.. maybe 3rd one...
Then recently, supposed to meet her again for a party at a friend's house, and she had a problem with some food items that we ordered, so she requested for a change. So originally she asked me to resolve this issue by calling up the restaurant and changing the order, but the following day she informed me that she has got another person to see to the issue. Seems like she has little confidence in me getting things done.
So not sure if I'm overly sensitive, just that I feel that she seems to be not so keen. So perhaps remaining as friends would be a better option since she has already given me the hint that she's not a bit interested? What's your analysis of the issue?
>> You won't know whether she's interested to u if u haven't dated her.. ask her out.. and listen more.. talk less man.. and depends on how she respond to ur date proposal.. if she rejects and give follow up time for another date... its good.. if she rejects, giving excuses and no more hints.. i think it stops there..
NICE!Originally posted by FeowFeow:Dear Social Misfit,
I got very confused when I read your post, it's very long. Moreover, love is Not like maths, how can we analyse it when feelings are involved?
FeowFeow
Btw, this is lameOriginally posted by social_misfit:since she has already given me the hint that she's not a bit interested? What's your analysis of the issue?
The girl's got a life and things to do, she' got no time to entertain you. Please be a man and get straight to the point, date her out if you want to, not whine about how lonely you are.Originally posted by social_misfit:So I tried more hinting again. Then I told her about being lonely during X'mas period, but she too never really respond or care enough to talk more about it and that I value her companionship and friendship more than monetary stuff.
She was attracted initially. There is simply no other reason why she would spend so much time on analyzing you.Originally posted by social_misfit:For example, she would search on the Internet for my name (and their variations) and she would bother to watch my favourite TV shows to find out what's so interesting about them. And she once did asked me out a few months ago because we had a common interest, but I was not keen on the idea and didn't agree to go out.
Think about thisÂ…Originally posted by social_misfit:But she got back to me said recently is end-of-year X'mas period, she's busy and it's quite rushed to arrange this. Can perhaps push to beginning of next year. I got the hint.
The next time you want to ask her out for a date, donÂ’t go beating around the bushes about how lonely you are. It shows that you have nothing much going on in your lifeÂ…why would she want to be part of that sad reality? And at the end of the day, you are still unsure of the answer!Originally posted by social_misfit:So not sure if I'm overly sensitive, just that I feel that she seems to be not so keen. So perhaps remaining as friends would be a better option since she has already given me the hint that she's not a bit interested? What's your analysis of the issue?
nice analogy used..Originally posted by curiousOrange:Low interest = Red traffic light
(Instead of waiting indefinitely, make a U-turn and drive to the next junction to find the next green light)
High interest = Green traffic light
(simply go forward)
Moderate interest = Orange traffic light
[b](which is what I suspect she has for you right now)
Originally posted by curiousOrange:Yes very nice analogy... but if you beat the red light then kena 12points deduct... which in this case means a blow to your heart... so think carefully man
Low interest = Red traffic light
(Instead of waiting indefinitely, make a U-turn and drive to the next junction to find the next green light)
High interest = Green traffic light
(simply go forward)
Moderate interest = Orange traffic light
[b](which is what I suspect she has for you right now)
My take is Â… why live in the uncertainty of the orange light? It can turn red anytime.
But IÂ’m sure you will still want to give it a shot.
So try doing the right things during your date with her and you might be able to raise her interest level.
Good luck[/b]
you think too muchOriginally posted by social_misfit:Got myself into a little trouble with interpreting the signals from gal, and feeling quite confused whether to edge forward or to withdraw back from our relationship as friends a little.
This gal used to be nice to me. Not sure if by nature she's a very caring person who knows how to make her friends comfortable or she's especially nice to me. So I would not want to speculate since opinions are quite subjective. Basically I would say she's a nice friend to have, lending you a listening ear when you need someone to talk to and is very understanding. And I noticed that she used to do some weird things that I feel normal friends wouldn't do. For example, she would search on the Internet for my name (and their variations) and see if there's any domain names already registered and what sites are using them, and she would bother to watch my favourite TV shows to find out what's so interesting about them. And she once did asked me out a few months ago because we had a common interest, but I was not keen on the idea and didn't agree to go out.
But I found myself growing a bit fond of her recently, so I thought of making small moves to see how she reacts and to plan whether to push ahead or step down. I don't want to surprise her by giving a big surprise (pleasant or unpleasant) by telling her directly that I am starting to like her. So at least if she's not so keen on me, I can slowly withdraw a bit and be less aggressive in my moves, and everything can remain as normal -- as normal friends rather than dates. I would hate to lose her by being overly aggressive and upfront and then she may avoid me if this thing turns out badly, and can't even be normal friend in future.
We used to meet up or go out in group once every month or so for a meal and to go window shopping or movies. So recently, I asked her out, but never phrased it like a date, more like 2 friends going out to see how it goes, whether she enjoys it or she finds me a bore. But she got back to me said recently is end-of-year X'mas period, she's busy and it's quite rushed to arrange this. Can perhaps push to beginning of next year. I got the hint.
So I tried more hinting again. Then I told her about being lonely during X'mas period, but she too never really respond or care enough to talk more about it and that I value her companionship and friendship more than monetary stuff. She too like never really take note of what I said. I thought gals are quite sensitive and would at least get some hints of what I'm saying if she is a wee bit interested. But apparently, the idea she gives me is: I'm fine with being friend with you, but no further than that. I mean if she's a bit interested, not even say crazy about me, she would be seizing hints and analysing every word I say very carefully to catch any sign of interest I have of her. But I don't see that now.
Then recently, supposed to meet her again for a party at a friend's house, and she had a problem with some food items that we ordered, so she requested for a change. So originally she asked me to resolve this issue by calling up the restaurant and changing the order, but the following day she informed me that she has got another person to see to the issue. Seems like she has little confidence in me getting things done.
So not sure if I'm overly sensitive, just that I feel that she seems to be not so keen. So perhaps remaining as friends would be a better option since she has already given me the hint that she's not a bit interested? What's your analysis of the issue?