undecided
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hi all. i feel so betrayed. betrayed by my mum that is. i am the breadwinner in my family. mum not working anymore. useless brother is in NS. but apparently he never go to camp in like 2 months already. more abt that later.
u see, i feel betrayed by my mum because i feel she never keeps her promises to me. for instance, my brother who owes loansharks money, defaulted on the payments. after so much of problems, i decided to help him one last time on the condition that he move out of my house and stop making me poor and always unhappy. my bro agreed to move out and i settled his debt for him. now, he is back in the house, let in by my mum. and it was my mum, who on 2 occassions, agreed to ask him to move out. i hate my brother alot and nothing can be done to salvage this relationship between us.
my bro is an a$$hole who only knows how to waste money. i got cheated by his frenz of about 7k. he himself cheated me of another 7 to 8 hundred of dollars. whatever money or expensive gadgets that i keep lying in the house will go missing.i assume they are taken by him because time to time, he will have money to go out when he never gets paid by army for defaulting. he does his own freelance business but ironically he never does seem to haf money. my mum just settled his loanshark amount of about 2.5k last dec. but then this a$$hole went to borrow yet again late dec. he never learns his lesson and always expect us to suffer/clean his shit for him. told my mum many times not to help him but she always does.
thing is, i give about a third of my pay to my mum for bills and upkeep of the house. but because of my idiotic bro, i always have to fork out extra money. then i would have to spend very carefully. at home, bro n me we are always fighting over the com, tv n stuff. whenever his things go missing, he wants to search my room. if i not at home, he breaks my door. my room has lots of things that are expensive and i feel that he is aiming for them. i just paid his loanshark bill and upon seeing him at home and having another quarrel, i have decided to put an end to all these.
i am seriously thinking of moving out. but when i do that, i will definitely not give my mum any money. i definitely cant afford to give money and also pay for my rental etc. i am so undecided. anyone knows of any solution? i hate to always have no money when i am earning much more than all my friends who graduated with me. and i am the only joker who gives so much to my family.
my mum also is very difficult to please. my gf n her cant get along. probably never will. both hate each other to the core. when my frenz come to my house, my mum says i never give her respect or something like that. she just cannot see eye to eye with me. when i tell her something, she tends to take it very seriously. she is a very old fashioned person. and she always believe in fortune telling, fate etc etc. i am so tired of her nonsense. especially the one that she always shelters my a$$hole brother. my bro is 22 yr old going 23 this yr btw.
my gf advised me to move out which i am considering very seriously. i wanna break free from this poverty line. i see my money always going to help someone who does not appreciate me or learns from his lessons. problem is, the house is under my name n my mum's. if i move out, and bills start to pile up, i will end up paying rite? i really need a solution to all this.
i feel that i am being taken advantage of just because i do ANYTHING to help my mum. -
move out...
however...she is still your mother...you should still upkeep her...your brother...you can don't give a crap about him already la...you help him so much...yet he so ungrateful...if he wants money...he got hands and legs to earn them himself...your mother might be old...not nice for her to keep going out to work...a certain amount everymonth will do just fine...
most important is...whatever decision you make...you have to remember two things...
1)they are still family...blood is always thicker than water...
2)if you made up your mind to stop helping your brother...and only provide a certain amount to your mother...then make sure you keep the decision firm...remember...you still have a gf to think about the future... -
yeah. in the meantime, seriously tell your mother that whatever money you give her is strictly for monthly maintainence etc, and if she chooses to use the money instead for your brother, then there would be no extra money coming from you.
worst come to worst. you got to let her suffer for a few months only then she will realise how cute you are...
a man got to do what a man got to do -
Restrain your mum's allowance so that no extra $ can be given to your brother. Settle the other things like bills and such PERSONALLY...Originally posted by bravo82:hi all. i feel so betrayed. betrayed by my mum that is. i am the breadwinner in my family. mum not working anymore. useless brother is in NS. but apparently he never go to camp in like 2 months already. more abt that later.
u see, i feel betrayed by my mum because i feel she never keeps her promises to me. for instance, my brother who owes loansharks money, defaulted on the payments. after so much of problems, i decided to help him one last time on the condition that he move out of my house and stop making me poor and always unhappy. my bro agreed to move out and i settled his debt for him. now, he is back in the house, let in by my mum. and it was my mum, who on 2 occassions, agreed to ask him to move out. i hate my brother alot and nothing can be done to salvage this relationship between us.
my bro is an a$$hole who only knows how to waste money. i got cheated by his frenz of about 7k. he himself cheated me of another 7 to 8 hundred of dollars. whatever money or expensive gadgets that i keep lying in the house will go missing.i assume they are taken by him because time to time, he will have money to go out when he never gets paid by army for defaulting. he does his own freelance business but ironically he never does seem to haf money. my mum just settled his loanshark amount of about 2.5k last dec. but then this a$$hole went to borrow yet again late dec. he never learns his lesson and always expect us to suffer/clean his shit for him. told my mum many times not to help him but she always does.
thing is, i give about a third of my pay to my mum for bills and upkeep of the house. but because of my idiotic bro, i always have to fork out extra money. then i would have to spend very carefully. at home, bro n me we are always fighting over the com, tv n stuff. whenever his things go missing, he wants to search my room. if i not at home, he breaks my door. my room has lots of things that are expensive and i feel that he is aiming for them. i just paid his loanshark bill and upon seeing him at home and having another quarrel, i have decided to put an end to all these.
i am seriously thinking of moving out. but when i do that, i will definitely not give my mum any money. i definitely cant afford to give money and also pay for my rental etc. i am so undecided. anyone knows of any solution? i hate to always have no money when i am earning much more than all my friends who graduated with me. and i am the only joker who gives so much to my family.
my mum also is very difficult to please. my gf n her cant get along. probably never will. both hate each other to the core. when my frenz come to my house, my mum says i never give her respect or something like that. she just cannot see eye to eye with me. when i tell her something, she tends to take it very seriously. she is a very old fashioned person. and she always believe in fortune telling, fate etc etc. i am so tired of her nonsense. especially the one that she always shelters my a$$hole brother. my bro is 22 yr old going 23 this yr btw.
my gf advised me to move out which i am considering very seriously. i wanna break free from this poverty line. i see my money always going to help someone who does not appreciate me or learns from his lessons. problem is, the house is under my name n my mum's. if i move out, and bills start to pile up, i will end up paying rite? i really need a solution to all this.
i feel that i am being taken advantage of just because i do ANYTHING to help my mum.
Let the loan sharks get your brother since he never learns...
Meanwhile... Check if you can sell the house or something... -
I dont' really see the point of selling the house. It'll only become another "easy money" way for his brother.Originally posted by Devil1976:Restrain your mum's allowance so that no extra $ can be given to your brother. Settle the other things like bills and such PERSONALLY...
Let the loan sharks get your brother since he never learns...
Meanwhile... Check if you can sell the house or something...
I agree to you moving out.
1) Give a fixed certain amount of money to your mum every month which you are comfortable with after paying for rents and everything that you need to.
2) Offered to settle the household bills but bear in mind to get the bills from them and you pay for it. Don't ever pass money to them for the bills. You'll regret.
3) Make clear to your mum that you aren't deserting her as a son but her other son needs to learn to be responsible to his own life.
4) Give your mum the lifetime welcome to stay at your place should anything happen at home (of course excluding your brother). -
how about ROM?apply a flat with your gf?
i think u not young anymore.
in the meantime, move out,save money for your wedding. if possible try to give your mum some pocket money too....or at least for the bills too.
about the bills..you can pay by giro, then just give a token sum to your mum.
can also consider downgraded.
i don know what more advise to give..having such a brother..
erm..don blame your mum..you will know when you have children of your own.
"all parents love their child" -
thanks to all ur replies. moving out seems to be the wisest thing to do. ROM? marriage? lol.. i m only 23.. going 24 this year.. i am not goin to get married so young!! ya i dunno how it feels like having a son. just know that i am very hurt to know that my own brother can betray me for money..Originally posted by heavenlyfire:how about ROM?apply a flat with your gf?
i think u not young anymore.
in the meantime, move out,save money for your wedding. if possible try to give your mum some pocket money too....or at least for the bills too.
about the bills..you can pay by giro, then just give a token sum to your mum.
can also consider downgraded.
i don know what more advise to give..having such a brother..
erm..don blame your mum..you will know when you have children of your own.
"all parents love their child" -
House is sucking $ out of him... Ultimately, the ASSET would still be an ISSUE... Which probably won't be easily avoided... What's the point of facing the problem later AFTER he has already pumped in so much $?Originally posted by laosu:I dont' really see the point of selling the house. It'll only become another "easy money" way for his brother.
I agree to you moving out.
1) Give a fixed certain amount of money to your mum every month which you are comfortable with after paying for rents and everything that you need to.
2) Offered to settle the household bills but bear in mind to get the bills from them and you pay for it. Don't ever pass money to them for the bills. You'll regret.
3) Make clear to your mum that you aren't deserting her as a son but her other son needs to learn to be responsible to his own life.
4) Give your mum the lifetime welcome to stay at your place should anything happen at home (of course excluding your brother). -
The problem is the brother but not the house and his mum. It's quite obvious that his mum can't bear to chase the younger son out, so selling the house is definitely not going to solve anything but make things worse only. Plus with the cash coming in from the sales..you think the bro won't be up to anything to get a portion or it?Originally posted by Devil1976:House is sucking $ out of him... Ultimately, the ASSET would still be an ISSUE... Which probably won't be easily avoided... What's the point of facing the problem later AFTER he has already pumped in so much $?
Moving out is definitely not going to be easy and having to support his mum is going to be worse. So if he decide to move out, then he have to really plan financially. I've moved out to stay on my own before and I know.
Actually he don't really have to move out. He can locked his bedroom when he goes out so that his bro can't "take" things from him again and he still can look after his mum. At least with this arrangement, he still can settle the bills at home and give his mum money. The only thing he probably can't stand is that he still gotta face his bro and probably the loansharks. -
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move house ba u, since u cant stand it.
but do take notice on ur family situation since ur bro like to borrow money from loansharks and they might do something bad to ur mom.
ur mother will always help ur bro no matter what,
simply bcos she gave birth to him. -
you must be strong. control the family by not giving in to any excuses. only pay for wat is neessary. mother you must take care. brother nevermind. he will learn from the hard way. if you can go thru all these then you are a stronger man!!!
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u r wrong. i always lock my room door when i am not at home. time to time, he will claim that his clothes are in my room when he cant find them. truth is they never were in my room.so he will break open my room door. how irritating.. so my mum will call me n i will tell her wer i secretly hide my key. i wont want my room to be broken into rite? else i cant lock it the next time.Originally posted by laosu:The problem is the brother but not the house and his mum. It's quite obvious that his mum can't bear to chase the younger son out, so selling the house is definitely not going to solve anything but make things worse only. Plus with the cash coming in from the sales..you think the bro won't be up to anything to get a portion or it?
Moving out is definitely not going to be easy and having to support his mum is going to be worse. So if he decide to move out, then he have to really plan financially. I've moved out to stay on my own before and I know.
Actually he don't really have to move out. He can locked his bedroom when he goes out so that his bro can't "take" things from him again and he still can look after his mum. At least with this arrangement, he still can settle the bills at home and give his mum money. The only thing he probably can't stand is that he still gotta face his bro and probably the loansharks.
he's a very big problem which i cant solve. and yup i know my mum will never let him go. she's leading a unhappy life all because of his actions. and i cant seem to do anything to repay my mum who has single handedly brought us up. -
My bad.. Bro I feel sorry for your plight.. It is really a damn difficult problem you got there. I'm guessing you already tried talking to your brother about his behaviour and how he is affecting the family right? What about talking to your mom? The main problem is your brother, and frankly, he needs to be discipline real bad. Few things you can try.
1) Turn him in to the police, that is if he do something really bad. Make sure you explain to your mom first.
2) Get a counsellor to talk to him, that is if you can get him to go to the counsellor. If not, idea no good.
3) Next time he is in debt, get some 'gangsterish' looking people to act out a scene in your house whereby they will act holding you and your mom hostage with your face fake bruised, fake blood and all. When he comes home, see his reaction. If he 'wakes up' good. If not, convince your mom to disown him. Make sure your plan is foolproof and that no police is involved or it will get complicated. -
Call SAF and get them to throw your bro into DB for defaulting.
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the house under whos name huh?
since they so mean, can u be meaner and try and ask your mum to add your name into the deeds? haha..
joking..sorry...
i think u move out lah....quite cheap to rent a room, if you decides not to provide money for your mum n bro anymore..
y go back to a miserable home and sleep where it is not longer a home in your heart?
move dude! get yr act moving!
and stay away from home for a while n see how they react...
but then, you must consider, what if when u not ard, yr bro cheat yr mum of her house? oh oh...ops...so many considerations... -
Woah..seems like living hell for you...
Yea...its better that u move out.....continue to provide $ for ur mum..but nt ur bro..
actually..no mother will wanna kick out her own son....thats why she kept allowing him back.....
stay strong..try to rent an aprtment? Pool in another fren of urs? Move to a close relative house? -
The problem doesn't lies with the brother alone but with the mum also.. Cause she's the indirect link to the problems... In other words, she's giving him much 'authority' including legal ones.. In which... Would also bring problems into the house (as she is part of the owner) as she gives him 'access' and further more 'support' and protection... Somehow to the point of being unreasonable according to our topic starter...Originally posted by laosu:The problem is the brother but not the house and his mum. It's quite obvious that his mum can't bear to chase the younger son out, so selling the house is definitely not going to solve anything but make things worse only. Plus with the cash coming in from the sales..you think the bro won't be up to anything to get a portion or it?
Moving out is definitely not going to be easy and having to support his mum is going to be worse. So if he decide to move out, then he have to really plan financially. I've moved out to stay on my own before and I know.
Actually he don't really have to move out. He can locked his bedroom when he goes out so that his bro can't "take" things from him again and he still can look after his mum. At least with this arrangement, he still can settle the bills at home and give his mum money. The only thing he probably can't stand is that he still gotta face his bro and probably the loansharks.
If he is to be thinking of moving out, the house cannot be there to suck on him... To tell you the truth, I personally think his brother won't drop the idea of having a share of the asset / the house at all... Like I've said earlier, it's just a matter of time... And if anything is to happen to his mum later (touch wood), things can be much more complicated... And like I've mentioned earlier.. Fighting for something which is actually mostly of your own money and none of his brother is always a losing end war... Many of the people who have walked almost the same path can tell you the same... In fact, things had happened within my relatives which is somehow of the same meaning.. Cases I've seen...
Another problem to bring up here... Holding on to this house would pose further problems in the future for him if he wants to move out... Or maybe his future wife if he is to marry or co-inhibit with his gf.... Looking into matters only then would only be too difficult and much of many dead ties... -
house is under my mum n MY name. and i agree with u that Fighting for something which is actually mostly of your own money and none of his brother is always a losing end war. also moving out will cause me more financial burden as i cant just let my mum suffer without money. heh.. sometimes i wonder y do i haf to endure all these. y me? i sacrifice always but i get so much shit?Originally posted by Devil1976:The problem doesn't lies with the brother alone but with the mum also.. Cause she's the indirect link to the problems... In other words, she's giving him much 'authority' including legal ones.. In which... Would also bring problems into the house (as she is part of the owner) as she gives him 'access' and further more 'support' and protection... Somehow to the point of being unreasonable according to our topic starter...
If he is to be thinking of moving out, the house cannot be there to suck on him... To tell you the truth, I personally think his brother won't drop the idea of having a share of the asset / the house at all... Like I've said earlier, it's just a matter of time... And if anything is to happen to his mum later (touch wood), things can be much more complicated... And like I've mentioned earlier.. Fighting for something which is actually mostly of your own money and none of his brother is always a losing end war... Many of the people who have walked almost the same path can tell you the same... In fact, things had happened within my relatives which is somehow of the same meaning.. Cases I've seen...
Another problem to bring up here... Holding on to this house would pose further problems in the future for him if he wants to move out... Or maybe his future wife if he is to marry or co-inhibit with his gf.... Looking into matters only then would only be too difficult and much of many dead ties...
now worst part is i just break up with my gf. haha.. funny rite? all bad things come together. we just parted on equal terms. reason being relationship got no more 'fun'. its very boring n she always spends her time at work. so i agree lo.. now even more sianz but i m sure i can meet someone better. must get thru this mourning period first. haha.. -
Wah break up still so happy.. You are good sia.. Just send him to boys home or something like that ah.. Solved the problem for a few years..Originally posted by bravo82:house is under my mum n MY name. and i agree with u that Fighting for something which is actually mostly of your own money and none of his brother is always a losing end war. also moving out will cause me more financial burden as i cant just let my mum suffer without money. heh.. sometimes i wonder y do i haf to endure all these. y me? i sacrifice always but i get so much shit?
now worst part is i just break up with my gf. haha.. funny rite? all bad things come together. we just parted on equal terms. reason being relationship got no more 'fun'. its very boring n she always spends her time at work. so i agree lo.. now even more sianz but i m sure i can meet someone better. must get thru this mourning period first. haha.. -
of coz sad la..but wat to do? soemore must break at this time..hai..Originally posted by dinky1409:Wah break up still so happy.. You are good sia.. Just send him to boys home or something like that ah.. Solved the problem for a few years.. -
Yeah.. Better to keep your cool for now... And also better to solve your family problem on hand before rushing into a next relationship...Originally posted by bravo82:of coz sad la..but wat to do? soemore must break at this time..hai.. -
Its sad to hear that u have such a leech in yr house. Hes yr brother and she is your mother therefore whatever the decision u make cant be too cruel. I wld suggest that u try to strike a deal to buy over the house so that it will be in your name when yr mother pass away (touch wood). You cld also make a police report (if i remember correctly) when things (of course the things musr be exp like rolex) in your room went missing or yr brother force entry into your room. If u are planning to move out better pay yr utility bill through Giro. U wld also want to do the grocery shopping for yr mother too. It serve 2 purpose, one u can give yr mother less allowance, two ppl will see u as a filial son.
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move out and let nature take it course. i think your mom able to earn her own money and its time for your brother to grow up and take responsiblities.
Alternatively, you could still give money to your mom but less. How much less is for you to decide. Anyway its your life, nobody can help you but yourself. You have to make a decision. Decision should be based on the future for you not the past of your mom and brother.
The best of luck for you.Originally posted by bravo82:hi all. i feel so betrayed. betrayed by my mum that is. i am the breadwinner in my family. mum not working anymore. useless brother is in NS. but apparently he never go to camp in like 2 months already. more abt that later.
u see, i feel betrayed by my mum because i feel she never keeps her promises to me. for instance, my brother who owes loansharks money, defaulted on the payments. after so much of problems, i decided to help him one last time on the condition that he move out of my house and stop making me poor and always unhappy. my bro agreed to move out and i settled his debt for him. now, he is back in the house, let in by my mum. and it was my mum, who on 2 occassions, agreed to ask him to move out. i hate my brother alot and nothing can be done to salvage this relationship between us.
my bro is an a$$hole who only knows how to waste money. i got cheated by his frenz of about 7k. he himself cheated me of another 7 to 8 hundred of dollars. whatever money or expensive gadgets that i keep lying in the house will go missing.i assume they are taken by him because time to time, he will have money to go out when he never gets paid by army for defaulting. he does his own freelance business but ironically he never does seem to haf money. my mum just settled his loanshark amount of about 2.5k last dec. but then this a$$hole went to borrow yet again late dec. he never learns his lesson and always expect us to suffer/clean his shit for him. told my mum many times not to help him but she always does.
thing is, i give about a third of my pay to my mum for bills and upkeep of the house. but because of my idiotic bro, i always have to fork out extra money. then i would have to spend very carefully. at home, bro n me we are always fighting over the com, tv n stuff. whenever his things go missing, he wants to search my room. if i not at home, he breaks my door. my room has lots of things that are expensive and i feel that he is aiming for them. i just paid his loanshark bill and upon seeing him at home and having another quarrel, i have decided to put an end to all these.
i am seriously thinking of moving out. but when i do that, i will definitely not give my mum any money. i definitely cant afford to give money and also pay for my rental etc. i am so undecided. anyone knows of any solution? i hate to always have no money when i am earning much more than all my friends who graduated with me. and i am the only joker who gives so much to my family.
my mum also is very difficult to please. my gf n her cant get along. probably never will. both hate each other to the core. when my frenz come to my house, my mum says i never give her respect or something like that. she just cannot see eye to eye with me. when i tell her something, she tends to take it very seriously. she is a very old fashioned person. and she always believe in fortune telling, fate etc etc. i am so tired of her nonsense. especially the one that she always shelters my a$$hole brother. my bro is 22 yr old going 23 this yr btw.
my gf advised me to move out which i am considering very seriously. i wanna break free from this poverty line. i see my money always going to help someone who does not appreciate me or learns from his lessons. problem is, the house is under my name n my mum's. if i move out, and bills start to pile up, i will end up paying rite? i really need a solution to all this.
i feel that i am being taken advantage of just because i do ANYTHING to help my mum. -
Hmmm....I have something to say. Why should you be the one moving out? I assume you are having a joint tenancy with your mum. So instead of moving out, I suggest that you offer to buy over your mum's share of the house.
If your mum agrees to it, all should be fine. As the master of the house, you can allow who to come in and who shouldnt. So let your mum stay and ban your brother from your house.
If the loan sharks come, direct them to the police.