I donno what to do..
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this will probably strike you guys here at aunt agony as a terrible irony...
it goes like this. got to know this girl sometime back, like 2-3 months back? was introed by a friend of mine. the first time we met, we instantly clicked. time flew by, from one of friendship to one of relationship we became. but soon entered another girl. i don not know of any objections she might have to us being together, but she has been spreading rumors of my girlfriend. or rather, she has been leading a pack of hounds who seem to be attacking my girl all the time, calling her all sort of comments like fatso and so on and so forth and such like.. [ she is a bit to the fat side, but this kind of things, i already long long ago overlooked.. ] all in all, it's taken a terrible toll on my gf. i told her to be strong, not to care about what others say about us and all. but somehow, it's not working. she cant accept herself for what she is. her efforts [ and failure ] to slim down is also very worrying. [ i appreciate the thought but like i said, i have already overlooked that part ] in any case, she has gone into cold turkey against me. my phone calls to her are left unanswered, my messages unreplied, even visiting her at home...she refuses to see me. contact through her friends are also unsuccessful; she doesnt say anything about it. so can someone pls advise me what i should do? what i could or should have done in my capacity as the ever loving boyfriend, i have tried and failed.what i shouldnt have done also, i have also tried and still fail. Letting go of her is not an option; though she has thought of leaving me to spare me of all the gossip that goes on about her, i have consistently said no to it. she's my love, and i'm not leaving her alone. so someone really, please, any advice.. -
okies...the others here might have a different way of answering ur problem
try to meet her when shes going out of her house and best u bring her to ur "fren" and demand a apologise from her to ur gf
because of what ur "fren" said to her...she feels that she is not worthy for u...its hard to change her mindset now...only time can show ur care and concern
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy -
A sincere word from you will do her good...
"I dont care what other says, or how you look because i love you as who you are. No matter what, i will stand by your side."
you shld dissociate yourself from the fren of yours...such fren are unworthy of your friendship and time... -
spacing between paragraphs pls!
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Is that girl your friend (not your gf but the other one)?
If yes, I suggest you get away from her as far as possible. -
apologies to skeujin for the no spacing, which in any case seems to be the last thing on my mind now..
and that "friend"..well..i believe in karma. let's see how you tango when it's your turn to be made fun of
in any case, she's still not listening to me..crap..and i thought she'll know better... hai.. -
leave her alone for the time being / give her some time
then contact her again I certain she will pick it up -
she dun wana pick up ur call, reply ur sms or meet u har?
still sms her.. tell her wat u really feel..
send flowers.. with a card/letter..
make her feel loved again. Tell her that a strong r/s will not be shaken by all those sour remarks la. u love her for what she is, and it's her that u want, u dun give a damn abt wat others say.
am i right to teach u all these ar?
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den am i even right to even give advice to ppl in AAOriginally posted by browniebaobao:
am i right to teach u all these ar?
look..everyone has right to give their own advice...doesn't mean that u are single and suffer a bad past of r/s means u are not allowed -
i dun mean that.Originally posted by StarPuppy:den am i even right to even give advice to ppl in AA
look..everyone has right to give their own advice...doesn't mean that u are single and suffer a bad past of r/s means u are not allowed
u too young, dun understand.
next time if he dump her for wat other reason, she will remember him for being that sweet and all those sweet nothings etc de. -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:i dun mean that.
u too young, dun understand.
next time if he dump her for wat other reason, she will remember him for being that sweet and all those sweet nothings etc de.
SP and you got sudden conflict of view.
______
Bro Lance,
This is tricky business.
Is this girl a part of your pool of common friends?
Have you thought about isolating yourself from your friends?
Cheers -
no, my girl isn't very much known among my pool of common friends. in fact, very little ppl know she's my girl. and no, i nv thought about isolating myself from my friends either..Originally posted by M©+square:
SP and you got sudden conflict of view.
______
Bro Lance,
This is tricky business.
Is this girl a part of your pool of common friends?
Have you thought about isolating yourself from your friends?
Cheers -
Confront the rumour girl. Ask why she does it and tell her firmly to quit it. Maybe u too hensem edi..she jealous she cant get u but ur gal can ma
n keep showering ur gf with love n affection. Show her that u didnt abandon her at times like this...sooner or later she will come around
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Originally posted by M©+square:
SP and you got sudden conflict of view.
______
Bro Lance,
This is tricky business.
Is this girl a part of your pool of common friends?
Have you thought about isolating yourself from your friends?
Cheers
SP still young to understand ba.. no real experience.
im not to the idea of isolating oneself from frens when he's attached.. i have frens who are like that.. and to me.. if one is doing this bcos of the gf/bf..then it also shows how much he cherish our frenship.. i will juz take it that i dun have this fren. -
They're right.
My suggestion however, is to go wait outside her house everyday.
A rose every day... and a card to show her how much you care about her.
And how little you care for what others say about her.
At times like this you need to be determined and perservere. IF you can convince her that you never liked her for how she looks like anyways, then what your friend says will have no impact whatsoever anymore...
Come on, you can do it.. -
Originally posted by Lance_han:this will probably strike you guys here at aunt agony as a terrible irony...
it goes like this. got to know this girl sometime back, like 2-3 months back? was introed by a friend of mine. the first time we met, we instantly clicked. time flew by, from one of friendship to one of relationship we became. but soon entered another girl. i don not know of any objections she might have to us being together, but she has been spreading rumors of my girlfriend. or rather, she has been leading a pack of hounds who seem to be attacking my girl all the time, calling her all sort of comments like fatso and so on and so forth and such like.. [ she is a bit to the fat side, but this kind of things, i already long long ago overlooked.. ] all in all, it's taken a terrible toll on my gf. i told her to be strong, not to care about what others say about us and all. but somehow, it's not working. she cant accept herself for what she is. her efforts [ and failure ] to slim down is also very worrying. [ i appreciate the thought but like i said, i have already overlooked that part ] in any case, she has gone into cold turkey against me. my phone calls to her are left unanswered, my messages unreplied, even visiting her at home...she refuses to see me. contact through her friends are also unsuccessful; she doesnt say anything about it. so can someone pls advise me what i should do? what i could or should have done in my capacity as the ever loving boyfriend, i have tried and failed.what i shouldnt have done also, i have also tried and still fail. Letting go of her is not an option; though she has thought of leaving me to spare me of all the gossip that goes on about her, i have consistently said no to it. she's my love, and i'm not leaving her alone. so someone really, please, any advice.. All those vicious comments strikes at her unloving frailties, which reinforced and reminded her about how imperfect she is. Sometimes it doesn't matter how loving you are to her because in the end, her self perception is poor. Telling how much you love her and everything else will have minimal effect because the root of the problem isn't about YOUR LOVE for her. It is an infection caused by a gnawing inferiority that is decaying her personal outlook, life and relationship.
She is avoiding you NOT because you donÂ’t love her enough. Rather, it is because she felt her unworthiness and is unable to see herself to be with someone who probably deserved someone better. This is a psychological retreat when we felt that we are unable to resolve our flaws.
If you want to dissolve this with the greatest impact, the best alternative is to go through the transformation with her (and reassure her constantly). Put facts on the table, lure her out of her cave and work on the problem. If she is overweight, then exercise and diet... with YOU, together with her, in this hardship. Apart from that, raise the stake - transform her outlook, dress sense and everything else that empower her with greater physical, emotional or spiritual sense.
We must understand that although we don't have to take people's comment personally, their critics can be a powerful source of drive to tap on.
In the end, it doesn't matter whether we attain 'their standard', what matters is that we improve our self image and self perception.
Cheers -
wun it make her feel that he really mind her looks and is trying to change her?Originally posted by Yunhaier:If you want to dissolve this with the greatest impact, the best alternative is to go through the transformation with her (and reassure her constantly). Put facts on the table, lure her out of her cave and work on the problem. If she is overweight, then exercise and diet... with YOU, together with her, in this hardship. Apart from that, raise the stake - transform her outlook, dress sense and everything else that empower her with greater physical, emotional or spiritual sense. -
give her some time ba? let her sort out her feelings 1st...
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TOUCH HER 1st before you TALK to her.Originally posted by Lance_han:this will probably strike you guys here at aunt agony as a terrible irony...
it goes like this. got to know this girl sometime back, like 2-3 months back? was introed by a friend of mine. the first time we met, we instantly clicked. time flew by, from one of friendship to one of relationship we became. but soon entered another girl. i don not know of any objections she might have to us being together, but she has been spreading rumors of my girlfriend. or rather, she has been leading a pack of hounds who seem to be attacking my girl all the time, calling her all sort of comments like fatso and so on and so forth and such like.. [ she is a bit to the fat side, but this kind of things, i already long long ago overlooked.. ] all in all, it's taken a terrible toll on my gf. i told her to be strong, not to care about what others say about us and all. but somehow, it's not working. she cant accept herself for what she is. her efforts [ and failure ] to slim down is also very worrying. [ i appreciate the thought but like i said, i have already overlooked that part ] in any case, she has gone into cold turkey against me. my phone calls to her are left unanswered, my messages unreplied, even visiting her at home...she refuses to see me. contact through her friends are also unsuccessful; she doesnt say anything about it. so can someone pls advise me what i should do? what i could or should have done in my capacity as the ever loving boyfriend, i have tried and failed.what i shouldnt have done also, i have also tried and still fail. Letting go of her is not an option; though she has thought of leaving me to spare me of all the gossip that goes on about her, i have consistently said no to it. she's my love, and i'm not leaving her alone. so someone really, please, any advice..
Unless she decides to OPEN herself up SUDDENLY... Which would be basically be quite pure luck (and foundation) based...
Yun spoke of partial truth in the mentions of self-esteem in her... And your job now would be to help her build it... And also show her how much you really ain't bother about such superficial things... Until then, it's still back to my 1st line... -
PS. If you're willing, I'm willing to speak to her over the phone for you.
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Nope, because she have to do the necessary to raise her self esteem and if she's willing to do it.Originally posted by browniebaobao:wun it make her feel that he really mind her looks and is trying to change her?
It is good for him to go through it.
bbb, i suspect you'll think this way if any guy were to encourage you to go thru this right?
common bah....sigh.
Cheers -
ya i did.. but i tot maybe he really hiam me.. i still think so..Originally posted by M©+square:Nope, because she have to do the necessary to raise her self esteem and if she's willing to do it.
It is good for him to go through it.
bbb, i suspect you'll think this way if any guy were to encourage you to go thru this right?
common bah....sigh.
Cheers
he said my nails were scary, wana bring me go do menicure. he chose to say it at the wrong time i think.. he alrd made me feel insecure..coz his body language already told me that he's keeping a distance from me, and about to break. i cried. haha.. silly girl.. i asked him 'then u wana bring me go do rebonding, slimming and facial or not?' he nv commented anything like that when were were still in the honeymoon period.
in the end, i started trimming my nails, pay more attention to my image etc.. but we still broke up -
Is it an excuse or anything? Or maybe u did some things that cause him to say all those things?Originally posted by browniebaobao:ya i did.. but i tot maybe he really hiam me.. i still think so..
he said my nails were scary, wana bring me go do menicure. he chose to say it at the wrong time i think.. he alrd made me feel insecure..coz his body language already told me that he's keeping a distance from me, and about to break. i cried. haha.. silly girl.. i asked him 'then u wana bring me go do rebonding, slimming and facial or not?' he nv commented anything like that when were were still in the honeymoon period.
in the end, i started trimming my nails, pay more attention to my image etc.. but we still broke up
But frm wad u said it seems as if the things he said seems to turn u off. -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:ya i did.. but i tot maybe he really hiam me.. i still think so..
he said my nails were scary, wana bring me go do menicure. he chose to say it at the wrong time i think.. he alrd made me feel insecure..coz his body language already told me that he's keeping a distance from me, and about to break. i cried. haha.. silly girl.. i asked him 'then u wana bring me go do rebonding, slimming and facial or not?' he nv commented anything like that when were were still in the honeymoon period.
in the end, i started trimming my nails, pay more attention to my image etc.. but we still broke up Ah! That comes under a different topic - 'Effective Communication'.
When you use less of 'You' and more of 'We', chances are, you won't feel the hiamness so much. He tried to improve you a little, you can also improve him... nobody says you can't mah. Then it becomes a little game - incite additional passion and romance as well.
But your case is slightly different mah - the problem is that he wanted to break off with you. Then even if physical changes are happening, it wouldn't matter isn't it?
Cheers -
Hmm...