Help me =(
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I got a best fren whom i made last yr, we have been quite gd but lately she is too busy with her netball and she breaks her promises everytime...there was once we were supposed to have recess together then my another fren,a netballer, told us we should be eating together...i dun object...its like why not but soon i realise she was indirectly telling my fren to have recess with the netballers and with means of "abandoning" me...i dun mind at first...but things started to heat up...besides a few netballers came, some of her close frenz known as the "gang" intended to have recess with her too...i dunnoe them well cuz first of all, we r not the same class( refering to the gang and other netballers) sec, i dun seem to be invited...i feel embarrassed den and my best fren stood there looking happily at one of her fren who came up to her...she took dat fren as a gd fren although dat gd fren of hers took her as a best fren..so i was dere helpless and embarrass cuz i m the odd one out of all of them as they have smth in common...so i walked away, saying bye to her...and she forgot our promise...she hardly have time for me during recess...once she even had netball during recess and i m left alone...so in a fit of pique, i walked off, telling myself i will hate her...she borke her promises few times already, as fren i have given her chances as well... however she is really a nice person except dat she went out to the expenses of neglecting me just to be with her gang members and of cuz the netballers... so one day, right in front in of my best fren and my fren who was the netballer, that i dun like being frenz with someone who is xu qing jia yi(it means fake feeling towards someone) so the best fren of mine got upset and she did ask me wads the meaning about dat proverb.. i told her i noe dat and she kept on asking me to tell her the meaning(she noes it)so i told her as i got fed up cuz she kept asking me for de meaning as if i m a dummy who dun noe the meaning....
and i m starting to get piss off, cuz my fren is one of the 8 who takes higher chinese as her MT subject so i m beginning to think dat she is looking down on me...thinking dat i m not as clever as her and i wun noe the meaning of dat proverb or maybe get it wrong...and i have a feeling dat she is thinking i m not worthy to be her best fren...her frenz r smart ppl and their cca gif them lots of cca points whereas mine dun...another point is her frenz r capable person, 1 is a prefect and vice chairperson of a class,another 1 is the vice captain of netball and vice chairperson of another class...dere is also one who won wad actress award for eldds and another won smth in a table tennis competition... i din win anything..i only got a merit bursary award...dats all...and my cca sux...hardly do anything...and my netballer fren told me dat i m inactive..and wun understand how my best fren feel bout netball and bla...
at dat time i really want to tell her dat pls dun look down on me, i was actually hyper active type of person.and i took part in alot of stuff in primary sch...and of cuz i won my netballer fren and my best fren in badminton(we were playing at the void deck)
so anyone can help me out with dis fren i always wanted although it turns out abit sour...
all constructive replies will be greatly appreciated...i dun really want to lose dis fren actually... -
had a friend, quite close, in the end, totally ignored me on the bus after quite some time not meeting. he went to express.
loser. -
halow xiao peng you,
to summarise, it means your friend is trying to abandon you right? And you think you cannot click with the clique. And that, worse of all, u look down on your ownself, thinking that her other friends are more capable than you.
firstly, get rid of your low self-esteem. Who wants to make friend with some1 who always looks gloomy, sad or unhappy?
Probably you are right. Some people just cant click with certain people (diff frequency u know?) Start finding new friends. I mean, you cant possibly just have her as your only friend in the school right?
Or since that you are in her clique, try and mingle more often, find topics to talk...if really you cant fit yourself in, dun force lah..make yourself happier by leaving the group or your friend...
Happiness is the greatest gift on earth, be it to others or to yourself..
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well u sounded like an upset person. and mebbe she is not ready for you or smthg.
n mebbe things ain't as bad as you painted out to b. try to b cheery. with or without her. the earth will still rotate. ur education is still more important. neber mind if u r not the skool perfect. -
hmm
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Thx for ur constructive replies but i dun want to "hurt" she is someone hu treasure fren actually i dun want " her to die out of agony" positive attitude here =)
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if im not wrong, yr (haha ok)Originally posted by .:KoChElS:.:hmm
Have a nice long chat with your friend over a cup of coffee. Ask her directly... Tell her how you feel and that you want this friendship to continue -
hehe u r so rite...dat one my fren noe so i m using another...(secret shhh)currently learning from starpuppy on "advising" =) i dun wish to stick to my own prob haha putting myself in other ppl shoes is gd
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she wants but i dunnoe if i should =) she is REALLY too busy with her cca and why her frenz dun mind is dat first 2 r same cca, others have cca which is also very busy...
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You got quite a situation here with your personal life at the moment, but do not fret over it as it happens to everyone...including me.
I understand your dilemma over here...you do not want to lose your best friend to other friends whom you're not close to. Fear of losing a friend whom you can trust and hang around with is indeed terrible as nobody likes to be alone in this world and it's almost like the feeling of betrayal, jealousy and disappointment.
Friends come and go in our lives, so why does our friendship with our good friends turn sour? The reason is because both us and our friends lived differently, have different priorities in life, have different difficulties/burdens/commitments in life, and of course...different personalities. When two people became friends and come together and walk down the friendship lane, there is always a reason that brings both of them together. Sometimes you'll wonder why he/she is friend with you after being friends for a while...and you search for a reason before you actually admit that person to be your real friend. So...what was the reason that brought the two of you together? If you're confused about this, then "Houston, we got a problem".
The reason behind good/best friends is that they both can't live without each other's friendship and knowing that they are at least still real friends even though they don't contact or hang around each other every single moment/opportunity. Oh...and don't use the term best friend unless you want to go after that best friend. Best means only one, so when it is said to the opposite sex, the meaning is changed to "I like you and I want you to know that I'm your 1st runner-up in your queue. So if there's a vacancy in your relationship throne, please let me know."
Okie..if you have already thought through thoroughly that you die die must own this good friend of yours, here's what you can do.
I called it "Infiltrate, Take control and Eliminate" Hehehehe....
Infiltrate will not be easy cos her friends will be shooting at you on sight and poisoning her mind like Poison Ivy would. So please make sure you got your extra skin on as it gotta be thick enough to bulldoze into that fellowship of the ring. Since your situation is such, I would suggest an apology is necessary to restore her friendship with you. Do not tell her the truth behind your actions that you're feeling insecure, jealous and you can't live without her. Cos that's going to make you uncool. Hehehe...I forgot to tell you, you're supposed to be her cool friend once again. And she should at least be thinking of you as such...gracious and cool.
Your friend will of course graciously forgive you and kiss and make up. (If not, maybe you're not a friend to her afterall and should go bang your head against the wall for feeling so bad over it) Although things will be slightly different as you can feel it so, but do not worry about it cos things are going to get better from here on.
Next, you need to blend into her group of friends. Not that difficult if you do take a genuine interest in her friends. The keyword is "Listen" and paying attention. Everyone got their own stories to tell, gossips, sharing news and tips. Do not ask wide-end questions like "What DVDs do you own?" (provided the target is a dvd/movie fan). Because this question is going to force the target to generate so much answers and it's going to give her a headache that's going to put her off after that. Instead, ask specific open-end questions like "What's your favorite DVDs?". <- That's just an example so don't go around asking people that.
Once you've blend into her groups of friends, it is time to Take control.
Take control is easy. It involves in organising activities for your good friend and her invalid friends. If you have been "Listening" and taking some genuine interest in her friends, you should be able to know what kind of activities would interest them and bind them. Note that participation level need not be 100% as you simply cannot babysit everyone. But please make sure that participation is at least 70-80% provided she has 10 friends.
Keep everyone happy, satisfied, enjoying with some laughter and smiles. (Treat them Happy meals if you really have to) And please organise fun activities several times until you're sure that you're undoubtedly their unproclaimed cult leader and recognised friend.
If you have achieved that level...well, you're already a queen among them isn't it? Although it's time for Eliminate and Elimination of your former enemies, I won't tell you how you're going to do that. So..do that at your own discretion ok?
If you can do half of what I'll advised...you won't lose your good friend. But even if you decided not to do any of those, you can still salvage your friendship. Afterall, she's just a phone call away isn't it?
You see, friendship and relationship are similar in some sense. Both have to be voluntarily...and that's is a very important key. Both have to be interested to becoming each other's friend to begin walking down the friendship lane. So do not be demanding to your friends, do not even expect them to hold on to their promises or an agreement. Disappointments hurts and it hurts even worse in the friendship department. So...to have a healthier friendship with your friends, eliminate this disappointment disease from your system for good. Just remove expectations, holding onto promises and such...cos we aren't living in a fairytale.
Just one more thing before I end this...You need to feel good about yourself at all times or nobody will feel comfortable being your friend...
Anyway good luck, I wish you all the best and have a pleasant year ahead. -
Everybody can get busy and caught up with their own things from time to time...Originally posted by OasisBlue:she wants but i dunnoe if i should =) she is REALLY too busy with her cca and why her frenz dun mind is dat first 2 r same cca, others have cca which is also very busy...
I think you're looking TOO MUCH into OTHER things than the involved friendship... Just like a BGR relationship... Sometimes we can demand much from a friendship.. But we should understand that we each have our own life and commitments, hence we can't always expect our friend nor partner to give in to us all the time...
Personally, I feel that you've just 'let everything out' on your friend out of the sudden... It's really not quite fair to her... And if it really matters to you, you should really be doing something to save this friendship..? -
every 1 have thier own talent wait till u acheieve something they will know your talent
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Wow dats a long one..thx for ur llllllooooooooonnnnnnnngggggg reply.. i appreciate it however the method u mentioned seems like war strategy...i want her truely to be my fren and not using method dat erm i dunnoe how to say...makes me feel like i have no dignity...thx for yr "gd luck" and u really hit the nail rite on the head...yes i m now fearing of losing such a gd fren who hardly comes by...yes i admit i m jealous..ok hold on for all those who wan to quote dis...jealous as in not those bad attitude its erm...i m jealous of her frenz who had so much time with her...and of cuz the time they had with her...Originally posted by parn:You got quite a situation here with your personal life at the moment, but do not fret over it as it happens to everyone...including me.
I understand your dilemma over here...you do not want to lose your best friend to other friends whom you're not close to. Fear of losing a friend whom you can trust and hang around with is indeed terrible as nobody likes to be alone in this world and it's almost like the feeling of betrayal, jealousy and disappointment.
Friends come and go in our lives, so why does our friendship with our good friends turn sour? The reason is because both us and our friends lived differently, have different priorities in life, have different difficulties/burdens/commitments in life, and of course...different personalities. When two people became friends and come together and walk down the friendship lane, there is always a reason that brings both of them together. Sometimes you'll wonder why he/she is friend with you after being friends for a while...and you search for a reason before you actually admit that person to be your real friend. So...what was the reason that brought the two of you together? If you're confused about this, then "Houston, we got a problem".
The reason behind good/best friends is that they both can't live without each other's friendship and knowing that they are at least still real friends even though they don't contact or hang around each other every single moment/opportunity. Oh...and don't use the term best friend unless you want to go after that best friend. Best means only one, so when it is said to the opposite sex, the meaning is changed to "I like you and I want you to know that I'm your 1st runner-up in your queue. So if there's a vacancy in your relationship throne, please let me know."
Okie..if you have already thought through thoroughly that you die die must own this good friend of yours, here's what you can do.
I called it "Infiltrate, Take control and Eliminate" Hehehehe....
Infiltrate will not be easy cos her friends will be shooting at you on sight and poisoning her mind like Poison Ivy would. So please make sure you got your extra skin on as it gotta be thick enough to bulldoze into that fellowship of the ring. Since your situation is such, I would suggest an apology is necessary to restore her friendship with you. Do not tell her the truth behind your actions that you're feeling insecure, jealous and you can't live without her. Cos that's going to make you uncool. Hehehe...I forgot to tell you, you're supposed to be her cool friend once again. And she should at least be thinking of you as such...gracious and cool.
Your friend will of course graciously forgive you and kiss and make up. (If not, maybe you're not a friend to her afterall and should go bang your head against the wall for feeling so bad over it) Although things will be slightly different as you can feel it so, but do not worry about it cos things are going to get better from here on.
Next, you need to blend into her group of friends. Not that difficult if you do take a genuine interest in her friends. The keyword is "Listen" and paying attention. Everyone got their own stories to tell, gossips, sharing news and tips. Do not ask wide-end questions like "What DVDs do you own?" (provided the target is a dvd/movie fan). Because this question is going to force the target to generate so much answers and it's going to give her a headache that's going to put her off after that. Instead, ask specific open-end questions like "What's your favorite DVDs?". <- That's just an example so don't go around asking people that.
Once you've blend into her groups of friends, it is time to Take control.
Take control is easy. It involves in organising activities for your good friend and her invalid friends. If you have been "Listening" and taking some genuine interest in her friends, you should be able to know what kind of activities would interest them and bind them. Note that participation level need not be 100% as you simply cannot babysit everyone. But please make sure that participation is at least 70-80% provided she has 10 friends.
Keep everyone happy, satisfied, enjoying with some laughter and smiles. (Treat them Happy meals if you really have to) And please organise fun activities several times until you're sure that you're undoubtedly their unproclaimed cult leader and recognised friend.
If you have achieved that level...well, you're already a queen among them isn't it? Although it's time for Eliminate and Elimination of your former enemies, I won't tell you how you're going to do that. So..do that at your own discretion ok?
If you can do half of what I'll advised...you won't lose your good friend. But even if you decided not to do any of those, you can still salvage your friendship. Afterall, she's just a phone call away isn't it?
You see, friendship and relationship are similar in some sense. Both have to be voluntarily...and that's is a very important key. Both have to be interested to becoming each other's friend to begin walking down the friendship lane. So do not be demanding to your friends, do not even expect them to hold on to their promises or an agreement. Disappointments hurts and it hurts even worse in the friendship department. So...to have a healthier friendship with your friends, eliminate this disappointment disease from your system for good. Just remove expectations, holding onto promises and such...cos we aren't living in a fairytale.
Just one more thing before I end this...You need to feel good about yourself at all times or nobody will feel comfortable being your friend...
Anyway good luck, I wish you all the best and have a pleasant year ahead.
betray? not really la not so serious..anyway if u says she had betrayed me den i wun be trying means to salvage the frenship... i hate traitors!haha...she is really nice =)
disppointed..? of cuz will haha no one will jump for joy to see ur frenz with others so happily and erm u urself is so sad...somewhere near her but cant share the joy with her...i think i really have to congratulate her frenz for finding such a gd fren...actually i dun mind losing her to a fren whom i noe well...mb sort of close...at least i noe where did i go wrong...why did i lose to her...den i will admit defeat...but now i dunnoe de situation..however i noe her frenz treat her nicely...i lost half..but i wun gif up till i noe truely dat they r tons better den me...i m really have self esteem like wad u all say..and yes earth will still rotate without her...but the earth will be a better place to live with her around... to me la..to u all... are other ppl.. no one wants to be alone...i had dis fren...she was alone for home econs( we r suppose to be in pairs and do practical which is cooking)so erm so i have already decided to pair with my best fren(ok erm i noe dun use best rite but let me use for the moment dunnoe wad to use for de time being) so dis last min...my fren came forward ask me to pair with her...i dun blame her..no one wants to be alone...
and her frenz...erm i dunnoe how to say...dere is one whom i think is very selfish...she was my fren gddy buddy actually...she was suppose to pair with her den in the end she pair with other ppl...so in he lesson dere is 19 girls 1 boy...s she dun want to pair with him...she came to beg me...i dun wish to reject her...so erm in the end i decided to partner the boy..but in the end still partner my fren cuz she is really like devastated...cuz she du nwan to pair my best fren...so when my best fren do practical i will help her the best i can l =)
Life is more colourful with her around =) -
yeah i agree...everyone is good at smth of their own...last time...i always thought that i wasnt good at anything..and i became kinda jelous of many of my friends cuz they were really good at smth....and some even had a few things that they were good at....well..after some time...i found out that actually there WERE things that i could do well..if not better than others...haha...or juz smth im gd at la...so....erm...u should always follow ur dreams and believe in urself...like believe that u can be good in smth so that ur friends will notice=) but to be truthful...sometimes...u dont need any special talent to catch ur friend's attention...its mainly ur character n attitude.... ok..yes..i know....i am digressing abit...haha...err...but i hope u get wad im trying to say lah...and that i helped u at least a little bit...=)Originally posted by ghimpheng:every 1 have thier own talent wait till u acheieve something they will know your talent
PeaCe OuT^^V -
sometimes it's like this, when they need u they give u a call, when they don they tend to forget abt uOriginally posted by Ito_^:had a friend, quite close, in the end, totally ignored me on the bus after quite some time not meeting. he went to express. loser. -
i hope i wun become a so called loser...i dun wish to be lidat...i want to be always dere for my fren...Originally posted by FBI:sometimes it's like this, when they need u they give u a call, when they don they tend to forget abt u -
Erm thx for ur reply... =) well i dunnoe...i just have low self esteem...well i hope i can overcome...Originally posted by westlifelover92:yeah i agree...everyone is good at smth of their own...last time...i always thought that i wasnt good at anything..and i became kinda jelous of many of my friends cuz they were really good at smth....and some even had a few things that they were good at....well..after some time...i found out that actually there WERE things that i could do well..if not better than others...haha...or juz smth im gd at la...so....erm...u should always follow ur dreams and believe in urself...like believe that u can be good in smth so that ur friends will notice=) but to be truthful...sometimes...u dont need any special talent to catch ur friend's attention...its mainly ur character n attitude.... ok..yes..i know....i am digressing abit...haha...err...but i hope u get wad im trying to say lah...and that i helped u at least a little bit...=)
PeaCe OuT^^V -
now i realise...i became her fren cuz i kept her company in maple...we have happy times in maple...now i have quit...we dun seem to be as close as b4...sad...she dun talk to me as much...
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actually u don need to care whether they will be gratitude of wat u had done. jus bear in mind that u have always been a good friend and always b by their side when they need u. WHen in times to come they will realize taht they are actually missiing out on a v good friend in future. Jus do wat u suppose to do as a friend.Originally posted by OasisBlue:i hope i wun become a so called loser...i dun wish to be lidat...i want to be always dere for my fren... -
don worry 2 much, there will always b friends. they come and go.Originally posted by OasisBlue:now i realise...i became her fren cuz i kept her company in maple...we have happy times in maple...now i have quit...we dun seem to be as close as b4...sad...she dun talk to me as much...