Sore loser or just trying to retreat back?
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Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often. -
dun cut her out of your life lah. even if cannot be lovers one mroe friend is good mah. and hor you can wait for her to break if you dun feel like making them break
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dude i did the same like u but somehow whenever i see her the feeling will still come backOriginally posted by social_misfit:Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often. -
I think you did well.Originally posted by social_misfit:Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often.
If you cannot have the outcome you want, don't settle and hang around because it makes you miserable. You don't need all that drama in your life.
This is not being a sore loser. This is being true to yourself.
take care
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I understand what you are doing now. Basically, you want to cut her out of your life first and tried to forget the feelings you have for her. But, this will take time, maybe 1-2months or even longer. However, one day, when you realise that you do not have any feelings for her again, then, you should be her friend once again.
Been through there and done it.
Good luck to you! -
good job brudder...for bowing out gracefully.Originally posted by social_misfit:Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often.
but i dun think blocking her is necessary...even if she's attached it doesnt mean u can't be friends with her...besides u will not be seeing her as often will u? avoiding her is not necessary.
yes do get a new gal and ur old one will be forgotten. -
Nice going.
Don't doubt yourself, just do what you think is sensible.
Cheers -
i beg differ....
sometimes, the more/harder you try to forget, the more susceptible it comes back to you..
just let it be naturally....if she msn you, just reply her that u r busy or have a small talk and ends it sweet..
not to the extend of blocking her lah...afterall, she is still your friend right?
well, you shld know in the first place, u shld have taken the initative to go after her mah...so, its not her fault to get attached again...
so be friends...gracious..sounds easy but its hard to do it..just do your best dude!
cheers -
you are just avoiding the problem by blocking her in msn unblock her and keep a distance if u feel that u need to
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looks like u can't let go of the feelings inside u.
although it is a gd way to forget her by distancing yrself but do u still want to be her friend even if u can't be her lover???
rather than use time to wash away yr feeling for her, why don't u try to be happy for her.
to love someone is to let that person be happy, not to make that person be with u.
try to treat her just as another friend, don't lose this friendship becos u just can't let go.
i know it is easy to run away from yr fear than face it.
but in the end, if u just keep running, u might regret this someday -
i like to adopt the western's " we broke up, we're just on a date as good friend's, i just gave her a friendly peck on the lips, she just gave me a friendly stroke to embrace me, just like friends would" way of dealing with relationships
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if you feel that deleting her out of your life is the way for you, by all means, do so.
if you feel you still need her to be a friend to you, by all means, do otherwise.
do what you feel is right for you. -
I'd agree with the guys who said that deleting her contact is sensible, but that blocking it is not a good idea, for two reasons. First, if you block her and she finds out, you're going to come off looking like a sore loser regardless. Second, there's nothing to say that just because she's moved on at the moment that your paths will not cross again - blocking her will only close off that opportunity. It's all a game - if you're going to have any chance of winning it, you've got to be in it in the first place.
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Hi Social Misfit,
Personally, I don't think what you've done is "sore loser" in any way. You're protecting yourself & your own emotions, & trying Not to become those guys who show their ugly side blah blah blah. It's actually very sensible of you.
In blocking her on MSN, it prevents you from developing deeper feelings towards her, & that would prevent you from becoming those ugly guys you wanna avoid becoming.
At least you're still meeting up with her sporadically, it's Not like you've totally cut her outta your life what
FeowFeowOriginally posted by social_misfit:Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often. -
yup bro u are definitely not a sore loser, what u did was v. sensible... jus a word of cautious thou... i did exactly the same thk as u, eliminating all contact with the gal i like, hoping to forget her & move on with life...
But even aft 4 long yrs, when i met her again late last yr, the feelins (thou in a diff way) still came bac... i realized that all my "actions" meant nothin as i stil could nt forget her..
but of cos everyone wld have a diff experience... beside eliminating, can take up some hobby, set new goal & meet new ppl .... all these wld facilate ur aim of moving on with life
cheers ! -
its hard to cut certain people from your life completely. Maybe its even harder to stay friends. If I were you, I would stay as friends
Why not block and delete as well? Cause when you block, you can still see her on9 and you may feel tempted to talk to her, etc.. which makes it harder for you to forget her right? -
You shouldn't really TRY to forget her... You just FORGET with time...Originally posted by social_misfit:Hi.
Recently, I found out that the gal I like has already been attached since a few months ago. Just a little background info, here's my old story: http://agony.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=169944
Apparently, I waited and nothing materialized; she has moved on with her life and is gone. Basically, I must take responsibility of fluffing my own chance. However, to avoid behaving like some guys who show their ugly nature when they can't get the gals they want, I've chosen to retreat gracefully and to avoid and forget her, lest I feel the pain of the loss again.
I try to distance myself from her by blocking her on MSN messenger, so that she won't be able to see that I'm online and try to initiate chats with me, which she did in the past. Not that I'm jealous or anything, just want to move away from her so that I won't be tempted to feel attracted to her again and then realise that she's attached and unavailable.
However, by blocking her on MSN, I seriously don't know if what I'm doing is right or is gracious. Am I acting like a sore loser instead? Is it normal or ok for me to avoid her and sort of disappear from her life?
I still do meet her irregularly once every 2 or 3 months, and I'm cutting down on it as well. I'm thinking of moving on with my life as well and trying hard to forget her, and the best way to forget her is to see her and talk to her less often.
If you think you can't handle it, just cut down contact with her... Sore loser or not, nothing's really wrong with that... -
You're not a sore loser.It is jus time won't stop for no one ur jus making ur own choice to move on thats all. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about at all.
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hey yea. was in a same position as you before. i blocked and deleted the person too because seeing him online makes me want to talk to him, and knowing we would never be together hurts a lot. so yea..delete her off too. but i can tell you, when you see her again, your feelings will just return like many others here because you only try to block her away from your mind instead of letting your feelings fade naturally...
well. it's better than nothing...i don't think staying as friends at this stage is possible. how can you see someone you really like as only a friend??? well, i can't.
so my bottom line is, although many ppl would not agree, i think it's better to stay away/avoid her first. i think it's a gracious act. since she has a boyfriend as well. ^^ -
well...imo, the more you try to avoid her, the more the feeling stays. you should just try normalizing your relationship with her.
all the best -
haiya be friends la...lyk that u tryin to hide frm her for yr whole life is very...i dono..if i were you i will be uncomfortable and awkward if i avoid her for my whole life?
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everyone has their own way of dealing with relationships, there is no 'correct' way.
fancy worrying about your ego at this stage. lol.
bro. u just don't want to hear anymore of her right? so that u can keep ur life as usual in peace?
then do what you have to, when it comes to handling matters of your own heart, no one can tell u whats right or wrong.
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You did the right thing!
It is the gal's loss,pal! -
actually....dere r some points i wanna point out.....
y block her on msn?......i can understand the temptation of being attracted to her again n u do nt wan to get into dat mess again....i slaute u fer dat....however i dun tink u shld block her on msn.....though she might not know u block her, however dun u will feel dat like this u r a bit petty?.....
cant be girlfriend but can be good frenz wad?......hmmm i tink u do nid sometime to forget her.....but den after dat period of forgetting her i tink u shld give her a chance to be frenz with u ba........
juz follow wad ur hearts tells u.....i m sure u r rationale, as seen from ur post.......gd luck!!!1 -
If u find that blocking her from MSN is better as it would give u less pain..go for iit
but as Devil said...u can't force urself to forget her...i feel that if u want to make it better..block AND remove her from ur list
but what ever u did was right...there is nothing cowardly on what u did
Good Luck Pal
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy