A messy affair
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Hi,
I'm feeling terribly confused over this for quite some time. I'm attached for 1yr+. Our relationship has been pretty good. We used to meet 3-4 times a week however 4 mths back, I got posted to do shift work and we can only meet once a week. Somehow this has put a strain on our relationship. She is someone that needs company. I still love her though.
I met this gal 1 mth+ back. We hitted it off very well. I could say that we had a crush on each other. The thing is, she is 4 yrs in a relationship too. We sorta started our underground relationship without our partner's knowledge. I have met her bf face to face before though.
Recently, I had a arguement with her coz I dun feel secure with her, mayb the crush has ended (thats what I thought) but she told me tat this is not a fling and she doesnt wanna stop here. She claims to love me and her bf just as I love her and my gf. We are both greedy fools. She could have ended it when we argued but instead she did not.
I'm totally confused and not happy abt this. I hope to have the courage to end it once and for all but yet I really do like her. I dunno why I'm having this feeling over 2 persons. I'm afraid I'll be unable to get out of it. I've told some of my frds abt my problem. All of them told me to call the r/s off and go back to my gf. Is that the only way? -
is your gf a teacher?
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Nope, teacher are prone to such things?
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tell me.. what u want out of this?
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this gal you mentioned sounds to me like a crazy bitch. drop her like a hot potatoe and go back to your gf.Originally posted by Confused28:Hi,
I'm feeling terribly confused over this for quite some time. I'm attached for 1yr+. Our relationship has been pretty good. We used to meet 3-4 times a week however 4 mths back, I got posted to do shift work and we can only meet once a week. Somehow this has put a strain on our relationship. She is someone that needs company. I still love her though.
I met this gal 1 mth+ back. We hitted it off very well. I could say that we had a crush on each other. The thing is, she is 4 yrs in a relationship too. We sorta started our underground relationship without our partner's knowledge. I have met her bf face to face before though.
Recently, I had a arguement with her coz I dun feel secure with her, mayb the crush has ended (thats what I thought) but she told me tat this is not a fling and she doesnt wanna stop here. She claims to love me and her bf just as I love her and my gf. We are both greedy fools. She could have ended it when we argued but instead she did not.
I'm totally confused and not happy abt this. I hope to have the courage to end it once and for all but yet I really do like her. I dunno why I'm having this feeling over 2 persons. I'm afraid I'll be unable to get out of it. I've told some of my frds abt my problem. All of them told me to call the r/s off and go back to my gf. Is that the only way? -
You have already been unfaithful to your galfriend.
So, now you want to have best of both world ?
Friend, wake up your ideas !
The other gal also been unfaithful to be you.
So, what does it make both of you ? -
Originally posted by Confused28:Hi,
I'm feeling terribly confused over this for quite some time. I'm attached for 1yr+. Our relationship has been pretty good. We used to meet 3-4 times a week however 4 mths back, I got posted to do shift work and we can only meet once a week. Somehow this has put a strain on our relationship. She is someone that needs company. I still love her though.
I met this gal 1 mth+ back. We hitted it off very well. I could say that we had a crush on each other. The thing is, she is 4 yrs in a relationship too. We sorta started our underground relationship without our partner's knowledge. I have met her bf face to face before though.
Recently, I had a arguement with her coz I dun feel secure with her, mayb the crush has ended (thats what I thought) but she told me tat this is not a fling and she doesnt wanna stop here. She claims to love me and her bf just as I love her and my gf. We are both greedy fools. She could have ended it when we argued but instead she did not.
I'm totally confused and not happy abt this. I hope to have the courage to end it once and for all but yet I really do like her. I dunno why I'm having this feeling over 2 persons. I'm afraid I'll be unable to get out of it. I've told some of my frds abt my problem. All of them told me to call the r/s off and go back to my gf. Is that the only way?
Uncommitted relationship.
Each of you love your respective partners, just that chances are, you two are desensitized to your long going relationship. There is a vulnerability to everything fresh, willing and different.
There is a exchange of mutual needs based on same vulnerability. We attract the qualities we exude - people who always attract others who are technically not unavailable, will always find themselves having this problem - the uncommitted will attract the uncommitted (it doesn't matter if one is single. You can be single and find difficulty in commitment as well).
When you change the nature of your work and it affects your relationship, it creates an emotional instability. It so happened that your instability is re-channelled into your crush, which simultaneously, gain stability from your channelling (she was instable at the same time - two negative makes a positive).
Both of you knows that this sub-rosa relationship wouldn't work out. It is merely there to fulfil a certain self absorbed needs. You knew it, but your conscience probably work against you. She knew it, but she still prefer to indulge in it.
*** Let's not look into your crush; in fact, lets review your relationship.
I) What do you think has changed in your relationship when this girl came into the picture?
II) How do you think of your relationship now... ESPECIALLY when you have actually agreed to an underground relationship with someone else.
III) What is this scenario trying to tell you? And by knowing, what are you going to do with this knowledge?
When you are sure of the answers to the above questions, you should roughly know what is the best course of action.
Cheers -
I dunno what I want up till now. I am selfish, I want both. I feel comfortable with the 1st one, afterall, its been 1 yr already. But I feel like I'm in love with the other gal.
I have to make a decision someday... but not now. The other gal might dump me 1st before I dump her. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yunhaier, thank you so much for your advise. I'll give myself sometime to find out the answer. Uncommitted relationship.
Each of you love your respective partners, just that chances are, you two are desensitized to your long going relationship. There is a vulnerability to everything fresh, willing and different.
There is a exchange of mutual needs based on same vulnerability. [b]We attract the qualities we exude - people who always attract others who are technically not unavailable, will always find themselves having this problem - the uncommitted will attract the uncommitted (it doesn't matter if one is single. You can be single and find difficulty in commitment as well).
When you change the nature of your work and it affects your relationship, it creates an emotional instability. It so happened that your instability is re-channelled into your crush, which simultaneously, gain stability from your channelling (she was instable at the same time - two negative makes a positive).
Both of you knows that this sub-rosa relationship wouldn't work out. It is merely there to fulfil a certain self absorbed needs. You knew it, but your conscience probably work against you. She knew it, but she still prefer to indulge in it.
*** Let's not look into your crush; in fact, lets review your relationship.
I) What do you think has changed in your relationship when this girl came into the picture?
II) How do you think of your relationship now... ESPECIALLY when you have actually agreed to an underground relationship with someone else.
III) What is this scenario trying to tell you? And by knowing, what are you going to do with this knowledge?
When you are sure of the answers to the above questions, you should roughly know what is the best course of action.
Cheers[/b] -
humans are like tat de lah... being selfish is part of our nature. if i got into a situation like tat, i might do the same too. i duno?Originally posted by Confused28:I dunno what I want up till now. I am selfish, I want both. I feel comfortable with the 1st one, afterall, its been 1 yr already. But I feel like I'm in love with the other gal.
I have to make a decision someday... but not now. The other gal might dump me 1st before I dump her.
feeling comfortable doesnt equate to love.. loveing the gal doesnt necessary mean it will last long..
from ur story, i feel tat the girl is tired of her current bf and waiting for a better guy to come along before dumping him.. and somehow u have an interest in her and both of u got hooked up.. but how often does a fling turned relationship last?
the longer u drag this decision, the worst one of those girls will feel when u tell her.. and u are the only one who have the best of both worlds.. is it what u will do to someone u love?
hungry~ go eat liao~ byebye~ -
Hey Confused,Originally posted by Confused28:Hi,
I'm feeling terribly confused over this for quite some time. I'm attached for 1yr+. Our relationship has been pretty good. We used to meet 3-4 times a week however 4 mths back, I got posted to do shift work and we can only meet once a week. Somehow this has put a strain on our relationship. She is someone that needs company. I still love her though.
I met this gal 1 mth+ back. We hitted it off very well. I could say that we had a crush on each other. The thing is, she is 4 yrs in a relationship too. We sorta started our underground relationship without our partner's knowledge. I have met her bf face to face before though.
Recently, I had a arguement with her coz I dun feel secure with her, mayb the crush has ended (thats what I thought) but she told me tat this is not a fling and she doesnt wanna stop here. She claims to love me and her bf just as I love her and my gf. We are both greedy fools. She could have ended it when we argued but instead she did not.
I'm totally confused and not happy abt this. I hope to have the courage to end it once and for all but yet I really do like her. I dunno why I'm having this feeling over 2 persons. I'm afraid I'll be unable to get out of it. I've told some of my frds abt my problem. All of them told me to call the r/s off and go back to my gf. Is that the only way?
Guess u alr have the ans to ur own qtn...
Dont waste the time of the gal which u dont not love anymore, I quite sure u know which one u should let go or rather free from this complicated relationship.
Think abt it. -
Dun firlt!!!!!!!!
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Love? You just wanna have relations of a sexual nature with her right?
Seriously....
Who do you wanna have relations of the sexual nature more??
Okay.. SERIOUSLY seriously,
Just end the affair with the second girl before things get worse. I mean, what you have now is a really big rectangle!!! What in the world? Later becaome Pentagon how?
You wanna get knocked by a large group of ppl issit?
I don't think you want your life to be like the sand in the hourglass
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Thanks for editing your post. Appreciate.Originally posted by rurounix:
- watch your language yeah?
Cheers