Originally posted by Avalyon:
I can't find anyone to relate to anymore. i've no place to turn to. I'm 20 this year.
My life was in a mess before i meet this girl. She is the love of my life i would say for 20 years i have never met someone who can make me fall so deeply and so hard for.
I used to be a player or somehting like that. or maybe i'm just finding the right one. have been changing girlfriends very so often. I can't find the right one till i saw her.
I work as a part time waiter in the restaurant. I met her there. She was one of the patrons there. have only seen her once so far since i work there. the moment i saw her. i felt a burning sensation in my heart. butterflies, nevoursness. i felt i have to did something. so i took my restuarant name card and placed my name and no. on the back and passed it to her before she left the restaurant. praying hard she would sms me
She smsed me 5 minutes later. we get to know each other more since there. outings , coffees, movies, and alot of stuff. soon enough after a few more we fell for each other and were together.. that was almost one year back the 21st Feb 05'.
Problems rise and there have been lots of ups and downs in our relationship. before i met her. i stil have interest in other girls, still look around at pretty ladies.but since we're together i didn't i just look forward everyday to be able to chat and see her.
Recently we had a big fight. I must admit most of it is my fault. i've been too contolling. Cause i'm so sacred to lose her. i have to ask her where she go or what she do which differs alot from the me last time...
the fight got so big. she lost control and ate pandoles and try to commit suicide. managed to rush there in time. to make her vomit what she ate and took care of her by her bed till she got wel. skipped meals schools and stuff.
2 months passed i've changed after the quarre to suit what she need. she told me last night. its not possible cause her heart have died for me during the quarrel. why take 2 months to tell me... i should have saw the signs. she didn't say i love u anymore. after the quarrel . didn't notice till she told me so. i beg her to stay .. she so cold, didn't pick up the phone. even after taking 12 pandoles myself last night to see what she felt like during the time. she didn't bother..
i love her so much.......
A woman that means so much and could hold my heart and make me willing to change and love her unconditionally..i can't bare to let her go. i've lost all my self esteem and concentration on work and studies. what should i do......? i never fell so deep in love for anyone before.... never.... felt like its the end of the world....
Hmm... If you want someone to talk to, you can PM me your contact number...?
Nope... 'Losing' someone is never the end of the world... The end of the world comes truly when you wish to end it.... And nope... You have not truly lost her or anybody else whom you might really be caring for until you lost yourself... Lost your life....
Hereby, I dedicate this poem to you....
-Dead-Along came misery,
filling up my eyes..
Tears, fears...
My face buried in my hands of wreckery....
Wandered to this building above the world beneath my feet...
Wondered... About the 'heaven' above us...
Blurrish vision which fails to calm my heart,
COLD is this moment distal from the WORLD...
Step by step, I took by my feet...
Day by day, I tried to forget...
Of this dream casted into nightmares by spells..
Spells of which used to mystify me...
And yet as I walk I can no longer help..
But to walk quickly as to flee...
Free from this world and beyond the shadows of my own...
Boundaries that lives to cage me...
Yet I know if I walk long enough...
All my tears, I shall leave behind me...
Then this leaf that dances before me...
In this spring which finally arrives to greet me...
And that warmth which radiates from your smile...
Beyond hopes, you deeply hold me...
And you so gladly reached out your hand...
Like a candle in my snowy land...
Though I can't make out what I've done to deserve this...
I just wish.... And hunger for your touch....
By this night, I slowly reach for you...
May the stars guide us throughout this path...
With your hand, I led you by the stream...
Of this tear, which I'll see once again...
From the sky, my tear has arrived...
On your cheek, it has cheated on mine...
Misery... Once again filled my eyes...
Tears and fears, rushes back once again...
With my hands, buried deep down beyond....
And my face, only a picture remains...
Oh my life, how I've gave up on you...?
Oh my love, I'm so sorry for you....
If only, I knew how selfish I was...
And yet this day,
what choices would remain...?