Relationship problem.. help pls
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I've been in a very long relationship until now. One year ago, due to work committments, I've had to work to the exclusion of spending time with my significant other (SO), who is also working.
Now my workload is far more manageable but my SO is used to spending time with a new group of friends (mixed with guy and girl inside) and looking to them to have fun etc. I was told that we needed time to be like before, but my SO clearly looks to those friends for practically everything and I have nothing to offer.
Should I wait for my SO to have a change of heart or demand that my SO reduce contact with those friends and focus attention on me? I'm very upset and totally confused, not even sure if I should continue the r/s if I'm going to be a hindrance.
Thanks for any help... -
make friends with her new group of friends lar.
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Talk to your SO about what you are telling us.
That you are feeling redundant in the R/S
See what solution the 2 of you can work out and rebuild the R/S
R/S - not trying to be cliche or naggy - needs effort from both party. You guys need to re-engage and decide what to do from here on. -
You M or F?Originally posted by Erinu:I've been in a very long relationship until now. One year ago, due to work committments, I've had to work to the exclusion of spending time with my significant other (SO), who is also working.
Now my workload is far more manageable but my SO is used to spending time with a new group of friends (mixed with guy and girl inside) and looking to them to have fun etc. I was told that we needed time to be like before, but my SO clearly looks to those friends for practically everything and I have nothing to offer.
Should I wait for my SO to have a change of heart or demand that my SO reduce contact with those friends and focus attention on me? I'm very upset and totally confused, not even sure if I should continue the r/s if I'm going to be a hindrance.
Thanks for any help...
How old are both of you...? How long have your work been hindrance? You mean you've not been seeing your SO for 1 year or just not spending enough quality time for that period...? -
In everything u do, i wana highlight that those in red are actually call selfishness... if u demand for time or attention... he/she might never look at you. If u can't beat him/her, join him/her.Originally posted by Erinu:I've been in a very long relationship until now. One year ago, due to work committments, I've had to work to the exclusion of spending time with my significant other (SO), who is also working.
Now my workload is far more manageable but my SO is used to spending time with a new group of friends (mixed with guy and girl inside) and looking to them to have fun etc. I was told that we needed time to be like before, but my SO clearly looks to those friends for practically everything and I have nothing to offer.
Should I wait for my SO to have a change of heart or demand that my SO reduce contact with those friends and focus attention on me? I'm very upset and totally confused, not even sure if I should continue the r/s if I'm going to be a hindrance.
Thanks for any help...
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join him wif his frenz la.. if i haf a gf n she wans to join in wif my frenz, i wil be so happy man! likewise if my gf allows mi to join her frenz too..
but it wasn't lidat wif my ex lo...
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mistyblue - thanks for the suggestion, but it sometimes feels very lousy being unwanted? And it makes me cranky, when that's the last thing I want.
Devil1976 - we're near 30. We didn't spend any quality time during the period. So sorry but I would rather not post too much details since my SO surfs net quite a bit. Does the gender part matter for what to do??
mach10 - yes I agree that the parts in red are caused by selfishness. What do you mean by join him/her?
HolySniper - you mean the same thing happened to you and your ex? If so, then I'm sorry to hear that. -
Ya... The gender might matter... Because different gender sometimes stick to friends for different reason and different mentality...Originally posted by Erinu:mistyblue - thanks for the suggestion, but it sometimes feels very lousy being unwanted? And it makes me cranky, when that's the last thing I want.
Devil1976 - we're near 30. We didn't spend any quality time during the period. So sorry but I would rather not post too much details since my SO surfs net quite a bit. Does the gender part matter for what to do??
mach10 - yes I agree that the parts in red are caused by selfishness. What do you mean by join him/her?
HolySniper - you mean the same thing happened to you and your ex? If so, then I'm sorry to hear that. -
last time u busy, u want ur space u push her aside, so she has to go look for her own frds...
now u free liao u want her back, u want her to give up her frds..
one conclusion
u r so selfish n self-centred! r/s isn't juz abt urself lor, its abt coming together to share ur life lor -
Both of you are drifting apart more and more wider till no point carry on this r/s. You'll only suffer more.
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very similiar to my case..
its a true dilemna.. i was in a position where i wanted to try outings with her new friends but she dun seem to be that forthcoming.. cos she did say that someone from the group may like her..
what was truly lacking is really the time for each other..
i dun think asking for more time is called selfish if you are in a commited and devoted relationship.. if you want things to progress, you have to set certain priorities.. in fact for my case, i think i gave her too much of her own space such that we drifted apart..
so i say. .if she feels she has more fun with her friends.. instead of wanting to set the priority for you... bite the hard truth.. u have to let her go..
i did.. -
win ur SO back.
if u and ur SO can be together in the first place..
then can't let a small setback like that end it all. -
If the foundation is stable, it would overcome any crisis.
Sometimes, it is the wrong assumption that ruined a relationship.
Try to open your heart and mix with her friends.
But, if she decided that you are passe, then you have to take it loh.
People thinking do change with the people they mixed. -
Thanks for all the advice. You guys have been really helpful!
Things are working out
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Gratz
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Join him/her, join in his/her meeting with friends, make friends with them.Originally posted by Erinu:mistyblue - thanks for the suggestion, but it sometimes feels very lousy being unwanted? And it makes me cranky, when that's the last thing I want.
Devil1976 - we're near 30. We didn't spend any quality time during the period. So sorry but I would rather not post too much details since my SO surfs net quite a bit. Does the gender part matter for what to do??
mach10 - yes I agree that the parts in red are caused by selfishness. What do you mean by join him/her?
HolySniper - you mean the same thing happened to you and your ex? If so, then I'm sorry to hear that. -
good to know things are working out fine for u..Originally posted by Erinu:Thanks for all the advice. You guys have been really helpful!
Things are working out
good luck -
GOOD LUCKOriginally posted by Erinu:Thanks for all the advice. You guys have been really helpful!
Things are working out 
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wow...the tides are turning before i can post anything...hmn...
anyway, good luck dude!
remember, spend quality time..