Very uncommon & serious family problem
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maybe she is facing some sort of trouble or something??Bring her to see a doctor or wat..
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I think your sis is seeking attention and love. communicate more with her and shower more love unto her.. she will gradually change.
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Girls should serve some form of compulsory NS... 'Kin spoilt cunt.
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Try to find out the root cause of the problem. If she have a diary or blog u might want to read it. Reading will help u to gain insight on ger ubber charecter. From there u might find out what cause her charecter to deteriorate. As for her bad behaviour it should be pointed out to her. U might want a heart to heart talk with her maybe in her room so that she will have no where to escape.
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Sounds like your sister had been pampered a bit too much? Yea, definitely.
Actually, because you or your parents give in to her easily as so to stop her tantrums, she became used to it and she thinks that whenever she can't get something, she just have to throw a tantrum and TA-DA, she gets it.
And because of this, she actually continue doing it.
Firstly, I don't think that your sister verbally abusing your brother is legal. If I recall from a newspaper article from LONG LONG AGO, it is illegal and your sister can be sent to the Girls Home if she is 21 and below.
A question: Do you mean that whenever someone visits, like your grandparents/relatives/friends..., she behave very well?
Well, if it is yes, all the more you should ask them to visit. Especially grandparents as children are usually meek in front of them. There could also be some sibling jealousy between your little brother and her as she picks on him everytime. She could be also going through mood swings, even though mood swings should be gone at the age of 16. She might be going through it longer. Also, I think that seeing the younger brother getting the better things make her feel that she is not loved the MOST as usually, girls are attention-seekers. Not all girls though. And the fact that YOUR brother gives in is also another issue you need to look at. You and your family members excluding your sister MUST tell him or advise him to be STRONG and CONFIDENT and don't be so scared. If the sister yells at him, yell back. If the sister hits you, tell them. Eventually, I think she have enough of it. But if she still continues, maybe you can ignore her totally and pretend to shower your brother with more attention and love. 
Last, if she is STILL the same, you have to, and MUST, consult a consulter. Best of lucks to you changing your sister to a whole different person!! May SUCESS be yours.
(P.S. Oh, and one thing. You must try to be patient! If you lose your patience, it isn't good. Oh yea, it isn't good. Not even a bit.) -
I'll try to find out more about this by asking my mom and dad. Post it later! But if it is the same as the other replies..I won't post it up. =]
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I... agree with what the others said, but have you tried talking to her? Just listening to her, not critisizing her or anything, but just listen. Just wondering, do you ever hear her complaining about your family to her friends on the phone LOUDLY?
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Well, my mom said this. "Well, if this boy really wants to help his sister, he have to use his authority voice to order her to SIT DOWN and talk to her like any loving brother would. Ask her why is she like this and why is her behavior is so ah lian." (LOL. Sorry about the ah lian part.)
And my dad says... "This girl have a SERIOUS problem that can only be solved by having a bit of family time together and let her soak in the enjoyment. OR like your mom said, that boy should really talk to his sister. Sometimes, what a parent cannot do, a sibling can do."
I know this shouldn't be added in but just toss it in for humour.
My brother: "HEY, THAT GIRL IS JUST LIKE YOU!"
My parents: "Sheng Wei! Weiling never talk back to you ok!! DON'T TALK RUBBISH."
My brother: "Ok ok! SORRY. Anyway, I think the girl is a recairnation of Satan the Devil." *grins*
All of us: *shakes head.* -
she needs a bf, and u guys need her to get one
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I think just after one hr of the relationship, the bf wants to break it off liaos.Originally posted by phanta5y:she needs a bf, and u guys need her to get one -
Hi Nikar,
What you need is to have a better communication with your sister. If verbal communication is not working, try typing and printing a letter for your sister to read. The letter should state all family members feelings towards her, not just yours. -
If you wanna send her to councillor and you think that the councillor will think that she's a very good girl (cos you said that she's very good to outsiders), one of these days when she throes a tantrum, film her doing it, and show it to the councillor.
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Humhh.. it sound so familar..Originally posted by Nikar:Deleted...
Thanks,
Nikar.
Happen that i was with a family similar to yours, lucky now i am single away from such nonsenses. hee...
Yes, dear friends out there .. there are such ppl around in the world and i believe this sister is not magnifying her flaws.
My ex's bf 2nd sis use to react this way as well. Abusing pratically everyone from mum, dad to siblings. And everyone just give in to her to prevent futher quarrels. Her problems base on my knowledge was hatred towards family members over past-failed r/l ship which opposed by parents.
I remember damn well, when i stay with the family.
Weird and terrible happening:
1. Every single meal i took be it homecooked or self bought i have to "greet her and say : 2nd sis eat " if not she will walk pass and slammed her bedroom door.
2. At times when she is in foul mood, she saw anyone of us she will slam the damn door as well.
3. She kept all utensils including forks/ spoon away to prevent me from using. She dislike me cause my ex bf was the one who help their parents to break up her relationship with a divorcee.
4. Kept all detergents and bamboo pool away to prevent me from using.
5. If she is watching the TV in the living room, we (me or her eldest bro's gf) are not alllow to watch coz she will give us a stern face and stalk / slam her bed room door.
6. When their msia parents came over sg to fetch us back to JB, she will have to be the one sitting infront or at time her last mintues decisions to return to JB. I will have to either wait for my ex bf to fetch me on the next day or i will have to made my way into JB later part in the evening. Where my ex bf will pick me at the JB larkin Terminal.
7. She will bad mouthed (we) to the parents especially mum, when her mum dont believe her. She would yelled and curse her non-stop. Making her mum cried, usually when such things happen her mum will always called my ex bf and speak to me crying on her phone in msia or at time worst in sg. I feel sorry for her cause she has such a daughter where the whole family really ma chiam gonna tear apart because of her.
8. I can explain why the parents dote me so much, coz i treat them as if my own pair of parents, for what my mum have teaches me. I care for them and they know and sense it, and return with dote for me. But her 2nd sis will go crazy when she sense the doting. And cursing them to be ditch by daughter-in-law next time.
9. One evening she dashed into one of the room where i am surfing net and start to abusing me with words. I just keep quiet coz i was told by my ex bf when such things happen i am not allowed to scold her. (Reason: She is his sister no matter what, so gotta respect her) Shit lah.. Stupid me.. haaa
// Eldest brother + GF move out from the house as his GF can't stay the treatments and nonsense.
// Mother went bad to msia after 1 month in sg as well.
Me heee.... Luckily that scumbag and me no more. Now i am much happier without him and monster sister..
haa...
Now think bad don't you ppl think i am stupid ? haaa..... i am i guess haa... -
counselling is needed.
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She needs cookies! lol.
Aiyah, just PMS. lots of girls have, just go ask any female friend when they PMS-ing also, gurantee same reaction one.
Just ignore her completely lor. Or just shut her up in her room and dun feed. 100% gurantee no sound after 3 days.
But really, it sounds as if you guys have something really weird on... are you sure that she's just naturally that way all of the time? Maybe she needs a hug or someone to talk to. Maybe it's something about your habits etc. that she's really pissed about. Guys aren't that sensitive about certain things that girls are really pissed by. Get your sister or your brother out of the house more often and then there won't be that many squabbles. -
hi nikar
im really sorry that you and your family have to go through all this.
Im wondering if your sister could be suffering from depression or others that is being manifested in this way
Maybe a good talk with a close friend of hers could help
if all fails im wondering about the hypnotic method which might work in revealing how she really feels etc
take care -
if i were u i would hav slapped her across the face everytime......
ur parents......dey r the onli ones who can reallie change her......as a sister i suggest dat u be more concern abt her n thoughtful a bit......
u n ur brother sometimes simply hav to take a tough stand against her......i m not advocating violence but den maybe u can ignore her sometimes when she gets v unreasonable.....
mos importantly care n concern........ -
Wahahah. Finally I found similar case. Your case sounds like my Girlfriend case. But she is 23 already so it cant be you. Anyway my girlfriend sister is afraid of me. Just because I stare at her offen.
While in your case. I suggest that you trained your brother to be tough and not to be bully by your sister. Cause she will always have the mentality to bully someone weaker and therefore will always vent all her anger on the weak ones. If your brother is fierce enough to fight back, she will change her ways i guess. Always learn to fight back. Its human nature to go overboard when they have their ways in hand. -
wait til ur bro fight bac.. den she confirm scared 1... but hif 2 wait lor...
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Thanks a lot for your support, everyone! I'm really, really touched, but because of time constraints, I can only focus on the most pressing replies:
From EllisBeck:Now, this is the difficult part of it all - IGNORE her when she's throwing a temper tantrum. Pretend nothing is happening.
But if we keep on ignoring her, wouldn't she get more and more daring?
In fact, for the past 5 years, I haven't quarrel a single time with her, although my mom and dad have, several times.
My ties with her is always neutral-good and that's because I never say out how much I wanted to bash her like a sicko whenever she abuses my bro and throws extreme temper.
From Yunhaier:She is the middle child and usually middle child is subjected problems (unless he/she is the only son or daughter in the family, which could negate the effect).
How can this be? In theory, the middle child is the most comfortable, because the 1st child has heavy responsibility(tough life) while the youngest gets bullied the easiest(tough life). The 2nd child has the best of both worlds, in theory.
From LinLing:A question: Do you mean that whenever someone visits, like your grandparents/relatives/friends..., she behave very well?
Yes, she's very nice to her friends and outsiders. Whenever we visit our relatives' house etc., she's such an angel! :mad:
Well, if it is yes, all the more you should ask them to visit. Especially grandparents as children are usually meek in front of them.
But my mom has told my aunts about her tempers and how she verbal-abuse my bro, and they know about it too.You and your family members excluding your sister MUST tell him or advise him to be STRONG and CONFIDENT and don't be so scared. If the sister yells at him, yell back. If the sister hits you, tell them.
Yeah, after reading from one of the posts here about how this kind of abuse can affect my brother's attitude towards women in future, I feel even more anxious.
The best way would be for him to beat/scold her back; this way, my parents and I have nothing to worry about anymore, because he can take care of himself.
He's currently 13 years old now and his voice is only starting to break. Boys complete their full puberty stage at late 14 - 15 years old or so. Is it true that they'll turn more aggresive during this stage?
What I'm worried is that my brother may have been so used and immune to my sister's scoldings that he forever doesn't dare to fight/say/scold back.
Worse still, he's the kind who always play those MapleStory online games, not those ah-beng-potential types. Should my parents and me keep encouraging my brother to stand up for himself and fight back?
Because today when my brother isn't around, my mom adviced my sister to change her temper and her attitude towards my bro. My mom talked in a nice tone to her but the moment she heard it, she turned rather fiery and very defensive, aggresive. My mom also told her not to treat my bro this way, because he's no longer a kid and is a teen now and may take revenge in future.
Actually, my sis isn't like this all the time, though. Most of the time, she just ignores my brother. But when she's in a foul mood or has totally nothing to do(like if she and my bro are alone at home), then she starts to find fault and start those very fierce verbal-abuse.
Actually, my bro is not 100% right either. For example, sometimes, he leaves a couple of books on the sofa after reading, or leaves some tissues around the floor, or forgets to lift the toilet seat up when urinating etc......and for such cases, my sis gets very very angry and starts those verbal-abuse again. But even though my brother does these things sometimes, there's still no reason for her to shout like that, right?
Thanks!
Nikar. -
Let me tame this monster for you...
I studied physchology before. -
What is your sister's horoscope? What is yours?
How are things for her lately...? Her studies? Any bf?
As much as I agree with alot of the others in here that she needs counselling, how about it starting off with you for a change? Trying to know her a bit better and what problems she might be facing...? 18 is a growing age... Being a child who is bad in temper and often given the ways she want things are 'confirmative' in some ways... Just like you're afraid of your brother getting used to being bullied by her... And the way you've always hated her (and probably not willing to know her 'better' to break any ice...)... Trust me, I can understand it's always easier said than done... To get closer and know her for yourself.... Yup.. Not easy...
When your mum said things about her to your aunties, is it in front of her or behind her back...? (pls answer this question as it's crucial...)
Ultimately, you should (slowly & softly) let her understand that if things are to remain this way... It would only sour up her relationship with the family especially if when things might be going any worse in the future... And it's a vicious cycle that she's creating now, which she would probably face as just a matter of time for her future.... -
Yes I agree with you. It might be that she feels lack of love since she is rank in the middle.Originally posted by qooorange:I think your sis is seeking attention and love. communicate more with her and shower more love unto her.. she will gradually change.
Effective communication will helps minimise misunderstanding between your family members. -
give her a tight slap straight in the face one fine day n tell her u had enough .. then ignore her for a good period of time .. well this is quite extreme .. i dunno if u wan to do it .. personally i had a bro who has this prob too .. but i guess much simplier than ur sis .. my bro had this slamming door , hurdling verbal abuses habits too .. during my younger days we always quarrelled till to a pt i literally treat him as transparent glass cos my parents side him due to some crappy reasons .. n thus became numb n indifferent towards his existence .. luckily all these yrs he grew up n become a much betta person .. but then his ego n arrogance are still ard .. dammit .. if onli i could hav perform better than i shld in academics n sports .. well .. i guess u can try both soft n hard methods .. try reasoning .. try arguing .. try quarrelling .. if nthin helps i guess u can leave her to rot ..
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Its a matter of failed parenting.
Not your doing and not for you to do.
I've a younger sister that does the same also. I am unfortunately the person she likes to pick on as she cannot seem to tolerate the fact that I am senior by one year.
Even now that she is married and mother of 2, she does the same thing by trying to 'advise'; 'instruct' & 'critisise' when she herself hide behind the excuses of 'She is a housewife, thus cannot contribute in responsibilities blah blah blah.'
Unless the parents take control of the situation and either discipline her or kick her well out of the home or out of any family events, then she will most likely learn to curb her willfulness to be more pleasant to people she is suppose to live with.
Try going out for a dinner/outing without her. Be firm to tell her she is not invited as you are celebrating family togetherness and she has not been playing her part to be pleasant in the family these past months.
You might not know it, but because you are working and has the money to splurge, you hold certain powers in the family. I am not asking you to abuse it. But to use it to hopefully attain some effect of peace in the family.