Very uncommon & serious family problem
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she's always very sweet and nice to outsiders, but to family members, it's a different story.
i guess she had some probs wif her frens.. dats y shes been treating outsiders v sweetly so as to get em on her side.. n she might not doing well wif em, so she vent all her frustrations to ur family, as family being e closest to her, would not mind letting her get off all her anger on them.. blood is thicker dan water, dats y she didnt constrain herself on doing mean things to ur younger bro.. due to e love she was given by ur parents in her earlier years, e more she tinks dat it wasnt wrong of her to do such tings, and dat she deserved much more attention frm ur family dan to ur younger bro.. i suggest dat u try gettin to noe her social life? -
No, that would probably just result in a meaningless debate...Originally posted by Nikar:Thanks a lot, Devil and Ozzy girl!
I'll try to bear some of your things in mind.
Today, things got a little worse. My bro brought his friend to our house to play some XBox games, and she started saying stuff about my bro and even indirectly(almost directly, actually) scolded my bro's friend too!!!!
This will really affect my bro's "face", especially since he got blasted at by his older sister in front of his friend. And for the friend, he's gonna have a bad impression and.....
Got bolder???!!!!!
When she enters the university, is she gonna kill???!!!!
(actually, if she starts using violence, we'll have a damn good excuse to send her off)
Lastly, is it good to use sarcasm on her? Like indirectly "suan-ning" her in a manner that hints at her wrong behavior?
Thanks,
Nikar.
Actually... I would quite like to second what Ozzy gurl has suggested except that you shouldn't be pushing her too far off into a corner... If she turns too resentful, her attitude towards the family just might be so much worse in the future... -
sounds like me when i was young.. could it be her school that is affecting her? jc culture isn't all sweet and friendly. she could be very insecure about her environment like i did.. but still different ppl different problems.
i dunnoe how to solve it, but in general i know wad u shld avoid imo. mainly becuz my parents chose those.. sarcasm, avoiding her will not help but make things worse. don't talk bad behind her back too. don't call her names. don't scold her intentionally over her personality including screaming or yelling because she would probably remember it in her heart. don't change ur attitude suddenly too, because she wouldn't know how to react.
maybe. her reaction when u're kind to her isn't entirely because she is suspicious, but she probably doesn't know how to react in the first place. -
Firstly,
If i were in your shoes, i definetly won't resort to violence, but rather talk it out with her calmly with all the other family members, the first time might result in different views but slowly, patients the key to success
Secondly
Maybe you could engage your sister's friends in talking her out, but letting her know how you feel whenever her temper arise.
Anger-management is wad she need now. All the best to you!
*Cheers* -
(irene)
i suggest dat u try gettin to noe her social life?
thanks irene! maybe, but it can't be the problem. she's getting so well with her friends but her character has been like this since the start of time when she was 3 - 5 years old.
(Ito)sounds like me when i was young.. could it be her school that is affecting her? jc culture isn't all sweet and friendly. she could be very insecure about her environment like i did.. but still different ppl different problems.
ha ha....thanks Ito....but no. long before she went into JC, she already like this. only that the problem now getting worse and worse.
when she was a kid and my mom scolded her for doing wrong things, she will curse my mom under her breathe and talk back.
when she was in her 9 - 16 years old, she also talk back, but never openly throw those extreme tempers.
now.......it's slamming doors, ovens,.......violent acts......you get it.
i also notice that when she throw those mad tempers, she'll cool down a little bit(only a little bit) after sometime and keep sighing to herself a lot of times and saying "whoa lau eh!", the sigh again, slam door/stomp floor, sigh again and say "whoa lau" and repeat for a long time.
does this mean that when she gets into this state, we should act immediately and show attention on her? because seems that from this act, she needs attention?
thanks,
nikar. -
it might not even be jc, it might have started since primary school for all u noe.. or it might be something else dats causing alot of frustratution being bottled up inside her throughout life. when she blew her temper, i think she regrets it and that causes her to feel even more frustrated.Originally posted by Nikar:ha ha....thanks Ito....but no. long before she went into JC, she already like this. only that the problem now getting worse and worse.
when she was a kid and my mom scolded her for doing wrong things, she will curse my mom under her breathe and talk back.
when she was in her 9 - 16 years old, she also talk back, but never openly throw those extreme tempers.
now.......it's slamming doors, ovens,.......violent acts......you get it.
i also notice that when she throw those mad tempers, she'll cool down a little bit(only a little bit) after sometime and keep sighing to herself a lot of times and saying "whoa lau eh!", the sigh again, slam door/stomp floor, sigh again and say "whoa lau" and repeat for a long time.
does this mean that when she gets into this state, we should act immediately and show attention on her? because seems that from this act, she needs attention?
thanks,
nikar.
personally, i don't think she is hopeless. but i don't know what specific actions to take but yeah, she needs your concern and patience.. and it probably wld take many years to calm her frustrations.
and you don't go crazy before she does though. lol.. -
Tell her NICELY to see a COUNSELLOR... And to REALLY MAKE AN EFFORT to change her attitude... And the family's looking forward to a BETTER HER... Let her understand that you people are not trying to be hostile or anything but it's REALLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD....Originally posted by Nikar:(irene)
ha ha....thanks Ito....but no. long before she went into JC, she already like this. only that the problem now getting worse and worse.
when she was a kid and my mom scolded her for doing wrong things, she will curse my mom under her breathe and talk back.
when she was in her 9 - 16 years old, she also talk back, but never openly throw those extreme tempers.
now.......it's slamming doors, ovens,.......violent acts......you get it.
i also notice that when she throw those mad tempers, she'll cool down a little bit(only a little bit) after sometime and keep sighing to herself a lot of times and saying "whoa lau eh!", the sigh again, slam door/stomp floor, sigh again and say "whoa lau" and repeat for a long time.
does this mean that when she gets into this state, we should act immediately and show attention on her? because seems that from this act, she needs attention?
thanks,
nikar.
If she choose to STAY THIS WAY... SAD it might sound for MOST around her.. It's ONLY for her to SUFFER the CONSEQUENCES LATER HERSELF....