Chemistry?
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Here is an article from a dating service which I hope to share with anyone who are experiencing the same...
"We have noticed recently that members give the reason for not meeting again as “no chemistry”. No chemistry? We do not expect you to discover ‘chemistry’ with a person you have just met. The longer it takes for chemistry to develop the more likely it is to last. The chemistry you see between two people on TV and in movies that results in happiness forever after is an illusion. If any of you experienced instant chemistry that lasted forever, after the age of 30, you wouldn’t be single now. It just doesn’t happen or if it does it is very rare. So rare that you may as well forget about searching for it. Develop a more practical attitude to finding a partner and get on with it.
When you were 18 – 20, there was instant chemistry, but once you are over thirty you look less like an 18 year old and so do others, so one has to rely on a lot more than just looks, namely one’s personality for attraction. For a lasting relationship, one must be looking for matching core values rather than just looks.
The reason a person does not have chemistry at first is because their appearance is not like: your mother, your sisters, your female cousins and the girl next door (if you are male); or your father, your brothers, your male cousins and the boy next door (if you are female). These are the looks you are familiar with. However, it does not mean you canÂ’t find others attractive too. When you meet new people, when you first join a club, the people you meet may not seem instantly attractive to you. However once you see them in action, i.e. performing, you change your mind. When you see actors on the screen they are not always attractive instantly, yet you warm to them as the film progresses. You become more familiar with their looks, but more importantly, their personality wins you over.
True love doesn’t happen instantly – it’s like peeling layers or plucking petals off a rose. It takes time to discover if a person has the core values or inner qualities that you are looking for.
LetÂ’s look at Chemistry
It is a fickle emotion. If you feel there is a chemistry, but he doesnÂ’t phone you when he says he will or he canÂ’t remember what you told him yesterday, the chemistry fades very quickly. If you think a woman is absolutely gorgeous, but she offends or insults you the chemistry will disappear. Yet I hear of chemistry igniting between two single people who have been plutonic friends for ages.
Regarding physical appearance
When people form a relationship, they think their partner is absolutely gorgeous. So stop worrying about the physical features. They are not the factors that are going to make the relationship work or last. If someone doesnÂ’t look like your father or brothers and so are not your style of looks but do look presentable, dig a little deeper to see if that person has the qualities you are seeking. You may never know unless you are prepared to dig a little deeper.
DonÂ’t look for faults because if you do, thatÂ’s all you will find. You may not find 10 good features at first if you are not practiced but keep practicing and it will become easier. Form trial friendships before relationships. If you are not adept at forming friendships, you will miss out when you meet a Mr/Ms Right. The friends you make donÂ’t have to be perfect. Because no-one ever really is perfect. Look at your friends do they have a uniform height or a perfect figure? By making friends, you are broadening your opportunities because your Mr/Ms Right may be the best friend of one of your introductions and you will never know unless you make an effort. If you refuse to meet an introduction a second or third time, you are not giving that person the confidence they need to make it work for them. If you help enough other people get what they want, you will get what you want.
Do not use text messages to set up meetings or get an initial discussion going between yourself and your introduction. Text messages can all too easily be misinterpreted as feelings and tone do not come across in a text message. It is OK to use them to let your introduction know if you will be say 10 minutes late to your agreed meeting place, but if you wish to cancel a meeting, have the courtesy to at least try to call rather than just texting them.
Most people learn about marriage and relationships through observing the marriages of parents, relatives and friends. Powerful (and often unrealistic) messages about relationships are also delivered through television and magazines. You might have already experienced marriage and/or a significant previous relationship which, when combined with the above factors, may mean you and your partner hold quite different views on relationships.
All couples experience relationship problems at some time or other – it’s part of sharing your life with another human being. The difference between relationships that work and those that don’t is how well the challenges and problems faced are dealt with. Couples typically wait until their relationship has already started to break down before considering doing any work on the difficulties they have. The best time to learn relationship skills is at the start of a relationship. This allows plenty of time to practice the skills you’ve learnt – which means you’ll probably avoid major relationship difficulties further down the track." -
In pyschology, this could be something they call mere exposure. The more time you spend with someone, the more likely it is to like that person.
Which is natural, afterall, there is so much in a person to know within a day. -
True love doesn’t happen instantly – it’s like peeling layers or plucking petals off a rose. It takes time to discover if a person has the core values or inner qualities that you are looking for.
I remember ever seeing my fren's nick in msn.
Something like this..
"Men are like onions. The more u peel, the more u cry."
The early stages of a r/s is usually the honeymoon period.. coz both are perfect in each other's eyes. But as u get to know a person better through time, u will get to know all his gd and bad traits. -
wah..heavy readin...
jus leave a smiley here to bookmark this topic 
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how... depressing.
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That quote = WOW!Originally posted by browniebaobao:I remember ever seeing my fren's nick in msn.
Something like this..
"Men are like onions. The more u peel, the more u cry."
The early stages of a r/s is usually the honeymoon period.. coz both are perfect in each other's eyes. But as u get to know a person better through time, u will get to know all his gd and bad traits. -
Originally posted by M©+square:That quote = WOW!
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I feel sad that many relationship never got the chance to grow in spiritual and emotion.Originally posted by browniebaobao: -
yup.. agree..Originally posted by M©+square:I feel sad that many relationship never got the chance to grow in spiritual and emotion.
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that's some deep "sh!t" about us guys. Its all true though.Originally posted by browniebaobao:I remember ever seeing my fren's nick in msn.
Something like this..
"Men are like onions. The more u peel, the more u cry."
The early stages of a r/s is usually the honeymoon period.. coz both are perfect in each other's eyes. But as u get to know a person better through time, u will get to know all his gd and bad traits. -
Originally posted by nullifi3d:that's some deep "sh!t" about us guys. Its all true though.
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I think the article is only half correct in trying to define things... Things are really much DEEPER than that, and that article is probably missing much of the other half of things' interpretations....
And as much as this article is encouraging people to spend more time with for others, and to give them more chance so that you yourself can be given more chance...?
It.... Really can sound like some psychological persuade at some points.... What it has discussed is only reflective of some cases, and is more likely to work on a per case basis....