iS sHe mY fRieNd???
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I've known her ---> "V" around 3yrs liao bah.. @ 1st there were 4 of us in a grp.. We were realli close with each other.. In poly, we are always seen tog.. And our classmates used to comment tat u see 1 of us, u can see the other 3..
An incident changed our whole friendship.. It occured when we were celebratin "V' birthdae.. Happen tat.. It was kinda weird.. We went shoppin tog. But then.. It seems like they were all walkin by themselves.. Not in a grp.. "V' got sensitive n became unhappy.. Since then, we slowly break off with the others.. & tat's when we got close tog.. @ tat pt of time.. I feel tat wat the others did was reali untolerable.. Thus, i supported 'V' in backin out of e friendship..
She's a great friend.. During the period when i was very down.. I jus broke off with my bf.. She was the one who accompained mi to shoppin, movies, etc.. We also started to hang out with a diff grp of plp.. [Then.. Quite suddenly, she got tog with another guy from our grp.. It was onli till quite ltr din all of us found out..] ----> Ltr i'll explain why i said tis..
A yr past.. & I got tog with another guy.. Tis is when things starts to sour tremendously as time goes by..
From the time i got tog with my bf, in less than 3mths time he gonna go into N.S liao.. My parents were v. strict.. & I tried spendin as much free time as i could.. We couldn meet much coz he's workin & onli free @ nite..
The jealousy started from the time he got into N.S. Wk end he still gonna work.. So of coz.. I'll put him 1st in priority!!
She started to get jealous.. Sayin tat.. When i'm with her.. She always put mi in 1st place over her bf.. But i treated her as if she's not impt.. Haiz!!
How mani times i put it across to her tat.. As long as u tell mi in advance u wanna meet up.. & tat i've no appointment.. I'll surely meet up with u! But then.. She got upset whenever i couldn't make it..
She used to call last min.. Eg.. She meetin her friend but then it's still early to go school.. Called mi on the dae itself but then i was with my bf n couldn mak it.. Or.. Once was when she compained her bf 2 school & asked mi if i could meet her earlier? Ha.. Both occassions i was with my bf..
& she complains tat.. Each time she called mi, i'm always with my bf.. Why can't i jus meet her??
My principle is tat.. 1st come 1st serve.. If i already fix a date with u, i wouldn cancel jus to meet my bf.. Vice versa.. How mani times i tried explainin to her.. But it jus wouldn go in.. -
Cont...
She said we were best friends.. Best friends were suppossed to understand each other.. But she.. I feel tat is quite the opposite??
I've best friends from my pri school.. My sec school..Of coz not as close as we were now.. Coz we'r tog everydae.. Compared to friends from other schools.. Of coz not so close..
She once told mi tat.. In my opinion.. Best friend there onli can be one.. Is tat so??? I dun see why i can't be close with other gals, jus her onli?
I admit tat.. Thru my darkest period.. She has been here 4 mi.. I've been greatly appreciative towards her.. I keep touchin my heart & askin myself.. Did i do wrong or neglect her when i got tog with my bf?
I feel tat.. I do go out less often with her.. But whenever she needs mi, i try my best to be there 4 her..
There was tis once.. We went out tog.. 3 of us.. She, mi & her bf.. Tat was how it was in the past.. B4 i got tog with my bf.. She ignored mi completely.. Jus talkin with her bf.. We went to shop tog.. I was standin beside her.. But she jus ignored mi n asked her bf.. Is tis nice... Etc..
Felt so hurtful.. Felt so extra.. I shldn have agreed to come out with the both of them.. From then.. I told myself.. It will be the last time if possible i'll, ever goin out with her with her bf around..
Is usually she is the one who asked mi out.. Not tat i wan to be their lightbulb!
Slowly.. We got close with another gal.. Irene.. There was 1 time.. They had a quarrel.. She expected mi to stand by her side.. But then, i din.. I'm the kinda person tat avoids confrontation.. I hate confrontations! She shld noe mi very well..
We had a class proj.. Irene happen to turn 2 her & asked her abt wat the teacher had commented.. Which was somethin tat our grp missed out.. She felt tat irene was blamin her in front of teacher.. & she burst out without givin irene a chance to explain..
She deem it tat she is in the right, irene is in the wrong. Tat's it. I kept quiet, & hear irene out.. She was angry coz i din side with her.. But both are my gd friend.. I feel tat without givin irene a chance to explain.. it's very unfair..
'V' also expect tat.. Who she isn happi with.. I gonna follow suit.. But i don see a need for tat!!! Why shld i sacrifice my friendship with others for the sake of her???
Be coz of tis incident.. I got lots of temper tantrums, outburst.. Ingnorin mi.. Talkin alot craps.. Etc.. I had enough!!!
I still went apologise.. Things got beta.. bUt not to the way it was in the beginnin.. sOmetimes i'm thinkin.. I'm not her "BOYFRIEND"!! I'm a strong beliver tat.. U can throw temper, throw tantrum at ur bf.. but nev ur gf!!!
wat shld i do? is she a friend or foe? -
I hav a load of frds who are like this too.
Good to maintain the "first come first serve" principle like u said,otherwise they will take u for granted and expect u to meet their every whim and fancy.
And just take them as normal frds,dun get too emotionally attached to them cos most likely they wont b sensitive to ur needs and u will only get hurt if u think they r ur best frds or buddies.
Hope it makes sense in ur context.I withdrew involvement in my case to gradually pull out of it cos there was a point where it got too much n really hurt terribly.U don't hav to do that but ya i guess don't give in to her demands incessantly at least is a good strat.
All the best.=)
Yammmmmm Seng,
Sqully
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Just tell your friend to grow up.
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why tell us ? just tell here straight mah ... no use complaining here.
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From the way I see it, she's still a friend to you for now...?Originally posted by ahkico:Cont...
She said we were best friends.. Best friends were suppossed to understand each other.. But she.. I feel tat is quite the opposite??
I've best friends from my pri school.. My sec school..Of coz not as close as we were now.. Coz we'r tog everydae.. Compared to friends from other schools.. Of coz not so close..
She once told mi tat.. In my opinion.. Best friend there onli can be one.. Is tat so??? I dun see why i can't be close with other gals, jus her onli?
I admit tat.. Thru my darkest period.. She has been here 4 mi.. I've been greatly appreciative towards her.. I keep touchin my heart & askin myself.. Did i do wrong or neglect her when i got tog with my bf?
I feel tat.. I do go out less often with her.. But whenever she needs mi, i try my best to be there 4 her..
There was tis once.. We went out tog.. 3 of us.. She, mi & her bf.. Tat was how it was in the past.. B4 i got tog with my bf.. She ignored mi completely.. Jus talkin with her bf.. We went to shop tog.. I was standin beside her.. But she jus ignored mi n asked her bf.. Is tis nice... Etc..
Felt so hurtful.. Felt so extra.. I shldn have agreed to come out with the both of them.. From then.. I told myself.. It will be the last time if possible i'll, ever goin out with her with her bf around..
Is usually she is the one who asked mi out.. Not tat i wan to be their lightbulb!
Slowly.. We got close with another gal.. Irene.. There was 1 time.. They had a quarrel.. She expected mi to stand by her side.. But then, i din.. I'm the kinda person tat avoids confrontation.. I hate confrontations! She shld noe mi very well..
We had a class proj.. Irene happen to turn 2 her & asked her abt wat the teacher had commented.. Which was somethin tat our grp missed out.. She felt tat irene was blamin her in front of teacher.. & she burst out without givin irene a chance to explain..
She deem it tat she is in the right, irene is in the wrong. Tat's it. I kept quiet, & hear irene out.. She was angry coz i din side with her.. But both are my gd friend.. I feel tat without givin irene a chance to explain.. it's very unfair..
'V' also expect tat.. Who she isn happi with.. I gonna follow suit.. But i don see a need for tat!!! Why shld i sacrifice my friendship with others for the sake of her???
Be coz of tis incident.. I got lots of temper tantrums, outburst.. Ingnorin mi.. Talkin alot craps.. Etc.. I had enough!!!
I still went apologise.. Things got beta.. bUt not to the way it was in the beginnin.. sOmetimes i'm thinkin.. I'm not her "BOYFRIEND"!! I'm a strong beliver tat.. U can throw temper, throw tantrum at ur bf.. but nev ur gf!!!
wat shld i do? is she a friend or foe?
But best friend or not best friend.... How long a friendship would last can somehow be close to handling a BGR at times... It takes maintain and accomodating... People can change even though at times it can be a sad thing...
If you still treasure her friendship, simply tell her so.... But at the same time, also tell her and hope she'll understand that she would also have to respect your own life, your own priorities at times.. Nobody's perfect in this world and hope she'll give room for your inperfection....
If a CLOSE friend is doing something(s) which is totally OFF your CONDUCT, BELIEF(S) and ACCEPTANCE... I simply don't see why you should / could just shut your eyes forever and pretend that nothing's wrong with her. My personal opinion. -
I sense trouble in ur paradiso .... n btw.... ur post very long...
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U can throw temper, throw tantrum at ur bf.. but nev ur gf!!!
erm i dont think bf can la. at the end of the day must respect the other person - boyfriend is also human - if always throw tantrum bf also run away.
even with gf its possible to quarrel, when two persons get close its hard to say lor. [/quote] -
sounds like those pri sch kinda friendships. i friend you but you dont friend me.
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hey i got a fren hor who's like this u noe..
she loves to call me last minute to go out with her... den when i couldn make it.. den she make a big fuss... what i came back frm australia... once a year only u cannot make it meh? u that bz meh? bla bla bla
den when i try to call her out... she decides a call from her bf in australia is more important so she left me waitin for her for 1 hour plus before she let me noe she isn coming. and that is after i called her -.-
and on her bday... she called me last minute to go ktv... i told her i'm meetin another fren. den she got angry and picked a fight -.-
in the end.. her whole vacation in sg.. we didn meet at all.
heck she was back for very long.. and she only called me becos she couldn get other ppl to accompany her
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wha.. i usually dont bother contacting such people after some time...
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when she's in au... i msn talk to her she won't reply deOriginally posted by papercut87:wha.. i usually dont bother contacting such people after some time...
email her oso won't reply de..
heck she only look for me when she need my help -.- -
last time i oso got a fren like that. most of the time sms dun reply me or dun even bother to contact... den during the A levels suddenly everyday call me more than 3 times a day sia. ask finish question den hang up very quickly.
after that nvr heard from her liao.. until nw. -
she is, what you consider her to be.
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I used to have the same problem as you but I get over with it cause there are many thing like that happening. It is hard to stop all this matter. Used ur brain for something else like join a brain teaser game. I think that more fun.
Let time heal ur wound. I think after a period of cooling down that try talking to her again. If the friendship cannot be save, at least u try ur best.