the trouble with love - dilemma n guilty
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Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share! -
Originally posted by missy_blurry:Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!
You are unstable; your relationship is full of arguments that are emotionally draining. You are tired of a life that is littered with quarrelling that makes no meaning for a relationship to be there in the first place. Guy B is an opportunist and because he is, he is willing to carry the risk of a rebounded target in exchange for a possible relationship with you.
In the end, his risk probably killed him - he failed to instigate you to move on and you realize that his role is definitely that of a substitute.
What happened here is probably the temporal emotional retreat you needed... the essential recess from your intense relationship. You did break up with him, maintain that way for a couple of months before pursuing a new relationship.
The question is: why are you turning your shoulders over and looking back, since you have already made your decision and his as well? The rule of thumb is that if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
Do you think that a break up with your B would change anything? Maybe that would, if A already has that hidden agenda to use that scenario to stir your deep-seated jealousy.
I would leave two questions in your head to ponder:
(I) How would you rate the compatibility factor with A? You must understand that Love is Love, but compatibility is another consideration altogether. You may Love someone very much, but the truth may be that putting you two together could conjure such intense relationship that it may be a wiser choice NOT to be together.
II) If your relationship is devoid of Love for B, then by all means, cease the relationship. If there is remotely some love and affection for B, learn to release yourself off your past and stand by the decision you have made since you are his girlfriend and this is probably what a girlfriend would do to secure her own relationship's stability. As mentioned above: if you can't handle the implication of 'being-friends-after-a-relationship', then avoid putting yourself into such plight.
In simple, avoid complication that could leave you stranded and lost.
Cheers -
Does B even know anything - and if so, how much - about the threadstarter and A? If not(or not significant enough to comprehend the role of A in the threadstarter's life), how is he an opportunist?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Guy B is an opportunist and because he is, he is willing to carry the risk of a rebounded target in exchange for a possible relationship with you.
In the end, his risk probably killed him - he failed to instigate you to move on and you realize that his role is definitely that of a substitute.
Anyway, how old are the three of you - missy_blurry, A and B? -
thanks Yunhaier! you have really brighten my thoughts alot. oh our age are the same; young is the word. Around 17 years old.. puppy love? haha..
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Since there's probably not much can be done with 'A'. Why not you just focus on your relationship with 'B' now?Originally posted by missy_blurry:Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share! -
Well, since it's puppy love, I suppose the best advice is to learn as much as you can from it?Originally posted by missy_blurry:Around 17 years old.. puppy love? haha..
And don't forget to enjoy it while it lasts! 
Well, in all honesty, follow your heart and make the decision which you feel will be the best for you(without regard for the interests of either party interfering with your decision-making process) - the bottomline is you need to know you need to make decisions which serve your interests best above everything else.
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have u asked urself whether r u on a rebound r/s?Originally posted by missy_blurry:Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!
if yes take a break, if not then carry on n dun b complicated
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The big problem here is that u've not resolve the issue withinOriginally posted by missy_blurry:Hi people! i stumbled upon this forum and it looks great! So i decided to make a great big confession which i can't tell anybody out there as rumours are flying around! so pls help me out so i can walk out this circle as soon as possible!
Scenerio:
i had a guy (A) together with me for 3 years plus until something terrible happened; the big quarrel. Everyday we would be quarrelling and this really sour the relationship. So as time went on, my feelings for him decrease bit by bit and even till the point i didn't even wish to see him. So somehow i managed to pluck up my courage and initiate a breakup. By then, i had enter a new class of friends. Although i still like my guy alot, somehow there is this new guy treated me very well and i am attracted by him (B). Months later, A asked for a patch and claimed he was willing to change everything for me. i rejected him because i was tired of the relationship. So after few months later B asked me to be his gal and i agreed on the spot.
Problem:
even though i am together with B, i still couldn't give up thinking of A as i like him about 7years. All along, i am still close with A but recently he fell in love with a gal and looks like he was drifting further away from me. i am so jealous and envious of the gal. and now i really wonder have i make a wrong choice. i should have given A a chance to amend but i did not and just jump into another relationship. i feel so selfish and confused. Now A even go around telling that i am "1 leg step 2 boats" (translate literally in chinese) i feel so hurt. i can't deny the fact that my heart consists of both guys; A and B. i feel so guilt-ridden that i nearly broke up with B. should i move on my current relationship or should i stop at this point? have any people encounter same problem with me? pls share!
the fact that u jump onto b without beign able to forget A landed the situiation u r in -
17 years of age..... steady for 3 years plus and liked him for 7 years...
hmm......
no wonder u cannot forget him.