Help, Problems in relationship
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when im moody, i will ask everyone to leave me alone.Originally posted by ElvYanE:haha.. love hurts so much.. Why can't we be together happily? lesson tomorrow.. got to see her again.. any ideas how to make that person happy when she is moody?
coz when i fire, it will make things worse. -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:If I knew Yun had replied, I wouldn't have posted a reply too.
Btw, cool down ya, Yun.
Nononono... I am not angry.
I am attempt to break through the 'Love is Blind' protection, that he is shrouded, with shock post.
Why I reply you don't want to post?
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
Vampire Mode: On I don't know if you are oblivion to the fact that you are just a mere substitute for her ex. In her world, you represent no unique character as a lover, apart from acting as a double for her ex when situations get fiery between them. Actually I think you do, remotely, thought about that possibility, but somehow it didn't really register inside you.
Every scenario you have posted has something to do with her ex; doesn't it reinforce the fact about this substitute thingy being a reality? All those 'good thingy' you have tried so hard to appease her... basically are the 'standards' her ex-boyfriend would have been, if he was in your shoes. You are living according to HIS STANDARD and not the real you. In fact, [b]I would not be surprised if she were to look at you and the image of her ex appeared at the back of her head.
Why would you want to live in someone elseÂ’s shadow and stand forever beneath him?
Cheer her up when she is angry? Even if she is irrational? What kind of fcuk is this? And you actually thought that the problem is you not being humorous enough when she is moody?
Just in case you still didn't know what I wanted to convey; all along, this has been a two player game and your addition is extraneous. This melancholy drama taking place between the woman and her ex has no place for your existence in the first place. You may have fallen in love with her, but apparently the feelings may not be mutual.
If you are telling me that the arguments between them is because her ex refuse to let her move on in life, then by all means go and fcuk her ex or educate her to ignore him for life. But chances are, when you were to confront her ex for making her miserable, you will probably be deemed as the 'trouble-maker' and she screaming the hell of out you as she goes into his embrace and apologising to her ex.
I don't understand why would you prefer to play somebody's role other than yourself in this game of love.
I think if this is not enough to wake you up, than continue to allow her to leech you emotionally. When she had enough, you will be thrown away, like anything else in life. Maybe then you would understand the essence of this post
Cheers [/b]
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore.. -
Thanks guys.. I appreciate every single reply from you guys.. it's fruitful to learn from each others.. I think i have to rest.. giving myself some time to get over it.. talk about this tomorrow.. Take care!
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with ur advice is gd enough, Yun.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Nononono... I am not angry.
I am attempt to break through the 'Love is Blind' protection, that he is shrouded, with shock post.
Why I reply you don't want to post?
Cheers -
Originally posted by ElvYanE:first of all, thanks for your reply. you seems professional.. haha
I'm not trying to act as a double of her ex, infact i treat all my gf the same way.. i'm not asking anything in return, i just want them to be happy. Being with her now is a pain, tolerating her anger.. I'm a victim of love, maybe i am blinded.. love is to be played, but not being played by love.. I lost control of this relationship eversince she shown me temper..
I dunno why she keep calling me on the phone, it is because of her boredom? or it is that she needs a free counsellor? or someone to keep her entertained? I dunno the cause.. or maybe she really wants to talk to me so that she can forget about her ex... I'm always so confused.. so senstive about things happening around. She is not giving me faith, no confidence, no encouragement.. Maybe I should make a step back.. draw myself away from this tigress?
Like wat i said earlier, love need time to heal.. give ourself some space to heal.. should i break off with her? or should i stay on, but reduce my commitments on her? I'm on a desperate measures that I might lose her in any seconds..
How to make this relationship possible? I don't want to be her substitute of her ex anymore.. You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers -
I think it's really difficult to define her intentions right now, if not at all unfair to an extent...?Originally posted by ElvYanE:She is moody for no reasons! when I asked her why she moody, she just replied that she dunno. I tried the soft way, asked her softly, by holding her hands talk to her nicely.. I tried the hard way, talking to her with some anger, showing her that i am angry.. neither way works!
I asked her this question before.. if her ex-bf agrees to change and treat her better, will she accept him again. She replied no because she was afraid to be slapped again.. I didn't want to chat for that long with her on phone too.. everytime i wanted to hang up my call, she will say no, she wants to talk to me more..
Like some have suggested, she could be only making use of you... On the hand, she could just as well be a victim of emotional baggage and confusions...
Do you have her star sign?
Based on surface analysis... It's no high chance that she's one out purely just to make use of you... For better or worst, she probably has a certain level of genuine affection for you... The bad news to this story is that she has also probably continual interest in her ex.... There're either things between her and her bf which she's not sharing openly with you, or she's just one trapped within her own devotion to her previous relationship....
In any case, it seems like it would be a real CHALLENGE even if things are to develop between both of you...
As much as she might feel comfortable with you, it seems like she might not hold a very high level of trust for a future with you at this point... Moreover, she's constantly drawn back into her back... Regarding your mentioning that you would wish to get her out of her misery...? You'll probably have to do something quite deep back in to help her with her emotional baggage or maybe even more...? You'll need lots of patience and trust in her (which is also something you don't have much of in her as much as she doesn't have it in you...)...
More difficulties to come.. You're somehow a little confused within your wants... Her wants.... And both your needs... You speak up as if you are so willing to sacrifice for her... Which in actual fact, would only result in more conflicts within yourself at later stage (if you can reach there...)
How old are you....? No offence, but you sound pretty young if not rather 'fresh' to matters of the heart...? This could be indirectly one of the reasons why she's 'attracted' to you.. You're less likely to be the type who would hurt her...
You shows a certain level of tendency for 'indulging'.... To live yourself more within 'a greater love' than what actual reality might reflect for you.... Problem with this is that you might often be 'delusional'... Giving you a poor judgement ability at the point where you're involved within a matter of heart.... -
If u r saying PMs ... its the girls responsibilty to control it not yours ...
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Thanks for you reply.. another professional reply.. I'm glad people like you and the rest who response and give me advices..Originally posted by Devil1976:I think it's really difficult to define her intentions right now, if not at all unfair to an extent...?
Like some have suggested, she could be only making use of you... On the hand, she could just as well be a victim of emotional baggage and confusions...
Do you have her star sign?
Based on surface analysis... It's no high chance that she's one out purely just to make use of you... For better or worst, she probably has a certain level of genuine affection for you... The bad news to this story is that she has also probably continual interest in her ex.... There're either things between her and her bf which she's not sharing openly with you, or she's just one trapped within her own devotion to her previous relationship....
In any case, it seems like it would be a real CHALLENGE even if things are to develop between both of you...
As much as she might feel comfortable with you, it seems like she might not hold a very high level of trust for a future with you at this point... Moreover, she's constantly drawn back into her back... Regarding your mentioning that you would wish to get her out of her misery...? You'll probably have to do something quite deep back in to help her with her emotional baggage or maybe even more...? You'll need lots of patience and trust in her (which is also something you don't have much of in her as much as she doesn't have it in you...)...
More difficulties to come.. You're somehow a little confused within your wants... Her wants.... And both your needs... You speak up as if you are so willing to sacrifice for her... Which in actual fact, would only result in more conflicts within yourself at later stage (if you can reach there...)
How old are you....? No offence, but you sound pretty young if not rather 'fresh' to matters of the heart...? This could be indirectly one of the reasons why she's 'attracted' to you.. You're less likely to be the type who would hurt her...
You shows a certain level of tendency for 'indulging'.... To live yourself more within 'a greater love' than what actual reality might reflect for you.... Problem with this is that you might often be 'delusional'... Giving you a poor judgement ability at the point where you're involved within a matter of heart....
I'm 22 this year.. completed my army before going onto poly.. infact, i'm oldest and also the class rep of my class. I never face any problems of this kind before.. all my previous gf were doing fine.. they talk to me nicely, and they appreciated wat i have done for them. Before her, i have a 2years gf.. I'm not comparing her with the rest of my ex. it's just that she is being too moody, so bad temper.. and worst, she is easily distracted by other things..
I wanted to give her more trust.. I talked to her yesterday from midnight to 2am in the morning. She seems better yesterday, i guess her pms is over.. lol. this time, she agrees to treat me better, i dunno whether i should go deeper into believing her..
Today, We held hands in class.. but that's under table kind of thing. when she is happy she would talk beside my ears, play with my hands.. I dunno what kind of person she is.. I dunno what she wants.. It's the same scenerio as a robber asking you to give him money then he kills you, or he kills you first and take your money..
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Don't be as lazy as the MCsquare!!!Originally posted by browniebaobao:with ur advice is gd enough, Yun.
Cheers -
hey friend sorry to hear such beatuiful bubble beign burst so soonOriginally posted by ElvYanE:Poly has started..
I known this gal from my class about 5 weeks after sch re-opens. I got her number, her msn on the first week. So, we started as friend, we chatted with each others, in msn, sms, or on phone until late night. We even play online games together, went out for movie, and wake up earlier for breakfast in school.
On the second week, thursday.
I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it, she seems happy. On the next day, friday, during lesson break we went out together, holding hands, laughing. But when night falls, when we are back home. She begins to be depressed over somethings, so i asked her why.. She say she can't forget her ex-bf. She say it's not fair to me because she still loves her ex-bf. and can't forget about him. So, i was shocked, i have no chioce but to give up. I can't do much, i find it's not fair to me too. So, she tell me about her story with her ex. Telling me the happy time they spend together, that her bf always make her laugh when she was moody, her bf buy her things, her bf send her home, etc.. Conclusion, she asked me to give her some time to forget her ex.. (The reason they break, her bf is unreasonable person, ask her to do things she don't like, ask her to leave her friends, ask her don't talk to other guys, ask her to stay at home, he has bad temper and quarrelled many many times with her, slapped her.. )
It's ok.. the next 2 days is weekend, she is working.. Our relationship no more. But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain. It was really bad i supposed, the medecine she wants is only prescrible by doctor, so i actually went here and there to find a medicine that has same ingredients but lesser contents. I meet her up at her work place. I volunteer myself to send her home, but she refuses. I asked her a couple of times, until she answered me that her ex is sending her home. Well, Her ex is riding a bike, so people has personal transport but i don't. I can't do much..
On Sunday, she works again. I came look after her after my dinner on mother's day evening. She said she needs another battery for her N70, so i bring her the battery. Given it to her, and then i went off again. I don't mind traveling, taking train and buses but to meet her. I asked her to give me a chance again. Again she agreed, but she asked me to wait and give her some time to accept me again. So, i was cheered up, at least i get to be with her even it takes time.
I didn't give up after waiting a week, I succeed this time. Monday Morning, 15th May 2006 1am, after telling her to be with me and maybe being with me can helps her forget about her ex. She accepted me again.. I was happy..
Wednesday 17th of May, we went out to shopping after school. When she broaded her bus back to her home, i followed in. She was angry with me because I lived at pasir ris and she lives at bishan. It was a distance alway, and she doesn't wants me to go home so late alone. I managed to get to her house with an excuse of doing project. Well, nothing else, we did the project in about 1 hour time. She send me off with a goodbye kiss on my lips.
Thursday 18th of May, I went to her house again.. I send her home taking bus, a long long journey.. Because she was sick, some sore throat and flu. I was so glad that today is the best day throughtout our relationship. We spend quality time with each others, even watching some comedy videos from youtube, I am being satisfied. More passion on today, more kisses. despire her flu can be trasmitted by kissing. I tell her, we sick together, share burden.
Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing. No matter how much I concerned for her she still very extremely moody and angry for nothing. From today, I know her temper is the worst almong everyone i have known. He kept quiet throughtout the whole day, and when she speaks, she shouted at me. I send her home again, because she is moody. I wanted to accompany her. She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again. She cried, and I can see she is in pain. I took a cab and reached home after midnight today.. She seems ok after i comfront her.
Satuday 20th of May, She shows no interest in having this relationship. She thinks of her ex-bf more than thinking of me. She shouted at me on phone for nothing again. She keep quiet in converstations, i was doing all the talking. we chatted about 5hours+ a day, but everytime we chatted she was doing other things like msn, watching tv, or playing games. Imagine, I am doing all the talking for 5hours.. I dunno what she wants.. I tell her to patch up with her ex-bf, but she say her ex-bf is not the same person she knew anymore and she dun want to patch with him. What can I do? she is 10 times worst than a normal gal having PMS..
Tell me what to do? How to make her happy or cheer her up when she was moody? Tell me how to make her devoted to me? we are together for 1 week alreay.. But she is treating me so coldly, showing no interest, and get so angry and moody most of the time.. I have did almost every good thing a good bf will do for his gf. I can't see her getting hurt from his ex again, but she just can't forget her ex... even how bad her ex treated her. No matter how good i treat her..
let me get to the point
"I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it,"
How fast is this?i mean how much did u know about her before this steady thingy took place
"But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain"
The relationship ended but she called to confine in u..
This culd b that she needs a shoulder as a friend to friend level
or like what some said,using u
"Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing"
"She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again"
The fact that she's comparing u with her bf means that she yearning for her bf..not u...u migh tjuz be a sub to her
Mentioned in red
ppardon me for being crude yea
ur ex has broke with her ex but still eyarn for her ex like a panting dog in need of water
This looks really pathetic
Her bf dosent treasure her...ur a same case scenario,do u wanna be like what ur ex is?
u can be a friend to her..but plz dun corss the bounderies of her
to me,its her usign u btu i wun't make it a definate answer..tis up to u to figure out
I've seen many of friends encoutering these kinda probs as well as sgforumers...
the asnwer u seek lies within the decesion ur gonna make and weather u'll stand firm
nothing we say will work unless u're determin to work it out -
i Agreed.. i admit.. i holding on to her because i afraid to lose her.. But it seems that her drama with her ex is those thousand episode type.. everytime her ex call, they quarrel, she will hang up the line.. and it's a infinite loop. I'm quite sure that they will never patch again, and yet she refuse to forget him.Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
I dunno how to wait, without encouragement, without faith, and being shouted at for nothing. a good example, i thought her pms ended yesterday, but i was wrong. she became unreasonable again.. she gets angry for little things.. -
How fast is this?i mean how much did u know about her before this steady thingy took placeOriginally posted by olala:hey friend sorry to hear such beatuiful bubble beign burst so soon
let me get to the point
"I begin to fell in love with her? so i asked her to be my gf. She agrees to it,"
How fast is this?i mean how much did u know about her before this steady thingy took place
"But she still calls me up, and talk to me. I volunteer myself to meet her on that saturday night for dinner, i buy her medicine and a tatty bear keychain because she got margain"
The relationship ended but she called to confine in u..
This culd b that she needs a shoulder as a friend to friend level
or like what some said,using u
"Friday 19 th of mAy, It was the most terrible day throughtout our relationship. It was hell, her ex-bf called her during our lesson break at some shopping centers. she became very moody eversince, she shouted at me for nothing"
"She rejected me, but i insisted to send her home. On the journey back, she tell me that her ex-bf always make her happy when she was moody. I dunno wat i can do to make her happy when she was moody, anyone can englighten me? I make jokes and tried my best to cheer her up, but she is still moody and worst. I keep quiet and let her cool down, but in the end she is angry with me because i never talk to her. When we reaches her home, her ex-bf called, they quarrelled again"
The fact that she's comparing u with her bf means that she yearning for her bf..not u...u migh tjuz be a sub to her
Mentioned in red
ppardon me for being crude yea
ur ex has broke with her ex but still eyarn for her ex like a panting dog in need of water
This looks really pathetic
Her bf dosent treasure her...ur a same case scenario,do u wanna be like what ur ex is?
u can be a friend to her..but plz dun corss the bounderies of her
to me,its her usign u btu i wun't make it a definate answer..tis up to u to figure out
I've seen many of friends encoutering these kinda probs as well as sgforumers...
the asnwer u seek lies within the decesion ur gonna make and weather u'll stand firm
nothing we say will work unless u're determin to work it out
This begins so suddenly.. it's only the second week we known each other. She has affection for me, she says she likes me, she hints me all along.. Because i said that my room is in a mess, she tells me that she will only tidy up room for her bf.. and when i ask whether she knows how to cook, she says that she only cooked for her bf. etc.. so i made the first move to ask her be with me.
After a call from her yesterday, she said that she is not comparing me with anybody. She agrees to accept me as what I am now..
Perharps I should give myself a time limit.. after that limit if she still haven't change or forget him, I think I should leave her alone.. On the meantime, I have to suffer.. -
I suggest u take a break from the entire episodeOriginally posted by ElvYanE:How fast is this?i mean how much did u know about her before this steady thingy took place
This begins so suddenly.. it's only the second week we known each other. She has affection for me, she says she likes me, she hints me all along.. Because i said that my room is in a mess, she tells me that she will only tidy up room for her bf.. and when i ask whether she knows how to cook, she says that she only cooked for her bf. etc.. so i made the first move to ask her be with me.
After a call from her yesterday, she said that she is not comparing me with anybody. She agrees to accept me as what I am now..
Perharps I should give myself a time limit.. after that limit if she still haven't change or forget him, I think I should leave her alone.. On the meantime, I have to suffer..
get to know her better as a friend for a few more mnths b4 deciding weatehr u wanna continue with the courting
dun rush else u might end her and urself hurt -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Vampire Mode: On I don't know if you are oblivion to the fact that you are just a mere substitute for her ex. In her world, you represent no unique character as a lover, apart from acting as a double for her ex when situations get fiery between them. Actually I think you do, remotely, thought about that possibility, but somehow it didn't really register inside you.
Every scenario you have posted has something to do with her ex; doesn't it reinforce the fact about this substitute thingy being a reality? All those 'good thingy' you have tried so hard to appease her... basically are the 'standards' her ex-boyfriend would have been, if he was in your shoes. You are living according to HIS STANDARD and not the real you. In fact, [b]I would not be surprised if she were to look at you and the image of her ex appeared at the back of her head.
Why would you want to live in someone else’s shadow and stand forever beneath him?
Cheer her up when she is angry? Even if she is irrational? What kind of fcuk is this? And you actually thought that the problem is you not being humorous enough when she is moody?
Just in case you still didn't know what I wanted to convey; all along, this has been a two player game and your addition is extraneous. This melancholy drama taking place between the woman and her ex has no place for your existence in the first place. You may have fallen in love with her, but apparently the feelings may not be mutual.
If you are telling me that the arguments between them is because her ex refuse to let her move on in life, then by all means go and fcuk her ex or educate her to ignore him for life. But chances are, when you were to confront her ex for making her miserable, you will probably be deemed as the 'trouble-maker' and she screaming the hell of out you as she goes into his embrace and apologising to her ex.
I don't understand why would you prefer to play somebody's role other than yourself in this game of love.
I think if this is not enough to wake you up, than continue to allow her to leech you emotionally. When she had enough, you will be thrown away, like anything else in life. Maybe then you would understand the essence of this post
Cheers [/b] -
It's evident you're not ready to listen to advices.Originally posted by ElvYanE:haha.. love hurts so much.. Why can't we be together happily? lesson tomorrow.. got to see her again.. any ideas how to make that person happy when she is moody?
It's fine, just give your daily reports here. You remind me of someone who posts his advancement of courtship in bar forum.
Cheers -
you don't know what state i'm in now.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Don't be as lazy as the MCsquare!!!
Cheers
I'm not lazy.........but......
Haiyah, ok. I'm lazy.
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May i ask of your relationship with your family members?Originally posted by ElvYanE:How fast is this?i mean how much did u know about her before this steady thingy took place
This begins so suddenly.. it's only the second week we known each other. She has affection for me, she says she likes me, she hints me all along.. Because i said that my room is in a mess, she tells me that she will only tidy up room for her bf.. and when i ask whether she knows how to cook, she says that she only cooked for her bf. etc.. so i made the first move to ask her be with me.
After a call from her yesterday, she said that she is not comparing me with anybody. She agrees to accept me as what I am now..
Perharps I should give myself a time limit.. after that limit if she still haven't change or forget him, I think I should leave her alone.. On the meantime, I have to suffer..
And your parents...their background. Do you have consistent communication with them? And does your parent have healthy communication with each other?
If you need a chat, i'm stayin at Pasir Ris too. Just Private message me. -
Hmm... Weird...?Originally posted by M©+square:May i ask of your relationship with your family members?
And your parents...their background. Do you have consistent communication with them? And does your parent have healthy communication with each other?
If you need a chat, i'm stayin at Pasir Ris too. Just Private message me.
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No offence, but I think you're making quite an ASSUMPTION there in blue which... Might turn out to be QUITE BAD IF you're WRONG?Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are holding on because you fear to lose her, regardless of how irrational or ill temper she is. That is not exactly the kind of relationship that you should see yourself indulging in.
Opt out; let them finish their drama before you decide to come into the picture again.
She would probably think that you are leaving her in a lurch when she is down, but would you rather she thinks that way or rather she used you as a substitute for her ex?
There are some times in life when you got to be harsh before things can be in order. Recognise that fact that with your addition, it wouldn't speed up the solution between them.
It is THEIR issues, none of yours.
You let them clear up themselves, if you hope to engage in a proper relationship with her. That must happen before you could even dream about going anywhere.
Cheers
I think it's pretty unfair to label his gf as using ElvYanE as a substitute at this point... Even if it holds true partially, there're EXTENTS which such a thought is being carried out... So I personally think that 'using' is quite a HARSH word to use on her.... No doubt she could be using him as a comfort to heal her heart, but I certainly don't see anything wrong with asking that from a beloved one...?
However, I do agree with you that it's certainly unwise of ElvYanE to blindly cling onto the relationship and based very much on self-indulging... Though easier said than done... I would rather propose for ElvYanE to 'educate' his gf and display much patience with her along the way....
Once again to remind ElvYanE... Don't give in BLINDLY pls... You need not be harsh on her, but if you give in blindly to her, you'll just probably have to face the consequence one day....? -
That's what I've spoken of previously... You mentioned that you do not compare her to your previous ex gfs, but subconsciously there would certainly be a minimal requirement or expectancy sort of things going on... And don't worry... It's really normal...Originally posted by ElvYanE:Thanks for you reply.. another professional reply.. I'm glad people like you and the rest who response and give me advices..
I'm 22 this year.. completed my army before going onto poly.. infact, i'm oldest and also the class rep of my class. I never face any problems of this kind before.. all my previous gf were doing fine.. they talk to me nicely, and they appreciated wat i have done for them. Before her, i have a 2years gf.. I'm not comparing her with the rest of my ex. it's just that she is being too moody, so bad temper.. and worst, she is easily distracted by other things..
I wanted to give her more trust.. I talked to her yesterday from midnight to 2am in the morning. She seems better yesterday, i guess her pms is over.. lol. this time, she agrees to treat me better, i dunno whether i should go deeper into believing her..
Today, We held hands in class.. but that's under table kind of thing. when she is happy she would talk beside my ears, play with my hands.. I dunno what kind of person she is.. I dunno what she wants.. It's the same scenerio as a robber asking you to give him money then he kills you, or he kills you first and take your money..
When she have been behaving much out of that all these while, your 'tolerance' would come in... You would probably need quite alot of self-assurance... But without any act to change the situation, you'll only find yourself to be in a dilemma in time... Facts do not tally with what you wish to believe in... Soon, your relationship would just as easily be jeopardised....
I suppose it's time for you to quit making excuses for her and yourself (pms and such? So what if it is..? You don't have to face it...?)
Somehow also partially true to what Yun have expressed... She could have been trying to 'shape' you... Not so much as a substitue for her ex I personally supposed, but more like one punching up their sack bag chair so that they would feel more comfortable as they sit on it...
How much do you know of her ex? You probably constitutes some factors which is lacking strongly in her ex... And whatever's lacking in you...? She 'asked' for it.... From the way she tries to dominate the relationship and over you through her unreasonable temper and demands... It indirectly forms a sense of security for herself... Your existence and loyalty to her... The 'promising' you (as she shapes you...)...
YES... All these mentality isn't exactly healthy...
You need to let her ACCEPT you as WHO YOU ARE... CONVINCE her of your WORTHINESS.... She CANNOT afford to live in a DREAM which would probably be TORN APART in TIME...
In SHORT, you'll need to GUIDE HER WELL....
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I think she finally accepted me.. today she went to my house.. we have fun together.. haha.. seems to go fine.. but when she gets home, say her online.. her msn nick was still the same.. saying that she can't forget him..
quite alot of things happened today.. she seems real in the r/s.. i can't tell now.. -
Dude, its called the knockback syndrome.
she lost her ex, the best way to forget him is to find someone else, no matter how short the relationship will last.
she might think she loves you, but actually she's treating u as a substitute.
i think u really need to give her time to cool off, dont be rash, make sure that she really wants to be with you before u do anything or you're only bringing yourself a lot of pain. -
Hmm...more and more theories coming from the young ones.Originally posted by OO_OO_OO:Dude, its called the knockback syndrome.
she lost her ex, the best way to forget him is to find someone else, no matter how short the relationship will last.
she might think she loves you, but actually she's treating u as a substitute.
i think u really need to give her time to cool off, dont be rash, make sure that she really wants to be with you before u do anything or you're only bringing yourself a lot of pain.
Yet can't come out with theories on getting past bouncers. -
sorry but to say this..she is childish. she is always comparing u with her ex. If she truly love u, she should not be doing this. dude, just forget abt her and find a better gal or u can just keep on tolerate her nonsense until one day she realised u are the one.