Relationship Problems
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We have been going on for 2 and a half yrs. She is my first and me her first too. She is 24 and me 23. She is working while I'm studying. We always discuss abt marriage and tat we will ROM when I complete my studies.
We hv very difficult parents, especially my dad and her mum. Her mum was the one who approve of me when she found out abt our relationship after several months of testing out. I talked to her mum several months, persuading her like mad and finally she approved. I was very happy then. At tat time, I didnt tell my dad as I was still studying. He sure disapproves of the relationship. Furthermore, he wants my gf to be of a high educational background as me but it turns out otherwise. After several months, I told him tat i found a gf after my gf revealed tat she does not like tis feeling of not being recognised by my family. And as I expected, my dad got mad and scolded me and confronted my gf on the phone. He explained tat I was still studying and told her to leave me alone. She was very sad at tat time and started disliking my dad and wanted to leave me. After much persuasion, we were together again. As time goes by, my dad didnt say anything anymore, though I know tat he does not wish me to hv gf as it takes up a lot of my time and will leave me distracted if we were to encounter many problems.
After these were settled, now comes her mum problem. From wat I heard from my gf, since small her mum has not allow her to do anything at all. Till now for the past 2 nd half yrs, we hv not gone out on a proper date. Only sometimes, she will allow her to go out with me fr 1230 onwards on sat and return home before six. She did not allow her to use the phone for too long or surf the net at all. She practically wants her daughter to stick with her for 24 hrs. Tats ridiculous! In the end, its always me who goes to her house and no where else! There was many occasions where i and her mum quarrel. I even quarrel with my dad over tis when he once found out tat i was always talking to her mum on the phone. Her mum always wan to talk to me when I call my gf...talk and talk and i talk to her more than i talk to my gf. very frustrating. tat happen for abt 2 yrs and i sometimes will complain to my gf. Sometimes i was feeling so frustrated tat i pick quarrels with my gf on the small things she does. Several times I told her tat we break up. But on the same day, we patch back again cos i cannot live without her. I know she luvs me a lot too.
On one occasion, e mum kept calling my house to look for me to clarify some things with me. She is always suspicious over both of us, tat we r hiding some things fr her and lying to her. There were some times when my gf took leave and went out with me but was caught by her mum. She was angry and quarrelled with my gf and even fight each other out on several occasions. Tat was when she called me to ask y we did such a thing...going out secretly. To us, her mum does not allow us to go out together, wat can we do except to hide fr her. But i avoided her calls and she tried to question my family members where i am although she knows tat Im at home. My father got to know bout tis and scolded me tat I would not got into tis mess if I had listeded to him. I was very angry and argued with him. He got so mad and call the mum. He was shouting on top of his voice to her mum and my gf's brother took over the phone. My father was scolding vulgarities and told her brother to tell my gf to stop bothering me.
From then, my gf started to dilake my family. She stopped calling my house. She said she will sms me when she is looking for and wont call or come to my house anymore. I was extremely sad. I still continue to go to my gf house despite of all tis things cos its the only way to get to see her. Sometimes after her wk, I secretly meet her for just 20 min before she goes home cos she must reach home on time before she gets it fr her mum. When we quarrel, we always bring out our parents. She is always blaming my dad while I blame her mum. But its obvious tat her mum started everything first! Y my gf wants to pick on my dad. She does not wan to come my house, does not wan to stay with my parents after marriage. Or tis I dun care though Im sad, now she does not even wan to call my house. even if she calls, she puts down the phone upon hearing others voice. I always get mad and quarrel over tis with her. All tis things make me frustrated over the yrs and i always pick quarrel with her. Im thankful tat despite my bad temper, she's still with me though her temper is equally bad! Recently, when we quarrel, she ask whether I can compromise with each other...Y I am always picking quarrel with her? I told her tat if she cant compromise with me, y shd I compromise with her? it goes on and on....
Im very troubled, frustrated, angry, sad and always feel tat we r not compatible. Always thinking of breaking up with her. On the other hand, I really cant do without her.
Can someone pls advice? -
Im not that very talkative guy & so i offer you some simple advice based on my own advice as you can see i too have love problem but might not be worse than your .
Simple advice are if you really love her ,
you should have a talk with your parent & her and ask her why you dislike my parent.
And all this you have to deal it yourself with courage .
Better do it asap and find out why and sort it out before matter get worse stage.
Very simple advice because im not successful person in my lovelife but i can only advice you until here.
Communication & understanding is important for you to solve any problem in lovelife.
Good Luck -
I don't really see why the parents can control so tightly when both of u are above 21.
In order to stand to what u believe in, u would have to be adament, sometimes even rebellious to show your point of view. I am not telling u to start a fight with them. I am choosing to ignore them. Eventually in time, they MIGHT get to see your point of view.
Of course, only do the above when u know what they are thinking.
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Thks for yr advice. Actually I have had talks with her mum on many occasions after quarrels and quarrels. She always insists tat she is right n we shd give in to her. Everyone in my gf's family listens to wat her mum says including my gf's grandparents. Her mum is very authorative in a sense tat she likes to control everything. But everyone seems to side with her mum and even "ganged up" to nag at my gf. N i'm always being told off by her family tat I and her hv always done something wrong.
As to why my gf dislikes my dad, its because my dad called her mum up and told em to tell her daughter not to stick to me and give him and me all these problems. My gf is angry with him because my dad said tat she stick with me n told her to break off with me. Also, my dad shouted at her brother. I dun know wat's wrong with her. Its so obvious tat her mum started all tis n yet she pushes the blame to my dad. As a result, sometimes i really hate my gf. Even though I know tat my dad is at fault for shouting at her family n saying all tis whihch hurt her, she shd not dislike him cos of tis n stop having connections with my family!
She is not being understanding at all! She is so stubborn! I hv talk to my gf so many times to forgive my dad using both soft and harsh ways but she always insists tat he started it first! She has a similar character as her mum! How to tell her? -
Thks for yr advice!
I have tried ignoring her mum for many months and things seem to get worse. Sometimes she beats her up n scolds her everyday for ganging up with me to ignore her. In the end, I hv to apologise to her mum. I wouldn't dare to try tis again as it will land my gf into hot soup n will be blamed by my gf n her mum. Her mum will blame me cos she will say tat i dun luv her daughter at all n dun wan to step forward to protect her. By saying all tis, she is trying to spoil the relationship b/n me n my gf n also wans us to obey her. Countless talks with her mum is useless. Perhaps she will be ok for the next few days n after tat she will come again.
My gf has thought of moving out but her brother threaten her tat if she were to move out n anything happened to her mum, he will make sure tat she wun get to marry me. N her mum sometimes even lock her up in e house n stop her fr going to work. Afterall, im still studying. I can't support her at all n I also worry tat she stay alone outside. All tis has led me to persuade her to tolerate for the time being until after we get married.
But wat makes me angry is tat my gf always blame my dad. She doesn't wan to stay with em after marriage cos of e quarrel incident. Isn't she being ridiculous? She has no right to say tis. I shd be e one saying whether to move out as they r my own parents. She is not filial at all. Who is going to take care of em when they r old?
She only thinks of herself...she just dun wan em to nag at her if she is staying with em. Tis i understand n i agree to move out. But now she stops calling my house! After marriage, I think it will be worse. She might not even wan to visit my parents! In e first place, I hv doubts of getting married cos we dislike each other.
I give in almost everything but y can't she understand tat all tis things r making me frustrated n as a result picking quarrels with her. I hv told her many times already...break up n patch up again...y my gf like tat? Did I do anything wrong? I know I shd not always pick quarrels with my gf but she does not spare a thought for wat she does...she always makes me frustrated.Originally posted by Larry:
I don't really see why the parents can control so tightly when both of u are above 21.
In order to stand to what u believe in, u would have to be adament, sometimes even rebellious to show your point of view. I am not telling u to start a fight with them. I am choosing to ignore them. Eventually in time, they [b]MIGHT get to see your point of view.
Of course, only do the above when u know what they are thinking.[/B] -
wah, wat a nasty situation u are in. can see n feel that u are really in a diff position..
dunno wat to say also, but if you really feels that ur gf is the right one for u, the one that is going to live wif u for the rest of the life, dun think of breaking up. however, if u are uncertain if u can stay wif her in the future, perhaps u should reconsider this r/s.
i dun think u should blame ur gf for commenting that she doesnt want to live wif ur parents after marriage as since ur parents dun like her, and she feels pressurised upon seeing them, surely she wouldnt want to stay wif them..
ermm.. just my opinions, hope that u will not get too angry if anything i have said upsets u. -
