To let go or not?
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Maybe you gave your advises to him stating that he deserves better, someone like you. There's no better candidate of reference other than you.
And in so doing, have your ego the much needed boost.
After the divorce thing episode, What do you want from him after that?
He is convinced you are a better partner, what about you?
Do you actually love him?
If you do, I dun see why u have those doubts, after supporting him, side by side, all the way
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Does he really love you or is it because his wife betray him then he looking for another subsitute? Is what he say real? Becareful of man word. Don't get yourself invole until he really divorce and had a clear breakoff from his wife. If not those who don't really know will thought that you are third party.
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I don't agree with a deliberate ruse to test him
Just be with him for some time & observe his attitude towards your relationship.Originally posted by sun baby:I have this foolish thinking of leaving him. Then see how he react after. If the same old him takes place again, then I can conclude confidently that this is him. Is this too much of a test for him? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Many thanks for your advise.
What sort of mindset have you brandished yourself, when you have restore contacts with him and learned about his marriage?
To congrat. him only. No intention to spoilt his marriage.
[b]Lady, you are trending on hazardous ground.
You are not very sure of your doings and actions, which resulted in this deep confusion right now. True.
You may have advised him based on what/how you feel about his ex-wife's attitude, but certainly, you are not exactly the best candidate to make such comments. You will subconsciously influence his decision because he has a terrible soft spot for you. That was what my best friend commented too. Kind of regretted my actions. I really didn't expect that. And I don't know that if you know the scale of influence (of your words), you have on him.
It's tremendous.
Your emotions are illusionary - you feel anguish when he ended up with a woman, whom you probably thought he should deserve someone better, but on the other hand, when you are presented with the option of coming back together, somehow, your heart don't really want to take him in, thus the bone picking about his past.
If love has saturated your soul, you would have look beyond his past the moment you accepted this relationship. After all, you have all the first-hand, accurate information and knowledge about his past isn't it? So when you have accepted him, you would have accepted whatever that has happen. Then why are you 'minding' it only after one month later? Yes. I should be contented that I got the first hand information but I took it for granted. I think too highly of myself that I will not mind but it is not that easy.
The truth is that you might have already moved on these three years without him. His appearance may have conjure flashback in your memories and stir your emotions, but it may be fleeting and insubstantial. Definitely not concrete enough to build another round of relationship with him.
If your man doesn't have the wisdom to make choices for his relationship and in turn, allow circumstances to make decision for him, then he has to live with the choice opt by fate. Getting married based on responsibility? Then suffer the consequence of marrying someone anything other than love. Remember, you don't have to fill in that gap just because he has heeded your advice to leave his wife.
You are not liable for anything, even he has given up his marriage for you (should that be the truth).
P.S: Never turn your shoulders and retrace your route. It only allows karmic relationship to glee sadistically and afflict your life.
Cheers [/b] -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
sun baby,
I think of the forumites who have posted... They should have covered most of the important points for you...
Your current relationship with him is greatly unfavorable to you at this point... Mainly because....
1. Your insecurity over everything. It cannot be overemphasized. It's written all over you.
2. Your compatibility with each other. 'In-depth' analysis which I've done for you have revealed to be a 'negative' for you... Maybe your woman's intuition is already running quite an accurate sense for you at this instance...
[b] I hope its what you had claimed rather than being over-sensitive which I have been accused for a lot of times.
Your 2 main possible outcomes with him should be... 1. Gradual but almost certain degrading of the relationship with much helplessness.. 2. His betrayal to you. Yeah. How much can I trust in a guy?
Have you seen the separation deed signed for yourself? No. If so, have you seen the date which it has been signed? Does the date stands for anything?
Can I ask you a few more questions at the same time?
How old are you? How old is he? Both 24. How many bfs have you been together with since you and him broke off and patched back again? 2 [/b] -
Thanks for leaving this reply behind but not really as what you claimed the NIGHTMARE woman.Originally posted by casino_king:sun_baby is the typical nightmare woman men fear the most.
One day she wants and the next she doubts. She wants to get back and then she doesn't. Tomorrow she wants to again.
She encouraged the man to divorce his wife to be with her and then she decided she is not so sure after all.
NIGHTMARE woman.
I admit I didn't handle the whole situation properly. If I had knew what I want, I won't be so vexed now and seek for the advises.
I didn't encourage my guy to divorce his wife to be with me. Never ever mention that. All purely for his sake cos I know how it feels when your loved one betrayed you especially for a guy. -
That was what I thought of as well. Am I his subsitute? Did I cross his path at his lowest path and subconciously he thought he is still very much deeply in love with me?Then he wanted me to return to his side? I don't seem to understand.Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:Does he really love you or is it because his wife betray him then he looking for another subsitute? Is what he say real? Becareful of man word. Don't get yourself invole until he really divorce and had a clear breakoff from his wife. If not those who don't really know will thought that you are third party. -
sian
im not posting rubbish but...
Yes i know AA is a palce to seek advice but
y do ppl have to go into a r/s b4 sorting out their thoughts?
cant u guys b more long term and look into certain issue first b4 deciding weather its fesible to go into a r/s?
or r ppl lyk u guys dying for love? -
a word to summarise love in your situation "harsh"
everything was a harsh harsh affair. You n him broke off, and he got attached 3 mths later. Then they were married for 4 years. Divorce, and you and him got back together barely a mth after the divorce. So harsh decisions, no wonder you are regreting now...
come on pp..I hope some people take r/s more seriously, esp if you are older now, or into marriagble age. Dont just jump onto any available boat, and regret when the boat starts to leak.
Some people just wanted to be loved, so when there is someone ready to shower him/her with it, they just get into a r/s, and then, regret later again.
Sun baby, i think you shld really think twice now( i guess you are regretting some of your decisions). Do you want to be with this man, and truely love him as who he is and vice versa? Ask him..and stop indulging yourself in those honey words he may said to you.
Rem, think of a r/s that last for a lifetime, a commitment that both parties are willingly to make. Hope your relationship will last...
good luck!