What's wrong?
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'Heart to heart' talk doesn't have to happen only when there're troubles... And they don't have to be 'negotiation talk' nor 'confession talk'.... If EVERYTIME you try to have a 'heart to heart' talk with your gf, it's always about problems and troubles... Sooner or later... ALMOST ANYBODY would start to RESENT it... -_-"Originally posted by twenty47:hmm... yah. but i dont want our the things we do together to be always surrounded by 'negative' topics like how sad am i or i am unhappy with something. haha.. coz we had a heart to heart talk just a few days ago and i was hoping that i'll be able to give her some breathing space or chat or lighter topics and wait a while before having another one. i dont want her to feel that i am having so many demands for her to... so call change or improve whatever you call it.
i have no intention of putting things as if its her problem. in fact i love to have heart to heart talks.. but i am trying to not do it so often as i am afraid that she maybe hurt when everytime we meet... i want her to be happy instead of being troubled by what her actions has dealt me. -
U shall not be shaken since u r so ultra confident! Action speaks louder than word.. U shall put more effort in organising intersting outings than agonising over the lack of colors in phone conversation! Imagine,u have a great outing for a weekend,yr phone topic will surround over the happy occasion u spend during that time!
R/s is never easy and requires plenty of effort,no short-cut and no easy way out! Mananging a r/s is just like managing a business,starting a new business is always difficult u need to keep on injecting new ideas and product to keep yr business striving and prospering. Any slack of it will result yr bsuiness goes downhill. -
Stop wasting your time on just purely msn or chat if you are so confident.
Focus on how to make both of u more comfortable and enjoyable to be together.
One can feel stress if she feel she got nothing much to talk to you.
But in her mind may only be u and the rest is blank.
Many times woman can't handle their own PMs coz there is no one feeling that can represent it ... -
x2.Originally posted by Devil1976:'Heart to heart' talk doesn't have to happen only when there're troubles... And they don't have to be 'negotiation talk' nor 'confession talk'.... If EVERYTIME you try to have a 'heart to heart' talk with your gf, it's always about problems and troubles... Sooner or later... ALMOST ANYBODY would start to RESENT it... -_-"
I admit I'm one who fear of having 'heart to heart talk' =x -
I have frens who are like that also la.. the girl is the one who always turn hot and cold, the guy is the one always qian jiu the girl..Originally posted by M©+square:Then your that particular advice not appliable to him lah. They are in r/s mah.
He's insecure about certain things.
At this stage, it seems like his gf is a pillar he leans on. (this is purely a speculation - might turn out the other way round)
Insecure people either needs to be assured by communication,
OR
they find it difficult to express themselves.
Commonly, these two traits.
Cheers
the girl is the xing fu wan lor..
if it's pms, then he's thinking too much le ba. -
Honestly, women dunno what they want. They say they want loving, caring, treat them well. Sometimes you just gotta treat them like shit, and fight from time to time to keep the passion.
Now its too boring, time to add a little excitement.
On another point, after 10 mths this kind of situation occurs. I think you can forget it. I was with my GF for 10 years before we got married. You think you can tahan or not. -
haha .. so many replies. 1stly thanks to all who have offered their advice but i again i think many of you have also thought too much. its not as bad as it sounds actually. i've thought thru and i think its in her... she is moddy from time to time and that i dont think i can do much except to accept.
she herself knows that she has mood swings all the time and i think i am ok with that.. just gotta adjust my thoughts like someone mentioned. i guess its fine now and after talking we have sort of known each other better. haha .. and yes.. when i asked her about what makes her happy in this r/s, i added 1 more part. i also asked her what makes her unhappy in this r/s.
the 1st answer was i was able to accept her mood swings and never got angry, the 2nd answer was that sometimes i dont know what she wants... haha .. that i do agree.. i guess sometimes women's thoughts are kindda hard to figure out.
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Hmm..Originally posted by twenty47:haha .. so many replies. 1stly thanks to all who have offered their advice but i again i think many of you have also thought too much. its not as bad as it sounds actually. i've thought thru and i think its in her... she is moddy from time to time and that i dont think i can do much except to accept.
she herself knows that she has mood swings all the time and i think i am ok with that.. just gotta adjust my thoughts like someone mentioned. i guess its fine now and after talking we have sort of known each other better. haha .. and yes.. when i asked her about what makes her happy in this r/s, i added 1 more part. i also asked her what makes her unhappy in this r/s.
the 1st answer was i was able to accept her mood swings and never got angry, the 2nd answer was that sometimes i dont know what she wants... haha .. that i do agree.. i guess sometimes women's thoughts are kindda hard to figure out. -
penny for your thoughts?Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm.. -
Hey, may I know how did you ask her? Through msn or face to face?Originally posted by twenty47:haha .. so many replies. 1stly thanks to all who have offered their advice but i again i think many of you have also thought too much. its not as bad as it sounds actually. i've thought thru and i think its in her... she is moddy from time to time and that i dont think i can do much except to accept.
she herself knows that she has mood swings all the time and i think i am ok with that.. just gotta adjust my thoughts like someone mentioned. i guess its fine now and after talking we have sort of known each other better. haha .. and yes.. when i asked her about what makes her happy in this r/s, i added 1 more part. i also asked her what makes her unhappy in this r/s.
the 1st answer was i was able to accept her mood swings and never got angry, the 2nd answer was that sometimes i dont know what she wants... haha .. that i do agree.. i guess sometimes women's thoughts are kindda hard to figure out. -
i did it face to face but it was done 1/2 jokingly of coz.Originally posted by technoboy:Hey, may I know how did you ask her? Through msn or face to face? -
Originally posted by twenty47:penny for your thoughts?
Not to belittle your relationship at all, but I think both of you are still quite young... Or at least appears to have a relatively young mentality, especially of hers?Originally posted by twenty47:haha .. so many replies. 1stly thanks to all who have offered their advice but i again i think many of you have also thought too much. its not as bad as it sounds actually. i've thought thru and i think its in her... she is moddy from time to time and that i dont think i can do much except to accept.
she herself knows that she has mood swings all the time and i think i am ok with that.. just gotta adjust my thoughts like someone mentioned. i guess its fine now and after talking we have sort of known each other better. haha .. and yes.. when i asked her about what makes her happy in this r/s, i added 1 more part. i also asked her what makes her unhappy in this r/s.
the 1st answer was i was able to accept her mood swings and never got angry, the 2nd answer was that sometimes i dont know what she wants... haha .. that i do agree.. i guess sometimes women's thoughts are kindda hard to figure out.
The way you're handling and moving along the relationship is not mature enough... Not necessarily that must be handled in a more mature way for this young relationship.. And perhaps it's just a not so 'ripe' relationship...?
You're somehow 'afraid' (inside but you're not showing it)... Lost maybe...? 'Escaping'...? Avoiding certain things...? Somehow you see where the problem lies but you also see her too good a thing to take any risk of possibly losing her... In other words... You don't really dare to make much 'move'... Any 'venture' or gamble which might cost you a 'her'....
Your 'vision' for this relationship is not far-sighted enough... You rather go for temporaries content... No questions.. No headache acceptance... Downsizing 'existing problem(s)'.... Which often would be seeded deep into the roots of a relationship.... 'Sleeping'... But just waiting to dominate just weeds again one day...
From your way of handling the current situation, it seems quite unlikely that the relationship might be built upon a stable foundation in the future... Then again, I won't wanna be too quick on commenting that because I won't know if you really ain't taking other alternate plannings at the same time for all these...
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Originally posted by twenty47:my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
is this normal between you and your partner? is it a sign saying that she sees it as the end of our honeymoon period? is it an indication that she is tired of me? all these questions are bothering me and i do hope the kind folks here will be able to give me some guidance. i treasure her but now i am in pain...
Causal communication is not a commitment.
You don't call and chat just because it seemed like a duty to do so.
It makes relationship seemed more like a liability than a natural flow.
What you are facing is the reality side of relationship - you won't find a couple chatting with one another everyday, for hours, without losing the reason to chat (even the most compatible couple with powerful mercury synastry will face planet retrograding at times).
You must hop your relationship to the next level - where you share mutual interest and hobbies, so has to facilitate causal conversation as well. Nothing beats doing something together - it will strengthen your bonds and introduce lifestyle integration.
Cheers -
Hehhehheh... A good food for thoughtOriginally posted by Yunhaier: Causal communication is not a commitment.
You don't call and chat just because it seemed like a duty to do so.
It makes relationship seemed more like a liability than a natural flow.
What you are facing is the reality side of relationship - you won't find a couple chatting with one another everyday, for hours, without losing the reason to chat (even the most compatible couple with powerful mercury synastry will face planet retrograding at times).
You must hop your relationship to the next level - where you share mutual interest and hobbies, so has to facilitate causal conversation as well. Nothing beats doing something together - it will strengthen your bonds and introduce lifestyle integration.
Cheers
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hmm if you are refering to the agOriginally posted by Devil1976:Not to belittle your relationship at all, but I think both of you are still quite young... Or at least appears to have a relatively young mentality, especially of hers?
The way you're handling and moving along the relationship is not mature enough... Not necessarily that must be handled in a more mature way for this young relationship.. And perhaps it's just a not so 'ripe' relationship...?
You're somehow 'afraid' (inside but you're not showing it)... Lost maybe...? 'Escaping'...? Avoiding certain things...? Somehow you see where the problem lies but you also see her too good a thing to take any risk of possibly losing her... In other words... You don't really dare to make much 'move'... Any 'venture' or gamble which might cost you a 'her'....
Your 'vision' for this relationship is not far-sighted enough... You rather go for temporaries content... No questions.. No headache acceptance... Downsizing 'existing problem(s)'.... Which often would be seeded deep into the roots of a relationship.... 'Sleeping'... But just waiting to dominate just weeds again one day...
From your way of handling the current situation, it seems quite unlikely that the relationship might be built upon a stable foundation in the future... Then again, I won't wanna be too quick on commenting that because I won't know if you really ain't taking other alternate plannings at the same time for all these... e i out in my profile, its fake, but anyway i'll still think about what u've said.
somethings u've said are right. i see her as someone who is too good for me to lose but i think i am more open to problems than what u've said above. avoiding, no questions, no headache acceptance is not me at all. she knows all about it, those things that i am pleased or displeased with her because when things happen, i'll talk to her.
that night when i started this thread, i think i am in a rather pessimistic mood myself (probably due to her "coldness" that night. its her mood swing that i am getting familiar to and learning to accept.) so i logged on to seek some support i guess.
haha.. anyway, thats from my point of view. but i do thank you alot because u make me think about my r/s which i hope to grow from it. btw i am pisces and i my mood is often affected by hers. when she is sad, i immediately feel a sense of melancholic in me. when she is happy, my spirts will be proportionally lifted. that can probably explain why i hate to see her cry
i'll keep a note of what u guys have said and learn to be less insecure, do things together etc etc. once again i thank all who have replied. -
Please dont MSN so often. It's boring. So you think she is cold because she answers only 1 word replies? How come you never think of the opposite, that it is you who is bothersome?
MSN once in a while, dont every night.
Walao. -
So exactly how old are you?Originally posted by twenty47:hmm if you are refering to the ag e i out in my profile, its fake, but anyway i'll still think about what u've said.
somethings u've said are right. i see her as someone who is too good for me to lose but i think i am more open to problems than what u've said above. avoiding, no questions, no headache acceptance is not me at all. she knows all about it, those things that i am pleased or displeased with her because when things happen, i'll talk to her.
that night when i started this thread, i think i am in a rather pessimistic mood myself (probably due to her "coldness" that night. its her mood swing that i am getting familiar to and learning to accept.) so i logged on to seek some support i guess.
haha.. anyway, thats from my point of view. but i do thank you alot because u make me think about my r/s which i hope to grow from it. btw i am pisces and i my mood is often affected by hers. when she is sad, i immediately feel a sense of melancholic in me. when she is happy, my spirts will be proportionally lifted. that can probably explain why i hate to see her cry
i'll keep a note of what u guys have said and learn to be less insecure, do things together etc etc. once again i thank all who have replied.
Still... Your way of handling your relationship.. Hmm... Maybe it's not really a 'young mentality' method but more of your nature then...?
Are you a 'bochap' person...? Well... Personally, I think you CAN be... You can care quite SO MUCH for someone you truly love and yet at the same time if you're uninterested... You can just be so... Cold and distal....?
Try to use your care and concern for her to your advantage... Try to make her FEEL your love for her and appreciate your genuine moves for her... Not just taking things for granted... Not asking you to reprimand her though? And make her aware.. One way or another...?
It's not only so much about the insecurity you're experiencing that I'm concerned with... But your 'break point'...? The point where you start to just give up on things...? And your 'build up effect'..? The one you've mentioned about being happy when she's happy and sad when she's sad...? That somehow might have a negative snowball effect if things might really roll downhill one day....? Dark cloud might just cover your relationship one day, and both of you might just be sucked deeper and deeper into it... But of course, it's all too early to tell if that's gonna happen because I'm still missing on a crucial part of the picture... Which is your gf.....
Personally, I feel that on top of making her more appreciative of you in certain sense... You should also learn to have more control over your own mood and not let it swing too much according to the relationship... Especially when things are going for the worse...? You shouldn't really let yourself be so easily affected too much by it... Right now, judging by your mentality and taking... You're just too much into that... Take a step and see how things go... External factor controls your relationship too much over...