husband & ex-colleague
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I have this ex-colleague whom my husband has a very good impression of. He first met her 8 years ago when we were about to ROM. Since then, he kept saying he likes her attitude towards life, ie free-spirit, positive, sporty, etc. On and off, he likes to ask me for updates on her. That didn't bother me.
2 weeks ago, I told him that she has changed job and is now working at this place near town. He seems very happy to know that she is working in a good organisation. Then later, he told me he has contacted her to ask more about her job. Then 2 days ago, in the midst of our conversation, he let on that he has been talking to her everyday and emailing her.
On Thursday, after accompanying me for my maternity check-up, we went to Orchard. He asked me to go shopping first as he would like to visit a friend at this S building nearby. I know he has a long-time friend working in that S-building but all these years, when they meet, it is always at some coffee shop. He never visits this friend at his office. At the same time, this ex-colleague of mine is working at this S building. I really suspect that he went to visit her cos when he returned, I asked him how was his chat with his friend, he didn't say anything.
We have already decided on the name of our daughter. He told me that he told my ex-colleague about the name she commented that it is hard to pronounce. Now he is insisting that we change the name to something more common and simpler.
I've asked him indirectly if he is attracted to someone else. He just said I am crazy.
I hope I don't go into labour at home. This is because I don't think he is worthy to be in the delivery room with me, to witness the birth of our daughter. -
dun think too much.
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i'm going to be brutal here..
your suspicious mind and your refusal to trust him, may actually drive him into her arms
think about it.. -
Seems that this thorn has been in ur heart for 8 years.
Maybe u are feeling inscure bcoz u are pregnant. Is this ur first pregnancy?
Well as for the ex colleague of yours.. they could be just frens?
Maybe he admire her for her capabilities etc, and somehow heed her advice on the name?
I think what you can do is ask your ex colleague out for coffee someday. -
i am in no position to assume or say that ur husband could be cheating on ur behind ur back while u r working hard to produce a daughter for him... all i can say is dun think too much.. ur health matters now and i suppose u r due labour soon.. take care and do not ever fall into postnatal depression beacuse of this insecurity. If possible perhaps u could confront him directly if it this seriously bothers you that much. Bottom line take care and god bless u ,ur family and ur child.
Afterall i am just i kid
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Dunn think too much... unless you caught them else don't think too much... it is not good for the baby and also your health... if you don't think for yourself then you must also think for your baby right?
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So far he has been rather honest with you, which is a good thing. You are going to have a baby together, and so take this chance to improve your relationship. Put all the negative thoughts away, and think of the good future ahead.
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if ur husband is cheating on u, he's making it too obvious isn't it?
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seen the cable TV advert recently??
maybe that's the case?? -
if ur husband is cheating on u, he's making it too obvious isn't it?
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x2 yup... u make him angry, he go confide in her then they develop then u'll regret it...Originally posted by the Bear:i'm going to be brutal here..
your suspicious mind and your refusal to trust him, may actually drive him into her arms
think about it.. -
You have to communicate and address this issue with your husband, even if he thinks you're over sensitive. You're not wrong to have that attitude, but you'll have to let him know how you feel and make sure you're not reproaching him.
He have to know your thoughts and see these concern you're in as well.
And in turn, you also have to hear his views.
I hope your marriage have established healthy communication values. -
Hi Dearie,
Can understand why you're upset about your husband's behaviour. I'm not saying he's definitely guilty of cheating on you, that still remains to be seen.. but as some other forumers have pointed out, there does seem to be a breakdown of communcation somewhere.
You ought to find a good time to sit and talk to your hubby about it, explain your predicament calmly, and make him understand that you are not comfortable with him keeping such a close friendship with other women. From what you've said, he doesn't seem to realise how important it is to show you he's not spending more time with someone else at a time when you need him most. Men tend to overlook the details and just have very general takes on situations (if a friend were to ask him abt the relationship, he'd probably say "good", or "not so good" -.-), so it's up to you to bring this to his attention.
He has to understand that you are not comfortable with him keeping such a close friendship with other women, even if he denies deeper involvement profusely.. let him know you need a peace of mind, you're there for him if he has any problems.. furthermore, a happy mommy = a happy baby. Surely he wouldn't be comfortable if the roles were reversed - if his Darling Dearest spent more time with some other male ex-colleague than him, he's bound to feel the same way, right?
Strike a compromise, tell him exactly what you want, so that he won't just put it down to complaining.
Hope this helps, and all the best 2u and ur family =) -
Why don't you contact her directly and ask her if you know her. Just pretend you know nothing but contact her more and check on her. To know your enemy well is the best way to defeat her. But remember to keep your cool.
Alternatively, tells your husband directly how you feel. You are pregnant now, he should has a thought for you. You have the right to feel jealous and you are the queen now. Ask him not to contact her. But he can lie and you would'nt know.
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Cheap attempt to feed your own insecurities , Pregnant women are already most insecure. They jump at anything and say its suspicious .Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:Why don't you contact her directly and ask her if you know her. Just pretend you know nothing but contact her more and check on her. To know your enemy well is the best way to defeat her. But remember to keep your cool.
Alternatively, tells your husband directly how you feel. You are pregnant now, he should has a thought for you. You have the right to feel jealous and you are the queen now. Ask him not to contact her. But he can lie and you would'nt know.
Women, please don't attempt to spoil your own life by actions which grows on your own insecurity . You breach the most important attributed from whom you wanted from in the 1st place, trust. -
Frankly, I should have a neutral view on this.Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:Why don't you contact her directly and ask her if you know her. Just pretend you know nothing but contact her more and check on her. To know your enemy well is the best way to defeat her. But remember to keep your cool.
Alternatively, tells your husband directly how you feel. You are pregnant now, he should has a thought for you. You have the right to feel jealous and you are the queen now. Ask him not to contact her. But he can lie and you would'nt know.
i can't help but to confront this post because this is clearly a unhealthy move, it came from a distorted and insecure mindset.
I strongly discourage Threadstarter to engage in such methods.
Cheers -
Never be the one who breaks the trust first. -
What's wrong with that? She suspect her husband, is a torture to suspect someone you trust. So I suggest her to ask her husband directly. If she don't trust her husband explaination is better to ask the other party. Is better to clear the doubt then think about it all day. I mean well for her, I understand how she felt is horrible if you keep on suspecting someone especially when she is pregnant.
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Cheap attempt to feed your own insecurities , Pregnant women are already most insecure. They jump at anything and say its suspicious .Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:What's wrong with that? She suspect her husband, is a torture to suspect someone you trust. So I suggest her to ask her husband directly. If she don't trust her husband explaination is better to ask the other party. Is better to clear the doubt then think about it all day. I mean well for her, I understand how she felt is horrible if you keep on suspecting someone especially when she is pregnant.
Women, please don't attempt to spoil your own life by actions which grows on your own insecurity . You breach the most important attributed from whom you wanted from in the 1st place, trust. -
I mean no harm I just suggested what do to. Please ignore me if you think this is harmful. By the way, I will always clear my doubt if I suspect something to have peace in mind.
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You probably does not know Love is Blind, and may not be capable of love.Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I mean no harm I just suggested what do to. Please ignore me if you think this is harmful. By the way, I will always clear my doubt if I suspect something to have peace in mind.
Faith in built on trust and Love is built on faith.
You clears your doubts and your actions takes away the trust you fear you do not have (insecurity). You have thrown Trust out of your own window. -
Please lah, what is love? Nobody has definite answer for that. You like to be blind so be it. I hate to be blind so I say love is not blind. Love is just feeling and can't be define. I may not know love nor capable to love but I doubt you can.
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I suggest since they all know each other 3 of them have a good talk to clear this misunderstanding?
Let them all keep mutual respect of each other.
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That's a good idea.
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Well.... Pregnant women are really insecured and sensitive to the husband's changes. So we shouldn't say any negative things to make matters worse.
Forget Me Not might be helpful in a way, but suggestion is not suitable in this scenario for a pregnant mother's state of mind.
She is already stressed over the pregnancy and the obvious good feelings of her hubby towards the ex colleague. A good feeling might not be feelings between man and woman. Often we have good feelings to people around us cause of various reasons, their looks or characters resembles someone we hold dear too, their sense of responsibilities, or even just because they treat the one we love sincerely with no pretence. It's too shallow to judge based on what factor that your husband has on her. But 1 thing is for sure, that he loves you and your baby, otherwise he won't be talking about the name of the child that you and him have created.
He might be just excited about being a father but have no one to express his excitement. He might not be comfortable sharing his excitement to his male friends cause of Men's act tough ego, and it happens that they have been exchanging emails that they brought up this issue.
Don't be eager to sentence him guilty because you are already getting personal in your judgement.Because of your constant displeasure of him contacting your ex-colleague, you see it as it was her influence to make him change his mind about the name. Her comments might just have been a catalyst of the doubts that he already have.
I would advice you not to think about such issues as it is really not healthy for your mental state that i'm afraid you might have pre-natal depressions or lead to post-natal depressions. Both are equally daming to both your physical and mental health, not to mention a strain in the relationship between your husband and yourself. Please do seek professional help in counselling rather than the advice of normal by-standers whom most of us have not have the experience and knowledge of psychology.