Do your parents play favoritism?
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I am very upset. Last Saturday, traveled all my way to my parent house and they just went out to meet my elder sister. Ever since I moved out of the house, the only time they visit me is during Chinese New Year and I visit them weekly. Now I sell my car away, so the only time I can get together with them is during the weekend. I still contribute the same amount to her even though I donÂ’t eat and live there. Yet my elder sister who live near her, eat there everyday still contribute the same amount as me. She take great care for her, care for her babies and many other. They call each other everyday yet we seldom on the line. Even if I talk to her, she just keeps on talking about them non-stop. She complains that I am earning very little since I am a degree holder. If she thinks so then why take so much from me? Plus I use my own money to get a degree. Maybe due to I donÂ’t have finance burden. Recently, she just told me that she has closed a joint account with me and reopen another account with my sister. The reason she given me is because the joint account interest is low. The new account that she put her money in is OCBC and can fetch a better interest. I search through the OCBC website but no special promotion. I donÂ’t need her money but all her saving is lock with my sister. Is very unfair because part of her saving is my allowance to her. I donÂ’t know why she is so bias since young I have been striving to be the same as my sister. I give her the same allowance as my sister, I buy gift for her during mother day and her birthday. I even drive her around. I am sick of it. I am not going back every weekly. I think I will still contribute every month as a token to her for bringing me up as for her money. So we donÂ’t own one another. She can leave it to her darling. I have my own hand and feet to feed myself.
Just a word to those parent, donÂ’t ever play favoritism. If you are then donÂ’t give birth to so many children. For the sake of old age? Like the Chinese speaking, fingers also got short and long. I will just give birth to a child and give him/ her all I have. -
definitely.
my late dad only like my sis who graduated with honours degree. -
I am my mum's favourite. Cause Im the only son.
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I hold the same paper as my sister. Just that she earns more than me. But then again, I contribute the same as her.
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Haha..
My parents also play favoritism.. but I don't give a damn, they give me allowance, I can eat and sleep can liao..
Same like you, next time call their darling for take care of them.. -
You are lucky despite they play favoritism, they still contibute to your allowance. I am independant sice secondary. Since then she provide me a shelther and foods. Sometimes allowance when she like it. I am proud that I can be so independant and not rely on her so I own her less.
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Dear FORGET-ME-NOT,
I sure not only you will feel this way. There is a lot of others who feels exactly the same as you too. But remember, there are things in the world which you will not get a second chance to do things right again.
Treat your mum well now, so you won't live in regret should she left this world. I once have a granny whom she treat and take care of me very well. She was very independent and don't need any of her children and grandchildren to take care of her though she's 77. After she gotten cancer, she came to live with us. She shared my room which at that time i feel that she was a intruder to my privacy and space. Everyweek, she would secretly gave me a $50 allowance. When i'm down, she would hold my hand. Nonetheless, i continued to resent her sharing my room..... I truly regret now but the chance for me to be good to her was no more. She left the world suddenly one day. That was 2 years already. I still miss her though.
Another thing i would like to mention is that though there is favourtism practise in your family, i'm sure they will definitely by your side if you ever need their support. I'm a walking proof. Growing up, i'm a rebelious, short tempered, crazy girl. I spend money like water and in the end, i accumulate a fair bit of debts. Of course, i can't clear the debts by myself. In the ends, its my family who helps me. Till now, i'm still the rebelious, short tempered, crazy ger, but well, i'm a bit more mellow down already...
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This doesn't contributes to the "favoritism"???Originally posted by crystalangel:Dear FORGET-ME-NOT,
I sure not only you will feel this way. There is a lot of others who feels exactly the same as you too. But remember, there are things in the world which you will not get a second chance to do things right again.
Treat your mum well now, so you won't live in regret should she left this world. I once have a granny whom she treat and take care of me very well. She was very independent and don't need any of her children and grandchildren to take care of her though she's 77. After she gotten cancer, she came to live with us. She shared my room which at that time i feel that she was a intruder to my privacy and space. Everyweek, she would secretly gave me a $50 allowance. When i'm down, she would hold my hand. Nonetheless, i continued to resent her sharing my room..... I truly regret now but the chance for me to be good to her was no more. She left the world suddenly one day. That was 2 years already. I still miss her though.
Another thing i would like to mention is that though there is favourtism practise in your family, i'm sure they will definitely by your side if you ever need their support. I'm a walking proof. Growing up, i'm a rebelious, short tempered, crazy girl. I spend money like water and in the end, i accumulate a fair bit of debts. Of course, i can't clear the debts by myself. In the ends, its my family who helps me. Till now, i'm still the rebelious, short tempered, crazy ger, but well, i'm a bit more mellow down already...
Regret is a matter, filial is another matter, favoritism yet one more matter and self esteem is the last matter...
You can be filial even they showed favoritism however, you will regret you are so filial and hence lowered your self esteem.
You can boost your self esteem and be unfilial however, you will regret when they leave.
This is more like contradict behaviour...
For human, nothing is perfect. You will definately like something more than another, but you must be firm to your choice and don't regret.
Since our parents favors another of our siblings more, it is their job to take care of them right? We already get our fair share or love already. Be it give or take, I believe there is nothing more we can do.
So be it... -
I will just do what a child should do but not to the extent now. I used to scold my sister for not treating her well. But now I keep one eye close despite I am heart pain.
I meaned is a sad thing, for all these years I have been working so hard to be a child that she is proud of but no avail. I am very disappointed. I think really no point being good to others as there is no definite return. -
I have a younger sis and a younger bro. My mom loves me the most, followed by my brother (he's the only son), and my sis. I grew up watching my sis suffer because of this. (our dad was never in the picture, and we all preferred it that way) Although I did my best to make her feel equal (eg. splitting my stuff & pocket money, playing all sorts of make believe games & even sharing school fees with her so she wouldn't feel left out), she became bitter and jealous.
It became progressively worse with time.. she became manipulative, untrusting, always believing everyone must have a hidden agenda if they're nice to u.. up to a point where she hurt me to get what she wanted. I was forced to repatriate and sunk into a year-long depression.. up till that point, I had believed that we were so close.
I recall my shock when during that fateful event 3 years ago she uttered, "What do you know? Mommy loves you the most!" She was 19. It was then that I realised how deep her wound was.
Fortunately, she's overcome most of it at age 21, and our family somehow united after some major events...
It was a very long hard road for us, and I would hate to see anything like this repeat in other families because of parental favouritsm. Every child should be as precious as the next. -
Always remember "things are not always as they seem". There may be one day when your mum will reciprocate your goodwill. And when that day happens, will you be there to experience it?Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I will just do what a child should do but not to the extent now. I used to scold my sister for not treating her well. But now I keep one eye close despite I am heart pain.
I meaned is a sad thing, for all these years I have been working so hard to be a child that she is proud of but no avail. I am very disappointed. I think really no point being good to others as there is no definite return. -
Hmm...Honestly, I don't see why you should even strive to be like your sister in the eye of your parents to begin with - you are who you are and ultimately, it's up to them to accept you as you are. I mean, why should you live your life any differently just to get in the good books(and there are no guarantees that will happen to begin with) of someone(even if that's a close next-of-kin)?
Ultimately, I don't think you should decide how much to contribute to your parents based on the perceived injustices that go around either - if you don't feel good giving what you're giving now, then why not give something within your means and more importantly(in your view at least), reflects what they have done for you over the years(regardless of how much better off your sis may have been, just view that as a seperate and independent entity)? At the end of the day, there just simply such a thing whereby you equate fairness with equality!
Someone once said something to me about the notion that for people who shared your beliefs, no explanations are necessary and for those who don't, no explanations are possible - and I suppose he is right in the sense that human relations is one of those things where you can't explain and reason rationally and tangibly.
Saying that, I certainly don't think it appropriate if this episode alone should shape your view to having just a single child as in many cases that I know, children from single child households tend to neglect certain aspects of their emotional development(but that's a story for another day)...
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Because of these I think I am almost the same as your sister. I hate parent who is not sensitive to her own children. What's the point of giving birth and bring her to the world if you can't take good care of her. All they care about is 'yang lao'. This childhood affect me a lot. I will be a justic mother, no child of mine will suffer what I suffer.Originally posted by spinsugar:I have a younger sis and a younger bro. My mom loves me the most, followed by my brother (he's the only son), and my sis. I grew up watching my sis suffer because of this. (our dad was never in the picture, and we all preferred it that way) Although I did my best to make her feel equal (eg. splitting my stuff & pocket money, playing all sorts of make believe games & even sharing school fees with her so she wouldn't feel left out), she became bitter and jealous.
It became progressively worse with time.. she became manipulative, untrusting, always believing everyone must have a hidden agenda if they're nice to u.. up to a point where she hurt me to get what she wanted. I was forced to repatriate and sunk into a year-long depression.. up till that point, I had believed that we were so close.
I recall my shock when during that fateful event 3 years ago she uttered, "What do you know? Mommy loves you the most!" She was 19. It was then that I realised how deep her wound was.
Fortunately, she's overcome most of it at age 21, and our family somehow united after some major events...
It was a very long hard road for us, and I would hate to see anything like this repeat in other families because of parental favouritsm. Every child should be as precious as the next. -
Hi FORGET-ME-NOT,Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I am very upset. Last Saturday, traveled all my way to my parent house and they just went out to meet my elder sister. Ever since I moved out of the house, the only time they visit me is during Chinese New Year and I visit them weekly. Now I sell my car away, so the only time I can get together with them is during the weekend. I still contribute the same amount to her even though I donÂ’t eat and live there. Yet my elder sister who live near her, eat there everyday still contribute the same amount as me. She take great care for her, care for her babies and many other. They call each other everyday yet we seldom on the line. Even if I talk to her, she just keeps on talking about them non-stop. She complains that I am earning very little since I am a degree holder. If she thinks so then why take so much from me? Plus I use my own money to get a degree. Maybe due to I donÂ’t have finance burden. Recently, she just told me that she has closed a joint account with me and reopen another account with my sister. The reason she given me is because the joint account interest is low. The new account that she put her money in is OCBC and can fetch a better interest. I search through the OCBC website but no special promotion. I donÂ’t need her money but all her saving is lock with my sister. Is very unfair because part of her saving is my allowance to her. I donÂ’t know why she is so bias since young I have been striving to be the same as my sister. I give her the same allowance as my sister, I buy gift for her during mother day and her birthday. I even drive her around. I am sick of it. I am not going back every weekly. I think I will still contribute every month as a token to her for bringing me up as for her money. So we donÂ’t own one another. She can leave it to her darling. I have my own hand and feet to feed myself.
Just a word to those parent, donÂ’t ever play favoritism. If you are then donÂ’t give birth to so many children. For the sake of old age? Like the Chinese speaking, fingers also got short and long. I will just give birth to a child and give him/ her all I have.
don't feel too sad lah... they don't love you but you must love yourself loh... they can do what they want and you are also free to do what you want... don't expect too much from them loh... then you won't expect too much disappointment...
For my case... since polytechnic... I only got S$50 from my mother every month... to buy bus stamp... if I want to eat and spend... find a job... and that is what I been doing... which is to work since polytechnic... and I have see myself to a degree recently... but she also didn help... well... I am used to it anyway... she say I am working thus I should use my own money but she can spend thousands on my sister's education without complain.. maybe because she is the only daughter... but I also see enough liao loh... waht for you "fight" win her... like what I said... its ok that she don't love you but you die die must love yourself... one day she might need your help right...
As for me... I just contribute to the family and if you got any problems... find the precious daughter of yours as she is better mah... I lousier than her mah...
Don't feel so sad and fustrated ok... qi si mei ren zi... -
Beckhamagic,
Thankyou. I always tell myself that too. I have to be strong and independant. But sometime I feel sad as parent love nobody can replace. -
Maybe your parents think u r stronger,hence focus more on your elder sis?Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I am very upset. Last Saturday, traveled all my way to my parent house and they just went out to meet my elder sister. Ever since I moved out of the house, the only time they visit me is during Chinese New Year and I visit them weekly. Now I sell my car away, so the only time I can get together with them is during the weekend. I still contribute the same amount to her even though I donÂ’t eat and live there. Yet my elder sister who live near her, eat there everyday still contribute the same amount as me. She take great care for her, care for her babies and many other. They call each other everyday yet we seldom on the line. Even if I talk to her, she just keeps on talking about them non-stop. She complains that I am earning very little since I am a degree holder. If she thinks so then why take so much from me? Plus I use my own money to get a degree. Maybe due to I donÂ’t have finance burden. Recently, she just told me that she has closed a joint account with me and reopen another account with my sister. The reason she given me is because the joint account interest is low. The new account that she put her money in is OCBC and can fetch a better interest. I search through the OCBC website but no special promotion. I donÂ’t need her money but all her saving is lock with my sister. Is very unfair because part of her saving is my allowance to her. I donÂ’t know why she is so bias since young I have been striving to be the same as my sister. I give her the same allowance as my sister, I buy gift for her during mother day and her birthday. I even drive her around. I am sick of it. I am not going back every weekly. I think I will still contribute every month as a token to her for bringing me up as for her money. So we donÂ’t own one another. She can leave it to her darling. I have my own hand and feet to feed myself.
Just a word to those parent, donÂ’t ever play favoritism. If you are then donÂ’t give birth to so many children. For the sake of old age? Like the Chinese speaking, fingers also got short and long. I will just give birth to a child and give him/ her all I have.
Anyway dun think soo much lah,the more u think it end up u are the one who suffer.
Since u have move out n live on your own,then dun bother so much loh,just be gd to yourself can liao.
For my case is becos my younger brother have a lot of problems,fail his sec sch exams,have to repeat for a yr,etc,etc.While i am able to handle things myself,hence they told me they have to take care of my younger brother more loh.
I also feel like moving out,everyday see my younger brother at home slacking ,doing nothing see liao sian ah,but no $$$ haha. -
Why compare & complain?
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Yes. But it doesn't matter now.
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Suicide. That'll teach them.
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i decided to take back my words from this post
lest i feel like an unfilial bastard -
Maybe they feel that your sister is weaker and need more help than you.. thus they focus more on her rather than on you... Dunn think too much and you won't feel so sad...Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:Beckhamagic,
Thankyou. I always tell myself that too. I have to be strong and independant. But sometime I feel sad as parent love nobody can replace. -
I agree with ppl that says the sibling might be weaker so they try to change him/her in every possible ways. I am the 'weaker' sibling of course they shifted the focus on me.
But of course, u never know they will praise u behind ur backs. My dad (he always favour me the most) did that behind my sis back and I was kinda surprise. -
Yeah!
thankfully im the one favored.
lol.
eldest and only daughter with the first wife.
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first wife?Originally posted by missqi:Yeah!
thankfully im the one favored.
lol.
eldest and only daughter with the first wife. -
Mine is slightly different, but i think mine is as bad as yours but just in different directions.Originally posted by FORGET-ME-NOT:I am very upset. Last Saturday, traveled all my way to my parent house and they just went out to meet my elder sister. Ever since I moved out of the house, the only time they visit me is during Chinese New Year and I visit them weekly. Now I sell my car away, so the only time I can get together with them is during the weekend. I still contribute the same amount to her even though I donÂ’t eat and live there. Yet my elder sister who live near her, eat there everyday still contribute the same amount as me. She take great care for her, care for her babies and many other. They call each other everyday yet we seldom on the line. Even if I talk to her, she just keeps on talking about them non-stop. She complains that I am earning very little since I am a degree holder. If she thinks so then why take so much from me? Plus I use my own money to get a degree. Maybe due to I donÂ’t have finance burden. Recently, she just told me that she has closed a joint account with me and reopen another account with my sister. The reason she given me is because the joint account interest is low. The new account that she put her money in is OCBC and can fetch a better interest. I search through the OCBC website but no special promotion. I donÂ’t need her money but all her saving is lock with my sister. Is very unfair because part of her saving is my allowance to her. I donÂ’t know why she is so bias since young I have been striving to be the same as my sister. I give her the same allowance as my sister, I buy gift for her during mother day and her birthday. I even drive her around. I am sick of it. I am not going back every weekly. I think I will still contribute every month as a token to her for bringing me up as for her money. So we donÂ’t own one another. She can leave it to her darling. I have my own hand and feet to feed myself.
Just a word to those parent, donÂ’t ever play favoritism. If you are then donÂ’t give birth to so many children. For the sake of old age? Like the Chinese speaking, fingers also got short and long. I will just give birth to a child and give him/ her all I have.
I had have kinda started working for a living at primary 3, not even at the age of 9.
My so-call "Dad" or maybe i should call him a monster had constantly put me down. He had cursed and sweared at me untill about 3 years ago when i left home for good. Nothing i did is right to him.
When i told him i want to further my studies, his comments were "Don't wear such a big hat if your head is not that big"...and bla bla bla. I was of couse furious with everything he did to me. In short, professionals had called what he had done to me child abuse.
Despites that, i went ahead with my further education funding myself all the way and had passed, i called him to tell him that. He asked thrice if i was lying.
I didn't call home for almost a year. I am actually still very angry with him to the point that i don't wish him to see me even i were to die before him. I am actually angry with everyone in my family as i feel that they all took me as a moron and made use of me as much as they could. No words could describe my anger!!! Thinking of them makes my blood boil..i really mean it.
I kinda can understand how you are feeling...but i don't know what is the best advise i could give you.
Wish you good luck in whatever you do! Cheers Pal.