Cheating
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Hi everyone
What I am going to share with you is something that is bothering me recently. I am not asking for trouble here but I really do not know where to turn to. I cannot share this with my friend. As you read on, you will see what I mean.
I am happily married to the nicest guy who holds a stable job, is loving and caring. Other than working, he spends all this time with me and tries to do things for me and with me. He is all that any woman will want to marry. I am glad and I know I am lucky and blessed.
But in recent weeks, I am bugged with this thought. The thought of having a fling outside. Yes, in the past, I used to have many boyfriends and I changed boyfriends like nobody's business. All my friends had a hard time remembering who I was going out with.
It sounds fun and crazy and it was indeed fun to have new guys every now and then. But soon I realised that I did not like this kind of lifestyle. It just wasn't me. I decided that I was after all still very much conservative and I longed to settled down with somebody stable and loving.
Soon I met my husband. He is not the romantic kind that will surprise me with roses and presents. He is the homely kind that likes to stay at home with family to have dinner and watch TV. This is the perfect kind of husband -- the stay-at-home kind of man. He even helps out with housechores and groceries.
Everything, except sex life, is perfect after we got married. Due to the nature of his work, he is highly stressed and doesn't perform much in bed. Even when we were newly wed, we didn't make love more than once a week.
Recently, as mentioned earlier I have been thinking about having an affair outside. I don't think it has to do with my low sex life with my husband, or rather, I don't really know either.
When this thought first came to me, it was not so much of having sex with other men. I didn't think of having one night stand or something. But rather, I was more into having a fling, a short time relationship. I suddenly miss infatuation. I miss the strong emotion that I used to have when seeing new guys.
I have been married for a short while only, definitely less than 7 years. So this shouldn't be a 7 years itch kind of symptom. It is bugging me and I dare not share with any of my friends, even the girls. Because the whole world think that I have a perfect husband and they will scream my head off for sharing this with them, instead of helping.
I hope to hear some advice here or find out where I can get helped.
Thank you for your time reading this. -
ever thought of having a kid?
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We have been trying, but we are not making love often enough to make that happen so far. He resists the idea of seeing a doc for that, especially when my own gynae wants him to go for a sperm count check.Originally posted by R3SsH|n:ever thought of having a kid?
Are you trying to say that the problem has to do with us not having a kid? -
Tell you la....dun do anything stupid la....
He as a man is faithful to you. Would you bear to hurt him??? Woman having affair will be called slut. Do you want that to happen you?? The best is ask him to go on a holiday with you. Somewhere romantic like Paris.
No man can accept his other half to be unfaithful to him. Hope you can drop that idea. -
no..i am trying to say you might need something to spice up your life...everything is so routine...wakeup..work...dinner....sleep...thats it...Originally posted by Claudia_2006:We have been trying, but we are not making love often enough to make that happen so far. He resists the idea of seeing a doc for that, especially when my own gynae wants him to go for a sperm count check.
Are you trying to say that the problem has to do with us not having a kid?
having children will give both you and your husband a motivation in life...anyway i am sure he would like one too? -
I want to drop that idea, but it keeps bugging me.Originally posted by hoolala:Tell you la....dun do anything stupid la....
He as a man is faithful to you. Would you bear to hurt him??? Woman having affair will be called slut. Do you want that to happen you?? The best is ask him to go on a holiday with you. Somewhere romantic like Paris.
No man can accept his other half to be unfaithful to him. Hope you can drop that idea.
I don't want to be tempted or anything. But I really wonder what is wrong with me to have that crossing my mind this one whole week.
Yes, maybe a holiday should help. But this year we really cannot go anywhere. We have no time. In fact we cancelled our trip early this year due to work commitment.
Is the problem due to us not having relaxing time together like holiday? Is that what you are trying to say? If that is the problem, then I will look into getting a weekend break at Rasa Sentosa.
Is this problem common? -
read somewhere that having a id bring the relationship between a man and a women to a whole new lvl.. life no longer revolves ard 2 pple so.. perhaps having a kid will spice things upOriginally posted by Claudia_2006:We have been trying, but we are not making love often enough to make that happen so far. He resists the idea of seeing a doc for that, especially when my own gynae wants him to go for a sperm count check.
Are you trying to say that the problem has to do with us not having a kid?
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You have a point there. Yes he wants one too. As a conventional man, he wants more than just one. But his refusal to be checked by the doctor is hindering this plan and I am getting frustrated.Originally posted by R3SsH|n:no..i am trying to say you might need something to spice up your life...everything is so routine...wakeup..work...dinner....sleep...thats it...
having children will give both you and your husband a motivation in life...anyway i am sure he would like one too?
I am very concerned whether the problem, the thought that I have has something to do with me psychologically. I am very worried that I am a nympho or what.
If it is the problem is not having a child, then it should not be so complicated. -
definitely a sexual problem in the relationship if ur thinking of a fling and from the way u mentioned abt it in ur starting thread.
take a gd break from work and try to make out more during then? let it come naturally rather than forced.
having a fling will tend to get u fulfilled sexually but empty on the inside. dun think too much in this direction. -
You have a good point.Originally posted by tiggersgd:definitely a sexual problem in the relationship if ur thinking of a fling and from the way u mentioned abt it in ur starting thread.
take a gd break from work and try to make out more during then? let it come naturally rather than forced.
having a fling will tend to get u fulfilled sexually but empty on the inside. dun think too much in this direction.
But what if making out is not possible? My husband does have health problem actually which is another factor that constitutes the low sex life.
I don't wish to fall into any temptation because I am fully aware that the act of it can be fun but the after effect is emptiness and guilt.
What can I do in the meantime to get my head off this kind of thought? -
first off, do u want to get off this fling idea? u must know this clearly and surely. i asked this for ur first consideration is due to the fact that women tend to make up their mind n stick to it (somewhat) when they're determined to not want a fling n so on.Originally posted by Claudia_2006:You have a good point.
But what if making out is not possible? My husband does have health problem actually which is another factor that constitutes the low sex life.
I don't wish to fall into any temptation because I am fully aware that the act of it can be fun but the after effect is emptiness and guilt.
What can I do in the meantime to get my head off this kind of thought?
what u may like to do is to pleasure urself. buy urself a dildo if the idea fits u.
ask ur hubby to pleasure u sexually other than his "tool"
tongue helps...
and if ur thinking too much into the sex issue...hmmm...i guess it must have been that its a long time since u have a gd shag.
help him so that u can help urself. -
I think it's very hard for a man to admit that he is the problem when it comes to sex. Especially having to tell a stranger that he has that kind of problem.
Why not you book an appointment for him with the doctor. Then wrote him a small note that you had book an appointment for him(Dun tell him in the face). Tell him that he will be going alone.
So let's see whether he will be comfortable with that. If it's ok, then maybe you can go along with him for the next appointment. -
To be honest, knowing that he has this problem he does try method to please me sexually.Originally posted by tiggersgd:first off, do u want to get off this fling idea? u must know this clearly and surely. i asked this for ur first consideration is due to the fact that women tend to make up their mind n stick to it (somewhat) when they're determined to not want a fling n so on.
what u may like to do is to pleasure urself. buy urself a dildo if the idea fits u.
ask ur hubby to pleasure u sexually other than his "tool" tongue helps...
and if ur thinking too much into the sex issue...hmmm...i guess it must have been that its a long time since u have a gd shag.
help him so that u can help urself.
Comes to think of it, I wonder whether little or no sex is really root of the problem. Or could there be something else?
Another possible reason: Lack of romance? I thought of that too. But if my hubby were to suddenly embrace me and shower with with many roses, I don't think I can accept that, because he has never done that before and he doesn't look like it. -
so could it be it boils down to sex?Originally posted by Claudia_2006:To be honest, knowing that he has this problem he does try method to please me sexually.
Comes to think of it, I wonder whether little or no sex is really root of the problem. Or could there be something else?
Another possible reason: Lack of romance? I thought of that too. But if my hubby were to suddenly embrace me and shower with with many roses, I don't think I can accept that, because he has never done that before and he doesn't look like it.
if thats the case...and you worry it might be your hubby's problem...the first step to it is not to bother him about going to see a gynae or all those things...
truth be told...no guys like to be told saying they "can't" reproduce...frustration with both parties will lead to no where...and in fact might lead to further complications..
in this case...communication is the method of getting down to whatever problems it might be...try to induce talks about having children..hinting him that you would like one...after sometime trying...if it really cannot work...try suggesting it might be a problem between u or him...to protect his ego...would i suggest you take the test first...show him that there is nothing wrong with you and you would like him to go for test so that they can find out the real problem why after so long...you 2 can't have a child...
if you are still relatively young...patience is the key... -
Extracted from
Click here to view on topic : Why People Cheat
'So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, %^*%$es, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.'
Cheers -
Hey very nice writeup. You wrote that by yourself??Originally posted by M©+square:Extracted from Click here to view on topic : Why People Cheat
'So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, %^*%$es, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.'
Cheers
Very good information.
But one question: if the guy is too boring, will it lead to the girl to cheat?
(question arising from the movie Keeping Mum)
does your article apply to both men and women or just women only? -
I dont think its because of the men or the sex - but that when you meet someone new, like you described, the type of tension, chemistry, excitement, fascination is something you will NEVER get again with a regular partner. And it IS exciting, the thrill of the chase. Sure women get turned on physically, but I think its the MENTAL foreplay that is far more powerful when it comes to women.
Especially if and when your own relationship suddenly feels routine (as many people above had said)... the desire to feel desired (it doesnt matter by who), attractive and the TENSION!... becomes very .. uhh strong.
It is psychological more than physical - I reckon. Do you have any hobbies that really interest or absorb you? How about sports? Perhaps you need to find a way to satiate that desire to feel confident, and excitement, without straying. More romance would ur hubby would help ba. I also suggest you talk to your hubby sincerely about feeling 'routine' and how both of you can work together to keep the rship feeling special. Take a course together or something? -
Yozzie!Originally posted by Honeybunz:Hey very nice writeup. You wrote that by yourself??
Very good information.
But one question: if the guy is too boring, will it lead to the girl to cheat?
(question arising from the movie Keeping Mum)
does your article apply to both men and women or just women only?
Nope it's a Article. Yup, it's good so i thought should share with you guys.
Question: if the guy is too boring, will it lead to the girl to cheat?
MC's answer: If her desire to cheat is greater than her love towards her guy. She will. No amount of justification will satisfy the desire.
At this modern era, more likely yes. But it depends case by case basis.
The article applies to both gender.
Cheers -
by saying something else, is it that u yield for something other than what is already tried n tested? i know of people that have stable jobs but after their 9-5 day job, they let loose n showed their wilder side at night.Originally posted by Claudia_2006:To be honest, knowing that he has this problem he does try method to please me sexually.
Comes to think of it, I wonder whether little or no sex is really root of the problem. Or could there be something else?
Another possible reason: Lack of romance? I thought of that too. But if my hubby were to suddenly embrace me and shower with with many roses, I don't think I can accept that, because he has never done that before and he doesn't look like it.
lack of romance...or rather little or no romance could be the result of u cannot accept the sudden showering of gifts/roses. if u have been accepting these all along from courtship to marriage and after, u might be longing for some other things from ur hubby. the key here is to surprise and be surprised. sometimes, the wife can reverse the situation as well. but the hubby should be receptive, which he is?
may i ask, when ur alone and out in the streets, do u secretly envy those women who may be still single and having those "bad boy" kinda boyfriend/partner? -
This is a prefect example what most people is looking for...." excitment "
sex is good when you do with the person is not suppose to do.
love is great when u love someone is not meant to be loved.
life is great when there is up and down.
human is greedy.....always look for something that they do not have. -
Originally posted by Signature_One:human is greedy.....always look for something that they do not have.
Some people try their zeroing...still trying to get near target.
Some trying to adjust the target and skip zeroing.
Cheers -
i think by start this thread...u ought to be receiving tonnes of PMs from many perverted sicko here...
well, i think tis time u talk with ur hubby ...something is not right now...is there something missing...maybe a kid? -
A child is a reactive action to suppress the inner desires.Originally posted by Mospeada:i think by start this thread...u ought to be receiving tonnes of PMs from many perverted sicko here...
well, i think tis time u talk with ur hubby ...something is not right now...is there something missing...maybe a kid?
I personally wouldn't suggest it until the root issue has been addressed.
Cheers -
I think so too...heheheOriginally posted by Mospeada:i think by start this thread...u ought to be receiving tonnes of PMs from many perverted sicko here...
Probably some clones saying
"Intro pls?"
"a/s/l?"
People actually register a new nick just to send this kind of PM. They really do. Trust me
Those people are so sad and pathetic. Have to resort to this to find girls.
ok... enough of my side tracking. Mouth zipped -
no lah....those are outdated already lah...Originally posted by Honeybunz:I think so too...hehehe
Probably some clones saying
"Intro pls?"
"a/s/l?"
People actually register a new nick just to send this kind of PM. They really do. Trust me
Those people are so sad and pathetic. Have to resort to this to find girls.
ok... enough of my side tracking. Mouth zipped
they might ask...wanna fling with me?
keke